The Conservative Cave
Current Events => The DUmpster => Topic started by: franksolich on January 20, 2009, 08:24:24 AM
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http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=276x8714
Oh my.
AngryOldDem (1000+ posts) Fri Jan-16-09 12:20 PM
Original message
Not this shit again!
I haven't posted here in awhile, but something happened at work yesterday that drove home -- once again -- how some people just. don't. understand. depression.
I'm going through a particularly down period right now. It started basically late last fall when I interviewed for a good job in the field in which I was trained, and it came down between another candidate and me. Well, I guess you can figure how it turned out. I'm currently in a line of work that is, by its very nature stressful (I work at a homeless shelter), and that stress has NOT been eased by a clueless management and community.
I am increasingly feeling off-balance and out of my element, despite being told by co-workers that I'm doing a good job. I am looking literally everyday for new opportunities, but I'm stymied both by the bad economy and the persistent self-doubt and negativity that have plagued me since childhood. (I do have a freelance job, which helps tremendously, and I'd like to parlay that freelancing into more steady work -- that is a tough go in and of itself, in this climate.)
And, although I know it serves no purpose, I often find myself ruminating about all those "roads not taken" and how things might have turned out if I had had the balls to do this or that.
Some days it is literally like moving mountains to get myself motivated to go into work. I am sick of the bureaucratic bullshit; I am sick of the grief I have to take from those whose best interests are the only things I have at heart; I am sick of management telling my colleagues and I that we are all insufferable incompetents, even though they have never seen us at work to even form such an opinion (we are second shift). But somehow I go in, put in my time, go home to little or no sleep, and then get up and get ready to do it all over again. I swear, I put myself on autopilot. ANYTHING to get through it.
Yesterday was one such day -- picture Sisyphus moving a rock AND a mountain, if you will. So I get in and a colleague asks me how I'm doing. I was in no mood to sugarcoat anything so I said "I REALLY don't want to be here." That then led to a scolding lecture about how I have to try to find the positive, count my blessings, how I need to focus on the people we're helping (yeah -- all two of 'em (insert bitter laugh) ), and DAMN! How can you LIVE being so NEGATIVE all the time? How can you GET OUT OF BED IN THE MORNING???
Good question. I thought -- but did not say -- if YOU understood the first thing about depression, you wouldn't need to even ask such an insulting, stupid-ass question. Sometimes things DO pile up to an almost unbearable degree that it does take all you have to get through the day. That's just the way it is, and you cope with it the best you can. Some days it's easier to deal than others. Yesterday, for me, was not my day to easily deal with it. If whistling "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life" works for you, cool. But don't PRESUME it will work for me, or anyone else, who often travels the dark road of depression.
Instead of lectures, ask "What can I do?" "Do you want to talk?" Sometimes, just LISTEN and keep the trap shut. Don't judge. The last thing I needed to hear was how shitty my negativity is, AS IF I didn't already know that. The last thing I needed was patronizing bullshit that only made me angrier. Of course, I said none of this, because it really wasn't the time nor the place. I merely looked at him and said that if I was being such a downer, perhaps it would be best if we avoided each other entirely.
Just goes to show that some people persist in thinking that depression is just something one can "snap out of" -- think happy thoughts and all will be well. Damn -- if it were that easy. I'm not going to waste my breath trying to explain this to those who don't understand. I'm quite convinced that simple burnout is a great deal of my problem as well, but management doesn't seem to recognize the concept of burnout. If one of us flames out, they just go to their pool of serfs and pull another one out to take our place.
Part of my frustration is, too, that I KNOW I can do better than what I'm doing now IF I am just given the opportunity. That's ALL I need -- an opportunity. But there are days when I can't help but think -- to quote Jack Nicholson -- that what if this is as good as it gets?
One doesn't get out of depression by "thinking happy thoughts."
One gets out of depression by getting off the ass and going out into the world and actually doing things, accomplishing things.
pengillian101 (432 posts) Sat Jan-17-09 02:18 AM
Response to Original message
2. Burn-out is imminent
"I'm currently in a line of work that is, by its very nature stressful (I work at a homeless shelter), and that stress has NOT been eased by a clueless management and community."
I went through this also. Please get out before you burn out. Take a nice quiet job. I worked at a women's shelter.
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When you have a user name like "AngryOldDem," I'm thinking happiness and contentment is the last thing you'll ever have.
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I'm going through a particularly down period right now. It started basically late last fall when I interviewed for a good job in the field in which I was trained, and it came down between another candidate and me. Well, I guess you can figure how it turned out. I'm currently in a line of work that is, by its very nature stressful (I work at a homeless shelter), and that stress has NOT been eased by a clueless management and community.
What kind of damn specialized training does one need to work at a homeless shelter? While reading I was thinking he was a friggin' trained surveying equipment calibrator or something...until I read this shit. :whatever:
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Quote: I'm currently in a line of work that is, by its very nature stressful (I work at a homeless shelter), and that stress has NOT been eased by a clueless management and community.
Yeah, no stress on the homeless people there, now. Why don't you trade places with one of them, I'll bet they would do it in a heartbeat.
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There are many occupations with varying levels of stress. Working in a Homeless shelter doesn't come to mind when thinking stressfull occupations.
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"That's ALL I need -- an opportunity."......that's DUmmie speak for, dip it in chocolate, sugar coat it so it doesn't melt in my hand, pay me a million a week to take it and then force feed it to me. ......I won't like, it but I might be able to live then......maybe.
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Most peoplle can spell "Loser" in less than one-and-a-half screens of text. You can't see the way ahead if you keep looking backward, Loser.
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"That's ALL I need -- an opportunity."......that's DUmmie speak for, dip it in chocolate, sugar coat it so it doesn't melt in my hand, pay me a million a week to take it and then force feed it to me. ......I won't like, it but I might be able to live then......maybe.
Most tough people make their opportunities.
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Hey, AngryOldDem?
**** you, Barack Obama is president. Go see him.
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Some people enjoy their misery and they like telling everyone about even more. I suspect that AngryOldDem is one such person.
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"That's ALL I need -- an opportunity."
And this paddle game. The ashtray and the paddle game and that's all I need. And this remote control. The ashtray, the paddle game, and the remote control and an opportunity.
And that's all I need.
And these matches.
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You know, I deal with depression (I don't "suffer" from it because suffering is a choice) and 90% of the time anti-depressants work very well but on the days they don't it is a struggle. Still, I figure if I wallow in misery it'll just last longer and who wants that. Counting blessings does work. So does a good workout, working with my dogs, doing an art project, looking at pictures of my family, scrubbing the bathtub, working in the yard and listening to the chatter of my chickens while they scratch through the soil looking for worms, grubs and bugs, taking a walk with my goats, and well, you get the picture. I don't know it's always seemed too self-indulgent to sit around dwelling on "my" issues. The hole always gets blacker and deeper when I do. I HATE feeling helpless more than I hate depression and allowing myself to be sucked in would be giving up too much control. This old person seems more angry and resentful then depressed...the world OWES her and she's going to try to make everyone around her as miserable as she is. She talks about needing a opportunity but I wonder if she ever considered how many may have slipped away because of her negative attitude. Nobody wants to be around that 8 hours a day when there are people with the same training who are genuinely fun to work with. I mean does anyone really believe she'd suddenly become Ms. Happypants? She'd still find stuff to bitch about...every second of the day.
Cindie
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Damn, you're good, delilah, madam.
Extraordinary.