The Conservative Cave
Current Events => The DUmpster => Topic started by: BannedFromDU on May 18, 2009, 12:30:06 PM
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FourScore Donating Member (1000+ posts) Mon May-18-09 02:04 PM
Original message
Tonight we said goodbye to a photograph
by Brubs
Sun May 17, 2009 at 09:54:06 PM PDT
If you really don’t feel like maudlin or depressing diaries, steer clear from this one. I am getting drunk, and I am angry and heartbroken for my friend, so don’t expect much prose or coherence. It will be what it will be. I need this out of my system, so damn be to diary etiquette or protocol.
Tonight, surrounded by his family, my best friend Kenneth took his last assisted breaths in a hospital known for its “compassion and care†in the area. His family held his hands and whispered their loving goodbyes while the life slipped from his body and he went to his rest. A sudden heart attack claimed him.
But someone was conspicuously absent…
In the parking lot, Bob, his partner of 26 years, said goodbye to a photograph. It was a photograph of he and Kenneth on vacation celebrating their honeymoon 6 years ago after having been “married†in a ceremony that meant nothing more than symbolism to a society that was, at turns, benevolent about the whims of a few gay folk, yet smirking about his love for another person of the same sex. “Have your fake ceremonies, for what they are worth, but don’t get obnoxious and ask for anything actually bordering on legal or realistic.†society told them. But Kenneth & Bob took it, because validating it to one another was really what counted. But tonight, it ended up needing to mean so much more.
Bob carried that photograph in his wallet as a reminder of his relationship and what it meant to him. Tonight, he said goodbye to a smiling face in a picture because he had no legal right to be present to say goodbye to his loved one in person. So Bob sat in the parking lot in the passenger seat of my car and wondered the fate of the man he had given his love and life to. He held the only thing at that moment Kenneth’s family could not take away from him – that photograph.
The hospital, at the behest of Kenneth’s family, had banned Bob from Kenneth’s room, or seeing him in the hospital at all. 26 years treated as though they were mere passing acquaintances or work colleagues. Simply because Kenneth’s family could never accept their son’s orientation (NOT “lifestyle†as some refer to it).
Tonight, a nurse sympathetic to Bob’s situation and in violation of the hospital policies, came to the car window and delivered the news to Bob that Kenneth was gone. And Bob said his goodbyes and wishes of love and peace to a picture. A ****ing photograph. Held to his chest as though he were holding his loved one in tears. Because that was all he had.
His partner is gone and his partner’s family took away the dignity that Bob had a right to as Kenneth’s lover, confidante, and lifemate to say goodbye. His husband. There, I said it. HUSBAND. WAS THAT SO SCARY YOU HOMOPHOBIC BIGOTS?????
To his family:
You took away Bob’s right to say his goodbyes because of your own misguided fears, but you can never take away his love or his memories. Your son deserved to hold his partner’s hand as he went away, knowing Bob loved him and was there to see him to the other side. You heartless bastards…I hate you right now. You may laugh at our relationships and dismiss them, but your God weeps for your ignorance and cruelty.
You will never take Bob’s devotion to Ken away from him…or the smiling photograph of he and Kenneth in happy times.
Ken, tonight, we say goodbye to your photograph. But we know you understand and forgive us.
You will be missed.
They'd rather be dramatic than sad, and they're stupid, too (http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=389&topic_id=5676365&mesg_id=5676365)
So all of this drama has to do with a family's preference. Notice how the a-hole mocks the hospital...because we all know that part of a hospital's mission is to be at the forefront of social change.
Notice also that the liberal solution to this problem is to elevate gay marriage, so that the "spouse" could tell the family whether THEY were permitted in the room. It's not about equality with gay people; it's about superiority.
Oh, and I liked this story better when it was at the end of Brokeback Mountain.
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Well I'd say Bob and Kenny weren't real smart....This shit could have all been worked out if the DUmmies has just went to a lawyer...Geeze...ya think they would have "known" that.. ::)
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The hospital, at the behest of Kenneth’s family, had banned Bob from Kenneth’s room, or seeing him in the hospital at all.
Apparently during their 26 years together, Bob never was able to be friends with Kenneth's family. Maybe Kenneth should have have made his wishes known to the hospital while still able to.
OTOH, maybe DUmmies shouldn't make up ridiculous bouncies just to promote their agenda. Nah, they'll never stop that, besides they're funny.
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You will never take Bob’s devotion to Ken away from him…or the smiling photograph of he and Kenneth in happy times.
Who does this DUmmy Idiot think he's fooling. Bob is a homosexual. Bob will be smoking a new pole within hours. That's the real truth about the "orientation". It's not about "love". It's about having sex with as many guys as possible.
Hey, DUmbass, why aren't you upset that "Kenneth & Bob" had not taken a day in that twenty-six years to make each other the others power-of-attorney? Why aren't you upset they didn't care enough about each other to make that simple step? They were not powerless.
DUMBASS.
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Oh well, Bob, I guess it's back to the romance of the interstate rest stop gloryholes to find a few more life partners.
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Couldn't they have signed some kind of directive somewhere during the course of their relationship that stated each one wanted the other at their bedside during such a circumstance. Did they not know about power of attorney, living wills, wills, Legal Zoom? Seriously, if something is THAT important wouldn't you think they'd do everything they could to insure it happens? Do these people deliberately NOT do the legal legwork just to be able to play the ultimate sacrificial lamb of a cruel and prejudice society? Mommy and Daddy could request anything they want but if his "life partner" has legal docs stating he can be there, they're shit out of luck. Don't gay people know any lawyers?
Cindie
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Bob will be smoking a new pole within hours.
:lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
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... but your God weeps for your ignorance and cruelty.
Actually it's the other way around. Ask Kenneth.
.
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Well I'd say Bob and Kenny weren't real smart....This shit could have all been worked out if the DUmmies has just went to a lawyer...Geeze...ya think they would have "known" that.. ::)
Nah, I'm not gonna say it.
:uhsure:
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Couldn't they have signed some kind of directive somewhere during the course of their relationship that stated each one wanted the other at their bedside during such a circumstance. Did they not know about power of attorney, living wills, wills, Legal Zoom? Seriously, if something is THAT important wouldn't you think they'd do everything they could to insure it happens? Do these people deliberately NOT do the legal legwork just to be able to play the ultimate sacrificial lamb of a cruel and prejudice society? Mommy and Daddy could request anything they want but if his "life partner" has legal docs stating he can be there, they're shit out of luck. Don't gay people know any lawyers?
Cindie
They could have done all of that and more. If you LOVE someone that much, you would make provisions to account for obstacles in your way. An adult has the right to say who can be at bedside and who can't, even if someone else is footing the bill. In the worst possible case, the idiot could have created a ruse that the lover was actually a brother, and the whole issue could have been avoided. But I seriously believe that gay people would rather martyr themselves so they'll have something self-righteously poignant to post on the internet.
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Hey Dumbasses...could it be that Bob gave Kenny a certain ailment that those of the homosexual bent get and the family is pissed because of that?
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I'm sure they were each happy to respond "Not married" any time it was to their actual advantage to have it that way with third parties for the past 26 years...like with accepting financial responsibility for the intensive care with the Hospital Admissions Office.
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Oh my God, the maudlin and treacly style of writing here is atrocious. Straight out of a Lifetime afternoon movie. Those short sentences, those one sentence paragraphs. One cliche after another which do not elicit sympathy, only snorts of derision.
And, you're all correct, just go to legalzoom and boom it's taken care of. Here in NY, you can have anybody you want there.
Gettin mighty tired of the Pity Poor Me's in Dummyland.
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Hummmm, could it be the "life partner" was such an *arrogant jerk* the family had had enough?
*drama queen* fits too
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Ken, tonight, we say goodbye to your photograph. But we know you understand and forgive us for smoking each others pole out in the hospital parking lot while you were dying.....you know how it is don't you Ken?.
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UPDATE: (http://www.dailykos.com/story/2009/5/18/732663/-Tonight-we-said-goodbye-to-a-photograph)
Some people have mentioned legal papers as a form of protection from this sort of thing. Yes, I agree wholeheartedly, as did Bob and Kenneth because they had them drawn up. But what happened last night revealed a chink in the armour regarding that form of “protectionâ€. Bob did not have access to those papers, because he was with me and not at home. Long story, but Kenneth spent each Sunday afternoon with his family, but Bob was not welcome there, so he would spend it with my partner and myself. Kenneth tried, right or wrong, to straddle two divergent worlds – the one of his family and the futile need for their acceptance, and the one he created for himself with his husband and his friends. Kenneth’s sister was the one who called Bob to let Bob know that Kenneth was in the hospital, and for that we are grateful. There was no time, nor presence of mind under the circumstances, to race across Phoenix (a sprawling place for those who know) to get a piece of paper to wave in front of some administrator so Bob could be afforded his legal rights. It would have been too late anyway.
It would have been too late, anyway. So, the gist of his rant was because Kenneth chose to see his family without Bob...for 26 years...and happened to have a heart attack while there. Bob couldn't have gotten there in time. So, this is all the family's fault?? The hospital's fault?? How about Kenneth, who must have been a total wimp to put up with this for 26 years? Or Bob, who went and hung-out with a couple other "guys" every time Kenneth visited? But NO!!! We can't blame THEM for setting the whole mess up!! THAT wouldn't make the POINT!! :thatsright: :banghead: ::)
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^excellent find Mrs. Smith. They won't let the truth get in the way of a good rant huh?
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Some people have mentioned legal papers as a form of protection from this sort of thing. Yes, I agree wholeheartedly, as did Bob and Kenneth because they had them drawn up. But what happened last night revealed a chink in the armour regarding that form of “protectionâ€. Bob did not have access to those papers, because he was with me and not at home. Long story, but Kenneth spent each Sunday afternoon with his family, but Bob was not welcome there, so he would spend it with my partner and myself. Kenneth tried, right or wrong, to straddle two divergent worlds – the one of his family and the futile need for their acceptance, and the one he created for himself with his husband and his friends. Kenneth’s sister was the one who called Bob to let Bob know that Kenneth was in the hospital, and for that we are grateful. There was no time, nor presence of mind under the circumstances, to race across Phoenix (a sprawling place for those who know) to get a piece of paper to wave in front of some administrator so Bob could be afforded his legal rights. It would have been too late anyway.
(http://www.mediatinker.com/blog/images/armor-3.jpg)
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Who does this DUmmy Idiot think he's fooling. Bob is a homosexual. Bob will be smoking a new pole within hours. That's the real truth about the "orientation". It's not about "love". It's about having sex with as many guys as possible.
Hey, DUmbass, why aren't you upset that "Kenneth & Bob" had not taken a day in that twenty-six years to make each other the others power-of-attorney? Why aren't you upset they didn't care enough about each other to make that simple step? They were not powerless.
DUMBASS.
Bob was out in the car getting a blow job when the nurse knocked on the window. :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
Could it be that Kenneth’s family was upset that Bob gave Ken AIDS?
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Long story, but Kenneth spent each Sunday afternoon with his family, but Bob was not welcome there, so he would spend it with my partner and myself.
Anyone have any doubt that Bob was probably not very faithful to Kenneth during these Sunday afternoon trysts.
I mean really...Bob was so weak of character that he couldn`t find something to do by himself one afternoon a week?