http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=337x3779Now, this is sort of kind of old, but I'm desperate to avoid indignant gay primitive bonfires on Skins's island. So I went to find indignant fat primitive bonfires instead.
The giant primitive tells his tale of woes a little later in the bonfire; don't be impatient. He gets around to it.
Man, this primitive is simply enormous. No other way to put it, just simply enormous.
This is long, but it's no subway cat garblement.
Gentle Giant (1000+ posts) Fri Aug-08-08 04:14 AM
Original message
My "Tour of Las Vegas by Hospital" continues. Same shit, another 35 days.
Hello all. I have just been the victim of yet another go-around with cellulitis, because thus far nobody has stepped up to try and treat the underlying causes (edema and lymphedema brought on by my venous insufficiency and bad vein valves). I think this is finally about to change, and I will know more after my regular wound care appointment later today.
Right now it's time for bed. But, I really wanted to check in and let everyone know I'm still here. I'll have a lot more to say when I have more time to post. I hope all of you regulars are doing well.
See? It doesn't take the giant primitive long to get around to it:
Gentle Giant (1000+ posts) Fri Aug-08-08 09:22 PM
Response to Original message
4. Just got back from wound care, so here's my post as promised:
I have now been back from my 3rd cellulitis hospitalization for a week. This time, I got to see two places in one visit. The first was the hospital my wound care team contracts through (love the wound care doctors, HATE their hospital!!), followed by another stay at a long-term care facility for more of those lovely IV antibiotics and whatnot.
How about I divide this post into two sections. I'll do all my bitching, pissing, moaning and gut spilling in the first half; then I'll talk about the positives and my future plans in the second half.
Part One: GG Bitches, Pisses, Moans and Spills His Guts (In hi-def where available)
I can't remember how much of this backstory I've already gone over in previous posts, and right now I'm feeling way too lazy to go back and read them all. I guess this will make a nice recap of some things then, but there's plenty of new stuff too.
I do know that I've discussed my hospitalization back in March of this year, and how while I was there I underwent a lot of physical therapy and regained a pretty decent amount of stamina for someone my size. What I know I didn't have the courage to admit up to this point is just how bad my weight had gotten. I'm still embarrassed as hell about it, because being in the low 400s throughout 2005 and into 2006 was bad enough.
But, when you're barely able to move around, naturally tend to eat more (and mind you, not even huge puking binges - just more than normal, and enough random grazing throughout the day to hit maybe 3000 - 4000 calories and not even realize it), and have no scale to show you just how bad things are getting, it's pretty amazing just how out of hand stuff gets.
Here goes: Last December, at my paratransit intake assessment, one of the steps is to weigh prospective riders. I step on this big ol' scale which is designed for people in wheelchairs, real big boxes, etc... and lo and behold! I get this beautiful reading of 519.
How someone gains about 80 more pounds and doesn't even realize/want to admit/see/observe/grok it is now one of my new personal mysteries, but there it is. I immediately started taking steps to rectify that situation somehow, some way, even though between my all-over weakness and constant pain I could barely bring myself to move. I also forced myself to eat less... most of the time.
By the time I was admitted in March I had managed to drop to 510, and dropped further to 495 during my 18-day stay there. Right after getting out I'm sure I dropped even more, at first, because I was once again able to go with my wife to Trader Joe's and stay on my feet for nearly an hour without needing rest. I ate really healthy at least 90% of the time and stayed active.
Despite all of this I still managed to have my left foot literally erupt in blisters from my toes to my ankle, and still had my cellulitis come back. Only this time it was staph instead of strep that came to call. Hey, variety is the spice of life and all that, right?
My wound care and foot doctors came to an easy consensus that my main problems are comprised of that famous trio; Edema, Lymphedema and the Happy Shining Venous Insufficiency, who just happen to be out and about on their 48,000th Anniversary Tour. Go check 'em out while tickets are still available! What this means in a nutshell is that my legs - and especially the left one with the three busted vein valves - have a natural tendency to attract any fluids in a 742.889425 furlong radius, give or take a couple nano-pinhead radii. Who knows?
Some of that old motor oil from your last visit to the repair shop back in 1982 just might be hanging out in my leg! And then all these fluids just kinda oooooooooooze this-a-way and that-a-way. And when they're done oooooooooooze-ing they say, "Oooh look, Harriet! There's a whole world of adventure waiting beyond this here fat dude's leg! Let's make tracks, babe!", whereupon they seek any and every avenue of escape. And that, kids, is where all the fun blisters and ulcers come from!
Oh, that old Ulcer Stork (tm)? He's just a fairy tale, silly!
Lastly, I should throw in as an aside that my left rotator cuff is starting to go completely out on me, and I'm steadily losing strength and range of motion in my left arm. Just casually reaching over to grab a napkin the wrong way can send a spike of pain down my arm (or once, I swear to God, up my neck and face and into the left side of my head) which renders me totally useless for the next five minutes. The only possible cause for this that I can think of would be repetitive motion stress from dealing cards out of a blackjack shoe at lightning speed for ten years. I haven't done anything else, that I know of anyway, which could have caused this.
The rub is that while x-rays prove inconclusive an MRI would almost certainly spot wherever the tear or other problem lies so if nothing else at least I'd have a diagnosis to show when I go to apply for disability. But not so fast! There is only one MRI machine in the whole of Vegas that they could find which I could fit into, but they're booked solid for months!
*sigh*
So whaddya say we move on to Part Two? Still with me? Not experiencing any thoughts of suicide by Yoko Ono marathon? Sweet!
Part Two: GG is Going to Find a ****ing Bright Spot No Matter What. So There!!
In spite of all this other crap, some good stuff really has been happening. For example, my insurance company went ahead and shipped me my own hi-capacity scale to be able to weigh myself on. It goes to 550 and I don't ever expect to need more than that.
Also, while I was in the hospital my wife and roommate coordinated our move from the studio apartment we were in, to a pretty nice two bedroom unit. Jeanette and I finally have back the privacy we've missed for most of the last two years and that in and of itself is a huge relief to me.
Lucky me, I'm finally going to be starting lymphedema treatments next Monday! For now it will only be on the right leg, but once the left one heals up fully they can begin using the machines on that leg too.
Our roommate got his disability and Social Security benefits and was entitled to nearly two whole years of back pay. His way of paying us back for all the time he lived with us for free has been to help with moving costs, buy both of us some much-needed clothing and other items, and most awesome of all Jeanette and I now each have our own computer for the first time since we first met. I'm happily typing this up on a brand new iMac running Windows XP in Boot Camp. There's nothing this baby can't do and do well from what I've seen thus far.
Another awesome thing that happened while I was in the hospital is that my foot doctor called in a favor and had a gentleman from a diabetic shoe company bring in several really large pairs of shoes for me to try. For the first time in over a year I have something other than a walking shoe on my right foot and a flimsy little surgical foot thingy on my left foot to wear. I think these shoes (size 15 extra-wide, by the way!) will be very helpful for my feet, and I will be contacting these guys again with the money for a new pair when the ones I have now finally give out.
Lastly, I've been thinking a lot about this pattern I have to really get gung-ho about stuff, only to get easily discouraged and lose my motivation and focus. Since I've been here posting in this group I've had a lot of false starts and been through some colossal ups and downs.
This leads me to wonder: Just how many other people out there are in this same boat I am? Just how many other people out there are very overweight but can't conquer the problem because of limitations, be they physical, emotional, or most importantly in my mind, derived from lack of funds or insurance or maybe just insurance which will only meet somebody halfway? My insurance has now had to pay for a total of 63 hospital days and several weeks of home health visits since 2006.
I think about that and have to wonder just how much cheaper it may have been - and how much better off I'd be now - had they not just opted to let me have lapband surgery instead?
I have every reason to be alive, vital and happy. I have a partner in life of a caliber which a great percentage of people out there may never encounter in their lifetimes.
I have an IQ which consistently tests between 136 and 141 and I absorb - not fluids this time, but knowledge - like a sponge gone haywire. I'm nothing like the guy back in 2002, who just before taking that one final shot at online dating thought that his only purpose in life was to make sure his compulsive gambling mother wouldn't end up back out in the streets because feeding slot machines was more important than paying Section 8 rent. That person couldn't ****ing wait to die in his sleep. Not this person.
But, let's face it. In the past few years I have come charging like the proverbial bull in the china shop, guns a-blazing, ready to take on the world, yadda yadda ****in' yadda. I started a blog at one point. I've thought about doing other things as well in all areas of life. And then either something happens to distract me, or the next health issue comes along, or I get down. And then Gentle Giant faw down go boom.
All I would like at this point is for everything I'm going through to somehow be a beneficial lesson for others. I don't care how or in what capacity exactly, or whether or not I even find out about it or am compensated for it. But I think of my own situation, and imagine just the tip of the iceberg of how many others out there are stuck in this same pattern and can't get out for whatever reason and it drives me completely ****ing bugshit!
I'm a very intelligent, viable person who just needs to get this weight off and then voila!, my whole world would change. How many tens of thousands (hundreds of thousands? MILLIONS??) of us out there, in this country are stymied either by themselves, or this piece of putrid shit "healthcare system"? Or a combination of the two?
Now, I know there is this whole Fat Acceptance thing going on out there, and that's all well and good. We need to be accepted. We need to be loved. But some (the vast majority?) of us want to not be fat at all. That would describe me, but beyond that I would also like to help inspire others in a truly proactive way.
I've watched every season of The Biggest Loser, and at one time had aspirations of getting on the show not just for the shot at some decent money, but to be an inspiration to others. Frankly, there is no way that could happen right now because of these underlying issues I have. There would be no way for me to safely complete the challenges that they do on the show, but that certainly doesn't mean I can't exercise at all.
I've also been watching Big Medicine on TLC whenever I get a chance. It's a rather fascinating show with people on it that I can relate to. I visited the website for the show. I think it's great what that father and son doctor team can accomplish... for those with the bling.
But, when I watch the little online interviews and listen to the older of the two doctors explain how, paraphrasing, "some of our patients have to decide whether they want to go out and buy that new car or have surgery to lose the weight...", I just have to take a step back and go ? How many 500-pounders out there have any car at all? How many 500-pounders can just pony up for this massively expensive procedure out-of-pocket if they're uninsured, or their insurance is too retarded to do the most logical thing? Maybe it's just me, but it really saddens me to see just how out of touch and elitist our medical system is.
So that leaves me with these burning questions: How can I succeed at what I need to do in spite of odds which seem longer by the month, and still be able to help others in the process?
How many others out there need to see the face of another who is in the same boat they're in, remind them that they are not alone and that it's not always as hopeless as it seems? This led me to that cat-abuse-video-good-intellectual-property-infringement-BAAAAD website I love to hate: YouTube.
I did a search for "obese" and was immediately greeted with countless videos of some terribly overweight young girl doing a happy dance. I also got to see clips from various shows on Discovery Health and TLC which I've already watched. Oh, and then there was the guy who proved using the BMI index that Mike Tyson, in his prime, was obese. Yeah, sure! Maybe I didn't search long enough or explore enough hits, but damned if I didn't see a single obese person there willing to talk about their lives and their daily struggle to get the weight off and stay at least kinda emotionally intact.
I know what I am right now. If I could cash in my frustration and outrage at the bank I could singlehandedly pay off the National Debt and buy everyone in the country a brand new William Hung Greatest Hits CD! But alas, that is not to be.
I also know what I'm not. I'm no longer ashamed or afraid of who or what I am. Or my body. Or even my future. At least not now. And I would really like to find a way to continue feeling this way tomorrow, next week, next month, and in 2060 should I be blessed with that long a life.
And, for whatever it's worth, I would like to brave the insults and bullshit from the knuckledraggers and mouthbreathers - you know, REPUKES!! - and just say what I feel needs to be said, and invite anyone else out there to do the same without their own fear and shame getting in the way.
If ever I can locate my cojones, I think I'd like to start a video journal which people can respond to, in the hopes that maybe it will lead to a focused movement for change and more adequate treatment for those of us who are otherwise going without.
Way too many lives are being lost, and immeasurable potential wasted on the numbers of us out there who pass a point beyond which return is epically difficult. There just isn't any reason for it, just as there was no reason for thousands to die during Katrina, or for countless of thousands of children in this country to go without food or shelter. All of these injustices sicken me and make me so damned mad, and while I can't change them all, I think someone has to step up for people out there like myself - and maybe some of you out there who are reading this right now.
I'm not making any promises about what will come from this germ of an idea in my head, but I really felt the need to discuss it openly here. I figured that since an update was so long overdue anyway, this would be the time. I look forward to hearing from anyone and everyone from the WL/M group here. Check in and let us all know how you're doing!
Well, for someone with an IQ of ostensibly circa 140, one hopes the giant primitive makes it. But one suspects the giant primitive is pulling a stretchy about that IQ.
And then about a month later:
Gentle Giant (1000+ posts) Thu Sep-04-08 03:29 AM
Response to Original message
11. Probably about to be hospitalized AGAIN (you can't ****ing make this shit up!!!)
I started my lymphedema treatments and thought things were going to be okay, at first....
Turns out by the second week that the infection is setting right back in again! My last treatment was yesterday, and it took almost half my allotted time just to get the non-adhesive bandage they put over a wounded spot as a protector to come off, and half a small squirt bottle of saline to get it wet enough to come loose without taking a few square inches of skin. They couldn't massage the left leg for fear that it will only make the infection move around even more, and had to ask me to make a phone call to my wound care doctors, using their phone, to make an appointment to be seen as soon as possible. I go in on Friday morning.
I can't ****ing even believe this anymore. They say that one of the worst aspects of lymphedema is that infections set in on a whim. I now see that this is practically an understatement! There's just no immunity left down there and the tissue is starting to resemble the skin of an overripe grape.
They did tell me in all honesty that this kind of thing is common with people in the beginning. It's a very fine line between getting the internal fluids moving/flushed out/purified again, and fighting off infection in limbs which have been put through the wringer.
Lymphedema has three stages and I've been classified as stage 2+. Stage 3 is when you can balloon up like some kind of circus freak without constant compression applied to the affected areas. It is a mostly reversible condition but goddammit I'm going to lose my mind between here and there, assuming my insurance holds out and I'm lucky.
My emotions have been on a rollercoaster this past couple of weeks and I haven't been around to say much because I've just been so absorbed in trying to wish away what I'm facing now. Truth is, I don't know where they can even put a PICC line in if I need IV antibiotics again. They found one good vein in my right arm and it's been used twice. There's nowhere else in the right arm that's suitable, really, and the left arm is even trickier.
When I say that my veins are all deep and tiny I'm not joking. And after having been pricked with so many one-time and temporary needles this past couple of years, there's no way in hell I'm going to let them set up any more temporary sites. Hell, as it is when they want to draw blood and I don't have a PICC they have to go into such painful and sensitive places as the backs of my wrists, joints of the fingers and stuff like that just to get anything.
I just feel so ****ed.
And then about a week later, the giant primitive's wife reports, using the giant primitive's screen name:
Gentle Giant (1000+ posts) Mon Sep-15-08 03:54 AM
Response to Original message
17. update for friday
well, this is jeanette, kirks wife (gg). he's in the hospital for yet another visit. kirk had a sprain that occurred a few days prior to the doctor's visit on friday, and we thought for a while that it might actually be a stress fracture.
kirk didn't do anything immediately, but he mentioned it during his wound care visit on friday. apparently he was also experiencing either misapplied bandaging, which caused improper compression and more toe/foot problems, or a new infection as well. this made them decide to hospitalize him yet again so that they could x-ray the foot to find out if he's got a break or sprain, and to treat him for the infection/misapplied compression.
i have to go see him tomorrow, since that's my first day off, to bring him his c-pap machine and other basic items. i still don't know what the hell i'm going to do, but i guess i will do the best i can. anyway, he wanted me to update you guys, so hopefully i will be entering more information soon. take care, and have a good day. jeanette.
And then another week later, the giant primitive's wife again:
Gentle Giant (1000+ posts) Sun Sep-21-08 02:06 AM
Response to Original message
20. another update
well, he said that his leg is feeling hot, swollen, and very painful. the doctors have tried ultrasounds, which can't locate a clot. however, they don't know what the cause is, they are just throwing pain meds at him. he's sleeping most of the time, and i can't even talk to him most of the time now.
oh, and of course, he can't fit on any of their diagnostic equipment, and they won't move him to a facility that can handle his weight... so, who knows what's going on? well, guess i will find out when he does, if he ever does.
And then another week later, the giant primitive's wife again:
Gentle Giant (1000+ posts) Thu Oct-02-08 03:10 AM
Response to Original message
24. hopefully the last update.
went to visit kirk this week, and they have placed him in a skilled nursing facility, which is intended for people only needing watching for 1-3 weeks. hopefully, they plan on releasing him somewhere in the ballpark of 7-10 days after transferring him, so he 'may' be home by next monday, tuesday. who knows however, they really haven't been giving us any details.
he has a really wide wheelchair that the facility has for him, but it doesn't look like the insurance will cover the cost of getting him one, so he may end up in bed 24/7 for a while. who knows, he's not pleased with the idea.
anyway, here's hoping that i will actually be able to spend my days off with him, rather than having to spend hours on the bus to actually visit him. he's on alot of pain meds, but they are seeing some improvement. hopefully they will also address the idea of getting him to the mri to find out what is happening with his arm as well.
A few days later, the giant primitive himself:
Gentle Giant (1000+ posts) Wed Oct-08-08 05:49 PM
Response to Original message
26. Home once again - war of hope vs. disappointment raging in my head.
Hello again, everyone. And many thanks to all of you who have been staying tuned into this thread while I faced my third hospitalization this year. Your encouragement and support mean more to me than words can say.
I have a whole lot of stuff I really would like to write about concerning my treatment during this last hospital stay, and subsequent time in the nursing facility they sent me to. I'm not going to do it now though. I'm just too tired right now.
I will leave you with one piece of good news - I slipped back out of the 500s while at the nursing facility with the help of a strictly enforced vegetarian diet. I sent back a lot of trays and went with very little from time to time because I refused to go off track. They actually had a scale which could easily weigh me, and on my final full day there I weighed in at 499.2 after a 503 reading a week prior. I've set a goal to be under 475 by the end of the year, but I'll be happy with any further loss at all at this point.
It just goes on and on and on; one hopes to God the guy makes it.
And to think the gay primitives think they have problems.....
