The Conservative Cave
The Bar => Comedy Central => Topic started by: NHSparky on March 17, 2008, 06:25:11 PM
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This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American company
Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets
rolling after the first paragraph. It's PC Magazine's 2007 editors'
choice for best webmail-award-winning letter.
Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years
and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core
or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa
dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach
in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your
revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough
to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell
you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16
in my pants.
Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from
the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is
starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces
violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body
will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call
'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?
As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen
quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customer's
monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the
bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood
swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize
it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend
Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into
a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's
Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!
The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just
crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to the
reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so
painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I
opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing,
were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'
Are you f------ kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny
middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing
happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned
above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless
you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything 'happy'
about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua
and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the
local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end
your life in a blaze of glory.
For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a
moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say
something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or
'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?
Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective
immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have
chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will
certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your
brand of condescending bullshit. And that's a promise I will keep.
Always. . .
Best,
Wendi Aarons
Austin , TX
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Hell hath no fury as a woman on the rag. :evillaugh:
My brother actually works for P&G and he was assigned to the tampon department. He suggested a possible improvement on the current design.... a toe ring so a woman could step right out of her tampon. :lmao: They reassigned him to a different department where his skillz were in demand.
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Hell hath no fury as a woman on the rag. :evillaugh:
My brother actually works for P&G and he was assigned to the tampon department. He suggested a possible improvement on the current design.... a toe ring so a woman could step right out of her tampon. :lmao: They reassigned him to a different department where his skillz were in demand.
:rotf: :lmao:
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Hell hath no fury as a woman on the rag. :evillaugh:
My brother actually works for P&G and he was assigned to the tampon department. He suggested a possible improvement on the current design.... a toe ring so a woman could step right out of her tampon. :lmao: They reassigned him to a different department where his skillz were in demand.
:rotf: :lmao:
I know babe, just you and I think this is funny. :lmao:
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That reminds me of the story of the little kid who tells his Mommy, "I want to use a tampon, Mommy."
When she (obviously puzzled) asks him why, he says, "because then I can horseback ride and fly kites and run on the beach and ride bikes and..."
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That reminds me of the story of the little kid who tells his Mommy, "I want to use a tampon, Mommy."
When she (obviously puzzled) asks him why, he says, "because then I can horseback ride and fly kites and run on the beach and ride bikes and..."
The big lie! :lmao:
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(http://thecia.com.au/reviews/1/images/28-days-later-poster-1.jpg)
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(http://thecia.com.au/reviews/1/images/28-days-later-poster-1.jpg)
Ha ha ha!!!!!! :rotf: :rotf: :rotf:
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This thread made me crack a smile.
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Ha ha ha!!!!!! :rotf: :rotf: :rotf:
Always glad to put a smile on your face.
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Ha ha ha!!!!!! :rotf: :rotf: :rotf:
Always glad to put a smile on your face.
More ways than you can imagine. :-)
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This whole period thing is overrated...... :bs:
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This whole period thing is overrated...... :bs:
Get him!!!!! :evillaugh: