The Conservative Cave
Current Events => The DUmpster => The DUmping Ground => Topic started by: franksolich on December 28, 2010, 05:39:39 PM
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Whew.
We're finally getting into familiar territory here, primitives with whom franksolich is intimately acquainted.
And talk about an ascent, way up from tenth place last year, to fifth place this year.
CaliforniaPeggy, the poetess laureatte of Skins's island, hardly needs an introduction.
So profound, so rhythmic, so melodious, so harmonious, so candy-to-the-ears, the poetry of the CalPig primitive, that franksolich earlier this year decided it was publish-worthy, and sought an outlet for them.
Learning that Watchtower magazine is the largest general-circulation magazine in the world--and the CalPig primitive deserves the widest-spread exposure she can get--franksolich sent eleven of her poems to that publication, titillating the editors with the information that there was more, much more.
Alas, nothing came of it; perhaps franksolich was too over-demanding, in that he insisted that the face of the CalPig primitive grace the cover of Watchtower, too.
One learns "negotiation" by doing, and sooner or later one gets it right.
Anyway.
The CalPig primitive is from an affluent area of southern California. Born in 1942, she became a registered nurse but gave that all up when she married a rich guy; they live in a Streisandian-sized palatial home--plenty of room in which to knock around, but the CalPig primitive, unliberal- and unDemocrat-like, refuses to share with the homeless, or near-homeless, primitives.
The above vital statistics provided by the CalPig primitive herself.
For the longest time, there was a rumor that the CalPig primitive had been born a man, but surgically-altered into a femme--franksolich and our perceptive colleague Bondai, among others, fell for it--but that appears to only have been a rumor, and nothing else.
But it is most curious, a woman with an Adam's-apple the size of a grapefruit.
Which might explain the CalPig primitive's propensity for wearing turtleneck sweaters.
And we've seen the CalPig primitive in just about every color and style of turtleneck sweater, as when there's a "picture" campfire in the Lounge on Skins's island, the CalPig primitive is usually the first to show off her stuff.
An example of the CalPig primitive's poetry is in this, "another bowel-clencher from CalPig":
CaliforniaPeggy (1000+ posts) Fri Jul-09-10 05:45 AM
Original message
A new poem: Find Yourself
where do I go
how do I do that
am I lost
do I need to be found
will anyone
find me
I’m someone
after all
I exist in time and space
maybe I’m just not where I need to be
right now
I’m so confused
I may never figure it out
just how do you go about
finding someone
who doesn’t want to
be
© 2010 MLC
http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,46201.0
But the CalPig primitive has a rather wide variety of interests, besides just poetry.
the CalPig primitive's poem for the ages:
http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,40028.0
the CalPig primitive horrified at the greenbriar primitive's predicament:
http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,40063.0
the CalPig primitive hangs around Skins's island before taking husband to emergency room:
http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,40246.0
the CalPig primitive fed up with shoddy women's apparel:
http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,41714.0
the CalPig primitive peels away clothing:
http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,42221.0
the CalPig primitive reads a newspaper:
http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,42338.0
the CalPig primitive anticipates (a MUST read):
http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,42727.0
the CalPig primitive kisses the Die alte sau's posterior:
http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,43173.0
the CalPig primitive on youtube (a MUST see):
http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,44441.0
the CalPig primitive never realized how nice ceiling fans can be:
http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,46719.0
the CalPig primitive gets her comeuppance; deleted comment retrieved:
http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,47169.0
the CalPig primitive changes careers:
http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,47209.0
the CalPig primitive considered a celebrity on Skins's island:
http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,47366.0
the CalPig primitive's never done this before:
http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,49701.0
the CalPig primitive leaves a blank spot on her ballot:
http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,50613.0
the CalPig primitive steps up to bat; donates stars to other primitives:
http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,51657.0
the CalPig primitive argues with a decent and civilized person about the Constitution:
http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,51925.0
the CalPig primitive sick at heart, drops her pom-poms:
http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,52023.0
the CalPig primitive biding her time:
http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,52026.0
the CalPig primitive is no racist:
http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,52226.0
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Okay, that's it for today, Tuesday December 28.
Top primitives #04 and #03 to be announced on Wednesday December 29, probably in the evening.
Top primitive #02 to be announced on Thursday December 30, any time.
TOP PRIMITIVE OF 2010 to be announced on Friday, December 31, probably in the morning so that those taking off for the holiday will know of it, before leaving.
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I am trying to convince myself that I am not lame for wanting to know these things right now.
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Congrats to Peggy!
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Congrats to Peggy!
Well, with only four top primitives left to go, who do you speculate might be the winners?
I did ask Mr. Wiggum earlier today if there were any ties coming up (so as to prepare myself for double the research), and he assured me, no, there weren't.
There's just four primitives left, then.
I dunno who they are--that's the way it works--but I'm suspecting the top four were decided by only one or two votes between them.
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You're not the only one, mamacags.
CalPeg. :-) Number five, sounds about right to me. If you want to see her pictures (against advice), they're ALL over the DUmp. Great summary again, Frank.
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Well, with only four top primitives left to go, who do you speculate might be the winners?
I did ask Mr. Wiggum earlier today if there were any ties coming up (so as to prepare myself for double the research), and he assured me, no, there weren't.
There's just four primitives left, then.
I dunno who they are--that's the way it works--but I'm suspecting the top four were decided by only one or two votes between them.
EFerrari FTW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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My personal favorite, but beware, this is raw CalPig, which is definitely an acquired taste. In my view, this one is every bit as memorable as the incredible "blink, blink, blink" catastrophe:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=216x4738
Say what you will about the CalPig, but if there is someone who can produce more comical pretentiousness, I don't know who it is. She is clearly the worst sober poster at the DUmp.
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EFerrari FTW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Man, I hope so.
You, madam, weren't around when the Scamdal was going on, but anyway, those involved in checking into the scam drew straws, about which primitives they had to look into.
I was fortunate; I drew both my fellow alum Skins and Doug's stupid ex-wife (plus a third primitive not worth mentioning; he wasn't involved anyway, and he was pretty boring).
The guy who drew the Bostonian Drunkard's name went nuts.
The deal was, we had to read EVERYTHING our particular primitive(s) had ever said on Skins's island since Day One, January 20, 2001.
Everything.
As I said, the guy who got the Bostonian Drunkard went nuts; towards the end, he'd rarely show up sober.
Me?--that was when I finally bonded with my fellow alum and Doug's stupid ex-wife.
It would break my heart if Doug's stupid ex-wife misses out this year; she'd be an easy write, as I know her about as well as I'd know my wife, if I had a wife.
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**Caution! Erotic content!**
I saw that and ran away. :(
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**Caution! Erotic content!**
I saw that and ran away. :(
That's from 2007, and it's actually pretty good.
It was one of those I sent to the Watchtower.
CaliforniaPeggy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Tue Nov-13-07 09:00 PM
Original message
My newest poem....**Caution! Erotic content!**
Such strength
The masculine facade
Sharp flashing eyes
Tender fingers and tongue
The man dominates me.
His body, his mind
Overcome me.
He strokes, and licks, and drinks me.
And then he enters
I open and yield myself
I surrender to his strength, his passion.
My mind is overcome with what I cannot tell...
But it’s wrong
I dominate him.
For at the last–who yields?
At the peak of passion
He empties the aching seed
Into me...
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At the peak of passion
He empties the aching seed
Into me...
...as does the entire defensive squad of the local community college vocational occupations department.
And their dads.
And the barflies from the tavern at the corner of Shit and Syphillis Avenue.
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California Peggy quote
AHHHHH!!! :panic:
:bawl:
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frank, has EFerrari ever won before?
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**Caution! Erotic content!**
I saw that and ran away. :(
WOW! in the poem she says he strokes, licks and drinks her then enters her. That's worth an Oh my Oh my!
ETA: and she says he empties the aching seed into her.
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AAAUUGGGHHH!!! I HATE YOU! :mad:
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AAAUUGGGHHH!!! I HATE YOU! :mad:
:lmao: I couldn't resist!
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WOW! in the poem she says he strokes, licks and drinks her then enters her. That's worth an Oh my Oh my!
ETA: and she says he empties the aching seed into her.
Oh no, that's just wrong.
*curls into fetal position*
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(http://www.bandofcats.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/cat-inspirational-poster_15.jpg)
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**Caution! Erotic content!**
I saw that and ran away. :(
Says the man with the "schlick" smiley. :tongue:
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In an earlier thread, someone suggested penicillin for that aching seed.
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Says the man with the "schlick" smiley. :tongue:
Hey, at least it didn't have a full beard.
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...as does the entire defensive squad of the local community college vocational occupations department.
And their dads.
And the barflies from the tavern at the corner of Shit and Syphillis Avenue.
My mama always told me I could find sympathy right in the middle of those two. I had no clue wtf syphillis even was!
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Says the man with the "schlick" smiley. :tongue:
LOL! :cheersmate:
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blink. blink. blink blink.
That is all. :rotf:
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WOW! in the poem she says he strokes, licks and drinks her then enters her. That's worth an Oh my Oh my!
ETA: and she says he empties the aching seed into her.
I was b :censored: slapped, gut punched, and groin kicked all in one poem.
If you will kindly excuse me, I need to go and get some electroshock therapy to erase this image.
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WOW! in the poem she says he strokes, licks and drinks her then enters her. That's worth an Oh my Oh my!
ETA: and she says he empties the aching seed into her.
^ Blech!
From the "Name Removed" thread:
Name removed (0 posts) Sun Sep-27-09 11:50 PM
Response to Original message
31. Deleted sub-thread
Sub-thread removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.
What ?? A 'Name Removed' post ? -- nothing special.. Well you know what they say about the internet, right ? that nothing ever goes away completely ? A bit of further archaeological digging provided fragments that were able to be reconstructed into the glorious original
Quote from: Nicole Lambeth
Nicole Lambeth Donating Member (419 posts) Sun Sep-27-09 11:50 PM
Response to Original message
31. my dear California Peggy
No one responds to your poetry threads because your poems suck. As in, two dollar meth-addict whore kind of suck. And I'm really sorry that you're compelled to share whatever the hell it is inside you that needs to be expressed in these god-awful "poems", but apparently, your ego needs regular feedings, and we are meant to be your sacrificial lambs.
I am flabbergasted that anyone with anything beyond a high school education would find your poetry to be good reading. I mean, I can recommend some books if people need something to compare it to. It saddens my heart that no one has had the guts to tell you how embarrassingly bad your writing is - and not even that, it's that you lord it over your coterie of ass-kissers like it's something they need to praise you for. C'mon people, SERIOUSLY. The poems posted here should be considered acts of literary terrorism. They are THAT BAD.
And before you slam me for anything I've just said, let me make it clear: I. DON'T. CARE. If you really can't tell the difference between good writing or bad, or even how pathetic it is that Peggy has to come here to get her ego stoked (I don't know, she seems ungodly old - it may be the only thing keeping her alive at this point), then I really don't give a damn what you think.
One of the best, funniest, most honest thing I have ever read from the DUmp. Simply exquisite.
And frank, I have a question for you that has always perplexed me. How in the world does one such as CalPig, or the Bobbling primitive get in such close quarters with The Big Three as to get darn near whatever they want? Thread locks, TS's, carte blanche to bitch, and moan, etc? Is it the money one provides or a special aura about that person.
I've been thinking on it for a while, and am still puzzled.
Well done Mr. Wiggum, and frank. I believe #5 is a great spot for her. The donations on anyone, and everyone's behalf was priceless. :rotf:
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A lot of his follower's died in Nike's when the Hale-Bopp came through.
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Don't forget coach's late lamented DUmmy Tangerine LaBamba, who came over here last year to campaign for herself, and for the CalPig:
But, has anyone here ever read California Peggy's poetry?
Don't get me wrong - her poetry isn't bad. It's awful. It's the kind of thing that would blind God if He had to read it. It's a collection of words that should be machine-gunned down, one by one, preferably out in the desert, with no witnesses, and a nice young girl who could be counted on to claim that she'd been shooting jackrabbits. It's so bad, mirrors crack if anyone looking into a mirror while thinking of one of CP's poems runs the risk of permanent scarring, even blindness, while thinking of it as he peers into the mirror.
....
Her poetry needs immolation. She needs to have all writing impletments and keyboards, paper, blank walls, toilet paper, paper towels, margins in newspapers, and even the blank part of framed works of art removed from her home until this idea that she's writing "poetry" passes. Maybe medication will help.
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The "blind God if he had to read it" part had me chuckling. Extremely descriptive, and very accurate.
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frank, has EFerrari ever won before?
No, she hasn't. Here's a list from 2005 thru 2008:
http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,37561.0.html
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No, she hasn't. Here's a list from 2005 thru 2008:
http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,37561.0.html
WOW! she was never even in the Top 10. Thanks!
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WOW! she was never even in the Top 10. Thanks!
Actually, she has been. She changed her name from sfexpat2000 to EFerrari during the name change amnesty after the 2008 election, since everyone pretty much knew her name anyway.
2005 - 6th - sfexpat2000
2006 - DID NOT MAKE LIST
2007 - 3rd - sfexpat2000
2008 - 8th - sfexpat2000
I didn't look back to see where she finished last year, but think it was in the Top 10.
EDIT - I checked:
2009 - 3rd - EFerrari
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aching seed .....you know doing her has got to be painful.
I think I'm gonna be sick......
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From the cummupence thread, I just have to :bow2: :cheers2: to Miskie for finding the smack-down. Genius!
Do 80 year olds really have "aching seed?"
Oh what fun we've had this year with CalPeg...the blink blink blink blink poem was a laff-riot. There was a springtime one, I think, that featured a nipple, but I don't want to go there.
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I've been looking for the CalPig's latest poem, entitled "Schlick, Schlick".
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I've been looking for the CalPig's latest poem, entitled "Schlick, Schlick".
For safety's sake, management put it right next to the emergency mind bleach station.
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I'm not getting that inside joke. :???:
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I've been looking for the CalPig's latest poem, entitled "Schlick, Schlick".
You would!
:lmao:
Schlick schlick flick flick.
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I'm not getting that inside joke. :???:
Chris posted two inappropriate smilies. One says schlick. The other says fap.
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Chris posted two inappropriate smilies. One says schlick. The other says fap.
?? I thought they were entirely appropriate to the subject at hand.
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?? I thought they were entirely appropriate to the subject at hand.
Yeah, I suppose I should say graphic. Yeah.
Chris posted two graphic smilies. One said schlick, the other said fap.
schlick fap
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See what happens when I swear not to nominate her. I would hope it falls from sight altogether.
Anne has a shot along with Bobo
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I will go out on a limb here. Bobbo is Top 3. Maybe even #3 Top Primitive of 2010 on the dot.
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See what happens when I swear not to nominate her. I would hope it falls from sight altogether.
Anne has a shot along with Bobo
Since we're down to the last four, I'm free to announce something that I myself only just learned.
Primitives #07-#03 were determined by one, at most, two, votes.
Every vote counted.....excepting for TOP DUmmie OF 2010, who was a runaway winner, miles and miles ahead of the back nineteen.
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Since we're down to the last four, I'm free to announce something that I myself only just learned.
Primitives #07-#03 were determined by one, at most, two, votes.
Every vote counted.....excepting for TOP DUmmie OF 2010, who was a runaway winner, miles and miles ahead of the back nineteen.
Gotta be the Aromatic Hobo, the Pungent Princess of Denver.
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Gotta be the Aromatic Hobo, the Pungent Princess of Denver.
Bobo, or Proud2bLib, or however she spells her name; I'm not sure which. I have a feeling those are the top two slots.
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Bobo, or Proud2bLib, or however she spells her name; I'm not sure which. I have a feeling those are the top two slots.
I'm wondering if Grayson has made an appearance in this section! Name removed is also missing. So we have Bobo and Anne bringing up the rear.
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For only finishing 5th, Peg's thread is pretty darn big compared to the others LOL.
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For only finishing 5th, Peg's thread is pretty darn big compared to the others LOL.
Many of those posts are just to show disgust with what she calls poetry.
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For only finishing 5th, Peg's thread is pretty darn big compared to the others LOL.
That is cuz she is so prolific........
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For only finishing 5th, Peg's thread is pretty darn big compared to the others LOL.
A lot of the others, while flaming crazies in their own right, are DUmmy-come-latelies. They blaze with a white-hot lunacy that will soon fade away. By contrast, the CalPig has a long, long record to draw from. She's no flash in the pan - we can depend on the CalPig and her comically awful poetry for entertainment in the long run. DUmmies like the CalPig, bobbo, and Proud2BDUmb are the steady, consistent morons who will always be there for us.
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Since we're down to the last four, I'm free to announce something that I myself only just learned.
Primitives #07-#03 were determined by one, at most, two, votes.
Every vote counted.....excepting for TOP DUmmie OF 2010, who was a runaway winner, miles and miles ahead of the back nineteen.
Then I'll change my prediction from #3 to #1. I just have a sneaking suspicion.