The part about the cop jumping out of the elevator to shake his hand made me laugh. That must be the new type of hedges.
I also agree that falsifying a report to the Secret Service is no laughing matter. They will take it very seriously.
I believe you put too much faith in Civil Service. Sure they take a report seriously, while dissusing this at strip clubs and refusing to pay a hooker while on the job to personally protect the President.
Get real, the only way to get the SS to investigate one out of 100,000 threats is to send them a nude photo and a link to family over seas. May get responce or not, there are so many threats out there.
This is not the days of the movies, most SS spend their lives behind computer and what ever they find is seldom worth the money to investigate.