The Conservative Cave
Current Events => The DUmpster => Topic started by: BattleHymn on January 07, 2016, 08:34:36 PM
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http://www.democraticunderground.com/1018827455
Wait, you said QUERIED. Sorry, Tubby, I got a little carried away. I'm sure a guy your size can sympathize with a momentary lapse of self control.
Fri Jan 1, 2016, 01:48 PM
Star Member Tobin S. (8,285 posts)
I queried my first literary agent today.
A some of you know, I've written a book. I had ten copies of the manuscript printed up and sent them out to trusted friends. They all seemed to really enjoy it.
I've kicked around self-publishing it, but I've decided against it for now. It will likely be the way I have to go if I want to sell the book at all, but a guy can dream, can't he?
Man, there sure a lot of primitives daydreaming and dreaming lately.
So that was on Jan 1. Tubby got a response back from the literary agent today:
Thu Jan 7, 2016, 05:57 AM
Star Member Tobin S. (8,285 posts)
1. ...and I got my first rejection.
At least she was quick about it. I wasn't going to try to query anyone else before I got a response from her. She didn't ask for any samples from the book for the query. I'm thinking I might have a better shot with someone who is willing to look at a sample up front. I'm not really good at coming up with a sales pitch. I'd like to let the book do the talking.
Thu Jan 7, 2016, 07:28 PM
Star Member elleng (63,862 posts)
3. Sounds like a good idea to find an agent who might want to see samples from the book!
But I suppose there are questions she might ask that would make books no go before even reviewing samples.
Thu Jan 7, 2016, 08:21 PM
Star Member Tobin S. (8,285 posts)
6. I've looked at several agents.
Some of them ask for a sample or the first few chapters, others do not. Of the ones that do not, I'm thinking that they just want a synopsis in order to weed out stuff that they aren't looking for without investing too much time. I imagine some agents get thousands of queries.
However, I've looked at precisely what these agents are looking for and I don't bother with those who are not seeking the kind of writing that I do.
Thu Jan 7, 2016, 07:10 PM
Star Member Tobin S. (8,285 posts)
2. I queried my second literary agent today.
I have tenacity. I have perseverance. I have optimism.
If I ever manage to sell this book, I'm going to create a poster with all of my rejection letters. I'm anticipating that it might take many queries if I manage to get represented at all.
You can paste all of your rejections to your overalls. There has to be at least 350 square feet of real estate on those things.
Thu Jan 7, 2016, 07:49 PM
RebelOne (30,843 posts)
4. Keep trying, Tobin
I have worked in the publishing world many years. During the time I worked at a magazine in Miami, one of my many duties was as editorial assistant. I sent out lots of rejection letters for articles that I thought should have been published. There was one article which was outstanding and I begged the editor to publish it, but he told me to reject it anyway. Well, a few months later, I saw it running in The Saturday Evening Post.
So keep sending those query letters. Some day the right person will recognize your talent.
Thu Jan 7, 2016, 08:16 PM
Star Member Tobin S. (8,285 posts)
5. Thanks, Rebel.
I appreciate the vote of confidence.
Yes! By all means, Tubby, keep sending out those queries. And then keep posting at the DUmp when they get rejected. :popcorn:
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Dear Tobin S.,
Thank you for your submission to Bezoar Books. We regret that we will be unable to use your material.
Please review the reviewer's notes prior to submitting manuscripts in the future:
1. "Midget donkey porn" is not a literary genre. Our editorial staff was confused as to whether the donkeys were also midgets.
2. Please follow conventions of standard English composition. Random capitalization and failure to use paragraphs automatically disqualify submissions.
3. Elebinty!!! is not a number.
4. Please be sure future manuscripts are not contaminated with dried Spaghettios and bodily fluids. Our mail room is not equipped for biohazards.
5. An 85-page introduction by William Rivers Pitt to a 12 page book is not acceptable.
6. Artwork must be camera-ready. Stick figures are not considered "camera-ready".
Sincerely,
Bezoar Books
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The H5 was a foregone conclusion after #1. :rotf:
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He may want to submit the "Midget donkey porn" to Reporting San Diego. The editor there may know a thing or two about that genre.
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Nice job destroying trees printing all that. MS Word is easier to toss crap in the recycling bin.
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Thu Jan 7, 2016, 05:57 AM
Star Member Tobin S. (8,285 posts)
1. ...and I got my first rejection.
At least she was quick about it. I wasn't going to try to query anyone else before I got a response from her. She didn't ask for any samples from the book for the query. I'm thinking I might have a better shot with someone who is willing to look at a sample up front. I'm not really good at coming up with a sales pitch. I'd like to let the book do the talking.
In other words your book was rejected just by the way you asked if they would look at it. :lmao:
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In other words your book was rejected just by the way you asked if they would look at it. :lmao:
What it means is that his query letter evinced no skill or talent in the eyes of whomever read it. Since we're talking about a DUmmy here, the query letter was probably chock-full of spelling, grammatical, and punctuation errors. It was also probably passive-aggressive in the rsmithnumbers tradition of formal letters, and I am more than sure that the content of the supposed novel
was of no interest. Agents won't represent a sci-fi novel that's basically Star Wars, with Bush's face pasted over Darth Vader's, and I will hazard a small guess that intergalactic heroes like the
one who likely appears in Tobin's book do not wear overalls.
I will give full marks to Tobin for telling the truth, that he was quickly told to pound sand right up his butt. Cordell spent at least two years lying to DU about his imminent rise to Hollywood
stardom, when in fact he is devoid of skill and is inarticulate, to boot. Now, if Cordell and Tobin combined their powers, why, you might have a couple of pages worth of material for an outdated
Archie and Jughead comic. Watch out, literary world...the overall-clad, lazy-eyed juggernaut is coming for YOU.
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Too bad Tobin does not have a mother with a trust fund who could just pay to have the book published. :whistling:
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Wait. Where is Cali? She always says, Oh, my dear Tobin.
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Wait. Where is Cali? She always says, Oh, my dear Tobin.
You mean California Peggy, not the bitter old Vermontese cali primitive.
Sad to say, California Peggy is slowly receding from Skins's island, showing up there less and less--in fact, she's practically gone now--and on purpose. She's just getting old and tired, nothing more than that.
It happens.
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This is shocking! I heard he had a business degree or something not sure but he may have mentioned it once. :whatever:
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Thu Jan 7, 2016, 07:49 PM
RebelOne (30,843 posts)
4. Keep trying, Tobin
I have worked in the publishing world many years. During the time I worked at a magazine in Miami, one of my many duties was as editorial assistant. I sent out lots of rejection letters for articles that I thought should have been published. There was one article which was outstanding and I begged the editor to publish it, but he told me to reject it anyway. Well, a few months later, I saw it running in The Saturday Evening Post.
So keep sending those query letters. Some day the right person will recognize your talent.
Assuming this is true... that is why you were an assistant then and an assistant now.