The Conservative Cave
Current Events => The DUmpster => Topic started by: dandi on May 06, 2010, 01:15:27 AM
-
Since Crock enjoys ruminating over the conquest of DU womyn, let's take it straight from the mules'...er...horses' mouths what it takes to get them squishy: :-)
dawg (1000+ posts) Click to send private message to this author Click to view this author's profile Click to add this author to your buddy list Click to add this author to your Ignore list Tue May-04-10 03:09 PM
Original message
How can I make myself irresistible to women?
Alright DU ladies (and guys who know what they are talking about), give me some pointers. I mostly want to attract the 35-45 age group, if that makes any difference. Being 73 years old myself (not really) that's the age group that fits me best. It will probably be at least 12 months before I will be emotionally ready to even think about dating, so we have some time. I have already thought of several possible strategies ....
1. Start cruising the pet stores for a nice cat, I hear they can be good potential marriage partners.
2. I just bought a new refrigerator, I could stock it up with artificial crab meat - it'll stay good a long, long time, I promise.
3. I could rent a billboard or something.
4. I could start parting my hair on the right instead of the left.
5. I could try to fool them into thinking my iPod touch was actually an iPhone.
6. I could start sleeping with a teddy bear.
7. I could eat lots of asparagus.(?)
8. I will definitely keep my flash drives and other portable media locked up.
Anyway, that's all I've got for now. What else do you guys think might work?
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x9354769
Actually, I was expecting to hear a bunch of demands for womanly sensitivity and liberal philosophy, then I realized the thread was about the OP specifically, so it could be assumed by the DU harpies that he already possessed those traits.
Dr Morbius Donating Member (699 posts) Click to send private message to this author Click to view this author's profile Click to add this author to your buddy list Click to add this author to your Ignore list Tue May-04-10 03:11 PM
Response to Original message
1. Throw LOTS of money around. That usually makes a man more attractive. (nt)
Okay, tell us something we don't know.
rug Donating Member (1000+ posts) Journal Click to send private message to this author Click to view this author's profile Click to add this author to your buddy list Click to add this author to your Ignore list Tue May-04-10 03:14 PM
Response to Original message
3. Borrow a baby and rent a stroller.
That'll get them talking, but it's likely the baby they'll be more attracted to.
redqueen Donating Member (1000+ posts) Journal Click to send private message to this author Click to view this author's profile Click to add this author to your buddy list Click to add this author to your Ignore list Tue May-04-10 03:22 PM
Response to Original message
5. Two words:
Cleaver Sleeve
Don't even go there.
Rabrrrrrr Donating Member (1000+ posts) Journal Click to send private message to this author Click to view this author's profile Click to add this author to your buddy list Click to add this author to your Ignore list Tue May-04-10 03:24 PM
Response to Original message
8. Be an obnoxious dick, rude asshole, abusive prick, or some variant thereof.
You'll have more women than you know what to do with, and have more sex than your penis can handle.
Sounds like the Vibrating One has issues. Probably why she vibrates.
LynneSin Donating Member (1000+ posts) Journal Click to send private message to this author Click to view this author's profile Click to add this author to your buddy list Click to add this author to your Ignore list Tue May-04-10 03:56 PM
Response to Original message
20. So you want to give off the odor of rotting stale skunk piss?
because that's what the Aspargus will start smelling like.
Rotting stale skunk piss, or crotch-sweat and pachouli? hmmmm Which will I go with tonight?
Redstone Donating Member (1000+ posts) Click to send private message to this author Click to view this author's profile Click to add this author to your buddy list Click to add this author to your Ignore list Tue May-04-10 04:29 PM
Response to Original message
29. Be six-foot-four, 190 pounds, devastatingly handsome, black-haired,
Edited on Tue May-04-10 04:30 PM by Redstone
dichroic-eyed, suave, debonair, and witty (Oh, and I forgot to add, modest too)...and thoroughly married and thaerefore utterly, absolutely unavailable to anyone other than your wife.
(Hey, it works for me!)
Redstone
Is Redstoneless divulging what attracts him? Kinda hard to tell.
Beer Snob-50 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Journal Click to send private message to this author Click to view this author's profile Click to add this author to your buddy list Click to add this author to your Ignore list Tue May-04-10 04:45 PM
Response to Original message
33. i have read where if you wipe your crotch with a towel
and then leave it on a chair, women will gravitate toward it.
Oooookay.
HopeHoops Donating Member (1000+ posts) Click to send private message to this author Click to view this author's profile Click to add this author to your buddy list Click to add this author to your Ignore list Tue May-04-10 05:05 PM
Response to Original message
34. Keep a 12" cucumber in your underwear and let $100 bills fall out of your back pockets.
Don't worry about the false advertising on the front side - the money will make up for that.
Does the cuke have to be organic? Free trade? Picked by an illegal immigrant?
edbermac Donating Member (1000+ posts) Journal Click to send private message to this author Click to view this author's profile Click to add this author to your buddy list Click to add this author to your Ignore list Tue May-04-10 06:21 PM
Response to Original message
51. Be sure to leave the toilet seat down.
And you're halfway there.
Yup. Pretty much universal.
Lucian Donating Member (1000+ posts) Click to send private message to this author Click to view this author's profile Click to add this author to your buddy list Click to add this author to your Ignore list Tue May-04-10 06:49 PM
Response to Original message
54. Make sure you have a fat wallet.
Again with the money. I thought DUmmies eschewed such things.
redqueen Donating Member (1000+ posts) Journal Click to send private message to this author Click to view this author's profile Click to add this author to your buddy list Click to add this author to your Ignore list Wed May-05-10 10:47 AM
Response to Reply #77
89. "I'm emotionally girly but not physically girly."
I like this. :)
Now you're talkin'!
khawkings09 (50 posts) Click to send private message to this author Click to view this author's profile Click to add this author to your buddy list Click to add this author to your Ignore list Tue May-04-10 09:13 PM
Response to Original message
65. dress nicely in expensive suits
That's so...corporate.
noamnety Donating Member (1000+ posts) Journal Click to send private message to this author Click to view this author's profile Click to add this author to your buddy list Click to add this author to your Ignore list Tue May-04-10 10:04 PM
Response to Original message
68. I can't speak for all women
But if you could show up at our office plant exchange with some lemon verbena and okra seedlings, that would at least get you noticed.
Any chance you normally carry either of those items on you?
:whatever:
raccoon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Click to send private message to this author Click to view this author's profile Click to add this author to your buddy list Click to add this author to your Ignore list Wed May-05-10 09:32 AM
Response to Original message
75. Have plastic surgery to make yourself look like Tom Selleck in the 1980's. nt
Nah. Too butch.
Rosie1223 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Journal Click to send private message to this author Click to view this author's profile Click to add this author to your buddy list Click to add this author to your Ignore list Wed May-05-10 10:06 AM
Response to Original message
82. Do ya cook?
Nothing more sexy than a man making dinner after I've had a long day at work. Except maybe him also doing the dishes.
Missy Vixen Donating Member (1000+ posts) Click to send private message to this author Click to view this author's profile Click to add this author to your buddy list Click to add this author to your Ignore list Wed May-05-10 01:20 PM
Response to Reply #93
96. Most women fall in love with your ears
long before they fall in love with your wallet or other attributes. In other words, the guys who listened to us, who remembered the things we talked with them about and asked about them later, were typically the guys who ended up with someone who sticks.
I'm into smart, funny and thoughtful. I like handsome, too, but my ideas of handsome aren't the same as every other woman's on the planet. This works out well for me. In other words, I step of the line forming in front of Hugh Jackman/Matthew McConaughey/Robert Pattison/whoever else is the flavor of the moment and go find someone who listens to what I have to say, can talk with me about a variety of subjects, and makes me laugh.
There ya have it, Crock. Go get 'em, big guy. :cheersmate:
-
Oh, these guys are just a ****in hoot...here's an idea...how about just being yourself? No money flashing, no job having, crotch sweat towels (seriously?), bongwater swilling, Cheeto-eating, basement dwelling losers, that's what ya'll are best at.
Eventually you'll find a loser or two just as pathetic as you are who will either **** ya or kill ya. Either way, you're out of my life and not jacking the bandwidth anymore.
-
DUmmies giving dating advice. :rotf: :rotf: :lmao: :lmao: :rofl: :rofl:
-
wow....who knew that stuff was supposed to attract us women?
A nasty wet towel...seriously? Go do your laundry!
What difference does it make which side the hair is parted on? Am I missing some significant clue? I part mine on the left...where there is a natural part. Doesn't everyone part their hair the way the hair grows?
Sleep with a teddy bear? How old are you? 5?
Artificial crab? now your refrigerator stinks just like the dirty wet towels in the bathroom....eau de ewwwww.
You want to marry a cat? Oh that is just so wrong on so many different levels.....
Exchange plant seeds? okayyyyy. whatever.
You can cook? that's great, as long as you also clean up the kitchen after!
They should just as Sparky.....he said it best....be yourself. That's the most important thing.
And if you happen to be intelligent, considerate, attentive, and treat a woman like a lady....you are going to be sexy as hell as far as I'm concerned!!!
-
:rotf: :heart:
-
Wonder how Redstone's "trip" to Arizona went?
-
Redstone Donating Member (1000+ posts) Click to send private message to this author Click to view this author's profile Click to add this author to your buddy list Click to add this author to your Ignore list Tue May-04-10 04:29 PM
Response to Original message
29. Be six-foot-four, 190 pounds
****in' skinny bitch-boy.
6 feet and a sculpted 220 will get you a hell of a lot more looks. Well, that and not being a sissy-assed, bitch liberal.
-
Ya know, if the Lardass in Vegas can find an attentive liberal woman, it can't be that hard.
-
Wonder how Redstone's "trip" to Arizona went?
He obviously lied. I did a quick search of the DUmp since his announcement, and no reports.
-
Wonder how Redstone's "trip" to Arizona went?
And I'd love to burn a mole to ask him. :evillaugh:
-
dawg (1000+ posts) Click to send private message to this author Click to view this author's profile Click to add this author to your buddy list Click to add this author to your Ignore list Tue May-04-10 03:09 PM
Original message
How can I make myself irresistible to women?
Alright DU ladies (and guys who know what they are talking about), give me some pointers. I mostly want to attract the 35-45 age group, if that makes any difference. Being 73 years old myself (not really) that's the age group that fits me best. It will probably be at least 12 months before I will be emotionally ready to even think about dating, so we have some time. I have already thought of several possible strategies ....
1. Start cruising the pet stores for a nice cat, I hear they can be good potential marriage partners.
2. I just bought a new refrigerator, I could stock it up with artificial crab meat - it'll stay good a long, long time, I promise.
3. I could rent a billboard or something.
4. I could start parting my hair on the right instead of the left.
5. I could try to fool them into thinking my iPod touch was actually an iPhone.
6. I could start sleeping with a teddy bear.
7. I could eat lots of asparagus.(?)
8. I will definitely keep my flash drives and other portable media locked up.
Anyway, that's all I've got for now. What else do you guys think might work?
Simple, really: Have yourself killed and turned into shoes. Preferably Italian ones.
:loser:
-
Simple, really: Have yourself killed and turned into shoes. Preferably Italian ones.
:loser:
Oh yeah.....the ones with the red soles... :drool:
-
****in' skinny bitch-boy.
6 feet and a sculpted 220 will get you a hell of a lot more looks. Well, that and not being a sissy-assed, bitch liberal.
I was gonna say, 6-4 and 190 screams "pencil!" to me. Now if I could just get back down to that again, I'd be a happy camper (cracks another beer...)
-
I was gonna say, 6-4 and 190 screams "pencil!" to me. Now if I could just get back down to that again, I'd be a happy camper (cracks another beer...)
Son is 6'1" and may weigh 160 with his steel-toed boots on.....and he is a stick! He's gained about 6 or 7 pounds since December when he moved back home...he's excited that he finally is putting on the weight he lost in the Navy....
-
rug Donating Member (1000+ posts) Journal Click to send private message to this author Click to view this author's profile Click to add this author to your buddy list Click to add this author to your Ignore list Tue May-04-10 03:14 PM
Response to Original message
3. Borrow a baby and rent a stroller.
Assuming he/she isn't resgistered sex offender, and who lets someone "borrow" their baby??
-
Assuming he/she isn't resgistered sex offender, and who lets someone "borrow" their baby??
I can tell you this, he is an ass. A big ass. He is also the DUer who thought it was ok for his kid to wear a "Wake and Bake" t-shirt to school. An obvious reference to getting high. Said his kid knew nothing of the reference.
-
I can tell you this, he is an ass. A big ass. He is also the DUer who thought it was ok for his kid to wear a "Wake and Bake" t-shirt to school. An obvious reference to getting high. Said his kid knew nothing of the reference.
Idiots. I am surprised these people figured out how to make babies.
-
If I wasn't so married, I could use my dog to my greatest advantage. I can't take him anywhere without a woman wanting to pet him.
(http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-sjc1/hs117.snc3/16431_100174013341324_100000461762211_1842_1968661_n.jpg)
-
I was told that nice shoes never go unnoticed by women. :bow:
-
I was told that nice shoes never go unnoticed by women. :bow:
For me, nice shoes on a guy are work boots, that indicate there has been some work done.
-
For me, nice shoes on a guy are work boots, that indicate there has been some work done.
So do Sneakers mean he's sneaky?
-
For me, nice shoes on a guy are work boots, that indicate there has been some work done.
What? I wear tennis shoes to work. I hate the steel toed boots we are supposed to wear.
-
So do Sneakers mean he's sneaky?
Only if they still look new, after having been owned for more than a day or so.
And TH, Tennis shoes worn to work, where work was done will qualify too.
-
Wonder how Redstone's "trip" to Arizona went?
if it involved turning an empty Arizona Iced Tea bottle into a bong, then probably pretty well.
-
He obviously lied. I did a quick search of the DUmp since his announcement, and no reports.
Not to change the subject but what ever happened to Bad Cats "Dump Diver" I loved those reports.....
-
khawkings09 (50 posts) Click to send private message to this author Click to view this author's profile Click to add this author to your buddy list Click to add this author to your Ignore list Tue May-04-10 09:13 PM
Response to Original message
65. dress nicely in expensive suits
Well, we know that will get the attention of hippie chicks at Noodles. But seriously, if you have to ask, that pretty much pegs you as a loser to begin with. It's kinda funny how these supposed progressive, feminists (i.e pussies and bitches...you figure out which one's which) go right to the stereotypes.
Cindie
-
Rabrrrrrr Donating Member (1000+ posts) Journal Click to send private message to this author Click to view this author's profile Click to add this author to your buddy list Click to add this author to your Ignore list Tue May-04-10 03:24 PM
Response to Original message
8. Be an obnoxious dick, rude *******, abusive prick, or some variant thereof.
You'll have more women than you know what to do with, and have more sex than your penis can handle.
So THAT is why you sent me that offensive email when I was in Korea in '05? :thatsright:
Damn I thought you hated me for shooting down that OpEd in Stripes...turns out you were trying to get me to DO you.
Ummm....how do I put this in a nice way...not even with Will Pitt's d*ck.
Now just STFU and go back to your BoB
-
If I wasn't so married, I could use my dog to my greatest advantage. I can't take him anywhere without a woman wanting to pet him.
Chicks dig bunnies too.
-
If I wasn't so married, I could use my dog to my greatest advantage.
Thats where a DUmmie would have ended the post. lol.
-
For me, nice shoes on a guy are work boots, that indicate there has been some work done.
***checking feet***
I'm wearing loafers.
Shit.
-
***checking feet***
I'm wearing loafers.
Shit.
uh.oh.
:-)
-
I was gonna say, 6-4 and 190 screams "pencil!" to me. Now if I could just get back down to that again, I'd be a happy camper (cracks another beer...)
I'm 6' and weigh usually around 230. My latest bout with pancreatitus has left me a mere shadow at 195. I lost 14% of my muscle mass after having nothing to eat for 9 days. With a little help from my "Bowflex" and 3 or 4 months of "Ensure" protein supplement, I'll get back to my usual.
I look pretty skinny at 195 and I'm only 6'. Hell, I feel like a 98 pound weakling if I go under 210!
-
What? I wear tennis shoes to work. I hate the steel toed boots we are supposed to wear.
"Dickey's" makes a steel toe tenny runner. I wore 'em for years! Ya might want to check 'em out if your employer requires steel toes. I know mine did, and the shit would hit the fan insurance wise, if ya didn't wear 'em.
-
"Dickey's" makes a steel toe tenny runner. I wore 'em for years! Ya might want to check 'em out if your employer requires steel toes. I know mine did, and the shit would hit the fan insurance wise, if ya didn't wear 'em.
It's the "steel toe" part that I don't like. I've yet to find a pair with a wide enough toe area. It's probably all those years going bare foot as a kid.
-
***checking feet***
I'm wearing loafers.
Shit.
Oh, loafers might be just fine...depending upon how big those loafers are.
Cindie
-
It's the "steel toe" part that I don't like. I've yet to find a pair with a wide enough toe area. It's probably all those years going bare foot as a kid.
Have you tried Red Wing? The ones made in America???
-
***checking feet***
I'm wearing loafers.
Shit.
A guy in a starched button down collared oxford shirt (color doesn't matter) with the sleeves rolled up a turn or two, or with a sweater over the shirt, khakis or creased jeans, loafers - no socks...... :naughty: :drool: :-)
-
Have you tried Red Wing? The ones made in America???
I even went and tried the new style they have out with an extra roomy toe. I'll stick with tennis shoes since I stand on a concrete floor for 12 hours at a time.
-
I even went and tried the new style they have out with an extra roomy toe. I'll stick with tennis shoes since I stand on a concrete floor for 12 hours at a time.
I hear ya. You get a "bye" on the work boots thing. :-) BF has 12 hours on a machine floor, steel toes are required...
-
I even went and tried the new style they have out with an extra roomy toe. I'll stick with tennis shoes since I stand on a concrete floor for 12 hours at a time.
I have a pair of these:
http://www.redwingshoes.com/productdetails.aspx?prodid=2019
I work quite a few hours in a week, all on concrete. They are so comfortable, I wear them outside of work.
I used to wear tennis shoes with steel toes, but even the pricey ones won't compare with how comfortable these are on my feet.
I smell what you are stepping in with the toe thing, too. I have smallish feet (size 10), but it seems like my toes are practically all the same length. I HAVE to have a shoe with a nice toe area.