The Conservative Cave
The Bar => Comedy Central => Topic started by: SilverOrchid on February 10, 2008, 09:31:21 PM
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HOW TO BE A GOOD WIFE
Home Economics High School Text Book, 1954
Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal, on time. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal are part of the warm welcome needed.
Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so that you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your makeup, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting. His boring day may need a lift.
Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the home just before your husband arrives, gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper, etc. Then run a dust cloth over the tables. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift, too.
Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair, and if necessary change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part.
Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer, dishwasher, or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet. Be happy to see him. Greet him with a warm smile and be glad he is home.
Some don'ts: Don't greet him with problems or complaints. Don't complain if he is late for dinner. Count this as minor compared with what he might have gone through that day. Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or suggest he lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soft, soothing and pleasant voice. Allow him to relax and unwind.
Listen to him. You may have a dozen things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first.
Make the evening his. Never complain if he does not take you out to dinner or to other places of entertainment. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure, his need to be home and relax.
The Goal: Try to make your home a place of peace and order where your husband can renew himself in body
:lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :rotf: :rotf: :rotf:
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What? I don't see anything wrong with this. :naughty:
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:whatever: Riiiiight......if my Hubby came home to all that he would assume he was in the wrong house and leave. Then who would pay for my maid? She doesn't pay herself you know! :hammer:
My vote?
Hubby comes home, kids are tearing each other to pieces......I leave for my pedicure/shopping spree/night out with girls/whatever I dream up......
Hubby feels sorry for himself and puts himself to bed early so he can work another day to keep us at home in our current bliss.....
:hyper: YAY ME!! Victory again! :-)
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You do know the word WIFE is an acronym don't you.
Washing
Ironing
F*(&Ing
Etc
(http://i31.tinypic.com/1zyu6c3.jpg)
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What? I don't see anything wrong with this. :naughty:
Now it makes sense why you are single. :tongue:
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:whatever: Riiiiight......if my Hubby came home to all that he would assume he was in the wrong house and leave. Then who would pay for my maid? She doesn't pay herself you know! :hammer:
My vote?
Hubby comes home, kids are tearing each other to pieces......I leave for my pedicure/shopping spree/night out with girls/whatever I dream up......
Hubby feels sorry for himself and puts himself to bed early so he can work another day to keep us at home in our current bliss.....
:hyper: YAY ME!! Victory again! :-)
ROTFLMAO!!!!
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1. Don't nag
2. Serve me a warm meal
3. Fellatio on demand
4. While you're up, can ya bring me a beer
5. DO NOT TOUCH THE REMOTE
6. CHICK FLICKS ARE BANNED
:-)
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1. Don't nag
2. Serve me a warm meal
3. Fellatio on demand
4. While you're up, can ya bring me a beer
5. DO NOT TOUCH THE REMOTE
6. CHICK FLICKS ARE BANNED
:-)
Yeah, #3 and #5 are gonna happen.
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1. Don't nag
2. Serve me a warm meal
3. Fellatio on demand
4. While you're up, can ya bring me a beer
5. DO NOT TOUCH THE REMOTE
6. CHICK FLICKS ARE BANNED
:-)
You must be single as well. :rotf:
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What? I don't see anything wrong with this. :naughty:
Now it makes sense why you are single. :tongue:
I nearly responded with a similar post.
:rofl:
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1. Don't nag
2. Serve me a warm meal
3. Fellatio on demand
4. While you're up, can ya bring me a beer
5. DO NOT TOUCH THE REMOTE
6. CHICK FLICKS ARE BANNED
:-)
You must be single as well. :rotf:
Boi, read my name.
Again, pimpin iz my bizness
:-)
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1. Don't nag
2. Serve me a warm meal
3. Fellatio on demand
4. While you're up, can ya bring me a beer
5. DO NOT TOUCH THE REMOTE
6. CHICK FLICKS ARE BANNED
:-)
You must be single as well. :rotf:
Nope... he's married. His wife's gorgeous. (think, if Selma Hayek had a cousin)
He worships the ground she walks on. If anyone brings anyone a beer, it's HIM.
Sorry about diming you out, Pimp.
*TKay*
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1. Don't nag
2. Serve me a warm meal
3. Fellatio on demand
4. While you're up, can ya bring me a beer
5. DO NOT TOUCH THE REMOTE
6. CHICK FLICKS ARE BANNED
:-)
You must be single as well. :rotf:
Nope... he's married. His wife's gorgeous. (think, if Selma Hayek had a cousin)
He worships the ground she walks on. If anyone brings anyone a beer, it's HIM.
Sorry about diming you out, Pimp.
*TKay*
How do you know we're still together? lol lol
BTW, I was being facetious of course. Acting out what I listed can get you a frying pan upside the head or a "Lorena Bobbitt" treatment.
lol lol
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1. Don't nag
2. Serve me a warm meal
3. Fellatio on demand
4. While you're up, can ya bring me a beer
5. DO NOT TOUCH THE REMOTE
6. CHICK FLICKS ARE BANNED
:-)
You must be single as well. :rotf:
Nope... he's married. His wife's gorgeous. (think, if Selma Hayek had a cousin)
He worships the ground she walks on. If anyone brings anyone a beer, it's HIM.
Sorry about diming you out, Pimp.
*TKay*
How do you know we're still together? lol lol
BTW, I was being facetious of course. Acting out what I listed can get you a frying pan upside the head or a "Lorena Bobbitt" treatment.
lol lol
Eh, good guess... You're still in a good mood, hence why I assumed you hadn't lost her.
I know... I care, but I'd laugh my ass off if she gave you a frying pan upside the head. :rotf:
*TKay*
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I'm still waiting for the Stepford Wife catalog to arrive.
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(http://www.justsuppose.com/uploaded_images/housewife_LRG-784063.jpg)
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(http://www.justsuppose.com/uploaded_images/housewife_LRG-784063.jpg)
I feel sorry for your husband.
:lmao:
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(http://www.justsuppose.com/uploaded_images/housewife_LRG-784063.jpg)
I feel sorry for your husband.
:lmao:
Don't
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(http://bp3.blogger.com/_BhdfaqnIxmE/RuiPctXHYUI/AAAAAAAAAIk/ZmYxhfjNu2U/s400/wife+carrying+beer.jpg)
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(http://bp3.blogger.com/_BhdfaqnIxmE/RuiPctXHYUI/AAAAAAAAAIk/ZmYxhfjNu2U/s400/wife+carrying+beer.jpg)
:lmao: