The Conservative Cave
Current Events => The DUmpster => Topic started by: GOBUCKS on April 10, 2011, 12:28:48 AM
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I ran across this old, old thread with a snappy CalPig poem. It may have been posted before, but I don't remember seeing it. The CalPig seems to be plugged up these days. She hasn't passed a poem in a long time, so we have to go further afield until things "loosen up". This one isn't on the level of her classic "Blink, Blink, Blink", nor even that of her better screwing poems, but it's a fair one. As usual, note that this work of art is copyrighted. You may recite it for the enjoyment of friends and neighbors, but you may not charge admission for the reading without having made prior agreement with the CalPig.
CaliforniaPeggy (1000+ posts) Tue Jun-16-09 12:47 AM
Original message
A new one from me...
Lust is an erect nipple
In your lover’s mouth
You arch your back
While he feeds on you
You nourish him
With your bounteous nipple
You fill him
With joy
As he drinks.
Funny
You are nourished
Too.
© MLC
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=335x1016
NanceGreggs (1000+ posts) Tue Jun-16-09 01:42 AM
Response to Original message
1. I have been here ...
... this place of which you speak.
It is a wondrous place, and it feeds the soul.
If the drunken, foul-mouthed DUmmy NanceGreggs was in "that place", it must have been with someone as desperate as stevenumbers.
Kind of Blue (1000+ posts) Tue Jun-16-09 02:43 AM
Response to Original message
3. I think your poem is incredibly hot
because it is incredibly true. Thank you.
NYC_SKP (1000+ posts) Tue Jun-16-09 08:38 AM
Response to Original message
5. Good morning, California Peggy!
How do you do it?
More to the point, why? Why, why why?
CaliforniaPeggy (1000+ posts) Tue Jun-16-09 10:59 AM
Response to Reply #5
7. My dear NYC_SKP!
How do I do it?
The words just show up, and demand loudly to be written down...
It's a mystery to me...
Thank you, sweetie...
Any time those words show up again, they should be exterminated.
UndertheOcean (1000+ posts) Tue Jun-16-09 10:14 PM
Response to Original message
11. That is a great one CP !!!! +10
CaliforniaPeggy (1000+ posts) Tue Jun-16-09 10:24 PM
Response to Reply #11
12. My dear UndertheOcean!
I'm so pleased you enjoyed it!
I'll be reading it tonight at the open mic that I go to every week...
We'll see what they have to say!
Thank you, sweetie...
Unless they're as grotesquely weird as the CalPig, they'll be too embarrassed to say anything.
Or, as CalPig poetry was critiqued by the equally foul DUmmy Tangerine LaBamba, during her ill-fated campaign for Top DUmmy votes:
Don't get me wrong - her poetry isn't bad. It's awful. It's the kind of thing that would blind God if He had to read it. It's a collection of words that should be machine-gunned down, one by one, preferably out in the desert, with no witnesses, and a nice young girl who could be counted on to claim that she'd been shooting jackrabbits. It's so bad, mirrors crack if anyone looking into a mirror while thinking of one of CP's poems runs the risk of permanent scarring, even blindness, while thinking of it as he peers into the mirror.
Her poetry needs immolation. She needs to have all writing implements and keyboards, paper, blank walls, toilet paper, paper towels, margins in newspapers, and even the blank part of framed works of art removed from her home until this idea that she's writing "poetry" passes. Maybe medication will help.
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That's not even vaguely erotic... it's just gross.
I'm not sure, but I think that's the poem that inspired the Purple Nurple (http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,46747.msg513472.html#msg513472).
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It's even all the more gross knowing who wrote it. :puke:
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That's not even vaguely erotic... it's just gross.
I'm not sure, but I think that's the poem that inspired the Purple Nurple (http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,46747.msg513472.html#msg513472).
OMG, what have you revealed within that thread :hammer:
"he staggers along
still hung
over from the party
he never saw
the girl next to him
who was
weeping
she stepped
on her own
nipple.
© 2010 M."
I am honestly spurting tears! :lol: :yahoo:
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[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dXMz0H6LuiM[/youtube]
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I'm not sure if I actually parodied that one. Though it is possible I did, and then chose to repress the memory of the original.
The Purple Nurple was inspired by The Purple Flower - similar subject matter is just a coincidence. Well - its parodied now..
A new one from me...
Gross is my erect nipple
With one coarse black hair
Or maybe its that
Scorpion bite acting up again
It starts to ooze
My bright red nipple
It runs green
With goo
As it leaks.
Then i
slipped on the slime and
fell.
© 2011 M.
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I'm not sure if I actually parodied that one. Though it is possible I did, and then chose to repress the memory of the original.
The Purple Nurple was inspired by The Purple Flower - similar subject matter is just a coincidence. Well - its parodied now..
^5 on that one. :rotf:
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Oh UGH!
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Does he/she really think that is in the least bit appealing to anyone?
:puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke:
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Does he/she really think that is in the least bit appealing to anyone?
:puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke:
Here's some poems that might be appealing, though.
"Miskie's Big Book of Poetry," a take-off on the CalPig primitive.
http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,46747.0.html
Our colleague just now put up a new one.
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So... what's the best way to clean vomit out of a keyboard? Anyone know?
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CalPig recitations are best enjoyed when accompanied by junior high boys making fart sounds with their armpits.
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So... what's the best way to clean vomit out of a keyboard? Anyone know?
Dishwasher seams to work well however, I'd just buy a new one unless it's a laptop, in which case let this be a lesson. :wink:
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Dishwasher seams to work well however, I'd just buy a new one unless it's a laptop, in which case let this be a lesson. :wink:
:cheersmate:
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I hemmed and hawed about opening this topic. Three lines into the poem and I realized I made the wrong choice.
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CalPig's sex poetry, or her sexuality generally, is in the same category as the consenting adult furries or male homosexuals -- whatever floats their boat, but in the name of God just STFU about it.
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CalPig's sex poetry, or her sexuality generally, is in the same category as the consenting adult furries or male homosexuals -- whatever floats their boat, but in the name of God just STFU about it.
:cheersmate:
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Just the title of this post creeps me out.
FRANK....PLEASE...MAKE IT GO AWAYYYYY.
Somebody needs to show that scrunt a rectal reading. :asssmack:
For the lurking DUmmies, think...moon. :moon:
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"What has been read cannot be unread"
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CalPig's sex poetry, or her sexuality generally, is in the same category as the consenting adult furries or male homosexuals -- whatever floats their boat, but in the name of God just STFU about it.
Well said. I doubt she'll be quiet though.
:naughty:
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CalPig's sex poetry, or her sexuality generally, is in the same category as the consenting adult furries or male homosexuals -- whatever floats their boat, but in the name of God just STFU about it.
I'm thinking that her "poetry" has caused more than one borderline guy to go full-on gay and not look back.
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I'm thinking that her "poetry" has caused more than one borderline guy to go full-on gay and not look back.
Nope...just takes all the starch out of a straight mans love stick.
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Tucker, I hemmed & hawed about it too. I regret every second. I'm blushing to the roots.
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Tucker, I hemmed & hawed about it too. I regret every second. I'm blushing to the roots.
I have only one thing to say:
Ok I want you people to understand something right now
You had fair warning in the title.
(No one can resist a title that includes the word "nipple". If I ever try to sell a manuscript, I'll remember that.)
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IT'S A MAN BABY! :loser: :mental: :bs: :censored:
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[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dXMz0H6LuiM[/youtube]
Mr. Man this is about as far as one can go to become obnoxious.
This film clip is simpling amazing, the singing and the dancing is a treat for us Theater buffs.
Darn these performers are amazing, and to take their language and turn the video into a nasty show for what what one thinks they hear is most ugly.
So what if a foreign language may at times sounds like that of another, As sparky says, eat a bag of whatever, this is not funny or educational. So bite your own nipple, in Russian that may sound like bite your own nose.
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I used to like nipples until that OP came along.
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You know, a picture of calpig while reciting this poem would probably work better than saltpeter. Put it in Times Square and every man in NY would be saying, "not tonight dear, I have a headache!"
Cindie
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[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dXMz0H6LuiM[/youtube]
I actually spit my tea when I watched this.
:rotf:
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Mr. Man this is about as far as one can go to become obnoxious.
--Blah Blah Blah--
A sense of humor. Get one.
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Mr. Man this is about as far as one can go to become obnoxious.
This film clip is simpling amazing, the singing and the dancing is a treat for us Theater buffs.
Darn these performers are amazing, and to take their language and turn the video into a nasty show for what what one thinks they hear is most ugly.
So what if a foreign language may at times sounds like that of another, As sparky says, eat a bag of whatever, this is not funny or educational. So bite your own nipple, in Russian that may sound like bite your own nose.
Vesta,
As a theater buff you should know that parody is as old as theater itself. Aristophanes was a master of parody. In the middle ages when almost all entertainment was religious, they would turn the music of high mass into bawdy folk tunes. Mozart's toilet humor was well-known and celebrated. Watch the movie Amadeus and you'll see how much a genius, Mozart, appreciates the value of a "potty mouth" while the mostly mediocre and way too serious Salieri believed God had "bestowed genius to a fool" (that may not be an exact quote). Heck even the author of the play the movie was based on, Peter Schaffer, also wrote, Equus, one of the most serious, heavy, and unfunny plays I've ever seen.
And Chaucer's entire body of work can be read on several different levels, appealing to both whores and holy men. Our own tradition of Burlesque (which was even politically incorrect in it's time) is about poking fun. People aren't one dimensional. In my bathroom right now I have "Uncle John's Gigantic Book of Bathroom Humor" and "Don Quixote". I'm reading both. Which one I pick up depends entirely on my mood. This afternoon I watched Chopper Chicks in Zombie Town and followed it up with a Lion in Winter chaser.
Yank your bloomers out of your butt crack and live a little.
Cindie
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Vesta,
As a theater buff you should know that parody is as old as theater itself. Aristophanes was a master of parody. In the middle ages when almost all entertainment was religious, they would turn the music of high mass into bawdy folk tunes. Mozart's toilet humor was well-known and celebrated. Watch the movie Amadeus and you'll see how much a genius, Mozart, appreciates the value of a "potty mouth" while the mostly mediocre and way too serious Salieri believed God had "bestowed genius to a fool" (that may not be an exact quote). Heck even the author of the play the movie was based on, Peter Schaffer, also wrote, Equus, one of the most serious, heavy, and unfunny plays I've ever seen.
And Chaucer's entire body of work can be read on several different levels, appealing to both whores and holy men. Our own tradition of Burlesque (which was even politically incorrect in it's time) is about poking fun. People aren't one dimensional. In my bathroom right now I have "Uncle John's Gigantic Book of Bathroom Humor" and "Don Quixote". I'm reading both. Which one I pick up depends entirely on my mood. This afternoon I watched Chopper Chicks in Zombie Town and followed it up with a Lion in Winter chaser.
Yank your bloomers out of your butt crack and live a little.
Cindie
I love Amadeus, I even have the special edition DVD. My neck it all stiff this morning, I may just last in bed and watch Amadeus.