This was originally posted at CU near July 4 of 2007 (I believe). So without further adieu...
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, Cuers of all ages, it’s my honor and privilege to introduce to you today the spirit guide with humorous side. He’s part pigeon and part Irish Setter. He points out the good and poops on the bad. He’s the one, the only, FLIPPY DOOooo!!!!!
Flippy Doo: Hello guys. It’s good to be here today. Since we’re coming up on the birthday of our great nation, the greatest nation to ever grace the face of the earth, I thought it would be interesting to get some opinions from folks on the other side of the political aisle today. Yes, today we are going to be getting some info from several members of that wonderfully entertaining website, the Democratic Underground.
Flippy Doo: So tell me Duers, with the 4th approaching how do you feel about America?
Vidar: Personally, I hate it
Xchrom: i don't love the whole cult of america -- nationalistic bullshit
Tierra_y_Libertad: I find the whole concept of "love of country" rather silly. At best.
Flippy Doo: Wow, that’s some pretty strong language. I would imagine that most Americans would disagree with you.
Undeterred: Most people are idiots.
rhett o rick: I would say lazy over stupid.
MuseRider: Some are but I really think that most are intellectually lazy, find someone they think they can trust to think for them and then go about their busy lives. Well, on second thought, that IS stupid. Nevermind.
Flippy Doo: Well, don’t you think that broad brushing the American people like that is somewhat wrong?
cboy4: Is it wrong for me to not give a crap if an out of control bus plows into Clarence Thomas and Antonin Scalia standing on a sidewalk after another one of their partisan rulings? I mean, I think I would be happy. I would feel joyful. But this must be an inappropriate emotion??? I just don't know.
Flippy Doo: Hmmm, in my mind it is wrong.
Big Kahuna: Out of control busses happen. It is the circle of life. Rejoice!
Flippy Doo: Let’s try to get away from this hatred for a minute and discuss the administration. What is your opinion of the President’s recent appointee, Tony Snow?
Antifaschits: He looks ill.
Sinkingfeeling: What happens when you sell your soul to the devil.
Nimrod2005: I am hoping cancer is eating his heart out, or other parts of his body from the inside outward –
Flippy Doo: Now that’s just not nice. Look guys, there are stories going around that a lot of you guys are sort of hate filled. What I’m looking for is evidence to present to the world that you are actually just normal folks who are maybe just a bit too passionate about things at times, but you’re not really helping me out here. I tell you what…mothers are a good thing and helping children is a good thing so let’s talk about the President’s mother. She’s been reading to sick children in the hospital. Surely you can see some good in that?
Latebloomer: It CAN'T be good for sick children to be exposed to an evil old bat like her!
Flippy Doo: ARRGGGH!!! Okay, okay, let’s just get away from political people all together. We’re coming up on the 4th. Our brave military has fought for about 230 years to protect our freedom and help make this country what it is today. Regardless of whether or not we agree on the Iraqi war issue, surely we can agree that our soldiers deserve our respect and appreciation as we near this patriotic holiday.
Gaspee: Nope. I don't support anyone who joined the military after an illegal war was launched.
Flippy Doo: Ahh, come on now! We wouldn’t be the leader of the free world if not for the very soldiers that you refuse to support!
LibFromWV: Whaaaa? The military is only necessary because we are idiots. We can't solve problems without hitting each other like a damn bunch of little babies. Necessary? Not if people actually had a brain cell or two.
Flippy Doo: Actually I don’t think that the terrorists in the insurgency really cares how many brain cells you have. They just want you dead.
coalition_unwilling: Please stop calling them an "insurgency" -- they're a legitimate and justified Resistance
Flippy Doo: Well, do you think that their beheading of innocents is also legitimate and justified?
Leesa: Here we go with the beheading hysteria again. It is a quick way of killing in the Middle East and possibly far less tortuous than imprisonment for years without charges and frequent beatings
Flippy Doo: Heaven help us!!! You folks are absurd. You really DO come off as being full of hatred. What exactly is wrong with you people?!?!
BareNakedLiberal: We are all suffering a collective nervous breakdown.
Tace: I Often Think That Historians Will Point To Drugs As Our Problem
Flippy Doo: Whatever it is, keep your anti-American hatred away from me. That’s all I can stomach for tonight folks. Thanks for tuning in. I wish all of you who actually love and appreciate our country a happy and safe 4th of July. God Bless America.
Disclaimer: Although the quotes shown above were actually made by DUmmies, Flippy Doo is a FICTIONAL spirit guide and as such has not in actuality interviewed any DUmmies.
