Congratulations to the bitter old Vermontese cali primitive, #06 Top DUmmie of 2013!
cali was #13 Top DUmmie in 2012, #09 Top DUmmie in 2011, #13 Top DUmmie in 2009, and #13 Top DUmmie in 2008; this is the highest she’s ever been ranked.
cali didn’t do anything of note this past year, but one suspects she was voted one of the top primitives based upon, cumulatively, her vast contributions to the merriment and amusement of decent and civilized people every single year that Skins’s island has been above water.
She’s truly underrated; she should’ve been in the top ten every single year.
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cali is in her late 50s, early 60s; one senses she’s not quite as old as the sparkling old dude (born 1946) and not quite as young as the defrocked warped primitive (born 1950 or 1951). The elmers insist she’s an elderly aunt of my fellow alum Skins, which is why she gets away with so much, but that’s only a rumor, and the elmers have never been known to be right about anybody anyway.
But she’s no spring chicken, that’s for sure.
cali comes from Old Money and Much Money in Connecticut; she ostensibly has two sisters, and an ancient maternal ancestress still living, all three of whom for one reason or another keep their distance. She was educated at some sort of girls’ finishing school out in California, hence her primitive monicker. She’s lived in the northernmost fringe of Vermont for a long time, isolated in the mountains and forests, far from humanity.
The bitter old Vermontese cali primitive was perhaps married once, and has an adult son of mixed race, a troubled kid for whom she doesn’t seem to care much. He bothers her only rarely, but when he does, her irritation is obvious.
cali’s never posted a photograph of herself--a wise move for any primitive--but one imagines her as tall, grey, wearing a double-breasted army greatcoat and rubber galoshes as she feeds the chickens, looking as formidable as a battleship hoving into port.
Maybe something along the lines of the late Margaret Thatcher, but that’s only a guess.
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cali’s still famous for a stunt she pulled a couple years ago, wallduding herself, losing her job.
cali (1000+ posts) Sun Jul-24-11 03:24 PM
Original message
It's almost August. I'm sick of the summer people.
The area where I live is a poor, rural but beautiful part of Vermont known as the Northeast Kingdom. The town where I live is most often described as "hardscrabble", but just down the road a couple of miles is beautiful pristine Caspian Lake and a thriving summer enclave of privileged people. William Rehnquist vacationed here for decades. On a brighter note, so did Wallace Stegner.
The place I work is sort of the pet place for summer people, not only from this area of Vermont but from all over the state and NH. (We welcome our neighbors- farmers, loggers, the local GLBT community, and make sure that people who aren't wealthy summer folk feel at home and can afford at least some of what's on the menu, and much of the nursery stock). The summer people are so frickin' entitled- they're always the ones letting their dogs run around unleashed and chasing the chickens and running through the display gardens)
This afternoon a particularly obnoxious, large family group is coming. (D.C. repukes, you'd recognize the name). They always arrive late. They're late now. They're demanding and constantly changing their order and running the waitress/waiter ragged. They invariably demand the screened porch- not the garden where they'd have to share space with the hoi polloi. So... we're telling them that the screened in porch is infested with earwigs. Yesterday we called and told them that if they arrive a minute past four we aren't serving them, and we're not offering them any of the specials or catering to any special dietary requests.
Petty revenge can be sweet.
20 minutes to go. They will show up at 4. We will not let them stay. We're all hoping they never come back.
Here's where I work.
http://perennialpleasures.net/tea-garden-cafe
http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,62285.0.htmlHowever, unlike the base cowardly brain-damaged primitive, she admitted her mistake and paid the penalty.
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Throughout the years--nay, for more than a decade now--cali’s been known to speak out much on two particular issues, abortion and racism. Being a primitive, of course that means she’s foursquare in favor of infanticide, and a racist to boot.
She’s on record as having had at least one abortion, circa forty years ago, and claims no qualms about it, but for someone not bothered by something, she sure seems to dwell on it a lot.
Sigmund Freud had something to say about that, but never mind.
cali’s also notorious for her “empathy†for a certain racial minority, although as with most primitives, her behavior doesn’t conform with her words. Given her tart, acerbic nature, and biting wit, the bitter old Vermontese cali primitive’s pretty interesting, but on the matters of race, she’s abysmally, dreadfully, boring.
One wonders why she’s that way.
http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,92010.0- - - - - - - - - -
However, all in all, despite her faults, one can’t help loving cali, and wish her well.
