The Conservative Cave
The Bar => The Lounge => Topic started by: bijou on April 10, 2008, 04:23:42 PM
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(http://travel.timesonline.co.uk/multimedia/archive/00303/travel_6_-385_303968a.jpg)
I’m visiting the Guo-li-zhuang restaurant, a specialist penis and testicle emporium that caters mainly to wealthy businessmen and Communist party officials (who, truth be told, are often one and the same).
It offers every conceivable John Thomas you could ever want, which probably isn’t very many. Nonetheless, the menu is both extensive and impressive.
...I ask a chef to show us the preparation of a penis first, so that I can get a feel for the process. He enters holding aloft an eye-wateringly large yak’s knob. It’s about 45cm long, but thin, so thin. It’s been boiled gently and - I can’t believe I’m writing this - peeled, except for a hunk of foreskin still clinging on to the end. He cuts the thing in half lengthways with a pair of scissors.
As he chops through the very tip of this impressive member, I feel an undeniable empathy twitch in my own penis and a bizarre feeling of nausea in my groin. (I didn’t think groins could experience nausea.) I can’t help yelping in sympathy. He then uses a knife to make hundreds of little snips along the side of the penis and chops the strips into 5cm pieces. When these are dropped into boiling stock, they curl up into little flower shapes that are so incongruous, I can barely believe my eyes.
I ask the chef if he thinks it strange to deal exclusively in genitalia, but he shrugs and doesn’t know what to say. He’s just happy to have a good job, really. His friends don’t take the mickey, his parents are proud of him and he does what he’s told. Okay.
... She seems pleased, and pours me some deer-penis juice, which I’m delighted to say is the vilest concoction I’ve ever had the privilege to imbibe. It’s as sour as a smacked lemon and as bitter as neat quinine. My face freezes in an agonising spasm, and Lord knows how I manage to keep from throwing up. Mr Hoo, the driver, asks if I want any more, and when I shake my spasming head, he grins and downs it in one. I pity Mrs Hoo - she’s going to have a busy night.
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much more of this eyewatering stuff here (http://travel.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/travel/article3552377.ece)
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Dude.
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Dude.
...as in the beer commercials.
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After reading that, it'll probably be about 3 days before I can find mine again.
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... a specialist penis and testicle emporium ...
The Mustang Ranch in Vegas?
... show us the preparation of a penis ...
Slice and dice followed by suck and slurp? Jeffrey Dahmer is that you?
... an eye-wateringly large .. knob ...
Did it poke you in the eye?
... peeled, except for a hunk of foreskin still clinging on to the end.
The Lorena Bobbit special?
... a bizarre feeling of nausea in my groin.
Sympathy pains?
... little snips .. of .. penis.. dropped into boiling stock ...
Who is it here that has a pic of his ol' lady lovin' her some spotted dick?
Here's a new recipe.
... deer-penis juice ...
How did you not know that was gonna be vile?
And I thought sushi was disgusting!
(http://img148.imageshack.us/img148/2375/housewifeow3.jpg)
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Wienerschnitzel