While going through some of my old back up disks I discovered some bits that I had originally posted years ago at CU before the crash. Most were incomplete. A couple appear to be as they probably were when they were posted. This may be more appropriate in The DUmping Ground as that area is sort of a historical vault for all things DUmmie. If the mods want to move it there it is fine by me.
First I need to set the stage.
A long, long time ago the Bush Family Evil Empire (aka BFEE) and Karl Rove were responsible for the sinking of Atlantis. Most people don't know this, but the DUmmies actually figured it out. I'm NOT joking. The DUmmies did indeed figure it out. What they don't know is at the time Karl Rove went be the name KaRovUs.
With that in mind, also remember that the piece was written when the legendary DUmmie TominTib was blazing a trail of idiocity (if that is a word) like no other DUmmie before. So without further ado…
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Greetings CUers (and now CCers). I have read with much interest this TomInTib situation. What I find even more amazing than his stories is the fact that some many of the DUmmies are still patting him on the back. I was somewhat reminded of the situation today as I was browsing the ancient Atlantean library in the fictional spirit guide lounge. For those of you who do not know, these are some of the written works that KaRovUs has collected during his many years of travels and has graciously donated to our lounge. One of the books that was supposedly written by one of the few survivors of the sinking of Atlantis spoke of a "great" Atlantean warrior named TiberTomLi
Here is an excerpt from a portion of the book. I have had to translate from the original Atlantean into English which can be difficult at times, but I think I did a fairly accurate job.
TiberTomLi was born into what was considered the Atlantean working class; however, every man, woman, and child who encountered TiberTomLi knew he was destined for greatness. He did indeed live up to their expectations. The following is brief biography of TiberTomLi...
-At the ripe young age of four he created the fabricated story or fairy tale.
-After turning five he left home and joined the Atlantean Coastal Guard.
-By the age of six, he had been placed in charge of the Guard.
-Just one month after his sixth birthday he began dating the 20 year old Atlantean actress and super-model, AnjWoStar.
-At the age of eight, he was placed in command of the entire Atlantean Navy.
-By the age of ten, he was tapped to take over command of the Atlantean Land Defense Force.
-Shortly after his eleventh birthday, while on a super secret mission to KaRovUs' kingdom, he stole the plans for a time machine.
-At twelve years old he was named Supreme Commander of all Atlantean Forces.
-A few months after his thirteenth birthday he designed the world's first internal combustion engine.
-He was instrumental, at the age of fourteen, in the creation of the Atlantean stealth jet.
-When he was fifteen AnjWoStar broke up with him after explaining that he was so great that it was a crime to keep him to herself.
-During his sixteenth year of life, he established and led the Special Tactics Underwater Patrol, Investigative Division: S.T.U.P.I.D.
-At the age of eighteen, he was named as Special Advisor to the Atlantean King.
-At the age of twenty he designed and constructed a space craft capable of faster-than-light speed. He used the craft to travel to and conquer the fourth planet from the star Beta Delphi simply because he didn't like the way the star twinkled at night.
-At the age of twenty one he became the most decorated individual in Atlantean military history after being awarded the Titanium Starburst with Honor Device.
-When he was twenty two he created a special Atlantean think-tank called the Life Information Emporium or L.I.E.
-Shortly before his twenty third birthday he created beer.
-At twenty four he coined the phrase, "Run Forest run".
-During his twenty fifth year, in the final battle of Atlantis, he single-handedly fought KaRovUs and his evil minions until such time as his wounds were so great that he had to be pulled from the battlefield. Due to his greatness and so that he would not have to witness the sinking of his Atlantis, the remaining Atlantean scientists used a newly constructed time machine to propel TiberTomLi into the twentieth century.
After reading the greatness of TiberTomLi as described in this book and reading the greatness of TomInTib as described by...well, TomInTib... I have to wonder if maybe the two are the same person.
