The Conservative Cave
Current Events => The DUmpster => Topic started by: franksolich on December 17, 2009, 02:57:49 AM
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http://demopedia.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=236x72382
Oh my.
Grandma:
hippywife (1000+ posts) Tue Dec-15-09 08:33 PM
CANDIDATE FOR TOP PRIMITIVE OF 2009
Original message
OMG! We got a gift certificate in the mail today.
A friend in MA sent it to us. It's for 4 lobsters and 4 pounds of steamers. The lobsters are freakin' live and I really, really don't want to have to personally kill another critter, let alone four more!
The sparkling husband primitive:
Stinky The Clown (1000+ posts) Tue Dec-15-09 08:41 PM
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Response to Original message
1. Send. Them. To. Me.
I will dispatch them with aplomb .......
.... and probably a big knife, too.
hippywife (1000+ posts) Tue Dec-15-09 08:47 PM
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Response to Reply #1
2. You know, I just knew you would respond and what you would suggest.
It IS lobstah dinner for four. You and Sparkly are invited to come out to OK and share as long as you do the cooking. How are you with a buerre monte?
Stinky The Clown (1000+ posts) Tue Dec-15-09 08:50 PM
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Response to Reply #2
3. Simple is best with such fine crustacea as are lawbstuh
To the grill with them. Some butter and no more.
(I was forced to watch Elizabeth the other night. You'll have to suffer through the aftermath with me)
The sparkling husband primitive's wife, she with the chemistry set trying to devise a foolproof means of prematurely collecting on a life insurance policy:
Sparkly (1000+ posts) Tue Dec-15-09 08:53 PM
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Response to Reply #3
4. If I may interject...
You stayed awake through Elizabeth, AND The Duchess the night before that!!
Further, steamed is better than grilled.
hippywife (1000+ posts) Tue Dec-15-09 08:56 PM
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Response to Reply #4
6. Sounds like you're having some enjoyable movie evenings. And your interjections are always welcome, m'dear.
hippywife (1000+ posts) Tue Dec-15-09 08:55 PM
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Response to Reply #3
5. I'm certain that's the way it will go down.
I have no experience with this kind of thing at all!
pengillian101 (1000+ posts) Tue Dec-15-09 10:41 PM
Response to Reply #5
8. Wait!
Don't put the lobsters live on the grill. They will scream and claw to get off I would think. It's not as fast as a boiling pot of water. But, I could be wrong.
The company's website will have directions.
Enjoy!
Stinky The Clown (1000+ posts) Tue Dec-15-09 11:59 PM
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Response to Reply #8
12. Nononono ....... they must first be despatched by a knife point through the brain
That kills them instantly (they do, indeed squirm during the despatching). Once dead, split them and grill with the cut flesh up. A drizzle of butter is favored by some.
When nearly done, turn them, listen to the sizzle of their searing flesh. When marked, remove them and partake.
Ew. Shudder.
The sparkling husband primitive's giving the sparkling husband primitive's wife some ideas......
pengillian101 (1000+ posts) Tue Dec-15-09 10:27 PM
Response to Original message
7. What a great gift you received!
I don't know if you read my post a couple days about my first attempt at crab boiling. But it's the same deal. Bring the water up to a really fast rolling boil. Drop it in and it will die very quickly and (hopefully) humanely.
At a previous job - we had a sales goal to meet. If we met the goal, we would have fresh lobsters flown in and if we didn't, we would get tuna in a can. Goals were met and our whole company dined on fresh lobster. M-m-m! Someone else knew how to cook them and showed us how to properly eat them. We each had a whole one to deal with.
As an aside note, I am so bummed out. I love lutefisk and lefse, but it's not always available. Once a year, and I skipped about 5-6 years, so I really wanted it.
It should look like this:
http://www.jsonline.com/multimedia/photos/78609787.html...
Mine was b--a--a--d. It was just a bowl of liquefied jelly. It (honest!) wasn't my cooking that was to blame, as I cut it in half and did it two ways that have always worked before.
What a disappointment.
But, hey the lefse is still damn good!
I'd be happy to help with your lobster
kfred (64 posts) Tue Dec-15-09 11:12 PM
Response to Reply #7
10. Lutefisk? You made me giggle
I still haven't tasted it, though I fixed it using the "Two Fat Ladies" recipe for potted kipper.
Lutfisk into a pitcher with hot water, lemons, capers and a bit of allspice. Change water frequently. Then I micro'ed it for about 5 minutes with butter and fresh lemon and capers. I took it out of the Microwave, set it on the buffet behind me while attending to other dishes. I turned around and it was gone and I don't mean into the garbage.
Comments of: ooh, like lobster, fresh walleye, oh, who the heck knows what it tasted it like. I'll fix it again, probably the same way. Pretty easy and no fussin' except for remembering to change the hot water.
SIL makes the lefse. She's not allowed into the Christmas house without it and her diabetic coma cookies.
The defrocked warped primitive:
Warpy (1000+ posts) Tue Dec-15-09 10:59 PM
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Response to Original message
9. C'mon, they're BUGS
If you've ever stepped on a bug, you can kill a lobster.
If it helps, you can rely on the fact that while they recognize noxious stimuli, they don't have the equipment to process actual pain.
If you steam them live, they will flop. You might hear a whistling noise, that's air trapped under the shell being pushed out.
You can also use a hammer and a sharp knife to brain them before they go into the pot, but make sure they go right into the pot. They release digestive juices into their flesh the second they die, which is why you need to get them live and off them yourself.
Some people think sticking them in the freezer for half an hour or so before they go into the pot narcotizes them. I just think it makes them die slower.
In any case, they'll be dead within 10 seconds of hitting the pot. Since any of the natural deaths they'd be likely to face take much longer, think of it as euthanasia.
Then enjoy them.
But they are bugs, you know.
kfred (64 posts) Tue Dec-15-09 11:16 PM
Response to Reply #9
11. Get 'em drunk first
Split the bottle of wine between your self and them. Both of you will do better for it. They won't feel the pain and supposedly relax and are more tender that way, you? You end up being de-sensitized.
A story: I bought some live lobsters at a chain grocery store for a special occasion. First kidlet and I were carrying them in their thin cardboard boxes to the car. Lo and behold two of the boxes dropped out with the lobsters scrambling across the parking lot. We heard a fair amount of laughter at us as we scrambled to grab them back. Good thing for rubber band thingies on their claws.
katkat (889 posts) Wed Dec-16-09 05:55 AM
Response to Original message
13. I'll let them loose
Send the lobsters to me in Rhode Island, and I'll let them loose in our cove, where lobsters already live. I'll send you photos of them on their way to freedom.
I hate walking by lobster tanks in stores, I always want to stage a rescue.
Warpy (1000+ posts) Wed Dec-16-09 10:54 AM
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Response to Reply #13
14. They don't look like food to me since I spent a whole lot of years on Cape Cod, fully plugged into the barter system that passes for an economy when the tourists all go home.
I understood why the Maine Lege passed a law in colonial times that said feeding prisoners lobster more than three times a week was inhumane. It's something you can get sick of really fast if there's a lot of it around.
Still, they are bugs, and killing them quickly in steam is probably a lot more humane than leaving them to predators that dismantle them a piece at a time.
hippywife (1000+ posts) Wed Dec-16-09 11:07 AM
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Response to Reply #14
15. I don't consider them bugs regardless of their biological classification, and I do love the flavor. Just don't usually have it often because we don't eat seafood often.
And the bugs in my arena and I have a compromise. If they stay way out of my reach, even if I can see them, they can live. Otherwise I try to let them outside without killing them, if I can.
katkat (889 posts) Wed Dec-16-09 11:58 AM
Response to Reply #15
16. pets
There are a few silverfish in my bathroom occasionally. I think of them as pets.
Warpy (1000+ posts) Wed Dec-16-09 09:32 PM
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Response to Reply #16
22. Oh, I scoop up the wildlife that falls into the tub and release it outside, mostly Daddy Longlegs spiders but occasionally other species.
It's really a sin to kill a spider. They eat all the bad stuff.
Doug's stupid ex-wife:
EFerrari (1000+ posts) Wed Dec-16-09 02:47 PM
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Response to Original message
17. Oh, no!
I couldn't do that if you offered to pay me and feed me and make much of me.
Paper Roses (446 posts) Wed Dec-16-09 05:54 PM
Response to Original message
20. Funny memory: First date with future husband. Out for dinner.
He did all the ordering,I almost died as I listened. I hated the stuff. My parents would buy lobster now and then. I never even tried it, they would not volunteer. The cooking smell sent me to my room, back later for grilled cheese.
I suffered during dinner and just pushed things around my plate with the excuse that I ate too much salad.
Years later, I had to have a series of allergy tests. Big Offender: Lobster. My body was trying to tell me something.
For 45 years I watched him eat that stuff now and then but I had a valid excuse not to just try a taste.
hippywife (1000+ posts) Wed Dec-16-09 06:36 PM
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Response to Reply #20
21. Wow! Interesting story.
Good thing you didn't.
Well, damn.
I'm hoping to see a bonfire Christmas morning, where Grandma happily announces that the old curmudgeon hippyhubby Alfred Packer--or at least Santa Claus--presented her with a chest freezer.
Miracles can happen, although when thinking of Alfred Packer, maybe not.
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Don't hold your breath Frank, they don't "do" Christmas. Anyway, first, she needs a decent set of knives. Maybe for Fitzmas.
Word to the wise: Don't ever ever drink hard liquor with shellfish of any kind. Oh, and I am loathe to report I have something in common the dreadful Warpy. I too, take the daddy longlegs out of the tub and back into the wild. Or, I make the husband do it anyway since I'm not fit to be out of doors at that point. :-)
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Don't hold your breath Frank, they don't "do" Christmas.
Yeah, that's very sad, and my heart goes out to Grandma, who was raised in Ohio in a large loving family of Italianate derivation, surrounded not only by great affection and care, but tradition and respect for all that is sacred.
And now Grandma's with the morose snarly hippyhubby down in northeastern Oklahoma, which is worse than being alone and isolated on Christmas.
They spend Christmas afternoon listening to some "talking books" made by some guy from National Public Radio, Grandma trying to be pleasant while hippyhubby, the wild-eyed Alfred Packer, chews on bones.