The Conservative Cave

Current Events => The DUmpster => Topic started by: FlippyDoo on October 25, 2016, 06:53:28 PM

Title: Why do the dead vote dem?
Post by: FlippyDoo on October 25, 2016, 06:53:28 PM: Well. Itâ€™s election time again. With that comes the question that is always there but never answered: why do dead people always vote demonrat? As a hard-hitting journalist (yes, Iâ€™m a reporter dammit!) I decided to go in search of the answer.

Fortunately I did not have to do much searching. Come to find out Dr. Roger Enstead had already done an in depth study to get to the bottom of things. For those of you may not have heard of Dr. Enstead he is very credentialed. He is president of the International Smarter Than You Institute and is chairman of the National Bacon Lovers Association. In other words, this guy knows his stuff.

I was lucky enough last week to get to do an interview with Dr. Enstead. I had hoped to have time to write a full piece on his study; however, Iâ€™ve been stuck reading over these pesky position papers so I just have time to do a quick breakdown.

â€”â€”â€”

F: So dead people vote democrat?

Dr: Yes. At a ratio of almost 100 to 1.

F: Why is this?

Dr: That is what I wanted to answer with my study. It was enlightening to say the least.

F: Well tell us more. Why do dead people vote democrat?

Dr: When a person dies their brain ceases to function.

F: Right.

Dr: The brain no longer works.

F: Yes.

Dr: Do you not see the correlation?

F: I suppose. Dead person equals dead brain.

Dr: Exactly! Once a person dies, regardless of what they were in life, their body essentially becomes democrat like.

F: So when a person dies said person becomes a democrat. Gotcha.

Dr: No! No! I said democrat LIKE. I did NOT say that they actually become democrat.

F: You said their brains stopped working. Plus, even I know once theyâ€™ve been dead for awhile they smell bad.

Dr: It is true that both democrats and the dead have similar mental capabilities and odors, but to call the dead â€œdemocratsâ€ is really uncalled for and rude because there are differences.

F: Like?

Dr: Dead people will not steal from you, shit on your lawn, scream at you, mooch from you, run GoFundMe scams on youâ€¦You get the idea.

F: I see, but I still have a question. You said that the dead vote democrat at a ratio of almost 100 to 1. Why does the â€œ1â€ vote republican.

Dr: Oh make no mistake about it. The 1 intended to vote democrat but just voted incorrectly. After all, it has the mental capabilities of a democrat.

â€”â€”â€”

So there you have it. The reason why dead people vote democrat. From an actual doctor. Who did a study. And likes bacon. Now back to those pesky position papers.
Title: Re: Why do the dead vote dem?
Post by: franksolich on October 25, 2016, 07:24:36 PM: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap:
Title: Re: Why do the dead vote dem?
Post by: I_B_Perky on October 25, 2016, 07:49:10 PM: What about zombies? They are technically brain dead... still walking around though. Wait a second... that describes the dummies exactly!!!
Title: Re: Why do the dead vote dem?
Post by: diesel driver on October 25, 2016, 08:40:55 PM: Quote from: I_B_Perky on October 25, 2016, 07:49:10 PM
What about zombies? They are technically brain dead... still walking around though. Wait a second... that describes the dummies exactly!!!

You should have known! :thatsright:
Title: Re: Why do the dead vote dem?
Post by: FlippyDoo on October 25, 2016, 11:09:30 PM: Quote from: I_B_Perky on October 25, 2016, 07:49:10 PM
What about zombies? They are technically brain dead... still walking around though. Wait a second... that describes the dummies exactly!!!

That analogy is only partially correct as zombies go out in search of (in other words WORKS for) their own food.
Title: Re: Why do the dead vote dem?
Post by: Big Dog on October 25, 2016, 11:24:18 PM: Quote
He is president of the International Smarter Than You Institute and is chairman of the National Bacon Lovers Association. In other words, this guy knows his stuff.

Wow. He IS smart!

:cheersmate:
Title: Re: Why do the dead vote dem?
Post by: FiddyBeowulf on October 27, 2016, 08:45:16 AM: Quote from: I_B_Perky on October 25, 2016, 07:49:10 PM
What about zombies? They are technically brain dead... still walking around though. Wait a second... that describes the dummies exactly!!!

Except for poor Hop-along-Bob.
Title: Re: Why do the dead vote dem?
Post by: SVPete on October 27, 2016, 10:57:06 AM: Quote from: FiddyBeowulf on October 27, 2016, 08:45:16 AM
Except for poor Hop-along-Bob.

He's a Zombie Emeritus.
Title: Re: Why do the dead vote dem?
Post by: I_B_Perky on October 27, 2016, 05:56:20 PM: Quote from: FiddyBeowulf on October 27, 2016, 08:45:16 AM
Except for poor Hop-along-Bob.

:lmao:

H5 for making me LOL!!!!!
Title: Re: Why do the dead vote dem?
Post by: I_B_Perky on October 27, 2016, 05:58:00 PM: Quote from: FlippyDoo on October 25, 2016, 11:09:30 PM
That analogy is only partially correct as zombies go out in search of (in other words WORKS for) their own food.

The first zombie movies they were out searching for brains to eat. I guess they would waste away in dummie-ville.
Title: Re: Why do the dead vote dem?
Post by: I_B_Perky on October 27, 2016, 06:00:25 PM: Quote from: diesel driver on October 25, 2016, 08:40:55 PM
You should have known! :thatsright:

I R an uneducated deplorable. I R 2 stoopid to noe. At least that is what the edumacated hillary tells me. :cheersmate:
Title: Re: Why do the dead vote dem?
Post by: USA4ME on October 27, 2016, 06:50:47 PM: :rotf: :lmao: :rotf:

Classic!

.
Title: Re: Why do the dead vote dem?
Post by: miskie on October 27, 2016, 08:50:00 PM: (http://twitchy.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/fear-the-voting-dead.jpg)
Title: Re: Why do the dead vote dem?
Post by: diesel driver on October 27, 2016, 10:23:31 PM: Quote from: I_B_Perky on October 27, 2016, 06:00:25 PM
I R an uneducated deplorable. I R 2 stoopid to noe. At least that is what the edumacated hillary tells me. :cheersmate:

U be have 10 times the smartz of dim DUmmies do.

:lol: :cheersmate:
Title: Re: Why do the dead vote dem?
Post by: Ptarmigan on October 27, 2016, 10:24:24 PM: Quote from: I_B_Perky on October 25, 2016, 07:49:10 PM
What about zombies? They are technically brain dead... still walking around though. Wait a second... that describes the dummies exactly!!!

Some people are zombies. Zombies are what rabbits need to doom humans.