What they need is the old heave-ho from the ump

[Red October]

This made me laugh.      Thought I'd share.  Smerconish, you're awesome.

Head Strong: What they need is old heave-ho from ump
In a dream, all the candidates take in a Phillies game. And root, root, root for their own teams.
By Michael Smerconish - Inquirer

Inquirer Currents Columnist

All my worlds are colliding. This week, I dreamed that the Phillies made it to the World Series on the eve of the presidential election, and that the national pastime drew all four candidates to campaign at Citizens Bank Park.
 
Joe Biden took the Amtrak train up from Wilmington. John, Cindy, Meghan, Jack, Jimmy and Bridget McCain all arrived in separate cars. Sarah Palin came by snowmobile. Barack Obama used his wings.

The McCains sat in the Diamond Club, where the Republican nominee could be overheard praising Ryan Howard: "My friends, I haven't witnessed such power since I watched the Babe in the Polo Grounds." Regular Joe was among the throng in the centerfield bleachers, though some fans asked to switch seats because he wouldn't stop talking. Gov. Palin requested a seat high on the third base side so she could look into New Jersey. Obama sat at the right hand of Harry Kalas.

Everyone was feeling social. Biden drank a Bud and chewed on a cheesesteak, until somebody told him Cindy McCain owned the beer concession. Obama found the sushi to be delectable. Palin requested a Moose Burger but settled for a Schmitter.

Speaking of Palin, she mistook a foul ball for an Arctic tern and shot it - apologizing by explaining that she's used to hockey. Several McCain aides temporarily whisked her to an undisclosed location and briefed her on the rules of baseball. Obama laid his hands on the fatally injured bird and revived it.

By the second inning, both campaigns were airing new negative ads featuring their opponents enjoying a ball game in the midst of an economic crisis. President Clinton told the media he thought Obama's ad was terrible.

When the Kiss Cam came up in the middle of the fourth inning, some Montgomery County conservatives almost trampled one another trying to get close to Palin. But the frenzy turned to warm applause when Levi Johnston proposed to Bristol on the Jumbotron an inning later. Piper Palin followed the Phanatic around, trying to smooth his fur with her saliva. Michelle Obama seized the moment and declared, "For the first time in this game, I am proud to be a National League fan."

During the in-game interview from the dugout, Wheels asked Phillies skipper Charlie Manuel if he was ready to make an endorsement. But nobody was sure where the manager was headed when he began, "Well, you know, like . . ." Once informed of Manuel's ambivalence, Sen. Biden told the crowd, "That's not leadership."

When a member of the grounds crew bent down to replace the third-base bag, Gov. Palin told him to "drill, baby, drill!" That inning, Rollins, Utley and Howard combined for a double play, and Obama fist-bumped the guy next to him.

When David Montgomery asked Gov. Palin how she liked Citizens Bank Park, she winked and told him all about Sen. McCain's energy policy. Sen. Obama thought it the best of the 57 ballparks he'd visited and noted that he once batted .047 in Hawaii. Sen. McCain said he liked the place so much he wanted Cindy to buy it. Unfamiliar with the teams of the Lower 48, Gov. Palin announced she was a big fan of the Mavericks.

At one point, Biden mistakenly cheered for the Phils' opponent. And when the RNC quickly ran his gaffe on Phanovision, Senator Joe sought to make amends by reminiscing about watching the Phils' 1983 World Series victory on ESPN.com's live streaming video.

Inspired by Kalas, Palin promised to add "it's outta here!" to "you betcha!" and "say it ain't so, Joe" in her repertoire of debate lines. When asked which of Palin's colloquialisms was his favorite, McCain said, "That one."

That was just before Tina Fey took Palin's place after the seventh-inning stretch. Nobody noticed. Of course, that could be because McCain suspended his campaign and left the game early, promising to go to Washington to work on a solution to alleviate the burden that $7.50 beers had placed on working families. Some suspected Biden was back to his old ways when he began leading "Take Me Out to the Ball Game" with "today, I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the earth . . ." Meanwhile, conservative talk hosts began questioning Obama's past association with Willie Randolph.

As the crowd rose to its feet before Brad Lidge delivered a two-strike pitch in the top on the ninth, Obama bragged that his crowd was bigger in Berlin.

http://www.philly.com/philly/hp/news_update/20081012_Head_Strong__What_they_need_is_old_heave-ho_from_ump.html