The Conservative Cave
Current Events => The DUmpster => Topic started by: franksolich on June 12, 2011, 01:41:37 PM
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http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=250x4342
Oh my.
stumblnrose (405 posts) Fri May-13-11 02:47 AM
Original message
My Daughter Acts Ashamed of My Disability
This has really been irking me. i became disabled four years ago thanks to big pharma. I have problems with my eyes, my throat and lungs. My daughter is 14 and is irked any time i show signs of my symptoms be it coughing, choking, mild PTSD rages. When I ask her for a glass of water when I am choking she gives me a dirty look and takes her time about it while i turn purple. I do not spend much time with her as her mother abandoned me four months after I got out of the hospital. She never visited me when i was in the hospital in a coma because it was "too scary" and she tells me it is her job as a teenager to be a pisser. I tell her that it is her job to help a family member who has special needs. I ask her mother to put in a word on my behalf but she tells me that this is strictly between me and my daughter. Anyone have any advice as I am at wit's end and am also sick of being treated poorly by my own flesh and blood.
bluestateguy (1000+ posts) Fri May-13-11 02:55 AM
Response to Original message
1. Unfortunately many teens at that age don't appreciate their family
Yes, some do, but many don't.
at an age like 14 teenagers are preoccupied with being cool, fitting in and being popular. I think most will outgrow this mentality.
pnwmom (1000+ posts) Fri May-13-11 03:06 AM
Response to Reply #1
7. How many would appreciate being around for "PTSD rages"?
Even the "mild" ones?
yurbud (1000+ posts) Fri May-13-11 02:56 AM
Response to Original message
2. what is a ''mild PTSD rage''?
That might limit the sympathy you'd get from an adult, let alone a teenager.
When I'm sick, I could expect my grandmother or my mother to take care of me. Any help from anyone else is a pleasant surprise.
Ramulux (1000+ posts) Fri May-13-11 02:57 AM
Response to Original message
3. Stop paying for her food and shelter?
If you're daughter thinks she can treat you like shit, especially when you are disabled then she has some serious mental issues beyond being just a teenager. Send her to live with her grandparents or take away her TV, computer, and phone. Let her understand that if she can't treat you with basic dignity and respect she doesn't get to have all the nice things you have provided her with.
I'm not at all some sort of harsh strict asshole who would demand all sorts of unfair shit of their kid, but if she cant even show you basic common courtesy she needs to be taught a serious life lesson. Mainly that if you treat someone badly that person would likely be less inclined to support you financially.
pnwmom (1000+ posts) Fri May-13-11 03:04 AM
Response to Reply #3
5. Her "issue" is probably that her father goes into unpredictable rages.
And has been since she was 10. Her reaction sounds normal to me - for her unhappy situation.
A parent's obligation to support his minor child doesn't disappear because she doesn't seem polite enough or because he is disabled. If he tries to teach her that sort of "serious life lesson" then her mother can take him to court -- and most likely win.
After which there's a spat between the primitives and "name removed."
dkf (1000+ posts) Fri May-13-11 03:06 AM
Response to Original message
6. Not sure if telling her it is her job to take care of you will work very well.
That is a huge thing to stick on a kid. I'm not sure how many adults would cope well if they were told it was their job to take care of a family member either.
You have to figure out how to get her to want to help you. Otherwise this sounds pretty painful.
stumblnrose (405 posts) Fri May-13-11 03:09 AM
Response to Reply #6
11. stop this crap all of you
I am only asking for assistance when i am choking or lose my glasses. where does this idea that she must take care of me come from but your own internal dialogue? believe me, i take her to all her appointments and got her piano lessons and braces and numerous things her "well" mother ignores.
pnwmom (1000+ posts) Fri May-13-11 03:13 AM
Response to Reply #11
14. We got the idea from your own OP, where you said
" I tell her that it is her job to help a family member who has special needs."
And then a couple more times "name removed" shows up.
dkf (1000+ posts) Fri May-13-11 03:50 AM
Response to Reply #11
32. She seems to not feel sympathy for your situation...indeed she seems more distant and removed.
Maybe you need to talk to her so she can relate to you as a person in addition to being her dad, but be earnest, not upset.
All I know is it was only as I got older that I really learned to appreciate my dad's soft heart and caring. Now it cracks me up to realize what a big marshmallow he is as back in the day he was the disciplinarian. But he turned into the guy that went out to feed the baby duckies every day because they lost their mom and he didn't want them to starve. And the guy that adopted all our cats. And the one the grandkids go to for treats.
EFerrari (1000+ posts) Fri May-13-11 03:09 AM
Response to Original message
9. It's not your daughter's job to take care of you.
It's your job to take care of her. That's what parents do.
The Second Stone (464 posts) Fri May-13-11 03:16 AM
Response to Original message
16. Say please and thank you when she helps you and in a tone of voice that indicates that you sincerely mean it. Honey works better than vinegar, especially with teenagers.
pnwmom (1000+ posts) Fri May-13-11 03:46 AM
Response to Reply #16
30. Yes. My teenagers willingly helped adults when they needed it, including me after a hospitalization and their grandmother for the last years of her life. If you treat young people with respect they tend to return the same behavior. One of my mother-in-law's nurses mentioned how unfailingly polite she was, no matter how much she was struggling with her cancer pain, loss of vision, and other disabilities. It makes such a difference.
stumblnrose (405 posts) Fri May-13-11 03:59 AM
Response to Reply #30
35. umm pnwmom
i was blind and weighed 125 and ate through a feeding tube and saw giant monsters and wanted to shoot myself in the head for two years. I kept this to myself, lived in isolation. I bend over backwards for my daughter but u heard the word rage and went to town and some other web creeper says i am unhinged. i am asking for practical advice but if you prefer to tell me i am evil and deserve shit in life that is the risk of posting on this forum which i will not make the mistake of doing again. PTSD is rampant amongst war vets, 18 off themselves daily, let us honor their bravery. I have had twenty surgeries in the past four years and am so lucky to be alive but this is not the right place to talk about my experience i now realize. Outta here.
pnwmom (1000+ posts) Fri May-13-11 04:57 AM
Response to Reply #35
36. My apologies if my reaction to the word "rage" added to your pain.
Whether that was the right word for you to use or not, I still think you need to be careful not to take your very real misery out on your teen. It isn't her job to fix you. She's got enough of her own problems, just trying to get through adolescence.
So my practical advice is to try to keep a lid on your emotions when you're around her, to never let her have the feeling that this is any of her fault, to reach out to her in positive ways when she IS doing something right. Concentrate on finding the good in her, concentrate on building your own patience, and eventually she'll respond.
Can you imagine how scared and helpless your young child felt when she saw her father so sick and helpless? Can you put yourself in her shoes, a little girl with a father in a coma? How scary that must have been for her. (You mention that she says that was scary -- but you seem to dismiss that. Why dismiss her feelings as if they were unimportant?) And now, four years later, you're still asking her to bear the weight of your pain and suffering and anger. She's not a saint, she's just a 14 year old kid.
Use your empathy. Put yourself in her shoes. That's my practical advice.
stumblnrose (405 posts) Fri May-13-11 03:14 PM
Response to Reply #36
41. ignorance of ptsd and circumstance
ptsd is not a binary phenomenon, you don't turn it on and off according to who is in the room or if it's raining. i have never done anything to blame her for my situation and put a game face on. but you really need to read about ptsd. it is not a cosmetic illness or even arthritis where one grins and bears it. i do get grumpy. i am sure she feels guilt and responsibility, these are normal responses in a familial environment where tragedy and grave illness come into play and i have told her she is not responsible many times over. but the trigger finger of you and others in this forum just shows how little most people know about ptsd and until u live in a world of tubes and daily colonoscopies and relearning to walk and suffering acute photophobia then u are only looking in at my glass house and should not cast stones so readily...imho. I did post, will never again.
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We've had the primitive's take. More than likely, this is what is really happening:
[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FZLxAlTrhPA&playnext=1&list=PLBC92DCFD2DD890D7[/youtube]
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What did "big pharma" do to the DUmmie?
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What did "big pharma" do to the DUmmie?
I'm guessing with this PTSD stuff, probably the guy got the wrong drugs.
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I was blind and weighed 125 and ate through a feeding tube and saw giant monsters and wanted to shoot myself in the head for two years. I kept this to myself, lived in isolation. I bend over backwards for my daughter but u heard the word rage and went to town and some other web creeper says i am unhinged. i am asking for practical advice but if you prefer to tell me i am evil and deserve shit in life that is the risk of posting on this forum which i will not make the mistake of doing again. PTSD is rampant amongst war vets, 18 off themselves daily, let us honor their bravery. I have had twenty surgeries in the past four years and am so lucky to be alive but this is not the right place to talk about my experience i now realize. Outta here.
I'm disappointed. If this post had some random capitals, atrocious spelling, and grammatical errors, my Pam detector would be wagging back and forth.
It sounds just like something that would ooze out of Pam Dawson's "brain".
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Daily colonoscopies? Who does that and why?
Oh wait, maybe this is one of Pam's other personalities, the one with "cancer" who gets chemotherapy.
:hammer:
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Daily colonoscopies? Who does that and why?
According to coach, I think it would be Fat Che's little brother, Pab whatshisname. They're checking for a hubcap that was missing when they removed the Volkswagen.
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Advice to DUmmie:
Stop the illegal drugs, shoot worthless daughter and get free government care for life. ...he may get the death penalty but that takes so long these days I doubt he'll live that long.
scatch that...that's the easy way out.
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DUmmblerose is playing the victim card.
Dear DUmbass DUmmbleBore.
I'm a disabled vet, you get no sympathy from me when you whine.
Just plain bite me, you sniveling panty-waist.
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Daily colonoscopies? Who does that and why?
Apparently the same people who recommend water for compromised airways.
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EFerrari (1000+ posts) Fri May-13-11 03:09 AM
Response to Original message
9. It's not your daughter's job to take care of you.
It's your job to take care of her. That's what parents do.
That's probably the smartest thing stupid Beth has ever said.
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I must say, pnwmom was great in this thread.
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The stumblnrose primitive isn't telling the whole story, that's for sure. And going to the primitives for any type of advice, except asking how to screw something up, is a bad idea. Here's hoping the girl makes it to age 15.
.
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Daily colonoscopies? Who does that and why?Oh wait, maybe this is one of Pam's other personalities, the one with "cancer" who gets chemotherapy.
:hammer:
Insert Weiner joke.
Shut-up you people, I've already had six beers.
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What did "big pharma" do to the DUmmie?
Blames them for the "miracle magic drug" being illegal.
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I'm guessing with this PTSD stuff, probably the guy got the wrong drugs.
I had a friend get the wrong drugs from the pharmacist one time. They filled his perscription for an eye infection with ear infection drops. He used them, and lost a good bit of his eyesight. He blames it on himself, for not reading to make sure he got the right medication.
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stumblnrose (405 posts) Fri May-13-11 03:59 AM
Response to Reply #30
35. umm pnwmom
i was blind and weighed 125 and ate through a feeding tube and saw giant monsters and wanted to shoot myself in the head for two years. I kept this to myself, lived in isolation. I bend over backwards for my daughter but u heard the word rage and went to town and some other web creeper says i am unhinged. i am asking for practical advice but if you prefer to tell me i am evil and deserve shit in life that is the risk of posting on this forum which i will not make the mistake of doing again. PTSD is rampant amongst war vets, 18 off themselves daily, let us honor their bravery. I have had twenty surgeries in the past four years and am so lucky to be alive but this is not the right place to talk about my experience i now realize. Outta here.
PTSD from what? is he a veteran, and if not how the freak dare him compare himself to one.
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I had a friend get the wrong drugs from the pharmacist one time. They filled his perscription for an eye infection with ear infection drops. He used them, and lost a good bit of his eyesight. He blames it on himself, for not reading to make sure he got the right medication.
The first time I got UVeitis the pharmacy gave me the wrong prescription (eye drops). I used it for two weeks, it got progressively worse and I ended up in the ER. My husband called my eye doctor to tell him I had been in the ER and the doctor asked him which med he had prescribed because it was after hours and he didn't have my file. My husband read the name of the med to him and he freaked...he said he would never prescribe that med for UVeitis.
It was sulfa and I ended up being allergic to it and why I was so sick (I seriously thought I was dying). Also my UVeitis got so bad I couldn't see, my doctor gave me a shot in my eye that very same night. He drove to the office and opened it up just to see me. He called the pharmacy that night or the next day (I forget), this was Smith's grocery store in Lake Havasu for those who want to know. Their attorney called me within days and asked what I wanted. I asked for what my husband would have earned on the days he had to take off (he didn't get vacation at his employer, this was 1993) to watch our baby (she was three weeks when this happened), I was that sick and the ER bill. My doctor also suggested I ask for future cost of treatment until the UVeitis was gone and he gave me an estimate. They overnighted the check. Once I signed the back and deposited the check I gave up all rights to sue.
I feel that I had a right to the money. I would not have ended up in the ER and my husband wouldn't have had to take off from work iif they hadn't given me the sulfa. Also my UVeitis wouldn't gave gotten so bad if I had the correct med from the beginning. I also think my health spiraled down because I got so sick. 18 months later I had a stroke and was diagnosed with Takayasu's Arteritis.
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PTSD from what? is he a veteran, and if not how the freak dare him compare himself to one.
There ya go.
Screw you, stumbleturd, the horse you rode in on, and the poor dog that followed you.
You're a miserable stolen valor piece of shit.
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Two last words, stumbleturd.
**** YOU! Poser.
Sorry folks, he pissed me off.