The Conservative Cave
Current Events => The DUmpster => Topic started by: franksolich on May 28, 2009, 04:31:28 PM
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http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=276x9285
Oh my.
The subway cat, who hasn't been assigned a number yet:
undergroundpanther (1000+ posts) Thu May-28-09 01:39 AM
Original message
cutting urges and why am I holding back for again?
I dunno what it is, but for two weeks I've wanted to hit the xactos,and cut.I have gotten damn close to doing it too but I manage not to.Dunno how tho..I have been cut free for almost a year,I think..
On top of the cutting thing..
I am having other really weird shit happening to me. My Meds have not changed.Having nightmares with disturbing strangeness.
And I have been having almost hallucinatory experiences too.One example is hearing the phone ring, when I know it isn't ringing, like an echo ring repeating long after I have already hung it up.
I am not sure if it's ringing appears to originate from inside my head or outside of my head.There are other hallucination-like things happening too.
Today I had a really weird day. In the morning/afternoon I felt ok just tired and kinda dissociated. Later I was at Spin peer support house,and I felt this terrible lethargy,out of the blue nail me.I felt like I was gonna conk out so I got up went outside on the porch to get fresh air..
One of my friends was out there already hanging out. I sat in a chair and I could hardly hold my head up or my eyes open, my body was so uncoordinated. I sat down and suddenly I swear I could taste thorazine,it tasted like when I was forced to drink it in little plastic cups years ago. That same unmistakable bitter, burning chemically taste with a hint of orange juice in it.Ugh.
As I sat there,everything faded in and out from a whiteness.I looked at my sore arms and they looked a bit red,suddenly I felt a bunch of stings in my upper arms and in my hips. It felt like needles,it started as I was trying to lift myself out of the fugue. That is why I went out there to begin with .
My friend got concerned and came over to talk to me.I could barely pronounce words..She also noticed my arms were red,as she looked at them she said she saw clusters of red dots and she asked me if I was allergic I said no, she felt my arms and said she felt hard lumps under my skin,like how you have after an injection.
I had said nothing about having the feeling of injections to her yet I had just thunk it.So I felt them too because I could not believe it either, and I was kinda weirded out. I felt it and it felt and looked just like how my arms do just after I get shots in them in real life. It was like I had some weird ass psych ward stigmata. When I lifted my hands to feel my own arms for the lumps I noticed red marks on my wrists where restraints were put there over and over long ago. I also had one red streak across my breastbone/shoulder area that was more vivid red where other restraints were put during the cold sheet packs I went through long ago.This particular spot was "rug burnt" by the big webbing straps that hold the wet sheets. . My friend noticed the red marks too before I said anything about that.It felt like I was thinking with a brain made of mud. On the ride home I just sat there barely moving.It was horrible.
That was earlier today. I got home I crashed for a few hours and forced myself to eat and to go online to DO something.I have been awake more today than I was awake for the entire three day weekend. I kid you not!.I am still really lethargic my body is really sore especially my upper arms they both are wrapped up in ace bandages now,it makes it feel slightly less sore.
On top of all that,I am so unmotivated, have felt like this for around 2 weeks but now it is worse.I do my routines and I feel frustrated by it.Memorial day weekend broke the routine up and I felt frustrated by that. it's like choosing between being lethargic, restless and bored away from home doing nothing or being bored,restless and lethargic at home doing nothing. I want to clean the kitchen floor but I just can't motivate myself to just get it done.At least the dishes get done everyday,I can do that.
This lethargy etc.is why I have not been online much.I dunno what the hell I want. Regardless, it feels like time is distorted and I feel so disconnected. I am so indecisive right now. Usually I make decisions and that's it,move on. This kind of state I am in I haven't dealt with it for a very long time maybe years.I want to go to sleep again.For the last three days or so I have slept way more than usual,like around 10-12 hours! I usually sleep 4-6 hours my sleep pattern has been that way since childhood..I don't feel sick physically at all.So that's not the reason.
Something weird is going on with my head and I don't like it one bit.I don't see my therapist until I think, the 29th. sigh.
Anyone got thoughts on what I should do? Does anyone know about any people with complex PSTD/DID getting physical marks from past events re-appearing years later on their own skin so distinctly that OTHER PEOPLE know what it is? Has it happened to anyone else here?
I dunno. A job motivates. Maybe the subway cat should try that, a job.
hedgehog (1000+ posts) Thu May-28-09 11:17 AM
Response to Original message
1. I'm not a doctor, and I don't know if you have a good doctor right now.
Clearly you're dealing with stuff that even most of us can't imagine. I think you can tell that cutting is bad for you even if it gives a moment's release. Try to step to one side and ask you which actions bring you to a happier, healthier life and which take you away. Write them down, and refer to your checklist when you're in distress. TAlk to your therapist and take care of yourself.
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Flashbacks and hurting one's self thoughts?
UP, welcome back to the rubber room...
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Flashbacks and hurting one's self thoughts?
UP, welcome back to the rubber room...
Feh, just cut deep and long, and no rubber room is necessary.
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Where's the number assignation listing?
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"And I have been having almost hallucinatory experiences too.One example is hearing the phone ring, when I know it isn't ringing, like an echo ring repeating long after I have already hung it up."
That's GOD on the other line.....PICKUP THE DAMN PHONE!
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I have a national EMT certification.
By all that is right and holy and could/should declare her a threat to herself and have her taken in.
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sounds like she upped her meds on her own...
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Where's the number assignation listing?
Like Margaret Mead, sometimes I get tired of identifying primitives by name, and so resort to identifying them by number. Margaret Mead did that a lot in her notes, although not in her books and articles. She apparently found it easier to keep track of them that way.
I dunno it it's going to work, but figure I should give it a try at least another week.
For your quick and easy reference, sir:
Primitive #1 - Pedro Picasso, "Atman"
Primitive #5 - the sparkling husband primitive, "Stinky The Clown"
Primitive #7 - the Rita Hayworth primitive, "Tambourine LaBamba"
Primitive #11 - the baby-talking warped primitive, "Warpy"
Primitive #18 - the prime real-estate owner primitive, "tularetom"
Primitive #19 - the Bostonian Drunkard
Primitive #43 - the shadowy primitive, "Shadow69"
Primitive #47 - the legendary herb primitive, "Mythsaje"
Primitive #61 - the grouchy old primitive, "NNN0LH1"
Primitive #1987 - the worthless freoloading bum the wily primitive, "Wiley50"
Everybody of course is utterly free to use their own ways and means of identifying primitives; this is just mine. If I find it doesn't work, because I like having readers, I'll try something different.
That's life; if one thing doesn't work, trying another thing.
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sounds like she upped her meds on her own...
Yeah, but it sounds like one of those meds was oxycodone. It's some really powerful stuff. I was prescribed some for when my four wisdom teeth were pulled shortly before the Obamessiah was inaugurated.
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wow. she really has lost her tootsie roll
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Maybe she'll answer the "ringing phone" and hear a voice chanting "Cut ! Cut ! Cut !".
I think the subway cat is only party crazy and makes this shit up for sympathy. I mean come on, if I was going through that stuff, I wouldn't be posting about it, I'd be seeking some help IN REAL LIFE.
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Maybe she'll answer the "ringing phone" and hear a voice chanting "Cut ! Cut ! Cut !".
I think the subway cat is only party crazy and makes this shit up for sympathy. I mean come on, if I was going through that stuff, I wouldn't be posting about it, I'd be seeking some help IN REAL LIFE.
Oh but sir, you forget.
The subway cat's a bully of the worst kind.
She tries (and succeeds at least with the primitives) to bully people into caring about her.
Doesn't work, unless one cares for himself first.
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undergroundpanther (1000+ posts) Thu May-28-09 01:39 AM
Original message
cutting urges and why am I holding back for again?
blah...blah...blah...........
Get thee to a mental/feline hospital immediately and stop posting about this shit on a public message board.
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I detest democrats for everything they are, everything they believe, and everything they want. But when I read something like this, it's hard not to feel sorry for the poor creature. Then I remember that every word from a democrat's mouth is a lie. Screw her.
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Get thee to a mental/feline hospital immediately and stop posting about this shit on a public message board.
I was going to say..........get your cat's ass to the vet, pronto! I'm sure euthanization is an option!
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Every aspect of her life is built around her mental illness except, according to the Little Goons, her political philosophy.
DON'T ANY OF YOU LITTLE LURKING GOONS SEE THE BIG PICTURE HERE?
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Maybe she'll answer the "ringing phone" and hear a voice chanting "Cut ! Cut ! Cut !".
That's the folks at Suicide Hotline. I've got $20 that says she's called them with verbal screeds identical to her DUmp posts at least one too many times a week.
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Cutting is for thirteen year old emo suicide girls. UP needs to grow the hell up.
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Cutting is for thirteen year old emo suicide girls. UP needs to grow the hell up.
And just shoot herself. :fuelfire:
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The throat, undergroundpanther! Go for the throat!
(but not too deep. It could kill you.)
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I don't know why I should care, but I actually worry about that woman. I suspect the friend outside who also witnessed the "stigmata" was herself an hallucination.
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What a f'n loon.
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In the words of the great Frank Solich, OH MY. I am completely blown away by the level of teh crazee in that post. If this is all true, and I cannot fathom why you would lie in such detail, then she needs to be committed PRONTO. Blue State Saint, I doubt it is Oxycodone, I have taken copious amounts, 3-4 a day along with morphine and muscle relaxers and functioned fine. It is all a matter of tolerance, and also I think she is way nuttier than anything a drug hallucination is causing. Wow, just wow.
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In the words of the great Frank Solich, OH MY. I am completely blown away by the level of teh crazee in that post.
After a while of reading the screeds of UP, I'm not surprised by anything it comes up with.
If this is all true, and I cannot fathom why you would lie in such detail, then she needs to be committed PRONTO.
It's a female human who tried to have its breasts amputated and considers itself a male feline. Personally, I think that this is another massive attention-grabbing attempt.
Blue State Saint, I doubt it is Oxycodone, I have taken copious amounts, 3-4 a day along with morphine and muscle relaxers and functioned fine.
I never had morphine on top of it. I did slip up and have a mouthful of wine about an hour after taking two of them, though, and I couldn't tell the difference when the alcohol kicked in.
It is all a matter of tolerance, and also I think she is way nuttier than anything a drug hallucination is causing.
Dead on there.
Wow, just wow.
After a while, just as you said a couple of sentances above, you build up a tolerance to the crazy there.