Congratulations to Lady Freedom Returns, the winner of the Robyn McGrath award, the “Rob,†for having been the primitive provoking the most laughter and merriment to decent and civilized people nearly every time she opened her mouth, trying to appear credible and authoritative.
Amber had lots of competition for this award, including Atman,
, walrus-face, Dennis the Menace, the pie-and-jam primitive, the locust primitive, cousin nadin, Fat Che’s little brother, SidDithers, the lesser Steven primitive, and the Taverner primitive.
But from the start, it was a two-woman race to the exclusion of all others, Amber and
duking it out in no-holds-barred fisticuffs, an epic gargantuan Battle of the Jugs, if one will.
Amber joins cousin nadin, the past winner of the Rob; the award was created only last year.
It needs noted that Atman is the only primitive who thus far has failed to win an award named after him.
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Amber first became a primitive of interest (PoI) a little over two years ago, after the tornado that devastated Joplin, Missouri; she and her lover, the hoary Dreamboat Dave, decided to hike to Washington state so as to be as far away from similar natural catastrophes in the future.
They got as far as the border with Kansas, and then turned around and went back home.
One disremembers what happened next, but then they mysteriously showed up in Tucson, Arizona…..
…..and then Dreamboat Dave met sneering Chad, another discombobulated military veteran, who convinced him Amber was a parasite on him, and he threw her out…..
…..after which Amber borrowed bus-fare from her loving, caring sisters back in Joplin, and returned home…..
…..where Amber worked in a convenience store a whooping three weeks, until she’d paid off her loving, caring sisters, and gotten a bus ticket back to Tucson from another primitive…..
…..where she currently resides in city missions, waiting for the American Dream to come true.
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This necessarily has to be a short award, because surely one understands we’ll be coming across Amber further along in the Top DUmmies of 2013 contest, and one needs to save the details for a greater award.
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Amber’s value as a primitive inspiring laughter and ridicule however appears to be on the wane, and into 2014, decent and civilized people might not find her as funny as they used to, if these comments are any indication:
This bitch really pisses me off. Suffering you self-created loser? You don't know the meaning of it or what reality looks like if it bit you on your ample white ass. Don't talk to the grown ups like you know a thing about what you are talking about. You are a fat lazy ass loser DARING to condescend to people who are far better off then you and have gone through far worse then you have. Give me a break...seriously lady, you need some serious introspection. I can't even read her stupid shit anymore--she's a ****ing poser--plain and simple--a big FAT UGLY POSER and no doubt many of those homeless through real circumstances where you are know you are a POSER. You are straight up pathetic lady.
This fat cow has not did one positive thing in her life to enhance the greatness of this country. Not a single, solitary thing.
She's nothing more that a parasitic leech.
Let’s take a look at how YOU take the saying “pull yourself up by the boot straps.â€
A rancher expends much time, effort, and money to raise cattle. When the cattle is ready to be “harvested†much time, effort, and money is used separating it into its various parts. One of the parts being the hide.
Much time, effort, and money is expended preparing the hide to be used as leather.
The boot maker buys the leather and expends much time, effort, and money using the leather to make a pair of boots with straps.
While the rancher sweated you sat in an air conditioned McDonalds using their WiFi to beg for money on WishaDUpe.
While the people in the slaughter house sweated you kicked back on your cot in the Sally distributing bed bugs.
While the people in the tannery sweated you were in a library using their computers to post at DU.
While the people at the boot maker sweated you were making goggly eyes at Chief Pumping Squaw.
After sitting around while everyone else sweated during the entire process, you now think that the pair of boots should just be FREELY GIVEN to you…because you magically deserve them somehow.
You also think that you should be FREELY GIVEN a dwelling so you will have a place to keep the boots…because you magically deserve it somehow.
And to top it all off, you think should be assigned to actually place the boots on your feet and pull them up because such labor is beneath you and because you magically deserve it somehow.
You know, Amber, I’ve tried to stay out of your free-ride fantasy, but you’re starting to piss me off, bitch.
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My, my, how the worm turns.
