The Conservative Cave
Current Events => The DUmpster => Topic started by: franksolich on January 03, 2017, 12:10:03 PM
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Forget about firearms; while I'm enthusiastically a supporter of the Second Amendment, I don't want to take the time and trouble and expense learning how to use one. And a firearm's one of those things one best not have if one doesn't know how to use it correctly.
Anyway, as we've all known for some weeks now, the primitives fully expect Donald Trump to institute some sort of violent police state after January 20.
Of course it's not going to happen; it's all their paranoid fantasies.
But paranoia has its uses, if it drives the paranoiacs to suicide.
To help feed the primitive paranoia, I decided I needed to get things more than just jackboots, to help Donald Trump restore order to this country. No point in sitting around waiting for the hard-pressed and overburdened taxpayers to buy my uniform and accoutrements; I'll just go ahead and get them myself.
For a weapon, I thought I'd go with a baton, as I wasn't sure exactly what a blackjack was; it's just a word to me, and I've never watched enough television or movies to catch a glimpse of what one looks like.
But then I nadined images of "blackjack," and learned it's a lot more than I'd supposed it was. I'd guessed it was something like an oversized small shoe-horn (not the big wooden ones; the small metal ones) made out of rubber, nothing more than that.
So now I'm not sure into which weapon I should invest. I like the baton because of its rigidity, and I'm already an expert at using an S/K adjustable wrench with a handle 17" long and a spannage of 1-3/8". But perhaps blackjacks have advantages of which I'm not yet aware?
Such a thing would be more to inspire fear and terror in primitives, not beat them up. So visually the weapon has to be something that simply by looking at it, one suddenly spurts out the contents of one's intestines.
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Such a thing would be more to inspire fear and terror in primitives, not beat them up. So visually the weapon has to be something that simply by looking at it, one suddenly spurts out the contents of one's intestines.
I voted for other. This is your perfect weapon:
(http://newmanagement.com/tips/images/job_app.png)
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I voted for other. This is your perfect weapon:
Damn. That's awesome!
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I selected "other". A sack of doorknobs or your wrench would suffice and be cheaper than buying a baton or blackjack.
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I said "other." Joe Biden's advice would work here. :whistling:
ETA: Here it is . . . :whistling:
[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x1iyZCDV9js[/youtube]
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Other, Louisville Slugger with 6" framing nails in the head (predrill for nails so you don't split the bat).
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Other, Louisville Slugger with 6" framing nails in the head (predrill for nails so you don't split the bat).
But you have to have a baseball glove and ball to prove you don't have it as a weapon. :-)
Maybe something like this. http://www.knifecountryusa.com/store/product/185241.185270/asp-tools-22412-talon-airweight-baton-21-in.html?gclid=Cj0KEQiAtK3DBRCBxt-Yxduq5p4BEiQAbFiaPestXnnG4qBc_9lIyu9CVFZTe8CXftBBwUgiSFOA84QaAjDM8P8HAQ
A cattle prod would also come in handy to keep the DUmmies under control.
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I voted "other" A Trump sign to a liberal is like a cross to a vampire. They simply can't get past it.
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Since, "To help feed the primitive paranoia," is your purpose, I went with "blackjack". It's more evocative of fear and intimidation than "baton" or "other".
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I vote "Other"
You don't need to get anything, just give them the "All you had to do was ask" speech...
You know, if a man wants to borrow my hammer I’ll always be happy to lend him my hammer. All he needs to do is ask. In fact, if he asks, not only will I lend him my hammer if the project allows I’ll go over myself and help him complete the job. Our kids can play together while we work and when we’re done we can fire up the grill, the wives can make side dishes and we’ll have a beer and a few laughs.
And all you have to do is ask.
But if I catch you in my garage taking my hammer. I’m just going to open the door and let this dog out. It’s a female, which means she’s very protective of her pack, her pups and her domain. She’ll know I don’t want you in the garage and without me having to say a word she will be on you. She’ll jump at you and reflexively you’ll try and protect yourself by holding your arm out. She’ll latch on with her jaws and drag you down. She won’t let you regain your feet and every time you try and resist her she’ll thrash her head back and forth. Even over her growls you’ll hear muscles tearing and bone cracking. She’ll know exactly what to do on an instinctive level, as if nature taught her some sort of Kung-Fu for her natural abilities. She’ll keep at it until you’re just too exhausted to move. Then, when you’re too tired to do anything else but whimper I’m going to pick up that hammer that you tried to steal and I’m going to crush your ****ing skull with it and there won’t be a *******ed thing the cops will do about it because you were in my garage without my permission.
And all you had to do is ask.
That speech works wonders.
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Get some of that really sticky rat paper.
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I picked "other" before reading that you were personally unwilling to arm yourself with some sort of lead launcher, because you don't want to learn how to use it.
That's a personal choice that I can respect.
Please permit me to suggest it anyway :)
1. You should use no weapon you are not willing to USE. If all you want to do is show it, it had better induce involuntary urination. The business end of a boomstick will have a greater effect in that regard than a non-boom stick.
2. If you are close enough to USE a non-ranged weapon, such as a non-boom stick, your opposition is close enough to try to take it away from you and use it on you. Your decision regarding stick acquisition should be based in part on your conviction that you will be able to retain and use it regardless of your opposition's efforts to remove or resist it.
3. Ranged weapons have this going for them: The fastest man alive was timed at 3.212 feet per second. He probably wasn't up to that speed from a standing start. A .38 Special bullet from a four inch barrel will be doing over 750 feet per second at the moment it leaves the gun. I think you can guess who would win that race.
4. As to training, things that go bang come in various levels of technical complexity. My wife looks at my semi-auto rifles with the expression of a stunned goose, but likes the basic point-and-click interface of her 1940s-era revolver.
5. The hardest part of my wife's "learning to use" said revolver was her getting used to the idea that it is really loud. Your own "training" will skip that step.
Aside from that...go with "aluminum baseball bat" :)
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Since, "To help feed the primitive paranoia," is your purpose, I went with "blackjack". It's more evocative of fear and intimidation than "baton" or "other".
BLACKjack also has "dog whistle" racism implied in the name so that's even better for a Trump brownshirt (also a racist term.)
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I voted other.
See, you're going about this all wrong, Frank.
All you need is one of these buttons to wear on your shirt. Guaranteed to instantly render any liberal mentally incapacitated. No need to burn calories swinging something heavy at them.
(http://rlv.zcache.com/president_trump_photo_presidential_seal_wall_decal-rd27f587e0311450dadbaf58281473478_8ve94_8byvr_324.jpg)
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I went with other.
I would suggest a 9 iron or maybe a sand wedge. Those will not draw the attention a blackjack, baton or baseball bat would.
I would go with a 1 iron if you need the extra reach, but remember that only God can hit a 1 iron.
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Active Denial System
The Active Denial System (ADS) is a non-lethal, directed-energy weapon developed by the U.S. military,[2] designed for area denial, perimeter security and crowd control.[3] Informally, the weapon is also called the heat ray[4] since it works by heating the surface of targets, such as the skin of targeted human subjects. Raytheon is currently marketing a reduced-range version of this technology.[5] The ADS was deployed in 2010 with the United States military in the Afghanistan War, but was withdrawn without seeing combat.[6] On August 20, 2010, the Los Angeles Sheriff's Department announced its intent to use this technology on prisoners in the Pitchess Detention Center in Los Angeles, stating its intent to use it in "operational evaluation" in situations such as breaking up prisoner fights.[7] The ADS is currently only a vehicle-mounted weapon, though U.S. Marines and police are both working on portable versions.[8] ADS was developed under the sponsorship of the DoD Non-Lethal Weapons Program with the Air Force Research Laboratory as the lead agency
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Active_Denial_System
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Other,your existence strikes fear into their dark and evil souls.
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Other,your existence strikes fear into their dark and evil souls.
Thank you for the compliment, because if there's anything I most wish to be, it's the avowed enemy of all that is stupid or evil in this world; the vigorous foe of those who seek to dominate, to control, other people.
That of course includes the primitives, who self-admittedly can't manage their own lives but think they can run ours.
I'd like to crack a few skulls, but unfortunately given my circumstances the best I can do is "look" threatening.
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Other. A 36" length of garden hose works wonders. If you want to, fill it with sand and cap off both ends, but I really prefer just to have it empty because that tends to inflict maximum pain.