The Conservative Cave
Current Events => The DUmpster => Topic started by: franksolich on July 29, 2008, 06:09:48 AM
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http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=276x7828
Oh my.
undergroundpanther Donating Member (1000+ posts) Fri May-23-08 04:27 PM
Original message
I am really scared ..
I'm posting here because I dunno.
I am just sad,anxious,scared, and alone.
Always alone. Wondering why? Am I so horrible? I know I am not "normal" by any stretch.. I can't do"normal". My gender is bent,I am a feline inside, I seek the kind of love that no longer exists in this world,I'm deep in my thoughts, too deep for most people to either get or stand, too wounded, too ****ed up, not enough fun,I feel like my life is over. My body is ****ing up even more. I'm on methylprednisone now.My spine issues are compressing nerves so my shoulders,arms hands hurt.That's why I don't post here as much now.
My cheap ass MA won't pay for lyrica.Neurontin is the other drug that does what lyrica does but it makes you sleep a tremendous amount and your brain is fuzzed and you are so out of it..I can't take being "high" or feel drugged it triggers the hell out of me. So I am ****ed because according to MA I am not *worth* having access to a drug that actually helps without severe side effects.And the drug company that makes it is stingy with the samples,so my doctor can't get enough samples to help me..
As most know I am trapped where I live, can't drive but to get anywhere out here I need a car. I walk everywhere and there isn't always sidewalks,the bus is really bad. My mom always has dollar signs in her eyes whenever I ask her to maybe sell this place so I can move somewhere where I have access to transportation.
She moved out and got stuck in an ARM loan and is scared of losing money. I'm scared of my body getting too ****ed up to the point I can't walk the long distances I do with groceries.Than what? Rely on a roommate that works insane hours and really isn't there to help? Rely on my other roommate? She's young she HAS a future and someone who loves her.She isn't gonna stay here she has a life to live and I am no fun, since my body hurts like this,and I am so overwhelmed.
I am so full of dread and I hold it all inside. I fear when the safety net is gone,and it will be gone believe me, if the "middle class" gets too pinched,and whine to the government to do something , the rich won't be made to give up anything ,no they'll screw the poor more before any rich parasite feels any pain.That's the pattern.
To the State after all I am just some useless eater freak throwaway.
Who cares if I die alone ,in pain? The bankers and state will be glad they don't have another burden on the roles. I think the bank will seize the house, if my mom isn't alive,and if she can't get that bad loan taken care of.She wants to get profit but she bought a house that isn't even up to code in a depressed poor area of appalachia.And because she has that loan she is loathe to sell this place.I am so trapped.And I dunno if she even is aware that living here is slowly killing me.. According to the price tags we all wear in this country but deny we have them put upon us, I am worth $0.00.
No other country would want me because I have no special talents,artists are a dime a dozen and I would be a drain on their system.They will not take me when there is a line full of better people worth more than me who can wave money under the noses of the border police that other countries would prefer to have as citizens.
When the shit hits the fan and when it does I hope death comes to me quickly,because I cannot afford to pay for my meds,on SSI and if SSI is cut, well I am doomed. There will be younger people with better bodies in line for every job,I have no job experiences or references.
I won't be chosen.I am nobody.
I am so alone it would be easier to take feeling like this,facing the future if I had real allies,a place to go where I felt safe and wanted where others were who were looking for the same thing,a community.I wish there was someone else in the world who was willing to stand by me in real life and not be an abusive jerk or a manipulator. I would support them with all I have if they wanted to support me back. I feel like I have things to offer others that are beautiful, problem is nobody wants it, nobody cares.
People want me to be sunny all the time or shut up and so I act sunny as long as I can.Or I disappear and beat down the thoughts and emotions that torment me until I am numb enough to look like I am not in distress. I try to distract myself,or do other stuff to cope.But sometimes I can't hold it back and when I can't no one has the time or gives a shit, my counselor has a huge caseload.She is so busy why bother?
Or other things come up that are more important to the people around me,than my situation, or helping me, or just being there so I just shut it up. I realize nobody has time to deal with me.So what do I do? I just go to sleep hoping death comes to me.I wait for death. I have no future worth being in. There is no looking forward to, except more of the same.
It hurts horrible to live as outcast, not of my own doing.I'm not important to anyone never was,last priority should have been my name. I am scared shit-less of the future, politically it is so threatening to me I am so unprepared. I am invisible to the politicians, except when they want to cut benefits to useless eaters to make it look like they are doing something to appease the "middle class".. I'm hurting,scared,sad, furious and achingly alone in these emotions.
I don't know how long I can take it in this cage, this suburban trap,this situation,so alone,so dismal,so futile.
Sigh.If you got this far, thanks for reading it.
undergroundpanther Donating Member (1000+ posts) Fri May-23-08 07:11 PM
Response to Reply #2
3. this is why I am tattooing myself, to bring the feline beauty I see in here, out there.I am trying to claim myself back to myself.
But people do not understand it,they fear or act like assholes for reasons I'll never really understand. My life has been one long wrenching cry of... Why?
I wish I was not born,existing hurts.Yeah there is no justice,sense or sanity here, this is not my home,I am alien to here, I cannot handle this place.I tried .It crushes me day after day.. As for art if I make it, someone will tear it apart, get offended, taunt or make it into a masturbatory kind of profit game,I see the dollar signs in their eyes as they talk and talk about shit like "ooh your so talented you could make money"...but they offer me no help in how to do that,they just talk to fill up air I guess ,because they are cheap,and words are cheap.This is including my mom..Then if it is too raw what I made,too true they tear me apart for saying it, drawing it, being it.And it is becoming painful to draw write and create my arms and hands ache.And if I can't do art/write I might as well be dead because I have nothing else.
There is nobody willing to stand by me in this world,I have very very slim chance of meeting someone where I live who is willing to come into my world and stand with me, no one I can cherish who will cherish me in return,Why? I guess it is because I am worthless to this world..I know it hated me from the beginning, it will hate me until I die. I am so tired of fighting.Finding beauty in this place feels like I'm making a silk purse from a sows ear all the time.I can't lie inside like that, I can't do it my mind does not believe it, or trust it.. for everything beautiful dies, everything precious is defaced ,every thing innocent,raped..and torn apart..Why?.
Oh my.
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Oh my indeed.
Drug seeking behavior? Fear, hatred, self imposed isolation and bitterness?
She needs help. Lots of it.
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I followed a woman at Walmart the other day that had a huge cat tail hanging out the back of her pants. :mental: It wasn't UP though.
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UP, honey, you are mentally ill and reject the help of the people who love you and the doctors entrusted with your care. Your mental illness is driving people away out of frustration, sadness...Accept help, UP. You may not be able to totally cure what you have, but you can improve your situation and stop the self-defeating behavior of driving people away. I doubt people are rejecting you for being 'abnormal' but respect runs both ways. You have to accept people for who they are too, whether that be 'normal', conservative, non-feline, etc.
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undergroundpanther Donating Member (1000+ posts) Fri May-23-08 07:11 PM
Response to Reply #2
3. this is why I am tattooing myself, to bring the feline beauty I see in here, out there.I am trying to claim myself back to myself.
-----SNIP-------
Oh GREAT , you're making yourself LESS employable , LESS socially acceptable and LESS attractive. Brilliant plan sherlock. Simply stunning in its finesse and intricacy.
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As most know I am trapped where I live, can't drive but to get anywhere out here I need a car. I walk everywhere and there isn't always sidewalks,the bus is really bad. My mom always has dollar signs in her eyes whenever I ask her to maybe sell this place so I can move somewhere where I have access to transportation.
What a self centered bi**h. :censored:
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She'd be a damned sight better off if she'd just live instead of focusing on her felinity or gender issues, introspection is vastly overrated and beyond modest doses just results in life vapor lock. Get up off your dead self-absorbed ass, UP.
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As most know I am trapped where I live, can't drive but to get anywhere out here I need a car. I walk everywhere and there isn't always sidewalks,the bus is really bad. My mom always has dollar signs in her eyes whenever I ask her to maybe sell this place so I can move somewhere where I have access to transportation.
What a self centered bi**h. :censored:
so..she/he/it lives with her mom, doesn't have a job, is on chemicals all the time, can't drive, is tatooing herself because she/he/it thinks she's/he's/it's a cat doesn't like the buss, etc etc etc...but has the internet.
Darwin must be crying his eyes out.
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I know I've posted this picture before, but I can't help it. This is what she is on the inside......
(http://i237.photobucket.com/albums/ff69/JKay3-17/PRETTY.jpg)
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I guess it never occurred to the gender-bending, species challenged catboy that if it would declare a temporary moratorium on tattooing cat stripes on it's body it could use THAT money for the medication that works? And if it lives on it's own why does mom have to move so it can get around?
Cindie
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I guess it never occurred to the gender-bending, species challenged catboy that if it would declare a temporary moratorium on tattooing cat stripes on it's body it could use THAT money for the medication that works? And if it lives on it's own why does mom have to move so it can get around?
Cindie
I believe that her mother owns the house the UP lives in. Her mother lives someplace else. I remember that she got mad at her mother one time because her mother told the panther to get religion and that might bring her some peace in her life. That pissed off the panther and refused to speak with her mother. She got further infuriated at her mother because her mother wouldn't come and get her so she could go to some three day, artsy fartsy party with the in crowd in the city.
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I believe that her mother owns the house the UP lives in. Her mother lives someplace else. I remember that she got mad at her mother one time because her mother told the panther to get religion and that might bring her some peace in her life. That pissed off the panther and refused to speak with her mother. She got further infuriated at her mother because her mother wouldn't come and get her so she could go to some three day, artsy fartsy party with the in crowd in the city.
Your memory's awesomely accurate, sir.
The subway cat lives in an affluent suburb of Baltimore, and my less-than-perfect memory sort of recalls it's actually one of those evil gated communities.
The subway cat's mother owns the property (but lives elsewhere), and apparently used to Trial and Tribulation, allows the subway cat to have all sorts of unbalanced people live there too.
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I believe that her mother owns the house the UP lives in. Her mother lives someplace else. I remember that she got mad at her mother one time because her mother told the panther to get religion and that might bring her some peace in her life. That pissed off the panther and refused to speak with her mother. She got further infuriated at her mother because her mother wouldn't come and get her so she could go to some three day, artsy fartsy party with the in crowd in the city.
Your memory's awesomely accurate, sir.
The subway cat lives in an affluent suburb of Baltimore, and my less-than-perfect memory sort of recalls it's actually one of those evil gated communities.
The subway cat's mother owns the property (but lives elsewhere), and apparently used to Trial and Tribulation, allows the subway cat to have all sorts of unbalanced people live there too.
So that means that UP's SSDI is basically the grown up version of an allowance? :thatsright:
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I believe that her mother owns the house the UP lives in. Her mother lives someplace else. I remember that she got mad at her mother one time because her mother told the panther to get religion and that might bring her some peace in her life. That pissed off the panther and refused to speak with her mother. She got further infuriated at her mother because her mother wouldn't come and get her so she could go to some three day, artsy fartsy party with the in crowd in the city.
Your memory's awesomely accurate, sir.
The subway cat lives in an affluent suburb of Baltimore, and my less-than-perfect memory sort of recalls it's actually one of those evil gated communities.
The subway cat's mother owns the property (but lives elsewhere), and apparently used to Trial and Tribulation, allows the subway cat to have all sorts of unbalanced people live there too.
I didn't kill as many brain cells in my youth as I thought I did. (or should have) :-)
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I didn't kill as many brain cells in my youth as I thought I did. (or should have)
Thinking of things that cause brain cells to die, I haven't seen the Bostonian Drunkard on Skins's island for a while now.
Not that I've been looking around for him; but it just seems highly unusual one doesn't run across him like one used to.
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I didn't kill as many brain cells in my youth as I thought I did. (or should have)
Thinking of things that cause brain cells to die, I haven't seen the Bostonian Drunkard on Skins's island for a while now.
Not that I've been looking around for him; but it just seems highly unusual one doesn't run across him like one used to.
I believe that he has worn out his welcome.
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I think UP needs a new doctor.She needs one that will step up and tell her to drop this "I am a cat" BULLSHIT and tell her to stop tattooing satanic symbols all over herself. You aren't no cat sweet heart, you are just a lazy messed up fool who leaches off of society. You need to stop whining and start acting like a human being, damn moron. :banghead: :banghead:
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UP has lost my pity. Frank is right, UP is a primitive. She is also a savage.
This pathetic confused being that purges itself on the internet is more worthy of contempt than anything else. She spends her days living at the expense of others and then bemoaning her existence. She whines that she wishes she could die. But, while she is forced to live in this horrid place the world owes her. First, a middle age woman that lives in a free house, courtesy of her mother, with all bills paid in all likelihood. Second she is willing to use the government as her personal highwayman, robbing others to feed her wants. Third, the world must accommodate her, no matter how bizarre and disturbed she behaves.
Put this creature in a position where her mother realizes that further forbearance is unwarranted and boots UP from her property. A government that is unwilling to play Robin Hood so long as it gets a nice cut, and also is far less available as it was until the recent century. As well as a general populace that does not tolerate a woman raving about being cat and what do you have left.
In these circumstances UP is not laying on a bed in her mother's house bemoaning her fate and waiting for her government check. What you would have instead is a person plotting somewhere with others like her to run rampant over decent productive folk. She is distinguished not by her laments on her life. She is distinguished by her belief that the world owes her something, which is the distinguishing characteristic of a savage. A common criminal is more honest and honorable.
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When the shit hits the fan and when it does I hope death comes to me quickly,because I cannot afford to pay for my meds,on SSI and if SSI is cut, well I am doomed. There will be younger people with better bodies in line for every job,I have no job experiences or references.
I won't be chosen.I am nobody.
And yet you blame the world for your problems. You are nobody because you CHOOSE to be nobody. You have access to a computer -- USE THE DAMN THING TO GET SOME REAL TRAINING, THEN GET A FREAKING J.O.B.
Your cries for sympathy have become beyond pathetic -- by now the people on that board who know you avoid your "po wittle me" pity-party threads like the plague.
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:sosad:
Kinda hard to get a job when you go out of your way to make yourself unemployable. This bitch fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.
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You know, Vagabond here made some excellent points.
And in addition: the subway cat sees herself as a "free spirit," forgetting that an authentic free spirit (e.g., franksolich) pays his own way while he goes on his own way.
The subway cat is a slave to the system that maintains her; she's no free spirit.
The subway cat thinks the spirit of free-spiritry is to be offensive to people one dislikes, but no, that's not being free spirited. That's just being rude and uncouth and inconsiderate and offensive.
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:sosad:
Kinda hard to get a job when you go out of your way to make yourself unemployable. This bitch fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.
Agreed.
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:sosad:
Kinda hard to get a job when you go out of your way to make yourself unemployable. This bitch fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.
The thing is, I am not so sue she is stupid. Insolent, slothful, willfully aberrant, uncouth, depraved, and very much a bully when she claims to hate bullies, yes. But I am not totally convinced she is stupid.
She has had people offer to sell her art for her. While her art runs counter to anything that would suit my tastes, ultimately, in the art world, that which sells is art. She refused claiming it would open her to criticism and laying some bizarre claim that she had no right to it.
No one has offered to sell art that I haven't the developed skill or talent to complete. She is capable of doing something that is at least some level she could do something to support herself. She chooses to abuse her mother. She chooses to support a government doing that which it can not be justly sanctioned to do to support her. That is why I say she is a savage.
I have known artist's before. Not major name's but people who do make a living doing art. The thing that distinguishes them from her is they woke up and wrote down ideas. They went places, saw things, talked to people, and above all set to creating their work as often as they could. To UP that is too much like work. No, it is much easier to just take from others than it is too actually produce anything.
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:sosad:
Kinda hard to get a job when you go out of your way to make yourself unemployable. This bitch fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.
The thing is, I am not so sue she is stupid. Insolent, slothful, willfully aberrant, uncouth, depraved, and very much a bully when she claims to hate bullies, yes. But I am not totally convinced she is stupid.
She has had people offer to sell her art for her. While her art runs counter to anything that would suit my tastes, ultimately, in the art world, that which sells is art. She refused claiming it would open her to criticism and laying some bizarre claim that she had no right to it.
No one has offered to sell art that I haven't the developed skill or talent to complete. She is capable of doing something that is at least some level she could do something to support herself. She chooses to abuse her mother. She chooses to support a government doing that which it can not be justly sanctioned to do to support her. That is why I say she is a savage.
I have known artist's before. Not major name's but people who do make a living doing art. The thing that distinguishes them from her is they woke up and wrote down ideas. They went places, saw things, talked to people, and above all set to creating their work as often as they could. To UP that is too much like work. No, it is much easier to just take from others than it is too actually produce anything.
I've always thought that UGP was afflicted with Borderline personality disorder the things that she posts pretty much scream it!
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I've always thought that UGP was afflicted with Borderline personality disorder the things that she posts pretty much scream it!
It has been my experience that those who sit around doing nothing but feeling sorry for themselves could be diagnosed with anything. There are a lot of people with better reasons than her to sit around feeling sorry for themselves, but they don't. Instead, they make themselves get up and be productive as society expects of them. She won't even try. She refuses help unless it comes in the form of an unquestioning welfare check. That is why I have come to think that while she may have problems, she is also doing a great deal of shamming. Why shouldn't she? She gets everything for nothing.
I won't deny that clinical psychological problems do exist, but those problems may be overdiagnosed.
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UGP bothers me. Like the type of soul-shuddering bothering. I try to avoid any threads that discuss "it's" personal life. This person is so ****ing miserable, it amazes me that it hasn't killed itself yet. I dont understand it's will to keep on living when so many have killed themselves for less.
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Not only does it think it's a male cat, it seems to have forgotten it's birthday. :rofl:
I suppose saying **** you Would be Unprofessional than?
When someone in a position of authority over you, like your supervisor, asks you do to do something, invariably, it is interpreted as a demand. Saying "no" risks the charge against you of insubordination, which would elevate your chances of being fired, a frightening experience to contemplate. Interestingly, in the aboriginal group called the Semai,(which I have just learned is part of the Orang Asli from this map), known for their nonviolence and fun loving attitudes, it is very easy to say no. The children of Semai are taught from an early age, the concept of "bood."
If a parent asks a child to do something and the child replies "I bood," in other words, "I don’t feel like doing that," the matter is closed. The parent never tries to force or coerce the child to do something it does not want to do! As a consequence, Semai society is nonhierarchical. There are no formal leaders, no police, courts or government and best of all, there is no violence! Unfortunately, this nonhierachical society is defenseless against domination systems, such as corporations, which are currently decimating their tribal lands.They say that the language we are taught prepares us for the society we are going to be living in. Language having the above four characteristics prepares us to live in a domination system where a few people (largely hidden from view) will control the large majority. I am not satisfied living in such a system.
http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=204014095&blogID=371625919
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http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=204014095&blogID=319174747 :mental:
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Not only does it think it's a male cat, it seems to have forgotten it's birthday. :rofl:
I suppose saying **** you Would be Unprofessional than?
When someone in a position of authority over you, like your supervisor, asks you do to do something, invariably, it is interpreted as a demand. Saying "no" risks the charge against you of insubordination, which would elevate your chances of being fired, a frightening experience to contemplate. Interestingly, in the aboriginal group called the Semai,(which I have just learned is part of the Orang Asli from this map), known for their nonviolence and fun loving attitudes, it is very easy to say no. The children of Semai are taught from an early age, the concept of "bood."
If a parent asks a child to do something and the child replies "I bood," in other words, "I don’t feel like doing that," the matter is closed. The parent never tries to force or coerce the child to do something it does not want to do! As a consequence, Semai society is nonhierarchical. There are no formal leaders, no police, courts or government and best of all, there is no violence! Unfortunately, this nonhierachical society is defenseless against domination systems, such as corporations, which are currently decimating their tribal lands.They say that the language we are taught prepares us for the society we are going to be living in. Language having the above four characteristics prepares us to live in a domination system where a few people (largely hidden from view) will control the large majority. I am not satisfied living in such a system.
http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=204014095&blogID=371625919
Okay, I am not exactly sure why I clicked that. She says it is bullying for her to be told to watch the offensive language. Basically, by her own admission, bullying others to force thier acceptance of her offensive language. Hypocrite much?
I always love these primitive cultures these idiots trot out. Indeed, has their culture produced any noteworthy scientific knowledge. Does their culture provide a great amount of freedom along with a great deal of security from things like disease and starvation? The answer is invariably no. Why should one seek to emulate a culture that really hasn't succeeded at very much?
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http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=204014095&blogID=319174747 :mental:
My GAWD!
That is quite possibly the OOOOGLIEST ManBearSheCatestite I have ever seen.
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http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=204014095&blogID=319174747 :mental:
My GAWD!
That is quite possibly the OOOOGLIEST ManBearSheCatestite I have ever seen.
I'm pretty sure that is her own personal MySpace page. Check out the pictures. :bawl:
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http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=204014095&blogID=319174747 :mental:
My GAWD!
That is quite possibly the OOOOGLIEST ManBearSheCatestite I have ever seen.
I'm pretty sure that is her own personal MySpace page. Check out the pictures. :bawl:
Chris, you need to stay away from that page. There's no telling what kind of diseases you can get from it.
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http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=204014095&blogID=319174747 :mental:
My GAWD!
That is quite possibly the OOOOGLIEST ManBearSheCatestite I have ever seen.
I'm pretty sure that is her own personal MySpace page. Check out the pictures. :bawl:
Chris, you need to stay away from that page. There's no telling what kind of diseases you can get from it.
Hmmm. I've heard it said that, when one learns from their own experience, it's called knowledge; when one learns from the experiences of others, it's called wisdom. I'll use your wisdom, milady, and not click on the page, lest my eyeballs require a hot poker to rectify the damage done to them.
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http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=204014095&blogID=319174747 :mental:
My GAWD!
That is quite possibly the OOOOGLIEST ManBearSheCatestite I have ever seen.
I'm pretty sure that is her own personal MySpace page. Check out the pictures. :bawl:
Chris, you need to stay away from that page. There's no telling what kind of diseases you can get from it.
Whatever they are, they should be isolated, concentrated, weaponized and then dropped on our enemies.
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I've always thought that UGP was afflicted with Borderline personality disorder the things that she posts pretty much scream it!
It has been my experience that those who sit around doing nothing but feeling sorry for themselves could be diagnosed with anything. There are a lot of people with better reasons than her to sit around feeling sorry for themselves, but they don't. Instead, they make themselves get up and be productive as society expects of them. She won't even try. She refuses help unless it comes in the form of an unquestioning welfare check. That is why I have come to think that while she may have problems, she is also doing a great deal of shamming. Why shouldn't she? She gets everything for nothing.
I won't deny that clinical psychological problems do exist, but those problems may be overdiagnosed.
Well...Yes she is a narcissist....it's a main trait of most borderlines ie. "There's nothing wrong with me,it's the rest of the world that is ****ed up!" I also have the feeling mom may have reinforced some of this behaviour by spoiling UGP from a young age. I also wonder what happened to dad? Children don't usually have the issues that UGP has when there is a strong male role model present.