The Conservative Cave
Current Events => The DUmpster => Topic started by: SSG Snuggle Bunny on September 06, 2016, 09:14:53 PM
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Coolest Ranger (1,469 posts)
I have written my first crime novel
Ladies and gentleman I have written my first crime novel about a retired NCIS agent who is black who gets appointed sheriff of a small mid-western county built on racism. I will be pitching this on twitter in a couple of days. Please send me pleasant thoughts. My goal is to get not only a book deal but a film or TV deal out of it so I can buy myself a house with a working furnace. Send me your thoughts and prayers and if you happen to have connections in the business I could use that too.
You know what be good for showing your writing ability?
Paragraphs
http://www.democraticunderground.com/10028148555
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Response to Coolest Ranger (Original post)Tue Sep 6, 2016, 08:12 PM
NightWatcher (29,735 posts)
9. Coolness.
If you ever need to ask a technical question of a private eye, federal law enforcement type, or related things, just hit me up. My friend is a screenwriter and he and others have asked me things and I'm glad to answer or point in the right direction.
He thinks his petty criminal rap sheet is going to come in handy.
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My goal is to get not only a book deal but a film or TV deal out of it so I can buy myself a house with a working furnace.
:lmao:
Cross eyed,queer crybaby still living in a fantasy world.
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I predict that CR's venture gets zero book, tv, or film offers and nets a whopping ZERO dollars in income.
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Coolest Ranger (1,469 posts)
I have written my first crime novel
Ladies and gentleman I have written my first crime novel about a retired NCIS agent who is black who gets appointed sheriff of a small mid-western county built on racism. I will be pitching this on twitter in a couple of days. Please send me pleasant thoughts. My goal is to get not only a book deal but a film or TV deal out of it so I can buy myself a house with a working furnace. Send me your thoughts and prayers and if you happen to have connections in the business I could use that too.
Oh, for ****'s face. That is the lamest sludgepit of copycat crap I have ever read.
Wasn't this DUmbshit strutting around last year about some screenplay deal? Must have fallen through.
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if you happen to have connections in the business I could use that too.
The only connections I have are to certain individuals in a county prosecuting attorney's office.
Since your writing is most likely criminally bad, would you still like me to refer you?
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The only connections I have are to certain individuals in a county prosecuting attorney's office.
Since your writing is most likely criminally bad, would you still like me to refer you?
If I didn't mind becoming violently ill, I'd almost like to read this.....
...if it exists. :wink:
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It sounds like if 'Blazing Saddles' were a modern drama.
Libs really do see racism everywhere they look.
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It sounds like if 'Blazing Saddles' were a modern drama.
Libs really do see racism everywhere they look.
Or some crappy redo of a '70s era 'Blaxploitation' film.. (Superfly, Shaft, Blackula.. etc )
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Racism? Why not re-conceive the retired black guy as a semi-retired fiction writer who moves to a nearly all-white touristy coast town like Aptos, or Eureka in CA or Florence in OR? A black unofficial detective newcomer and an all-white PD or Sheriff Dept. (plus or minus a token minority) would be perfect for the de rigueur conflict between the smart detective and dumb local LEOs. With that set-up CR just needs a good mix of villains and villainous victims (the latter getting long-delayed 9mm karma) in various forms such as a greedy developer wanting to pave Paradise, a loony-hypocrite Fundy preacher, or a local businessman dumping industrial waste for fun and profit (all whites, all racists, of course).
(Did I miss any derivative worn-out stereotyped plot lines?)
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Racism? Why not re-conceive the retired black guy as a semi-retired fiction writer who moves to a nearly all-white touristy coast town like Aptos, or Eureka in CA or Florence in OR? A black unofficial detective newcomer and an all-white PD or Sheriff Dept. (plus or minus a token minority) would be perfect for the de rigueur conflict between the smart detective and dumb local LEOs. With that set-up CR just needs a good mix of villains and villainous victims (the latter getting long-delayed 9mm karma) in various forms such as a greedy developer wanting to pave Paradise, a loony-hypocrite Fundy preacher, or a local businessman dumping industrial waste for fun and profit (all whites, all racists, of course).
(Did I miss any derivative worn-out stereotyped plot lines?)
Since this is a DUmmy we're talking about, I'll flesh out one of your plots.
A White, Republican megachurch pastor is murdered in his church office. The culprit is a local mixed-race tranny who is actually the pastor's illegitimate son. The tranny went to the church for assistance, and the pastor tried to seduce him/her.
The protagonist (who is also a homosexual vegan) identifies the murderer, and in the process uncovers the town's dark secret: the victim had taken advantage of many poor minority women who came to the church for charity, and he had several mixed-race illegitimate children which he never acknowledged.
The protagonist then advocates for the murderer, shames the police chief into dropping charges, and leads a protest against the church. The book ends with the church's board agreeing to close down, sell their assets, and distribute the proceeds to the pastor's bastards as reparations.
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It sounds like if 'Blazing Saddles' were a modern drama.
That's what I first thought!!
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"The retired NCIS agent turned sheriff is a (DONG!)"
"What did he say?"
"He said the retired NCIS agent turned sheriff is near."
"No, riken', racken', rackel reekin' rarf. I said the retired NCIS agent turned sheriff is a (DONG)"
.
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Since this is a DUmmy we're talking about, I'll flesh out one of your plots.
A White, Republican megachurch pastor is murdered in his church office. The culprit is a local mixed-race tranny who is actually the pastor's illegitimate son. The tranny went to the church for assistance, and the pastor tried to seduce him/her.
The protagonist (who is also a homosexual vegan) identifies the murderer, and in the process uncovers the town's dark secret: the victim had taken advantage of many poor minority women who came to the church for charity, and he had several mixed-race illegitimate children which he never acknowledged.
The protagonist then advocates for the murderer, shames the police chief into dropping charges, and leads a protest against the church. The book ends with the church's board agreeing to close down, sell their assets, and distribute the proceeds to the pastor's bastards as reparations.
That certainly is Hollyweird-grade! Not that the DU-member would be appropriately grateful for your assistance.
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Racism? Why not re-conceive the retired black guy as a semi-retired fiction writer who moves to a nearly all-white touristy coast town like Aptos, or Eureka in CA or Florence in OR? A black unofficial detective newcomer and an all-white PD or Sheriff Dept. (plus or minus a token minority) would be perfect for the de rigueur conflict between the smart detective and dumb local LEOs. With that set-up CR just needs a good mix of villains and villainous victims (the latter getting long-delayed 9mm karma) in various forms such as a greedy developer wanting to pave Paradise, a loony-hypocrite Fundy preacher, or a local businessman dumping industrial waste for fun and profit (all whites, all racists, of course).
(Did I miss any derivative worn-out stereotyped plot lines?)
Fletch II?
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Since this is a DUmmy we're talking about, I'll flesh out one of your plots.
A White, Republican megachurch pastor is murdered in his church office. The culprit is a local mixed-race tranny who is actually the pastor's illegitimate son. The tranny went to the church for assistance, and the pastor tried to seduce him/her.
The protagonist (who is also a homosexual vegan) identifies the murderer, and in the process uncovers the town's dark secret: the victim had taken advantage of many poor minority women who came to the church for charity, and he had several mixed-race illegitimate children which he never acknowledged.
The protagonist then advocates for the murderer, shames the police chief into dropping charges, and leads a protest against the church. The book ends with the church's board agreeing to close down, sell their assets, and distribute the proceeds to the pastor's bastards as reparations.
You need to copyright this! :cheersmate:
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Since this is a DUmmy we're talking about, I'll flesh out one of your plots.
A White, Republican megachurch pastor is murdered in his church office. The culprit is a local mixed-race tranny who is actually the pastor's illegitimate son. The tranny went to the church for assistance, and the pastor tried to seduce him/her.
The protagonist (who is also a homosexual vegan) identifies the murderer, and in the process uncovers the town's dark secret: the victim had taken advantage of many poor minority women who came to the church for charity, and he had several mixed-race illegitimate children which he never acknowledged.
The protagonist then advocates for the murderer, shames the police chief into dropping charges, and leads a protest against the church. The book ends with the church's board agreeing to close down, sell their assets, and distribute the proceeds to the pastor's bastards as reparations.
No lesbos?? What's ùp with that?
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No lesbos?? What's ùp with that?
Shit, you're right.
OK, the preacher's wife is actually a lesbian, and his murder allows her to come out. That makes her the prime suspect at first, until our protagonist points out that oppressed minorities are always innocent.
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You need to copyright this! :cheersmate:
And here I was trying to write something more absurd than 50 Shades of Gray set at a Furry convention.
Crap.
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Coolest Ranger (1,469 posts)
I have written my first crime novel
Ladies and gentleman I have written my first crime novel about a retired NCIS agent who is black who gets appointed sheriff of a small mid-western county built on racism. I will be pitching this on twitter in a couple of days. Please send me pleasant thoughts. My goal is to get not only a book deal but a film or TV deal out of it so I can buy myself a house with a working furnace. Send me your thoughts and prayers and if you happen to have connections in the business I could use that too.
He forgot to mention this retired NCIS agent turned Sheriff is a staunch gun control advocate and does not carry a weapon, you know to lead by example.
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He forgot to mention this retired NCIS agent turned Sheriff is a staunch gun control advocate and does not carry a weapon, you know to lead by example.
A black Andy Griffith.
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He forgot to mention this retired NCIS agent turned Sheriff is a staunch gun control advocate and does not carry a weapon, you know to lead by example.
If Andy Griffin and Leroy Jethro Gibbs* had a child.
A black child.
**Speaking of Gibbs, everything this DUmbshit thinks he knows about NCIS probably comes from the Tee Vee. Stupid fan-fic DUmbass, anyway.
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It sounds like if 'Blazing Saddles' were a modern drama.
Libs really do see racism everywhere they look.
Or, just invent it!
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If Andy Griffin and Leroy Jethro Gibbs* had a child.
A black child.
(http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view2/4826418/spit-take-o.gif)
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He forgot to mention this retired NCIS agent turned Sheriff is a staunch gun control advocate and does not carry a weapon, you know to lead by example.
(http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51XV5TvULhL._SX940_.jpg)
Hey, now. That's my schtick.
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Coolest Ranger (1,469 posts)
I have written my first crime novel
Ladies and gentleman I have written my first crime novel about a retired NCIS agent who is black who gets appointed sheriff of a small mid-western county built on racism.
Well, at least you got the jurisdiction right, but appointments to fill a vacant office are pretty short-term, usually just until the next election cycle, or sometimes until an earlier special election. And just FWIW, I've dealt with CID, NCIS, and OSI, they are NOTHING like the televised version in any way.
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No lesbos?? What's ùp with that?
They have to be redheads . . . :whistling: :fuelfire: :tongue:
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(http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51XV5TvULhL._SX940_.jpg)
Hey, now. That's my schtick.
I was thinking more along the line of Columbo. Nothing sillier than a Lt. in homicide confronting known killers for years without backup or a gun, in fact he said he was afraid of them. :banghead:
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Shit, you're right.
OK, the preacher's wife is actually a lesbian, and his murder allows her to come out. That makes her the prime suspect at first, until our protagonist points out that oppressed minorities are always innocent.
:rotf: I'm speechless over that. :lmao: :thumbs: :cheers1: :clap: :cheers2: :cheersmate:
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Shit, you're right.
OK, the preacher's wife is actually a lesbian, and his murder allows her to come out. That makes her the prime suspect at first, until our protagonist points out that oppressed minorities are always innocent.
Mmmmm still missing something.
I know! More Skittles and Swisher sweets.
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When all is said and done, you've got to wonder about someone who, when deciding a name to use on a social network site, the best they can come up with is "Coolest Ranger".
Coolest Ranger. I'm guessing having an imagination and writing aren't his strongest suits. I also strongly suspect that someone's first crime novel is laying in someone else's File 13 right about now.
.
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Coolest Ranger. I'm guessing having an imagination and writing aren't his strongest suits. I also strongly suspect that someone's first crime novel is laying in someone else's File 13 right about now.
Well, it is a crime novel.
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When all is said and done, you've got to wonder about someone who, when deciding a name to use on a social network site, the best they can come up with is "Coolest Ranger".
Someone had already grabbed "TheMastersNemesis". :(
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:rotf: I'm speechless over that. :lmao: :thumbs: :cheers1: :clap: :cheers2: :cheersmate:
Thank you, sir!
:cheersmate:
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Well, at least you got the jurisdiction right, but appointments to fill a vacant office are pretty short-term, usually just until the next election cycle, or sometimes until an earlier special election. And just FWIW, I've dealt with CID, NCIS, and OSI, they are NOTHING like the televised version in any way.
There you go again, DAT.
Poor DUmmie has a brainfart and puts it to paper, and you go and ruin it by injecting REALITY into their safe space. :lol:
I LOVE IT!!!!
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There you go again, DAT.
Poor DUmmie has a brainfart and puts it to paper, and you go and ruin it by injecting REALITY into their safe space. :lol:
I LOVE IT!!!!
Yeah, I'm kind of an asshole that way.
:cheersmate:
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Since this is a DUmmy we're talking about, I'll flesh out one of your plots.
A White, Republican megachurch pastor is murdered in his church office. The culprit is a local mixed-race tranny who is actually the pastor's illegitimate son. The tranny went to the church for assistance, and the pastor tried to seduce him/her.
The protagonist (who is also a homosexual vegan) identifies the murderer, and in the process uncovers the town's dark secret: the victim had taken advantage of many poor minority women who came to the church for charity, and he had several mixed-race illegitimate children which he never acknowledged.
The protagonist then advocates for the murderer, shames the police chief into dropping charges, and leads a protest against the church. The book ends with the church's board agreeing to close down, sell their assets, and distribute the proceeds to the pastor's bastards as reparations.
Perfect liberal story, I'm surprised it hasn't already been made into a big- budget Hollywood movie.
Don't forget, since someone needs to go to jail, it's revealed that the church's board all knew about what the victim did, and he blackmailed them into silence by the fact that they all had been molesting young boys and beating random gays and blacks to death for the fun of it. Then, after giving away everything the church had, the board members all go to jail for their crimes.
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Perfect liberal story, I'm surprised it hasn't already been made into a big- budget Hollywood movie.
Don't forget, since someone needs to go to jail, it's revealed that the church's board all knew about what the victim did, and he blackmailed them into silence by the fact that they all had been molesting young boys and beating random gays and blacks to death for the fun of it. Then, after giving away everything the church had, the board members all go to jail for their crimes.
:cheersmate: