The Conservative Cave
Current Events => The DUmpster => Topic started by: FlippyDoo on April 06, 2010, 04:54:45 PM
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I haven't posted anything in a while and since I had some spare time today I thought I'd try my hand at a new "adventure".
So I had ran to the gas station to fill up my hybrid and then stopped by the grocery store to pick up some Cheetos. When I arrived back home my wife told me that my brother had dropped off my 6 year old nephew, HappyDoo, for a little while. Happy was sitting at the kitchen table and looked like he was somewhat confused. I asked him what was going on, and he said he was just doing some vocabulary homework. As he has a genius level IQ I couldn't understand what would have him confused. So I sat down at the table and asked if I could help. He was dealing with the words "hypocrisy", "delusional", and "projection". I began giving him the definitions to the words, but he quickly stopped me. He said that he knew what they meant. He was just trying to think of some real life examples of them. I invited him into my office and loaded up DU on the computer. We had a discussion that went something like this:
ME: First off, do you know what a "conservative" is?
HAPPY: Sure, it's generally a person who strives for an America along the lines that the founding fathers intended: an America with a smaller, stream-lined federal government whose main purposes are basically providing defense and instituting treaties. A conservative respects the Constitution and believes that the citizens should control the government.
ME: Okay, do you know what a "progressive" is?
HAPPY: A progressive is a person who is a liberal but calls himself "progressive" in an attempt to fool normal people who have learned the dangers of liberalism.
ME: Umm...What about a "liberal"?
HAPPY: A liberal is usually a person that hates America and views the US as the root of all the evil in the world. A liberal thinks everyone else should support him and that the Constitution is made out of rubber to be stretched and contorted. Unlike a conservative, a liberal thinks the federal government should be large and cumbersome EXCEPT for the military which should be downsized or eliminated.
ME: Alright. With that in mind I want you to check out this website.
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With that I turned the computer over to him. After about 30 minutes he called me back over.
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HAPPY: Uncle Flippy, is this a parody website or something?
ME: Nope.
HAPPY: So these are actually real people and not comedians or something?
ME: Yep. Real people.
HAPPY: Wow.
ME: Yep. "Wow". So did you learn some examples for you words?
HAPPY: You're sure they are real people on that site? You're sure it's not some sort of parody?
ME: Yes, I'm sure. Now about those examples?
HAPPY: Oh. Okay. An example of "delusional" would be all the times that they brag about their vast intelligence while constantly posting stuff that's...well...really, really stupid. You're positive that they're real people?
ME: Yes, now continue.
HAPPY: Well, an example of "hypocrisy" would be talking about their love and compassion even though they tend to cheer when someone who happens to hold a different political belief gets sick or dies. I think you're kidding about these folks not being comedians or something.
ME: I promise you that I'm not kidding. What about the last example?
HAPPY: An example of "projection" would be all the times that they do or call for the very things that they falsely accuse conservatives of doing or calling for. Man, I just can't believe those people are real. Of course I do have a teacher that sounds like some of them.
ME: I assure you that those are real people. Maybe you should ask your teacher what her DU name is.
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By this time my brother had arrived to take Happy home. Today I received the following email from Happy:
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Uncle Flippy,
I asked the teacher her DU name. She immediately began spewing left-wing talking points. I calmly began hitting her with actual facts. She really became unglued. The rest of the class was cheering me on. Finally she couldn't take any more and began running toward the door. What was really funny was that we have a couple of ornamental type shrubs in a couple of huge pots in the corner next to the door. When she ran by them some guy who was dressed like a cop but looked just like that Rove fellow jumped out of the bushes and stuck an "overlook me I'm a liberal" bumper sticker on her back. After the class a couple of the students told me that they had been trained to be liberal by their hippy parents but after hearing my facts they were converting to conservatism.
Thanks,
HappyDoo
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Damn, just D-A-M-N!
It takes a special kind of person to roll back the Tin Can lid of a DUmmy's head, peek inside, and extract the inner-workings of the worst minds the human race has to offer, condense it, and communicate it here in no non-sense terms.
All this WITHOUT permanent brain damage.
You are strong and provide an invaluable service to this world.
Thank you and don't be such a stranger!
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:bravo:
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Flippy! Nice to see you! And, with Happy's values that were obviously instilled in him by his father/your brother, it's plainly obvious that your parents--fictional spirit guides and all--did a great job raising you and your brother.
Great story! :cheersmate: :hi5: Even though I don't drink anymore, I'd buy you a beer . . . :cheersmate:
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Then what happened!?!?! Did the liberal teacher run down the street screaming "RACISTS!!!!" and go to the nearest medical pot dealer? Did the idiot DUmmy go to Willy Pitt to try to find talking points and rebuttals.
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Outstanding! Ten bongs! Plus the Bong of Freedom! :evillaugh:
(http://vapourheads.com/images/zong-bong-10.jpg)
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Then what happened!?!?! Did the liberal teacher run down the street screaming "RACISTS!!!!" and go to the nearest medical pot dealer? Did the idiot DUmmy go to Willy Pitt to try to find talking points and rebuttals.
I emailed Happy and asked him your questions. He just emailed back.
Dear Uncle Flippy,
I thank mamacags for her interest. I didn't include what happened later in the day in my previous email because I had chores to do and didn't have much time. Here is the rest of the story. After the teacher finally returned to the room she informed me that she had contacted the ACLU and that they would help her get all fundie repug fictional spirit guides tossed out of the school system. She also mentioned that she had told some people named Keith and Rachel about my vicious "attack" on her. I don't know who these two people are. None of the other kids did either except for Bobby. Bobby laughed and said that she must be one of the hundred or so people who watch them. Bobby's dad works for some place that does tv ratings. Nielsen is what I think it is called. So I guess that this Keith and Rachel must work at some teeny tiny local television station or something. Anyway, the teacher finally she said that she had already contacted a team of ninja lawyers. She claims that my injection of facts into a discussion trampled her right to be in idiot and that within 24 business hours the ninja lawyers would be coming after me because I'm a racist. I really don't understand that one. She's white and skin color was never mentioned in our discussion. Maybe she heard that I sometimes play racing games on the computer and meant to say "racer". She does get confused easily.
Talk to you later,
Happy
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:rotf: :rotf: :rotf: :rotf: :rotf: :rotf: :rotf: :rotf: :rotf: :rotf: :rotf: :rotf: :rotf: :rotf: :rotf: :rotf: :rotf: :rotf: :rotf:
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Fabulous!!!! :-) Does Happy go to school somewhere in Kansas?
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Very nice.
Unfortunately, the spelling seemed too good, I didn't see enough curse words and its actually formatted so you get 4.5 *'s out of 5.
lol.
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Very nice.
Unfortunately, the spelling seemed too good, I didn't see enough curse words and its actually formatted so you get 4.5 *'s out of 5.
lol.
Well yeah, and no lower case "i's" but overall I got some serious positive vibes from the whole thing. :grouphug:
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Bravo Flippy and Happy! :bow:
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I only have one complaint, Flippy, Rove would have planted the bumper sticker on her ass, it's more than likely the last thing that left the room!
Otherwise, I give it a 9.8!
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Sorry....no bongs at this time.....I'm using them to bait a field of ragweeds to shoot hippies over. Soon as hunting season is over I'll send a few bongs (or Hippies) your way.
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Awesome story Flippy!
I give it the Hopey Changy Bong Award!
(http://americandigest.org/hope-bong-743955.jpg)
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I emailed Happy and asked him your questions. He just emailed back.
Dear Uncle Flippy,
I thank mamacags for her interest. I didn't include what happened later in the day in my previous email because I had chores to do and didn't have much time. Here is the rest of the story. After the teacher finally returned to the room she informed me that she had contacted the ACLU and that they would help her get all fundie repug fictional spirit guides tossed out of the school system. She also mentioned that she had told some people named Keith and Rachel about my vicious "attack" on her. I don't know who these two people are. None of the other kids did either except for Bobby. Bobby laughed and said that she must be one of the hundred or so people who watch them. Bobby's dad works for some place that does tv ratings. Nielsen is what I think it is called. So I guess that this Keith and Rachel must work at some teeny tiny local television station or something. Anyway, the teacher finally she said that she had already contacted a team of ninja lawyers. She claims that my injection of facts into a discussion trampled her right to be in idiot and that within 24 business hours the ninja lawyers would be coming after me because I'm a racist. I really don't understand that one. She's white and skin color was never mentioned in our discussion. Maybe she heard that I sometimes play racing games on the computer and meant to say "racer". She does get confused easily.
Talk to you later,
Happy
You do realize there is "REALLY, REALLY, REALLY something wrong with you?!?!"
I just wanted to state the same thing I heard from my parents since inception and that I agree.
Thank you!
OUT!
EOM