Wouldn't be surprised if you DUmmies had to pay a "Self assault" tax for masturbation. Since, you know, no self respecting man, woman, or beast would lay with you. Better find another way, DUches...
My father said a couple different times that if this administration could find a way to tax the air you breathe, they would. I now believe him. If he was around after this ruling today, he'd be beside himself. I can imagine him pursing his lips, and shaking his head in astonishment. (Those I have on FB have seen images of him, so you can imagine.)