The Conservative Cave
The Bar => The Lounge => Topic started by: SSG Snuggle Bunny on May 11, 2011, 06:55:25 PM
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Fellow NCO is always hassling me about being "the old man" even though I've got more hair and a LOT less gut than him.
He brings his wife by and as he shows her around the office he introduces her to me.
HIM: (to wife) This is the old man I was telling you about.
ME: (to wife, shaking hands) Nice to meet you, ma'am...I don't know why but I always pictured you as being blind.
HIM: **** you!
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Fellow NCO is always hassling me about being "the old man" even though I've got more hair and a LOT less gut than him.
He brings his wife by and as he shows her around the office he introduces her to me.
HIM: (to wife) This is the old man I was telling you about.
ME: (to wife, shaking hands) Nice to meet you, ma'am...I don't know why but I always pictured you as being blind.
HIM: **** you!
LOL
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:lmao:
A guy came up to me once and was flirting, he said he was God's gift to women, I said God's gift to women is the menstrual cycle and you remind me of it.
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My sister once bitched about dating a guy who lived with his parents. So I replied to her Facebook status by saying, "Don't you live with YOUR parents?" She didn't think it was funny....
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In high school, one of my cousin's buddies was detailing his car, someone asked if he was going to polish the wheels. He said, "What are you stupid, you can't polish chrome?"
self-pwnage counts?
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This is more a case of my brother unwittingly pwning himself with my help, but I think it counts.
As a conservative Christian, I am abstaining from sex until marriage. My brother, a far- left atheist, regularly mocks me for my faith and claims that my abstinence means I'm a loser who'll be alone forever.
One night, the movie 'The 40 Year Old Virgin' was on TV. I'd never seen it before, but my brother had, and basically dragged me into the room where he was watching it, and laughingly said, "You NEED to watch this movie! You're just like him, you're gonna be a 40- year- old virgin!"
So, I watched it, it was alright, but not the comedy classic some people make it out to be. Apparently, for all my brother's mockery, he forgot how the movie ends.
SPOILERS!
Ultimately, the titular virgin played by Steve Carrell finds his true love, and loses his virginity to her on their wedding night! The movie that my brother thought he could use to make fun of my beliefs actually encouraged them! I brought that up, and my brother's gloating died down pretty freaking fast!
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A conversation between my oldest son (age 14) and myself about 6 years ago while he was observing the dog licking himself:
*ahem*
Son: Ya know, I wished I could do that.
Me: Boy, that dog would bite you.
:-)
Another conversation about a year later, same dumbass teenage boy, regarding his intimations to the size of his manhood:
*ahem*
Me: Son, are you trying to tell all of us that you have a big dick?
Son: (Laughs smugly) Yep.
Me: Well, spit it out, it doesn't belong to you.
Son: I walked right into that one, didn't I?
Me: Yep.
:-)