The Conservative Cave
Current Events => The DUmpster => Topic started by: franksolich on January 21, 2009, 01:11:40 PM
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http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=301x557
blondeatlast (1000+ posts) Tue Dec-16-08 02:07 PM
Original message
Mr. B@L is in "love" with another woman, at least he thinks so--and he's being honest about it.
I'm dying inside; even if all you can give me is positive vibrations, thoughts, prayers, spells, whatever, I am soooo grateful.
He's spent the last month in Prague, Cz. R, on business. He returned last Thursday and I could sense something was different. I was so happy to see him I could barely restrain myself at the airport. That night, he couldn't deal with sex; we tried, he couldn't. We have never had problems in that department before, fwiw.
Last night he told me. He has to go to Prague soon again in order to finish a project; his employer is arranging for me and my son to join him; we will be there a few years at least.
He says he still loves me and I believe he does--but he can't stop thinking about her. I still love him--I never missed him on his frequent trips until this one and it was awful.
Then to get this bomb in my lap.
I still love him so much and was so looking forward to joining him in Prague; we'd been comparing residences and schools for my son and after initially being upset about the move have become very excited about it.
Ccan someone at least help me cope with the doubt? I believe we can get together (we've weathered a similar storm and came back even better for it, that was a long time ago, too).
I've been telling my friends about the Prague move--now it may not happen and it's humiliating to think of having to explain why. We've always been the couple everyone admired; married 13 years in April, started out as good friends several years before that.
I'm hurting so badly and I can't put up my game face; I've been trying.
jazzy062 (1000+ posts) Fri Dec-19-08 01:06 PM
Response to Original message
1. I'm sorry to hear about the pain you must be experiencing
I've never been in your situation but it sounds heartbreaking. What your friends think at this point really is not a priority. Figuring out where to go from here in your relationship is what you must focus on. Have you talked with a counselor?
Sending prayers, hugs, thoughts your way.
Well, franksolich thinks she should apply a jackhammer to the hubby's head.
blondeatlast (1000+ posts) Sat Dec-20-08 09:55 AM
Response to Reply #1
4. Seeing a counselor on Monday, me privately first, then us as a couple.
As much as I cling to a hope we'll work this out I am thinking of my own future with him there an me here. I want my son to have that extraordinary opportunity to be educated in Europe; we have both pledged not to fight over our son or use him against each other as so many couples seem to do.
I know when Mr. pledges something, he sticks by it, so my son will be just fine--and so will I.
Oddly enough, as things stand now, my husband stands to be hurt the worst in all of this; he may lose both me and her; she's very young (23) and when she realizes what a life with him means (he won't marry her and he can't have kids and wouln't have another if he could) she may let him go for entirely practical reasons.
He has told her those things, too.
Simply Fugue (1000+ posts) Sat Dec-20-08 07:53 AM
Response to Original message
2. So sorry to hear this.
jazzy062 if right about seeing a counselor. It appears you want to make the marriage work. Hopefully your spouse is open to that suggestion. If not, take care of yourself and your son, which are your two main priorities.
Sending hugs.
blondeatlast (1000+ posts) Sat Dec-20-08 09:49 AM
Response to Reply #2
3. We are seeing one Monday. Trouble is, Mr. must return to Prague right after the first of the year.
Still hoping for our marriage to survive--but I am thinking about my won future.
Thank you all so much. Just knowing someone cares helps sooo much.
proud patriot (1000+ posts) Fri Dec-26-08 06:50 PM
Response to Original message
5. we just had out 13 year Anniversary on Dec 9th
I don't think I can say anytthing to make it better .
Mine's leaving because he's sick of me wanting help around the house and I'm "ruining his credit"
He's being a complete ASS.
knitter4democracy (1000+ posts) Tue Dec-30-08 08:14 PM
Response to Original message
6. I'm so sorry you're going through this.
It really hurt when my STBX admitted that he loves his current mistress. Therapy has really helped me. He tried for all of two weeks before going back to her, but I wouldn't use my personal asswipe as a standard of any kind. Yours might really regret it and do his best to get over her and build up your relationship. This happened to one of my best knitting friends--he worked in Mexico, had an affair there, got home and did the hard work to deal with it and keep their marriage together. It's very possible.
Okay, what's this "STBX" shit?
Why do primitives think it's "cute," to use acronyms?
Actually, it's pretty stupid.
blondeatlast (1000+ posts) Thu Jan-01-09 02:37 PM
Response to Reply #6
7. Thanks for the kindness. He says his love for her is different than his love for me; ours developed out of a friendship and we waited several years to get married.
He has pledged to take care of our son and me (regarding financial support and medical insurance--I have insulin-dependent diabetes) and has even offered for us to move to Prague still (which may be aq necessity for me to continue medical coverage.
He's a good guy, very responsible, but he's very frank that right now, he wants her more than he does me--yet he still loves me.
Time will tell, I suppose, but I won't wait forever. Love is so wonderful--until something changes it and then it is like a cancer pain in the soul.
I will survive and we will always love each other--and that's why it hurts even more, I think.
I have hope--but things look dim right now, very dim.
knitter4democracy (1000+ posts) Thu Jan-01-09 03:28 PM
Response to Reply #7
8. Write up everything, and make him sign it.
Just in case he tries to back out when he sees how expensive it all will get or when his mistress talks him into cutting you off (if any of that happens--happening in my case). Write up everything he's offered so far, and make him sign it, preferably with a notary or some witness you can trust to go to court for you. That way, you're protected.
I dunno.
If the Praguophobic blonde primitive shot her husband in cold blood on Main Street with 600 eyewitnesses, if franksolich were on the jury, franksolich would vote to acquit.
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Czech women are hot, like to be feminine, and love their new found freedom from an oppressive government.
Exact opposite of a DUmmy womyn.
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My gut instinct is telling me that something is lacking in the sack. Either quality or quantity, but it's hard to say which. Husband's a dumbass though. Once the sex gets old with the 23 year-old, and it will, he'll be wanting his family back. I've never understood how so many men let their penises make so many bad decisions for them.
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I agree with Frank. Sounds like her husband is being an ass, and she's being a doormat. He wants the best of both worlds, without having to choose.
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Thanks for the kindness. He says his love for her is different than his love for me; ours developed out of a friendship and we waited several years to get married.
Well honey, if he says " I just f*ck her, but I make love to you...." time to string him up.
Besides, it sounds like hubby got one hell of a job, and alimony is a bitch.
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She needs a divorce lawyer. Her husband's infidelity is a serial thing. This is not his first time.
She's more in love with wanting her son educated in Prague. ::)
Why women put up with that crap is beyond me. There are too many good men out there to bother with losers.
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Bet she had something on the side.....cut him off......hubby found someone else and now she's being dumped by both hubby and lover.
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The way she keeps referring to the kid as 'Hers' indicates the whole thing never really jelled as a family unit in the first place, also indicated by the fact that he has apparently pulled this once before and now has gone back to the well to look for another fresh tuna. Always making the very-questionable assumption she's playing this straight up in the first place, of course.
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Always making the very-questionable assumption she's playing this straight up in the first place, of course.
Yes; DUmmies lie, all the time DUmmies lie.
But what made her "side" seem credible to me is that I've seen this a few times in real life. I'm sure she's stretched some things, but essentially, her husband's being a rectal aperture.
Normally, I myself wouldn't give a primitive this much credence, but it rings familiar.
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Yes; DUmmies lie, all the time DUmmies lie.
But what made her "side" seem credible to me is that I've seen this a few times in real life. I'm sure she's stretched some things, but essentially, her husband's being a rectal aperture.
Normally, I myself wouldn't give a primitive this much credence, but it rings familiar.
True, true, but I can't bring myself to put totally-unreserved credence in any of their yarns, no matter how facially believable.
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My gut instinct is telling me that something is lacking in the sack. Either quality or quantity, but it's hard to say which. Husband's a dumbass though. Once the sex gets old with the 23 year-old, and it will, he'll be wanting his family back. I've never understood how so many men let their penises make so many bad decisions for them.
It's okay for our penises to make decisions for us as long as they are the right decisions. His problem is he doesn't really listen to his penis.
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It's okay for our penises to make decisions for us as long as they are the right decisions.
You know as well as I do that penises rarely, if ever, make good decisions. Reminds me of an old saying...."God gave man both a penis and a brain......but only enough blood to operate one of them at a time." :-)
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I agree with Frank. Sounds like her husband is being an ass, and she's being a doormat. He wants the best of both worlds, without having to choose.
People today are very, very stupid.
They use "love" as a substitute for anything and everything except love.
The dude is willing to violate the vows he took before God and his community? Then he is a person of no character and should be jettisoned.
But you also have to ask -- did you drive him into another woman's arms? Being a DUmmy probably means being an evil, selfish, ball-buster.
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You know as well as I do that penises rarely, if ever, make good decisions. Reminds me of an old saying...."God gave man both a penis and a brain......but only enough blood to operate one of them at a time." :-)
No, it's not that the penis doesn't make good decisions it is just that men have been conditioned to not think with their penis or even feel shame and guilt for simply being male.
When women think with their wombs, they call it "women's intuition" and it can be a very beneficial thing. When men actually think with their cock, they conquer the world and no longer have to compensate by being dicks and buying the sports car and chasing the 23 year old and abandoning the family they worked hard to build when mid-life approaches.
Even men who seem to have conquered the world, like Donald Trump or Ted Turner, haven't for the simple reason that they haven't conquered themselves. If one refuses to drive one's own car, before long the car will be driving on its own.
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People today are very, very stupid.
They use "love" as a substitute for anything and everything except love.
Lately, "love"="sex." Not a good thing, at all.
But you also have to ask -- did you drive him into another woman's arms? Being a DUmmy probably means being an evil, selfish, ball-buster.
H5, and dead-on.