The Conservative Cave
Current Events => The DUmpster => Topic started by: GOBUCKS on January 08, 2010, 07:38:49 PM
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DUmmy CalPig, the #10 DUmmy of 2009, has submitted another of her excruciating poems. At least this one does not include revolting images of the CalPig in the throes of sexual ecstasy, as most of them do. But it's grim nonetheless:
CaliforniaPeggy (1000+ posts) Fri Jan-08-10 07:54 PM
Original message
My newest poem: Fog
it rolls over the
hills the street the cars
billowing up against the
end of day
Visibility zero
Over my
shoulder
the sun
dances against the sky
but it is losing
the fog comes on
not stopping
the landscape
disappears
nothing looks
right
I know this street
but not
tonight
the fog has
taken it
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x9203967
Luckily, we have a review of her poetry already written up and ready to go. It allows us to evaluate the CalPig's work without having to read it:
Don't get me wrong - her poetry isn't bad. It's awful. It's the kind of thing that would blind God if He had to read it. It's a collection of words that should be machine-gunned down, one by one, preferably out in the desert, with no witnesses, and a nice young girl who could be counted on to claim that she'd been shooting jackrabbits. It's so bad, mirrors crack if anyone looking into a mirror while thinking of one of CP's poems runs the risk of permanent scarring, even blindness, while thinking of it as he peers into the mirror...
Her poetry needs immolation. She needs to have all writing impletments and keyboards, paper, blank walls, toilet paper, paper towels, margins in newspapers, and even the blank part of framed works of art removed from her home until this idea that she's writing "poetry" passes. Maybe medication will help.
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Yep, that's a steaming pile of words there.
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Ain`t no drugs out there good enough to make that worth reading.
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Goodness. She/he comes up with these things while using Stinky's toilet or something?
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Vogon poetry is of course, the third worst in the universe. The second worst is that of the Azgoths of Kria. During a recitation by their poet master Grunthos the Flatulent of his poem "Ode to a Small Lump of Green Putty I Found in My Armpit One Midsummer Morning" four of his audience died of internal hemorrhaging and the president of the Mid-Galactic Arts Nobbling Council survived only by gnawing one of his own legs off. Grunthos was reported to have been "disappointed" by the poem's reception, and was about to embark on a reading of his 12-book epic entitled "My Favourite Bathtime Gurgles" when his own major intestine--in a desperate attempt to save humanity--leapt straight up through his neck and throttled his brain. The very worst poetry of all perished along with its creator, Paul Neil Milne Johnstone of Redbridge, in the destruction of the planet Earth. Vogon poetry is mild by comparison.
Obviously the author of the Hitchhiker's Guide never read CaliforniaPeggy's verse, or else we'd have a new number one!
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Obviously the author of the Hitchhiker's Guide never read CaliforniaPeggy's verse, or else we'd have a new number one!
Well, we only have the dolphins to blame for that.
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There should be a new CC rule that all of CalPeg's poetry be followed by TLB's brilliant disclaimer. I can't read it often enough.
Don't get me wrong - her poetry isn't bad. It's awful. It's the kind of thing that would blind God if He had to read it. It's a collection of words that should be machine-gunned down, one by one, preferably out in the desert, with no witnesses, and a nice young girl who could be counted on to claim that she'd been shooting jackrabbits. It's so bad, mirrors crack if anyone looking into a mirror while thinking of one of CP's poems runs the risk of permanent scarring, even blindness, while thinking of it as he peers into the mirror...
Her poetry needs immolation. She needs to have all writing impletments and keyboards, paper, blank walls, toilet paper, paper towels, margins in newspapers, and even the blank part of framed works of art removed from her home until this idea that she's writing "poetry" passes. Maybe medication will help.
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I rather relieve myself on a copy of CalPig's poems.... :pisscontest:
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The horror is seared, yes seared, into my brain.
To be fair to Douglas Adams, he wrote that description long before DU existed and CP started posting her unique form of mental terrorism on it.
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I gotta tell y'all, every time I see Piggy and poetry in the same sentence I have a disdainfully urge to wretch!
Please cease and desist!
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Is it time for another DUmp member Haiku thread?
DNA Backwards
It - California Peggy
My Face, Look! A Man!
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Is it time for another DUmp member Haiku thread?
DNA Backwards
It - California Peggy
My Face, Look! A Man!
PRK Peggy
A grunt, and then a grimace
A poem slides out
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:rotf: nice work...
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Okay, let me try . . .
CalPig wants a muse
An unoccupied outhouse
Looking in both holes
Yeah, I know . . . not all that good.
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I'm just grateful it wasn't loaded with sex this time. My mind can't handle that.
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Tanker...Pure brilliance!!
CaliforniaPeggy (1000+ posts) Fri Jan-08-10 10:05 PM
Response to Reply #2
4. My dear Richardo!
I thank you...
I always find it amazing just how the words emerge. I never know...
:lmao: :lmao: :loser: