The Conservative Cave
Current Events => The DUmpster => Topic started by: franksolich on April 23, 2008, 05:59:07 PM
-
I've spent all day on Skins's island, going here and there, hither and yon, and it occurred to me that a new category of primitive is needed.
There are, in descending order of worthwhileability, non-primitives, first-tier primitives, second-tier primitives, third-tier primitives, the unterprimitiven (the lynch mob), bottom-of-the-barrel primitives, and drek primitives.
Non-primitives are those inhabitants of Skins's island possessing distinctive features indicating at least a slight minuscule tinge of intelligent thought; also non-primitives have a life outside of Skins's island.
Examples of non-primitives are my fellow alum Skins himself, the operating one (OperationMindCrime), the buzzy one (BuzzClik), libelhistorian (liberalhistorian), Pedro Picasso (Atman), &c., &c., &c.
First-tier primitives are those primitives who have a life outside of Skins's island, but who may not necessarily indicate a glimmer of intelligent thought.
Examples of first-tier primitives are the carpetbagging maternal ancestress (Raven), the spunking monk (MonkeyFunk, or whatever; I forget), the cuckoo clock primitive (KoKo01), the Kali primitive (not to be confused with the cali primitive from Vermont; the Kali primitive is from southernmost Texas), the Leona Helmsley of DUmmieland (flyarm), &c., &c., &c.
Second-tier primitives are those primitives who exercise a great deal of influence, usually malign, over the other primitives.
Examples of second-tier primitives are the mike_c primitive, the malicious cartoon character primitive (Kelvin Mace), that primitive with the really stupid screen name (nnnnnnnnnhhhhhhh or something like that), the watery primitive (H2O Man), the dysmenopausal Kansas school teacher (Proud2BeLib), the bird-smacking stoned red-faced primitive (Redstone), Oscar Wilde (the large-proboscised "Cyrano" primitive), &c., &c., &c.
These are examples only; the lists of course are a lot longer than the primitives named.
Third-tier primitives are those primitives who wish to be second-tier primitives, but who don't have the brainpower to move upward.
Examples of third-tier primitives are Ms. Ed the unappellated eohippus, the shadowy primitive (Shadow69, I think, although there's a ShadowKnows; whichever primitive of the two who alleges to be literary), the burdened primitive (Tyler Durden), the sparkling husband primitive (Husb2Sparkly), and the solar bust primitive (garybeck).
The unterprimitiven, the lynch mob, is circa 95% of all the primitives; the mindless followers.
The bottom-of-the-barrel primitives are what the name implies; a good example of a bottom-of-the-barrel primitive would be--of course--the subway cat (UndergroundPanther); also the wiley primitive (Wiley50 or WileCoyote; I forget which, but the one a worthless freeloading bum) and the lying titty primitive (TomInTib).
Drek primitives are exactly what that term in Yiddish implies, with all of its vigorous color; just useless garbage. Examples of drek primitives include the Bostonian Drunkard, Doug's ex-wife sfexpat2000, and the generous non-benefactor, the creator of the SUPPORT THE TROOPS "ribbon," the IanDB1 primitive.
Drek primitives are primitives who have no, absolutely no, redeeming value.
Well, if that didn't go low enough, after last night, one had to devise a new category of primitive, the lowest form of primitive possible (biting my tongue, crossing my fingers, knocking on wood), lower even than bottom-of-the-barrel and drek primitives.
I have baptized them the sub-primitives, the most savage and barbaric and uncivilized of all the primitives.
Sub-primitives are the Obamaite primitives.
-
Well, if that didn't go low enough, after last night, one had to devise a new category of primitive, the lowest form of primitive possible (biting my tongue, crossing my fingers, knocking on wood), lower even than bottom-of-the-barrel and drek primitives.
Frank, you've put a lot of thought into this, and I appreciated reading it. I do hope, however, that you're not biting your tongue too hard. You know that the unofficial motto of DU is "searching for new ways to reach new lows."
-
Frank, I like the premise of a sub-primitive class.
Two questions:
1) Do you think they will ever evolve to the point of sporting opposing thumbs?
2) Will it ever be legal to trap, cage, and spay or neuter them, then release them back into the wilds of Skin's island? Kind of like catch and release fishing with the added bonus of limiting their ability to reproduce.
-
Frank, you've put a lot of thought into this, and I appreciated reading it. I do hope, however, that you're not biting your tongue too hard. You know that the unofficial motto of DU is "searching for new ways to reach new lows."
Alas, I am aware, wearily, that yes, the primitives will continue to reach even further lows.
Any more, it's difficult, when watching their bonfires, to remember that the primitives are even human.
I've been around the block a few times; I've seen some things, but the souls of the primitives, to me, seem even worse than a rotting human corpse by the roadside in one of the socialist paradises of the workers and peasants that I saw, living, moving maggots dining on it.
Any more, I'd rather see that again, than the twisted dead souls of Skins's island; it's easier to bear.
-
The VRWC appreciates your efforts in pre-screening the Hive, frank. Processing them into the camps is going to be so much smoother and faster now. :salutenavy:
-
How ironic to mention "evolve" when speaking of "primitives"...this lot never evolves .
This is really well thought out, and it should be stickied.
-
How ironic to mention "evolve" when speaking of "primitives"...this lot never evolves .
This is really well thought out, and it should be stickied.
I agree,Frank has perfectly summed up the lot of them.
-
How ironic to mention "evolve" when speaking of "primitives"...this lot never evolves .
This is really well thought out, and it should be stickied.
Stickied is my thought as well. It will help in this electing season. I'm wondering if there is any lower level for them to attain?
-
How ironic to mention "evolve" when speaking of "primitives"...this lot never evolves .
This is really well thought out, and it should be stickied.
LOL, I just clicked on this thread to suggest that!
Cindie
-
How ironic to mention "evolve" when speaking of "primitives"...this lot never evolves .
This is really well thought out, and it should be stickied.
Stickied is my thought as well. It will help in this electing season. I'm wondering if there is any lower level for them to attain?
Hell?
Cindie
-
How ironic to mention "evolve" when speaking of "primitives"...this lot never evolves .
This is really well thought out, and it should be stickied.
Stickied is my thought as well. It will help in this electing season. I'm wondering if there is any lower level for them to attain?
Hell?
And that is where they are blithely heading...
Cindie
-
The VRWC appreciates your efforts in pre-screening the Hive, frank. Processing them into the camps is going to be so much smoother and faster now. :salutenavy:
Well, I'm assuming the non-primitives can be re-educated with little or no effort.
The first-tier primitives might be a little more difficult, but possible.
But one is going to have to apply the lash to the second-tier primitives, the third-tier primitives, and the unterprimitiven, so as to get them halfway civilized.
No need to bother with the bottom-of-the-barrel primitives and the drek primitives.
As for the sub-primitives, they're past hope of civilizing; they can't learn anything.
But they need the lash, repeatedly and harshly, simply because they are what they are, sub-primitives, crude coarse brute beasts.
-
How ironic to mention "evolve" when speaking of "primitives"...this lot never evolves .
This is really well thought out, and it should be stickied.
LOL, I just clicked on this thread to suggest that!
Cindie
Count me in!
What comes one after "thirded," anyway? "Fifthed?" That sounds too much like something that happened to the Pittstain . . .
-
I'm going to sticky this thread as requested by popular demand.