I laughed out loud, especially the part about his bubble bath. Probably he lights candles and sips a nice Chardonnay as well.
Steve, you should also use a deep conditioner and a cucumber masque. That will reduce puffiness from your good cry.
BFDU, your avatar! Disgusting yet hilarious.
ETA: After I hit post, the internet fairies brought me some ads for Harry's razors, Steve. They wanted to be sure you got a nice close shave around the bikini area. Careful around the knees, you can nick yourself!