The Conservative Cave
Current Events => The DUmpster => The DUmping Ground => Topic started by: franksolich on December 24, 2010, 11:43:24 AM
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Welcome to the runners-up of the top DUmmies (primitives) of 2010, who variously entertained, amused, stupefied, stunned, shocked, decent and civilized people all during the year, with their rather, uh, unusual notions about all things in life spanning potatonomics to the presidency to religion to war and peace to sex to cooking and baking to power politics to electrical appliances to college football to drugs, and then in a circle, back to potatonomics.
Never have so few been so wrong about so much.
Mr. Wiggum and franksolich are happy to announce that this was fruitful year for top primitives, the largest array of nominees ever, and the voting equally breaking all past records. Unlike in former years, there were never any clear front-runners, the votes being close and fragmented.
And so there's some surprises here.
And there's even more for the special Willie and Annie awards, to be announced Christmas Sunday, December 26.
In fact, dealing with the winners of the Willie and the Annie are going to take up more bandwidth than the runners-up all combined; but these here are just runners-up anyway, many not worth even half a paragraph (but franksolich will try to stretch anyway) because they proved less than outstanding in their race for top primitive, and aren't even worth linking (unlike the winners of the Willie and the Annie, and top ten).
The top ten primitives each get their own thread, by the way.
But be not disheartened, runners-up; there's always next year, and it's usually been a trend that a runner-up one year ultimately attains top-primitivehood the following year.
#20 HawkeyeX, also known as the cross-eyed Iowa primitive, a third-tier primitive.
The cross-eyed Iowa primitive is in his late 30s, early 40s, and is quite a hefty guy, a guy with a lot in front of him. Married, two young children; wife works, but the cross-eyed Iowa primitive's on the disability gravy train due to a slight lack of hearing. An ex-con; allegedly a computer Einstein. The cross-eyed Iowa primitive lived in Iowa up until a couple of years ago, when the family moved west, to Denver, Colorado.
All vital statistics provided by the cross-eyed Iowa primitive himself.
The cross-eyed Iowa primitive touts himself as "a bad one," a mean one, ostensibly because he's an ex-con; "ex-con" in most minds conjures up images of guys with tattoos and mohawks, guys in prison for murder, rape, robbery, heavy-duty drug-dealing. But in the case of the cross-eyed Iowa primitive, get no such image; he spent some time in the clinker, not much, for financial crimes, probably for a bunch of bad checks.
#19 Mineral Man, also known as the anti-osteopathic primitive, a third-tier primitive.
The anti-osteopathic primitive is in his 60s, retired, and lives somewhere around St. Paul-Minneapolis; and for whatever reason, a fan of Nebraska football.
All vital statistics provided by the anti-osteopathic primitive himself.
#18 Cyrano, also known as Oscar Wilde, the large-proboscised primitive, a second-tier primitive.
Oscar Wilde practices rigorous internet safety--and kudos to him for that; one wishes more primitives would be as discreet, or at least a tenth as cautious--and so very little is known about him.
Oscar Wilde was born and raised in the area of New York City, where he threw away an opportunity to become the next Whiz Kid of Wall Street, quitting his job in a huff, and ended up in the military, one suspects during the Vietnam War era.
All vital statistics provided by Oscar Wilde himself.
The large-proboscised primitive now lives in Florida, which he loathes and detests. One wonders why Oscar Wilde then just doesn't move back to New York, to leave Florida and Floridians in peace and quiet from his hissy fits.
#17 nadinbrezinski, also known as the Zbigniew primitive, a second-tier primitive.
The Zbigniew primitive is a former Soviet, and remotely connected with EMT and rescue work.
All vital statistics provided by the Zbigniew primitive herself.
The Zbigniew primitive made a late and desperate run to attain top-primitivehood for 2010, and while the material was outstanding, it was too much too late. One suggests that next year, the Zbigniew primitive pace herself a little bit, rather than this last-minute stuff. Last year's top primitive, the greenbriar primitive, did something similar in her frantic last-minute spurt to the top, but within a matter of weeks, not just days and hours.
#16 IanDavid, also known as the skumbag primitive, a drek primitive.
The less said about the skumbag primitive, the better.
#15 Redstone, also known as Chief S itting Bull, the bird-smacking stoned red-faced primitive, a third-tier primitive.
franksolich was all set for Chief S itting Bull to win the Annie, and wrote up a rather magnificent autobiography of the bird-smacking stoned red-faced primitive for presentment during the announcement of his winning the Annie, but that didn't happen, and so franksolich has nothing to say about Redstone.
#14 Taverner, a les risibles primitive.
Idiot.
The above vital statistic provided by the Taverner primitive himself.
#13 Kentuck, also known as the bluegrass primitive, a third-tier primitive.
Mentally challenged.
The above vital statistic provided by the bluegrass primitive himself.
#12 AnArmyVeteran, quite possibly a mole.
#11 HannahBell, a second-tier primitive.
A school-bus driver in Michigan, a committed Marxist.
The above vital statistics provided by the HannahBell primitive herself.
franksolich suspects the HannahBell primitive missed top-primitivehood by only a whisker, mostly because of her back-and-forths with the bitter old Vermontese cali primitive earlier in 2010--but also guesses she's a good contender for next year.
Such a disappointing batch, these runners-up, but of course one wishes them better luck next year.
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I am really pissed about IanDavid being a runner-up. :banghead: :argh: :censored:
Can we get a recount? Any hanging chads? :banghead: :argh: :censored:
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I'm sure that Know-It-All nadinbrszhzheczhzhzczezcski knew in advance she would finish somewhere between 16th and 18th. She is deeply saddened by these results, and will take appropriate measures as soon as the collapse of the American empire is complete, in a few weeks. The kulaks responsible for her disappointing finish will pay.
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Well darn! I thought nadinbrezinski was going to be totally Top 3.
Great list though frank and congrats to the bottom 20 posters.
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#17 nadinbrezinski, also known as the Zbigniew primitive, a second-tier primitive.
The Zbigniew primitive is a former Soviet, and remotely connected with EMT and rescue work.
All vital statistics provided by the Zbigniew primitive herself.
The Zbigniew primitive made a late and desperate run to attain top-primitivehood for 2010, and while the material was outstanding, it was too much too late. One suggests that next year, the Zbigniew primitive pace herself a little bit, rather than this last-minute stuff. Last year's top primitive, the greenbriar primitive, did something similar in her frantic last-minute spurt to the top, but within a matter of weeks, not just days and hours.
To be mentioned at all is more than she deserves. Quite frankly, it's a real shame Comrade Joe didn't get around to offing her mom and dad.
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I await #1.
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Well darn! I thought nadinbrezinski was going to be totally Top 3.
I thought she'd end up in the top ten somewhere, and it was a shock to me when Mr. Wiggum presented me with a certified copy of the voting results of #11-20, showing her to be only mere seventeenth.
The Zbigniew primitive took off like a rocket, but apparently too late.
But if it's any comfort, the Die alte Sau, the dysmenopausal Kansas school teacher, ranked nineteenth last year, and as she's not on this list, it's a pretty good guess (remember, franksolich doesn't know) the Die alte Sau's on #10-01.
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I await #1.
One week from today, on New Year's Eve.
But I'm sure you'll find the winners of the Willie and the Annie, and primitives #10-02, launched Sunday-Thursday next week, equally interesting.
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I thought she'd end up in the top ten somewhere, and it was a shock to me when Mr. Wiggum presented me with a certified copy of the voting results of #11-20, showing her to be only mere seventeenth.
The Zbigniew primitive took off like a rocket, but apparently too late.
But if it's any comfort, the Die alte Sau, the dysmenopausal Kansas school teacher, ranked nineteenth last year, and as she's not on this list, it's a pretty good guess (remember, franksolich doesn't know) the Die alte Sau's on #10-01.
It was so exciting to see Nadin and others making their bids late and one hopes they have a long term game plan but given their penchant for forgetting everything that happened yesterday it is doubtful.
I have heard that Nadin may be a historian so that could begin a new trend however.
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It was so exciting to see Nadin and others making their bids late.....
Oscar Wilde did a good job, too, that last-minute dash, but alas it wasn't good enough.
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I thought she'd end up in the top ten somewhere, and it was a shock to me when Mr. Wiggum presented me with a certified copy of the voting results of #11-20, showing her to be only mere seventeenth.
The Zbigniew primitive took off like a rocket, but apparently too late.
But if it's any comfort, the Die alte Sau, the dysmenopausal Kansas school teacher, ranked nineteenth last year, and as she's not on this list, it's a pretty good guess (remember, franksolich doesn't know) the Die alte Sau's on #10-01.
I just don't want nadin to get arrogant and thinking "woohoo, see I'm not even in the Top 10 so I'm not that dumb" although I guess being in the Top 20 must be some type of achievement, right?
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I just don't want nadin to get arrogant and thinking "woohoo, see I'm not even in the Top 10 so I'm not that dumb" although I guess being in the Top 20 must be some type of achievement, right?
Top 20 of 400 is pretty dumb stupi errr good ahhh from out of the stiff competition at the DUmp.
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I just don't want nadin to get arrogant and thinking "woohoo, see I'm not even in the Top 10 so I'm not that dumb".....
Trust me, madam, that's undoubtedly the last thing the Zbigniew primitive's thinking.
The bottom ten of the top twenty usually provides winners for the top ten the following year, and I'm sure the Zbigniew primitive's aware of that.
It's only natural; having made at least runner-up, it inevitably means decent and civilized people will pay more attention to her in 2011.
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Top 20 of 400 is pretty dumb stupi errr good ahhh from out of the stiff competition at the DUmp.
:lmao:
Trust me, madam, that's undoubtedly the last thing the Zbigniew primitive's thinking.
The bottom ten of the top twenty usually provides winners for the top ten the following year, and I'm sure the Zbigniew primitive's aware of that.
It's only natural; having made at least runner-up, it inevitably means decent and civilized people will pay more attention to her in 2011.
Thanks frank! well darn, we don't have a hug smiley here? I wanted to give frank a hug, conservatives like to hug.
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:lmao:
Thanks frank! well darn, we don't have a hug smiley here? I wanted to give frank a hug, conservatives like to hug.
Here ya go!
(http://e.deviantart.net/emoticons/g/glomp.gif)
(http://e.deviantart.net/emoticons/h/hug.gif)
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One week from today, on New Year's Eve.
But I'm sure you'll find the winners of the Willie and the Annie, and primitives #10-02, launched Sunday-Thursday next week, equally interesting.
I anxiously await, sir. In fact, is there a way to be alerted to your threads if you update 2-9? Or should I just count on checking the DUmp frequently?
I'm disappointed my buddy Cyrano didn't make top 10, but he is getting there. I wish him much better luck next year.
I also would like to have just...not seen the Drek primitive IamDavid. Gives me the creepy crawlies.
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Trust me, madam, that's undoubtedly the last thing the Zbigniew primitive's thinking.
The bottom ten of the top twenty usually provides winners for the top ten the following year, and I'm sure the Zbigniew primitive's aware of that.
It's only natural; having made at least runner-up, it inevitably means decent and civilized people will pay more attention to her in 2011.
I think 2011 will be her tipping point.
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I think that is a very respectable list for #'s 11 - 20. Most excellent. These DUmmies know they are on the radar and will therefore try harder next year. Yeah, there are a couple I would like to have seen a little higher on the list but .... like Avis rent a car ... they'll just have to try harder.
Great work Mr.'s franksolich and Wiggum!
KC
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Here ya go!
(http://e.deviantart.net/emoticons/g/glomp.gif)
(http://e.deviantart.net/emoticons/h/hug.gif)
Thanks!
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Interesting group. There were so many contestants this year it was hard to predict winners and losers.
Cindie
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Interesting group. There were so many contestants this year it was hard to predict winners and losers.
Yeah, and I got a little perturbed when our excellent Mr. Wiggum gave me the list of runners-up.
It had been such an eclectic group, the nominees, that there were some runners-up with whom I wasn't familiar (and so couldn't write hardly anything about them); one after all can't know all the primitives.
But if these are the runners-up, it gets better from here, because probably franksolich is intimately acquainted with each of the top ten, at least.
I'm sure, for example, that Doug's stupid ex-wife, not having fallen into the runners-up, is on the top list.
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#16 IanDavid, also known as the skumbag primitive, a drek primitive.
The less said about the skumbag primitive, the better.
Even this is too much. "No comment" would be much better.
As to HannaBell, I do know she is a bus driver but am unsure of the state. I thought it was FL. She's is cahoots with Madfloridian in so many topics, maybe that's where the confusion come from.
At any rate, nice job.
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I'm sure these losers are devastated; they all thought they coulda been contenders. But they'll get over it - after all, as DUmp democrats, they've been losers their entire lives, so this is nothing new. They should also keep in mind what a kiss of death the Top DUmmy award has been. Most winners quickly disappear from view, in large part due to jealous attacks from their fellow DUmbasses. The award, while the highest (well, actually, the only) honor available to a DUmmy, is a heavy burden and, some would say, a jinx. Winning DUmmy of the Year is sort of like a Sports Illustrated cover for lunatics.
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Or being on the cover of a really sick version of the Madden NFL game. :rotf:
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#14 Taverner, a les risibles primitive.
Idiot.
The above vital statistic provided by the Taverner primitive himself.
This made me laugh out loud!! :lmao: Hi-5 Frank!
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I'm sure these losers are devastated; they all thought they coulda been contenders. But they'll get over it - after all, as DUmp democrats, they've been losers their entire lives, so this is nothing new. They should also keep in mind what a kiss of death the Top DUmmy award has been. Most winners quickly disappear from view, in large part due to jealous attacks from their fellow DUmbasses. The award, while the highest (well, actually, the only) honor available to a DUmmy, is a heavy burden and, some would say, a jinx. Winning DUmmy of the Year is sort of like a Sports Illustrated cover for lunatics.
I just found out today the cross-eyed Iowa primitive, the #20 top primitive of 2010, donates a measly five bucks a month to my fellow alum Skins, and plans to lower it to a buck a year.
The cheap bastard, and here the Hawkeye-X primitive is always boasting and bragging to the primitives about his widespread and lavish generosity, making them think he cuts four-figure checks several times a month for worthy primitive candidates and causes.
The cross-eyed Iowa primitive, in tossing the three cents he gets in change at a convenience store into one of those fund-raising jars, probably thinks he's being Rockefeller or something.
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This is from a thread on the marijuana receipts in Oakland
Hawkeye-X (1000+ posts) Mon Dec-27-10 03:56 PM
Response to Reply #1
2. I am out of money but do plan to buy more next week...
when I get my bennies...
I think Hawkeye-X should have been higher. I bet Hawkeye-X is complaining his Bennies are too low.
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I think Hawkeye-X should have been higher. I bet Hawkeye-X is complaining his Bennies are too low.
I also thought the cross-eyed Iowa primitive should've ranked higher, in the top ten.
And yes, the big guy is ALWAYS whining about his disability gravy being too little and too thin.