note: because the research has been so voluminous, rather than releasing the TOP 10 PRIMITIVES OF 2009 in a single thread, and because it helps build up suspense over the identity of the TOP PRIMITIVE OF 2009, I'm going to release one top primitive a day, in ascending order.
Also because I want to keep the primitives on the edge of their seats.10.
California Peggy, also known as the California piggy primitive, and less frequently as the Yosemite Sam primitive; a
les risibles primitive.
The California piggy primitive is a long-time inhabitant of Skins's island, ostensibly a retired R.N. living an opulent Streisandian life in southern California with frequent trips to Europe. The California piggy primitive was born in 1942, but looks older than that.
Because she seems so lightweight, I myself never paid the California piggy primitive much attention, until a photograph of her was posted on freerepublic some years ago, showing her on one side, and another woman on the other side, sucking the Bostonian Drunkard's greasy flaccid jowls.
Revolted the sensibilities.
There is some controversy about whether or not the California piggy primitive is really a man, having some parts cut off so as to make him a "woman."
The California piggy primitive is excessively vain, and posts her photograph on Skins's island every chance she gets. This is from 2008, and not 2009, but the California piggy primitive is ageless; once one gets as old as her, one doesn't change much:
http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,5939.0/The California piggy primitive fancies herself a writer, or a poetess, evoking this response from another inhabitant of Skins's island, someone who has been published without resorting to a vanity press:
http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,37561.msg407394.html#msg407394But, has anyone here ever read California Peggy's poetry?
Just on the basis of that, she deserves the top prize. I'm pretty sure it was directly responsible for a number of the fires and landslides that took place in California, probably gave Charlie Manson one of his migraines, and even made Arnold Schwarzenegger think that maybe he was living in the wrong state.
Don't get me wrong - her poetry isn't bad. It's awful. It's the kind of thing that would blind God if He had to read it. It's a collection of words that should be machine-gunned down, one by one, preferably out in the desert, with no witnesses, and a nice young girl who could be counted on to claim that she'd been shooting jackrabbits. It's so bad, mirrors crack if anyone looking into a mirror while thinking of one of CP's poems runs the risk of permanent scarring, even blindness, while thinking of it as he peers into the mirror.
I don't want to say that it's the worst thing I've ever read, because I also once had to read a chapter of a book written by my dermatologist's brother-in-law (this happens when you have your first book published, and everyone suddenly has a manuscript they absolutely NEED you to read - it's a sure-fire best seller) in which every woman - and there was a new woman on every page - had the most amazing orgasm as soon as the man entered her. Every time. One stroke.
CP's poetry isn't that bad because I don't have to go to her and tell her that there are parts of it that need some work.
Her poetry needs immolation. She needs to have all writing impletments and keyboards, paper, blank walls, toilet paper, paper towels, margins in newspapers, and even the blank part of framed works of art removed from her home until this idea that she's writing "poetry" passes. Maybe medication will help.
The California piggy primitive records singing a poem about her body:
http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,33741.0/The California piggy primitive as a drama queen:
http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,30083.0/The California piggy primitive doesn't go out much:
http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,31149.0/The California piggy primitive gives her two cents:
http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,22871.0/The California piggy primitive wants to shoot down:
http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,21359.0/The California piggy primitive is just sickened:
http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,22351.0/The California piggy primitive ignores the plight of a primitive in need:
http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,36752.0/http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,34725.0/http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,33251.0/The California piggy primitive condemns with anger:
http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,33392.0/The California piggy primitive poetizes orgasm:
http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,32412.0/The California piggy primitive nails it:
http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,26605.0/The California piggy primitive can do it:
http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,32412.0/The California piggy primitive elects abortion:
http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,37469.0/The California piggy primitive has bowels examined:
http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,30108.0/The California piggy primitive remembers the dead:
http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,30277.0/The California piggy primitive outraged:
http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,27717.0/The California piggy primitive finds outrage palpable:
http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,32412.0/The California piggy primitive never knows:
http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,27717.0/The California piggy primitive glad she doesn't have snow in the driveway:
http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,21796.0/The California piggy primitive proud:
http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,21796.0/The California piggy primitive relieved:
http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,22783.0/The California piggy primitive sad:
http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,26600.0/The California piggy primitive finds it not a simple question:
http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,30384.0/The California piggy primitive doesn't waste any time:
http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,21349.0/The California piggy primitive calls Chief S itting Bull a naughty name:
http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,23005.0/The California piggy primitive finds primitive meet-ups fun:
http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,30384.0/The California piggy primitive would like to hear more:
http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,27374.0/The California piggy primitive suspects racial overtones:
http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,26625.0/The California piggy primitive keeping track:
http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,27178.0/
