The Conservative Cave
Current Events => The DUmpster => Topic started by: asdf2231 on October 04, 2008, 01:31:49 PM
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monktonman (1000+ posts) Sat Oct-04-08 12:23 AM
Original message
Jesus Jokes....I need a laugh
Its friday night, I'm almost drunk and my girlfriend is mad at me. (even know its her fault)
I really need a good laugh so how about a round of Jesus jokes??
I'll start...
A roman soldier looks up at Jesus and says....
"hey buddy, can you cross your feet.....we only brought three nails."
Ba-dum-tish!!!!
Come on....make me laugh, I really need it.
A LOT of happy responses. :censored:
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Get ready for a bunch of "Oh yeah your side is just as bad" bullsh*t from her.
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Get ready for a bunch of "Oh yeah your side is just as bad" bullsh*t from her.
Yeah well we should be ashamed the way we mock Woden and Gaia. :whatever:
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Get ready for a bunch of "Oh yeah your side is just as bad" bullsh*t from her.
It is not possible to be "just as bad" as a political philosophy that rejects any notion of morality, and heaps scorn on the salvation offered by Jesus Christ, unless, of course, one is another democrat.
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wtmusic (1000+ posts) Sat Oct-04-08 05:14 PM
Original message
I asked the Good Lord what his opinion of Sarah Palin was
Advertisements [?]and He told me she's a f*cking nutcase.
He does get a kick out of it when she talks in tongues, though. Sometimes He talks back, just to mess with her.
FYI.
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wtmusic (1000+ posts) Sat Oct-04-08 05:14 PM
Original message
I asked the Good Lord what his opinion of Sarah Palin was
Advertisements [?]and He told me she's a f*cking nutcase.
He does get a kick out of it when she talks in tongues, though. Sometimes He talks back, just to mess with her.
FYI
May lightning strike you for that stupid-ass remark, DUmbass.
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Taverner (1000+ posts) Sat Oct-04-08 02:00 PM
Original message
The Altamont Pass DMZ in California
Advertisements [?]Edited on Sat Oct-04-08 02:01 PM by Taverner
The Altamont Pass is a small pass that rises to an elevation of 1000 feet above sea level and then back down again. Anyone who's driven it knows its a series of breakneck turns at breakneck speeds.
However a funny thing happens as you leave the last official Bay Area town (Livermore) and enter the first Central Valley town (Tracy) - the political landscape changes as if you didn't just leap from one part of the state to another - but as if you left the country itself. It's a DMZ of sorts, much like what separated North and South Vietnam, or what separates North and South Korea today.
Suddenly "No on 8" stickers become "Yes on 8 - FOR THE CHILDREN!!" Obama stickers change to McCain, or 'Saracuda' stickers. You can almost see the dirt on the ground change from blue to red, with no section of purple underneath.
Why this difference by just a small hilly pass? This is where the 'New' California gives way to the 'Old' California. Technology and Educated Professions do not make up the census maps over there - there its farming or some farm related job. You don't need a degree out there - in fact, if you mention you even went to college be prepared for some blank stares.
Meth and Whiskey are the drugs of choice over there, as opposed to Pot and Pinot on the Bay Area side of the DMZ. Jesus is everywhere, and not the kinder, gentler Jesus of the bay area who asks you to turn your cheek, and wouldn't bomb anyone. Here they worship "Red State Jesus" - an angry, browbeating Jesus who thinks sex is bad, shotgun weddings are good, gays should be killed and everyone should own a gun.
Sure, once you get near Sacramento things change back to sanity. But until then, you're driving in enemy territory.
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Jesus is everywhere, and not the kinder, gentler Jesus of the bay area who asks you to turn your cheek, and wouldn't bomb anyone. Here they worship "Red State Jesus" - an angry, browbeating Jesus who thinks sex is bad, shotgun weddings are good, gays should be killed and everyone should own a gun
So tell me DUmbass, is stupidity painful? It should be.
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Get ready for a bunch of "Oh yeah your side is just as bad" bullsh*t from her.
Do you remember when she got banned from DU? She was making more excuses for $kinner than an abused wife on Oprah.
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IndianaGreen (1000+ posts) Sat Oct-04-08 08:53 PM
Original message (http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x7317420)
Voting for a supporter of abortion rights amounts to endorsing “homicide.â€
Advertisements [?]
Catholic Church is riven by election politics
Liberals, conservatives skirmish over church’s teachings on war, racism
In Scranton, Pa., every Catholic attending Mass this weekend will hear a special homily about the election next month: Bishop Joseph Martino has ordered every priest in the diocese to read a letter warning that voting for a supporter of abortion rights amounts to endorsing “homicide.â€
>>>snip
A biblical position...
ulysses (1000+ posts) Sat Oct-04-08 08:54 PM
Response to Original message
1. tax the diocese.
Now.
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Kristi1696 (1000+ posts) Sat Oct-04-08 08:55 PM
Response to Reply #1
2. I agree. nt
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kestrel91316 (1000+ posts) Sat Oct-04-08 08:58 PM
Response to Reply #1
3. And when they can't make the payments, seize their assets and shut them down.
The liberal tolerance...don't like their speech, shut them down. Silence all disagreement, especially from Christians
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Laura PackYourBags (1000+ posts) Sat Oct-04-08 06:54 PM
Original message (http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x7316342)
**** it if the stupid people like her - Annihilate her! NOW
Advertisements [?]Palin is a wicked woman (in the bad sense).
Playing a veiled race card.
Insinuating Obama would bomb innocent civilians.
Throw every single solitary thing at this creature. She is dangerous.
And it matters to all of us. Because if god forbid they win - ALL
AMERICANS have to live with her.
We are not talking about some half-way decent person like Huckabee
or Mitt who we totally disagree with.
undergroundpanther (1000+ posts) Sat Oct-04-08 06:58 PM
Response to Original message
2. AoG is full of monstrous people like her!
Edited on Sat Oct-04-08 07:01 PM by undergroundpanther
Assemblies of God is an evil hearted CULT. I know I got sucked in to it and saw how they seek to control and infiltrate not only members minds but the world.Palin is their wet dream come true, that's why these deluded mean people call her a 'prophet',and pray that mcCain dies..
The AoG mindset is deluded and a dangerous have mind.They are over-obedient and evil,really they ARE.
I wish it WAS legal to annihilate fascists, psychopaths authoritarians and all that have that toxic type of abuser,mean, con man,bully"dominator" personality type.
undergroundpanther (1000+ posts) Sat Oct-04-08 08:00 PM
Response to Reply #4
27. AoG is hateful and snide
Edited on Sat Oct-04-08 08:05 PM by undergroundpanther
They PRAYED for the DEATH of New Orleans even back in 2000 when I was unfortunately sucked into their cult.I could not bring myself to utter those hateful prayers.I just made my lips move randomly to LOOK like I was praying while inside my own mind my heart screamed Evil,Evil People and reversed pentagrams flashed under my closed eyelids.I came out of that AoG sickness, it made me nearly psychotic. After I left I was stuck with a severe depression and was financially ruined,and I had a burning HATE for AoG and Christianity(the belief system,).
I really do think christianity is EVIL like all MONOtheist religions are.)I hate churches.
I am the inventor of the direction of my own spiritual path. There is what I experience exploring the unknown along my path,That is for me alone, to walk and discover.In the way I see beliefs it is a form of cognitive tyranny if beliefs are imposed from outside yourself,about things no one knows for SURE, like spiritual realms.Belief tyranny can **** up your sanity..
Churches and religion that impose beliefs upon kids(I find kid conversion evil and cruel) and adults to believe in a certain kind off diety a book or conversion are evil.
For everyone forges their own path if they go exploring the unknown, because each person sees the unknown from their own POV..no book or church can do or see for you.You have to do and see it yourself.And nobody SHOULD have a final say on what anyone chooses to believe especially about the unknown/mysteries. unless you're a lib, of course, because libs know best. Theocrats like Palin are tyrants of beliefs and I hate tyrants.
But Palin and Her ilk would just get off on burning me at a stake.These ****ers are so fanatical and blind they tried to exorcise my other persons out of me which caused me more disintegration(I have PSTD Dissociation issues)I stay away from churches and any sort of believer in anything that desires I be like them,wanting me to convert.
undergroundpanther (1000+ posts) Sat Oct-04-08 08:19 PM
Response to Reply #12
28. Huckabee
Is just as dangerous as Palin,they are both Theocratic.
Belief tyrants.
Any totalistic belief system that converts people is dangerous.Some are just more vicious to others and pushy because it is all about getting their prizes from their gods after death.They are narcissistic death cultists,infectious mind virus that gets people waiting to be saved, waiting to die and drag anyone they can to die with them and go to their 'heaven'.They are both willing to kill the world in the name of making the world believe in a tyrant world dominator male only god.
Huckabee and Palin share many of the same anti human rights for certain classes of people beliefs.It's all bible based bigotry.
I call the monotheist god the Archon.The Hive Mind, A belief tyrant.Any person that seeks to make human beings into it's "god's"image,and obey that belief is a tyrant..And to fool people or convert them they'll do anything because it means they get bigger rewards in heaven..Remember even hitler knew how to charm his way into power.That's what Archon infested people want,The power to oppress and ruin others lives until they become or believe the same thing the tyrant does.
AoG and many churches are like this, including Islam. Any monotheist beliefs are like this.
Cognitive Tyranny is inherent in the very structure of the beliefs monotheists and other totalistic belief systems.They are at the core Fascist, mono-cultural,controlling and narcissistic.
Check out the thread...not one single poster denied any of this raving hatred. Not one.
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I am the inventor of the direction of my own spiritual path.
You suppose that's why the subway cat is always running around in circles, chasing its tail?
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You suppose that's why the subway cat is always running around in circles, chasing its tail?
Judging from the stomach churning photos posted here earlier today, that tail would be a very large and slow-moving target.
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Judging from the stomach churning photos posted here earlier today, that tail would be a very large and slow-moving target.
that no one would chase. Not even with beer goggles.
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The Mangy Cat posted:
But Palin and Her ilk would just get off on burning me at a stake.These ****ers are so fanatical and blind they tried to exorcise my other persons out of me which caused me more disintegration(I have PSTD Dissociation issues)I stay away from churches and any sort of believer in anything that desires I be like them,wanting me to convert.
Is there anything this nutcase doesn't have??? :whatever:
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The Mangy Cat posted:
Is there anything this nutcase doesn't have??? :whatever:
A Sex life.
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A Sex life.
Hmmmm...Hook her/him up with CU's WolfBoy??? :-)
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Hmmmm...Hook her/him up with CU's WolfBoy??? :-)
"shudder"
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Hmmmm...Hook her/him up with CU's WolfBoy??? :-)
(Sith) Lord Sarasota, there's a treaty or a convention somewhere against that. (Can't call you the Sith Mod anymore.)
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If you don't make fun of Jesus then you are a racist.
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The Mangy Cat posted:
Is there anything this nutcase doesn't have??? :whatever:
A life.
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zulchzulu (1000+ posts) Mon Oct-06-08 03:55 PM
Original message
Jesus just called Sarah Palin and they had a little talk
It's amazing how it takes Jesus to call Sarah Palin to tell her off.
Sarah hears her cell phone and fumbles through her pocketbook and answers:
Sarah: Hello, howdy hoo hoo!
Jesus: Sarah... um... this is Jesus. Yunno, Jesus...
Sarah: Jesus? Ooh may gad! Jesus! Wowee! Doggone it! I knew you were watchin' me down here in Flerida and gittin' all happy to..
Jesus: Stop winking at the phone. Jeez. I just had to call you because...
Sarah: ...because yer gonna make us win?
Jesus: No. Um, it's about your...
Sarah: Do ya like my glasses? I wanna see straight! Can ya fix...
Jesus: Sarah! Shut up for a second! And stop winking! I can see you, remember?
Sarah: Oooh, serry... it's jus' theat I do dat all the tam now, Jesus. Oooh, so where are ya callin' from...heaven?
Jesus: Uh...yeah. Heaven. Anyway, it's about you...
Sarah: I'm serry I let my daughter have the kid and now I gotta take care of the returdet ...
Jesus: We'll talk about that later. And no, it's not about Brad either. It's about...
Sarah: I'm prayin' right now, Jesus... make us win...
Jesus: Sarah! (sends small fireball through her cell phone) Shut up for once in your life!
Sarah: I think my cell phone is on fire...
Jesus: That's was me! Now listen. It's about you lying all the time, Sarah. You just keep lying in your speeches and you know what you're doing...
Sarah (crying): I know! I know! After all this is done, I'm gonna git exorcised again from Reverand Muthee...
Jesus: That guy? Are you still doing that goofy speaking in tongues thing? Sarah! Listen to me! (sends another small fireball into her cell phone)
Sarah: OUCH! It's the Devil in my phone! Jesus! HEEEELLLLPPP!!!
Jesus: Ah, forget it Sarah. I was going to tell you about how Todd is cheating on you and you're going to hell anyway, but...
Sarah: Jesus! Jesus! Minininkitititi wipiptoroepw bzzzz bzzzz whoop whoop...
Jesus: Good grief... (hangs up)
Sarah: Jesus? Jesus?
Suddenly John McCain walks up and tries to grab her ass.
Sarah: Oooh mah gad! I am in hell!!!
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leftchick (1000+ posts) Mon Oct-06-08 01:44 PM
Original message
What Is The Difference Between a Christian Extremest and the Taliban?
(http://www.thedailygreen.com/cm/thedailygreen/images/Ct/lead-free-lipstick2-lg.jpg)
Just sayin'
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(http://www.thedailygreen.com/cm/thedailygreen/images/Ct/lead-free-lipstick2-lg.jpg)
Ya know, them taliwhackos take offense if'n you publish pictures of them gettin' all gussied up for their Friday night date with the goat.
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From this thread:
Jamastiene (1000+ posts) Mon Oct-06-08 01:51 PM
Response to Original message
9. the Headgear?
Extremists are extremists. Only cultural differences separate them, but not by much.
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Mesteryo (256 posts) Mon Oct-06-08 03:30 PM
Response to Reply #9
39. Problem with that..
We all have different ideas on how you define an extremist except by actions they take. The Taliban are obvious extremists because they do extreme things.
It's harder to define who or what in our society constitutes Christian extremists.
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cui bono (1000+ posts) Mon Oct-06-08 05:21 PM
Response to Reply #39
102. Not that hard...
Edited on Mon Oct-06-08 05:24 PM by cui bono
Murder doctors.
Bomb health clinics.
Infiltrate political system in order to spread religious doctrine and make a Christian Nation.
Infiltrate judicial system in order to spread religious doctrine and make a Christian Nation.
Infiltrate educational system in order to spread religious doctrine and make a Christian Nation.
Infiltrate our military in order to spread religious doctrine and make a Christian Nation.
Intolerance of any who do not believe as they do.
Send kids to Jesus Camps to indoctrinate the young.
And the evangelists aren't even doing it because other countries are invading us or putting military bases on our soil or using up all our natural resources.
Education was primarily a Christian service, especially at the college level, for most of our history. Politicians and judges were almost 100% Christians for most of our history. The military has had Christian chaplains for almost our entire history. (http://www.military.com/HomePage/UnitPageHistory/1,13506,700876%7C700154,00.html) If intolerance had been a major problem, there would be no leftists now. It is because Christianity teaches love and tolerance that these hateful people even dwell on our soil.
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Oh, and for the violence at abortion clinics and killing doctors...
Statistics...latest year 2004 (http://www.religioustolerance.org/abo_viol.htm)
Murders, Attempted Murders 2002 = 0, 2003 = 0, 2004 = 0
Bombing, Arson, Attempted Bombing or Arson 2002 = 1, 2003 = 3, 2004 = 2
Invasion, Assault & Battery, Vandalism, Trespassing, Death Threats, Burglary, Stalking... 2002 = 265, 2003 = 145, 2004 = 40
Hate Mail, Harassing Phone Calls, Bomb Threats 202=302, 2003 = 331, 2004 = 130
The list of Islamic terrorist attacks for the last 2 months (http://www.thereligionofpeace.com/index.html#Attacks)
List for 2007 (http://www.thereligionofpeace.com/attacks-2007.htm)
The DUmp hates Christians because it's safe to do so.
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More from the thread asdf pulled over (http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x4178523)
Lifetimedem (397 posts) Mon Oct-06-08 04:12 PM
Response to Reply #50
61. So we have to look to
History to condemn Christians today?
What other groups do you hold responsible for the sins of their fathers?
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greyhound1966 (1000+ posts) Mon Oct-06-08 04:23 PM
Response to Reply #61
67. I didn't condemn christians, I condemn christianity.
If you're out in the world doing all that you can to help others, then good for you, and thank you.
Your church still thinks women are inferior and has ignored most of what your "savior" told them to do.
uppityperson (1000+ posts) Mon Oct-06-08 04:01 PM
Response to Reply #38
57. Fundamentalists are the problem. Those who not only believe they should
believe, act, do as they do, but believe they are right in forcing others to do the same. Including harming and/or killing those who don't. A real liberal does not believe in harming others, but so long as someone's belief doesn't, it doesn't matter. Which is counter to the Fundamentalist way of life.
"The only unprotected group in America are Christians"? What the hell? No, change it to Fundamentalists and you'd be more correct, but even they have protections. Do you seriously believe "The only unprotected group in America are Christians"?
Mesteryo (256 posts) Mon Oct-06-08 04:21 PM
Response to Reply #57
65. who decides what a fundamentalist or extremist is?
There are people who would say Christians who believe Jesus rose from the dead are extremists. So they could easily lump them in with people who fit your narrower definition.
You're doing what Hannity does by saying "Islamic terrorists". Sure he says only Islamic people who happen be terrorists should be offended but what it really does is link Islam to terrorism.
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uppityperson (1000+ posts) Mon Oct-06-08 04:27 PM
Response to Reply #65
69. Oh bullshit. Fundamentalists of all ilk are the problem
Those who force their narrow views and impose impositions on others liberties, causing harm to others.
BrklynLiberal (1000+ posts) Mon Oct-06-08 05:53 PM
Response to Reply #103
123. ANY group that thinks their way is the only right way...particularly, but not limited to,
Edited on Mon Oct-06-08 05:54 PM by BrklynLiberal
those that involve heaven and/orsalvation...is an extremist group. Their beliefs usually involve STRICT adherence to THEIR rules, and extreme punishment for those that do not adhere to them.
Virtually all extremist groups can also fall under the description of Fundamentalist, since few of them would be considered Progressive.
Maybe I've forgotten...which group is it that is filing lawsuits to force long-standing laws to change? To force their beliefs on the entire country? To punish any who speak out against their beliefs for Hate Crimes?
Which group is it that lumps all practicing, evangelical Christians under the label "fundy?" Which group is it that coined the phrase "Rapture Cultist," as though that conservative Christian belief is somehow extreme? Which group seriously thinks that believing God created the world is MORE extreme than believing that life created itself in a mud puddle billions of years ago...and then invented RNA, DNA, cell specialization, asexual reproduction, sexual reproduction, all with NO supernatural assistance?
So, Lanie, do you think libs are bigots yet?
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PretzelWarrior (1000+ posts) Fri Oct-10-08 05:17 AM
Original message
Am I going to hell because this PWNED picture makes me laugh?
(http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b227/calehalley/christ_pwned.jpg)
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They speak the words of their true master in life.
The visceral hatred of all things Christian comes from only one source.
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They speak the words of their true master in life.
The visceral hatred of all things Christian comes from only one source.
Agreed. Why do you think they are never, ever happy in thier lives?
:fuelfire: