The Conservative Cave
Current Events => The DUmpster => The DUmping Ground => Topic started by: franksolich on December 27, 2013, 12:54:32 PM
-
Congratulations to the bitter old Vermontese cali primitive, #06 Top DUmmie of 2013!
cali was #13 Top DUmmie in 2012, #09 Top DUmmie in 2011, #13 Top DUmmie in 2009, and #13 Top DUmmie in 2008; this is the highest she’s ever been ranked.
cali didn’t do anything of note this past year, but one suspects she was voted one of the top primitives based upon, cumulatively, her vast contributions to the merriment and amusement of decent and civilized people every single year that Skins’s island has been above water.
She’s truly underrated; she should’ve been in the top ten every single year.
- - - - - - - - - -
cali is in her late 50s, early 60s; one senses she’s not quite as old as the sparkling old dude (born 1946) and not quite as young as the defrocked warped primitive (born 1950 or 1951). The elmers insist she’s an elderly aunt of my fellow alum Skins, which is why she gets away with so much, but that’s only a rumor, and the elmers have never been known to be right about anybody anyway.
But she’s no spring chicken, that’s for sure.
cali comes from Old Money and Much Money in Connecticut; she ostensibly has two sisters, and an ancient maternal ancestress still living, all three of whom for one reason or another keep their distance. She was educated at some sort of girls’ finishing school out in California, hence her primitive monicker. She’s lived in the northernmost fringe of Vermont for a long time, isolated in the mountains and forests, far from humanity.
The bitter old Vermontese cali primitive was perhaps married once, and has an adult son of mixed race, a troubled kid for whom she doesn’t seem to care much. He bothers her only rarely, but when he does, her irritation is obvious.
cali’s never posted a photograph of herself--a wise move for any primitive--but one imagines her as tall, grey, wearing a double-breasted army greatcoat and rubber galoshes as she feeds the chickens, looking as formidable as a battleship hoving into port.
Maybe something along the lines of the late Margaret Thatcher, but that’s only a guess.
- - - - - - - - - -
cali’s still famous for a stunt she pulled a couple years ago, wallduding herself, losing her job.
cali (1000+ posts) Sun Jul-24-11 03:24 PM
Original message
It's almost August. I'm sick of the summer people.
The area where I live is a poor, rural but beautiful part of Vermont known as the Northeast Kingdom. The town where I live is most often described as "hardscrabble", but just down the road a couple of miles is beautiful pristine Caspian Lake and a thriving summer enclave of privileged people. William Rehnquist vacationed here for decades. On a brighter note, so did Wallace Stegner.
The place I work is sort of the pet place for summer people, not only from this area of Vermont but from all over the state and NH. (We welcome our neighbors- farmers, loggers, the local GLBT community, and make sure that people who aren't wealthy summer folk feel at home and can afford at least some of what's on the menu, and much of the nursery stock). The summer people are so frickin' entitled- they're always the ones letting their dogs run around unleashed and chasing the chickens and running through the display gardens)
This afternoon a particularly obnoxious, large family group is coming. (D.C. repukes, you'd recognize the name). They always arrive late. They're late now. They're demanding and constantly changing their order and running the waitress/waiter ragged. They invariably demand the screened porch- not the garden where they'd have to share space with the hoi polloi. So... we're telling them that the screened in porch is infested with earwigs. Yesterday we called and told them that if they arrive a minute past four we aren't serving them, and we're not offering them any of the specials or catering to any special dietary requests.
Petty revenge can be sweet.
20 minutes to go. They will show up at 4. We will not let them stay. We're all hoping they never come back.
Here's where I work.
http://perennialpleasures.net/tea-garden-cafe
http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,62285.0.html
However, unlike the base cowardly brain-damaged primitive, she admitted her mistake and paid the penalty.
- - - - - - - - - -
Throughout the years--nay, for more than a decade now--cali’s been known to speak out much on two particular issues, abortion and racism. Being a primitive, of course that means she’s foursquare in favor of infanticide, and a racist to boot.
She’s on record as having had at least one abortion, circa forty years ago, and claims no qualms about it, but for someone not bothered by something, she sure seems to dwell on it a lot.
Sigmund Freud had something to say about that, but never mind.
cali’s also notorious for her “empathy†for a certain racial minority, although as with most primitives, her behavior doesn’t conform with her words. Given her tart, acerbic nature, and biting wit, the bitter old Vermontese cali primitive’s pretty interesting, but on the matters of race, she’s abysmally, dreadfully, boring.
One wonders why she’s that way.
http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,92010.0
- - - - - - - - - -
However, all in all, despite her faults, one can’t help loving cali, and wish her well.
-
Freakin w00t!!
My card is starting to come back in. :popcorn:
-
Cali is at her best when she is tearing into the other primitives.
-
Cali is at her best when she is tearing into the other primitives.
Ain't that the truth, but after it's all said and done she is still dumber then a bag of hammers.
-
Ain't that the truth, but after it's all said and done she is still dumber then a bag of hammers.
Yes. I love singling her out with my favorite mole for a scrap session for that reason.
-
Frank I would never imagine Cali has 1/10 the dignity or inner beauty of a Margaret thatcher, think of her as more of a Gertrude stein type. Someone born with outer ugliness whose inner hatred and overall bitchiness has caused her to get uglier physically as she ages. Pj o'rourke in Republican Party reptile describes the look of his cabin mates on a communist Volga river cruise way better than I can.
Also is it just me or has the quality of the top DUmmies gone down in recent years, I'm just guessing who the top 5 will be, but it seems that the winners are not people you could even stand to be in the same room with. Whiny look at me personalities whose lack of personal hygiene would turn me off from even trying to say anything to them.
As much as we rag on the pittstain or the red faced primitive I have a feeling I could argue with them and maybe even have a beer with them. The current crop would fit in with UGP.
Although not as extreme, it's the difference between arguing with Christopher hitchens vs al sharpton
-
Ps. I don't include Cali in necessarily with the current crop of losers. I would think she is more like some of my cranky old leftist aunts who I argue with, but deal with because they are family
-
Frank I would never imagine Cali has 1/10 the dignity or inner beauty of a Margaret Thatcher, think of her as more of a Gertrude Stein type.
The comparison with the late Margaret Thatcher is outer appearance only; the bitter old Vermontese cali primitive on the inside is nothing like her.
I'm thinking of "formidability," like a battleship. I think that fairly describes both, the decent and civilized woman, and the primitive femme.
-
Yes. I love singling her out with my favorite mole for a scrap session for that reason.
That's just mean.
I like it!
-
The comparison with the late Margaret Thatcher is outer appearance only; the bitter old Vermontese cali primitive on the inside is nothing like her.
I'm thinking of "formidability," like a battleship. I think that fairly describes both, the decent and civilized woman, and the primitive femme.
I always pictured the cali primitive to be this frail, skinny, scrawny, covered in wrinkles bitter old wretch.
Is she really battleship sized, and my imagination is mistaken all this time?
-
Before her wallduding, the webpage for Perennial Pleasures included a photo of cali (Eva Gage).
She is indeed a scrawny, wrinkled, ugly crone bearing no resemblance to Margaret Thatcher.
After she wallduded herself the picture was taken down.
Her appearance has surely changed since the wallduding and her permanent unemployment.
She shattered a leg, became a cripple, and developed a severe addiction to painkillers.
-
Before her wallduding, the webpage for Perennial Pleasures included a photo of cali (Eva Gage).
She is indeed a scrawny, wrinkled, ugly crone bearing no resemblance to Margaret Thatcher.
After she wallduded herself the picture was taken down.
Her appearance has surely changed since the wallduding and her permanent unemployment.
She shattered a leg, became a cripple, and developed a severe addiction to painkillers.
Damn.
There was a picture there?
<<<missed it.
-
I always pictured the cali primitive to be this frail, skinny, scrawny, covered in wrinkles bitter old wretch.
Is she really battleship sized, and my imagination is mistaken all this time?
My "picture" of her, as explained in the award, was derived from imagination.
Apparently my imagination was off.....as it had been regarding the nemesis primitive too.
-
Damn.
There was a picture there?
<<<missed it.
Yeah, she was wearing a goofy chef's hat, holding a tray of cookies or some kind of baked thing.
The caption said something about our dear friend and neighbor Eva Gage.
All that disappeared right after the wallduding.
Maybe someone nabbed that photo.
-
Aw crap, I think I had her as my number one pick. Gotta go look now.
Yes I did. I've been robbed again! :rant:
Damn your eyes, Diebold!
-
--edit to add: The following is totally WRONG. I was wrong.
I mixed up Cal Pig and Cali. and the pig is even a DUDE! I leave this up to show that unlike DougiePoo, I can admit I was WRONG.
There is only ONE reason Cali Made it to number six this year. and this is it!
Wed Aug 21, 2013, 09:13 PM
Star Member DainBramaged (39,016 posts)
I blocked FAUX on the TV at work today
felt good.
I replaced the remote that accesses the cable box channel sub- menus with a $5 basic remote and stashed the cable box remote in the rafters.
**** the Pukes.
and the very first response to Dougie Dearest was...
Response to DainBramaged (Original post)
Wed Aug 21, 2013, 09:16 PM
Star Member CaliforniaPeggy (105,433 posts)
1. That was an excellent move, my dear DainBramaged!
Cali your touch is poison. Like a moth to the flame you drew close to the greatest waldude event ever and endorsed it...proving to the world: Ya aint leaned NUTHIN!
-
CaliforniaPeggy and cali are actually two different primitives, though. CaliforniaPeggy lives in California, while cali lives in Vermont.
-
Uh, sorry, sir, you read that too fast.
No big deal; I do it all the time.
That was the poetess laurettete of Skins's island who made that congratulatory comment, not cali.
In fact, further down in the thread, the bitter old Vermontese cali primitive castigated him.
-
:rotf:
Derp!
Well. in that case...NEVERMIND!
edit to add. I was highly impressed with my wit. It pays to be a mite more humble.
Curses! Foiled again!
-
:rotf:
Derp!
Well. in that case...NEVERMIND!
Don't be embarrassed.
If you've done it one time, I've done it ten times.
-
There is only ONE reason Cali Made it to number six this year. and this is it!
Wed Aug 21, 2013, 09:13 PM
and the very first response to Dougie Dearest was...
Cali your touch is poison. Like a moth to the flame you drew close to the greatest waldude event ever and endorsed it...proving to the world: Ya aint leaned NUTHIN!
Um, Mr. Mannn, sir;
Aren't you getting the poetress, the CalPig, mixed up with the walldudette, the bitter old vermontese, cali, of tea room and earwig fame?
-
Congratulations to the bitter old Vermontese cali primitive, #06 Top DUmmie of 2013!
cali didn’t do anything of note this past year, but one suspects she was voted one of the top primitives based upon, cumulatively.
I actually like the old broad. I'd say that her placement has more to do with the weak competition from the rest of the field instead of her contributions.
The DUmp is getting over saturated with dreks.
-
Um, Mr. Mannn, sir;
Aren't you getting the poetress, the CalPig, mixed up with the walldudette, the bitter old vermontese, cali, of tea room and earwig fame?
Why yes I am. Had I been correct, it would have made for a good rant.
alas, I be-eth a dork.
-
Why yes I am. Had I been correct, it would have made for a good rant.
alas, I be-eth a dork.
That's quite alright, sir.
Even I confuse gNads and pittstain at times.
Their appearance is similar, however, pittstain seems to have learned "spell-check".
-
She deserved her reward. I don't bring very many of her posts over, but she's a very angry primitive. Her words run down the page from the spittle flying out of her mouth as she types.
.
-
My favorite memory of DUmmy cali was shortly after she wallduded herself out of a job.
She was apparently drinking heavily at that point, had a bad fall at home, and shattered her femur.
That in itself was entertaining as hell, but then she discovered she could not reach her phone, which was located up a flight of stairs.
So here was this miserable, hateful bitch in blinding pain, crawling on her belly like a nightcrawler, dragging her busted leg down the road to her nearest neighbor.
It was hilarious. Made me wish I could have been there to watch and laugh.
I'd at least like to have a chance to watch it on YouTube.
Anyway, she survived.
For how long is a good question, given her heavy drinking and current addiction to painkillers.
She lives alone, so when she does finally OD I guess the earwigs will feast on her scrawny carcass.