The Conservative Cave
Current Events => The DUmpster => Topic started by: franksolich on August 26, 2009, 08:19:04 AM
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During the life, but towards the end of the life, of Henry VIII of England (1491-1547, r. 1509-1547), a woman prophesized that dogs would devour his body.
The woman was nuts, and had been resident in an asylum run by Roman Catholic nuns in England, until Henry VIII dissolved the monasteries, after which she had been thrown out into the streets.
To prophesize the death of the king was treason, and the poor mad woman was burnt at the stake. If she had kept her mouth shut, nothing would've happened, but she had blabbed it all over the place, and so had to suffer the penalty.
Some time later, Henry VIII died, from gross obesity marked with gout and cirrhosis and possibly diabetes and dropsy and other afflictions of the affluent.
He died in London, but was to be buried in Windsor, at the time two day's hike away.
The first night, the court and pallbearers stopped at an inn about halfway to Windsor; having no other accomodations, the corpse of the late king was stashed in a stable.
During the middle of the night, there was a sudden ruckus, and dogs all over the place, running in and out of the stable.
What had happened was that the corpse had exploded--I mean to repeat that, exploded--from all of the built-up natural gases of decadence, and dogs being dogs, were attracted by the odor of fresh meat.
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The moral of this story is:
They're gonna have to install an attic fan in ol' Dead Ted's stomach?
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On a side note. the way to remember the fate of King Henry VIII's wives is this:
Divorced, beheaded, died, divorced, beheaded, survived.
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What is intresting about Henry VIII is that as a young man he was very active in the various sports of the day. During a tourniment he was wounded in the thigh, quite seriously, and that wound never did heal. It bothered him until his death. After that, he stopped much of his athletic activities and turned his attention to other pleasures in life, including food.
Also, if you are intrested in the sort of thing, Showtime put out a series on Henry VIII called the Tudors. Although it isn't completely faithful to history it is a damned good show and I highly recommend it. It has boobiez.
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On a side note. the way to remember the fate of King Henry VIII's wives is this:
Divorced, beheaded, died, divorced, beheaded, survived.
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Katherine Parr (his last wife) barely survived. She was accused of heresy and was about to get sent to the block when old Henry died.
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The history of King Henry VIII is quite fascinating. One of the best stories I liked was his marriage to his 4th wife, Anne of Cleves. Of course it was an arranged marriage of political need since the country she was from had also broken away from the Catholic Church. While sending an embassary to make the arrangements for the marriage, Henry asked that a picture be sent back to him so that he might know what she looked like, a picture which apparently pleased him very much.
Upon her arrival he finally got to see her. I think the nicest thing he called her was a cow. She was vastly overweight and not anything like what the picture indicated. The divorce came pretty quick, but she was treated nicely, as though she was his sister, got her own land, and lived out a good life.
Oh, the embassary who sent back the picture, the king accused him of mishandling royal funds and he was beheaded.
.
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The history of King Henry VIII is quite fascinating. One of the best stories I liked was his marriage to his 4th wife, Anne of Cleves. Of course it was an arranged marriage of political need since the country she was from had also broken away from the Catholic Church. While sending an embassary to make the arrangements for the marriage, Henry asked that a picture be sent back to him so that he might know what she looked like, a picture which apparently pleased him very much.
Upon her arrival he finally got to see her. I think the nicest thing he called her was a cow. She was vastly overweight and not anything like what the picture indicated. The divorce came pretty quick, but she was treated nicely, as though she was his sister, got her own land, and lived out a good life.
Oh, the embassary who sent back the picture, the king accused him of mishandling royal funds and he was beheaded.
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Anne had political strengths of her own. Henry and Anne were equals in many ways. Many of these ways made for an uncomfortable arrangement for Henry's court. It was best for everyone involved that Henry and Anne coexist in a mutually respectful situation. That they actually came to enjoy each other was a byproduct of necessity.
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Anne of Cleaves did get a pretty sweet deal in the divorce. She got Hever Castle, didn't have to share her bed with a gross, obese crazy man and got to keep her head.
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Upon her arrival he finally got to see her. I think the nicest thing he called her was a cow.
He called her a "horse," although not quite that bluntly, because he had to be diplomatic, as he needed her brother as an ally.
Anne of Cleves was thereafter called "the Flanders mare."
Other contemporary evidence suggests she was not as bad as all that, and in fact rather pleasant, but dull.
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When I just looked at this, it had a banner headline saying Kennedy would be buried at Arlington, defiling the resting place of heroes.
Check this link!
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/4096586/
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When I just looked at this, it had a banner headline saying Kennedy would be buried at Arlington, defiling the resting place of heroes.
Check this link!
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/4096586/
I like the story below it better...Dead whale explodes! :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
So a guy who got drafted after getting kicked out of Harvard for cheating, had daddy pull some strings, get him sent to Europe instead of harm's way in Korea, and never rose above the rank of PFC, manages to "earn" his way into Arlington, but I can't?
That's some ****ed up shit right there.
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I like the story below it better...Dead whale explodes! :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
So a guy who got drafted after getting kicked out of Harvard for cheating, had daddy pull some strings, get him sent to Europe instead of harm's way in Korea, and never rose above the rank of PFC, manages to "earn" his way into Arlington, but I can't?
That's some ****ed up shit right there.
Arlington National Cemetery lost its purpose a long time ago. Edward M. Kennedy will not be the first scummy sack of sh*t to be buried there. Don't forget how Bill Clinton sold burial space at Arlington for his personal gain.
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Arlington National Cemetery lost its purpose a long time ago. Edward M. Kennedy will not be the first scummy sack of sh*t to be buried there. Don't forget how Bill Clinton sold burial space at Arlington for his personal gain.
At least we all know where to go - and can all get in - to piss on the ****er's grave.
I hope they've stocked up on pink urinal cakes for his headstone.
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Since Frank opened a history lesson thread I thought I would just toss this bit in. I can't remember his name off hand, but a member of congress that retired from Florida was asked if he had any regrets about his time on office and his retirement. He said the one thing he wished he had never done was show Ed Kennedy how to get a bill through.
I believe it must have been Bob Sikes, who retired in 1978 and I did a report on in 1992.