Author Topic: General humor thread  (Read 96092 times)

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Offline Chris_

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Re: General humor thread
« Reply #200 on: June 30, 2010, 07:18:08 PM »
Charles and Camilla

Camilla bought a new pair of shoes for her wedding which got increasingly tighter & tighter as the day went on.

That night after the festivities were finally over, she & Charles had retired back to their room. Camilla flopped on the bed and said “Please remove my shoes darling. One’s feet are killing one”.

Ever obedient, the Prince of Wales attacked her right shoe with vigour. . .. But it would not budge.

“Harder”, yelled Camilla.

“Harder?”, Charles yelled back, “I’m trying darling! But it’s just so bloody tight!”

“Come on give it all you’ve got”, she cried. Finally when it released, Charles let out a big groan, and Camilla exclaimed, “There! Oh God, that feels so good.”

In their bedroom next door The Queen turned to Prince Phillip and said, “See I told you she was still a virgin with a face like that!”

Meanwhile back in the other bedroom Charles was attempting to remove the other shoe when he cried out, “Oh god, darling this ones even tighter”.

At which point Prince Phillip turned and said to the Queen, “That’s my boy, Once a Navy man, always a navy man!”
If you want to worship an orange pile of garbage with a reckless disregard for everything, get on down to Arbys & try our loaded curly fries.

Offline Chris_

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Re: General humor thread
« Reply #201 on: June 30, 2010, 07:19:16 PM »
:rofl:

That one's worth sharing.
If you want to worship an orange pile of garbage with a reckless disregard for everything, get on down to Arbys & try our loaded curly fries.

Offline Chris_

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Re: General humor thread
« Reply #202 on: June 30, 2010, 07:21:12 PM »
I sent it to all my former sailor friends...
If you want to worship an orange pile of garbage with a reckless disregard for everything, get on down to Arbys & try our loaded curly fries.

Offline Golem

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Re: General humor thread
« Reply #203 on: July 02, 2010, 01:20:52 PM »

Offline Golem

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Offline Golem

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Re: General humor thread
« Reply #205 on: July 04, 2010, 01:03:37 PM »
[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2doVc_d9GHU[/youtube]

Offline Chris_

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Re: General humor thread
« Reply #206 on: July 04, 2010, 01:05:30 PM »
ha ha ha...  :lmao:

They got what they deserved.  Poor animal. :-)
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Offline Golem

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Re: General humor thread
« Reply #207 on: July 04, 2010, 05:55:17 PM »

Offline Golem

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Re: General humor thread
« Reply #208 on: July 08, 2010, 03:18:19 PM »
A man goes to a public golf course. He approaches the man behind the counter in the pro shop and says, "I would like 18 holes of golf and a caddy."

The man behind the counter says, The 18 holes of golf is no problem, but all of the caddies are out on the course. What I will do for you is this: We just received 8 brand new robot golf caddies. If you're willing to take one with you out on the course and come back and tell me how well it works, your round of golf is on me today. The golfer obviously accepted the man's offer.

He approached the first tee, looked at the fairway and said to himself, "I think my driver will do the job."

The robot caddy turned to the man and said, "No sir.. Use your 3 wood. A driver is far too much club for this hole."

Hesitantly, the golfer pulled out his 3 wood, made good contact with the ball, and the ball landed about 10 feet to the right front of the hole on the green. The golfer, delighted, turned to the robot and thanked him for his assistance. As the golfer pulled out his putter he said, "I think this green is gonna break left to right."

The robot then again spoke up and said, "No sir. I do believe this green will break right to left"

Thinking about the last time the robot corrected his prediction, he decided again to listen to the machine. He made his putt and birdied the hole thanks to the robot and his advice. But his luck didn't end there. His entire game was the best game he ever played, thanks to the assistance of the new robot golf caddy.

Upon returning to the clubhouse, the man behind the counter asked, "How was your game ?"

The golfer stated, "It was, by far, the BEST game I ever played. Thank you very much for letting me take one of your robots. See you next week."

A week passed, and excited, the golfer returned to the pro shop. Upon entering, he turned to the man behind the counter and said, "I would like 18 holes of golf and one of those robot golf caddies, please."

The gentleman from behind the counter turned to the man and said, "Well the 18 holes is no problem. However, we had to get rid of the robots. We had too many complaints."

"COMPLAINTS? Who in the heck could've complained about those robots? They were incredible"

The man sighed and said, "Well, it wasn't their performance. It was that they were made of shiny silver metal, and the sun reflecting off them was blinding to other golfers on the fair way."

The golfer said, "So then why didn't you just paint them black?"

The man nodded sadly and replied, "We did. Then four of 'em didn't show up for work, two filed for welfare, one of them robbed the pro shop, and the other is serving as President."

Offline Golem

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Re: General humor thread
« Reply #209 on: July 23, 2010, 06:03:49 PM »

Offline littlelamb

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Re: General humor thread
« Reply #210 on: July 24, 2010, 11:28:33 AM »
A man goes to a public golf course. He approaches the man behind the counter in the pro shop and says, "I would like 18 holes of golf and a caddy."

The man behind the counter says, The 18 holes of golf is no problem, but all of the caddies are out on the course. What I will do for you is this: We just received 8 brand new robot golf caddies. If you're willing to take one with you out on the course and come back and tell me how well it works, your round of golf is on me today. The golfer obviously accepted the man's offer.

He approached the first tee, looked at the fairway and said to himself, "I think my driver will do the job."

The robot caddy turned to the man and said, "No sir.. Use your 3 wood. A driver is far too much club for this hole."

Hesitantly, the golfer pulled out his 3 wood, made good contact with the ball, and the ball landed about 10 feet to the right front of the hole on the green. The golfer, delighted, turned to the robot and thanked him for his assistance. As the golfer pulled out his putter he said, "I think this green is gonna break left to right."

The robot then again spoke up and said, "No sir. I do believe this green will break right to left"

Thinking about the last time the robot corrected his prediction, he decided again to listen to the machine. He made his putt and birdied the hole thanks to the robot and his advice. But his luck didn't end there. His entire game was the best game he ever played, thanks to the assistance of the new robot golf caddy.

Upon returning to the clubhouse, the man behind the counter asked, "How was your game ?"

The golfer stated, "It was, by far, the BEST game I ever played. Thank you very much for letting me take one of your robots. See you next week."

A week passed, and excited, the golfer returned to the pro shop. Upon entering, he turned to the man behind the counter and said, "I would like 18 holes of golf and one of those robot golf caddies, please."

The gentleman from behind the counter turned to the man and said, "Well the 18 holes is no problem. However, we had to get rid of the robots. We had too many complaints."

"COMPLAINTS? Who in the heck could've complained about those robots? They were incredible"

The man sighed and said, "Well, it wasn't their performance. It was that they were made of shiny silver metal, and the sun reflecting off them was blinding to other golfers on the fair way."

The golfer said, "So then why didn't you just paint them black?"

The man nodded sadly and replied, "We did. Then four of 'em didn't show up for work, two filed for welfare, one of them robbed the pro shop, and the other is serving as President."



 :rotf: :rotf:
Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it and then misapplying the wrong remedies.

Offline Golem

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Re: General humor thread
« Reply #211 on: July 30, 2010, 11:39:11 AM »

Offline Chris_

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Re: General humor thread
« Reply #212 on: July 30, 2010, 11:42:24 AM »
:rofl:  I like it.  Direct and to the point.
If you want to worship an orange pile of garbage with a reckless disregard for everything, get on down to Arbys & try our loaded curly fries.

Offline littlelamb

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Re: General humor thread
« Reply #213 on: July 30, 2010, 01:41:05 PM »
I want that for my car
Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it and then misapplying the wrong remedies.

Offline Golem

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Re: General humor thread
« Reply #214 on: July 31, 2010, 11:30:18 AM »
[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r2PM0om2El8[/youtube]

Offline Golem

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Re: General humor thread
« Reply #215 on: August 02, 2010, 11:01:33 AM »

Offline DefiantSix

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Re: General humor thread
« Reply #216 on: August 02, 2010, 01:32:33 PM »


I would never buy human that scrawny.
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Offline vesta111

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Re: General humor thread
« Reply #217 on: August 02, 2010, 07:14:03 PM »
I would never buy human that scrawny.

Before I would buy that I would want to know the sex, males have the extra oysters that females do not.

Where is the head ?? How do I make head cheese, marinated eyeballs or deep fry the cheeks.

Do we have to take classes from Kenya on how to roast the long Pig.?

I don't think this cooking fad will do well in America, but if we look hard enough we may find a few countries that will add this cooking show to their cable TV.


Offline Chris_

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Re: General humor thread
« Reply #218 on: August 02, 2010, 07:30:08 PM »
If you want to worship an orange pile of garbage with a reckless disregard for everything, get on down to Arbys & try our loaded curly fries.

Offline Hawkwarrior2

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Re: General humor thread
« Reply #219 on: August 03, 2010, 12:52:23 PM »
« Last Edit: August 03, 2010, 01:02:53 PM by Chris »

Offline Chris_

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Re: General humor thread
« Reply #220 on: August 03, 2010, 01:04:36 PM »
If you want to worship an orange pile of garbage with a reckless disregard for everything, get on down to Arbys & try our loaded curly fries.

Offline Golem

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Re: General humor thread
« Reply #221 on: August 03, 2010, 09:32:21 PM »

Offline Chris_

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Re: General humor thread
« Reply #222 on: August 04, 2010, 05:47:41 PM »
If you want to worship an orange pile of garbage with a reckless disregard for everything, get on down to Arbys & try our loaded curly fries.

Offline littlelamb

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Re: General humor thread
« Reply #223 on: August 04, 2010, 09:16:28 PM »
Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it and then misapplying the wrong remedies.

Offline Golem

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Re: General humor thread
« Reply #224 on: August 05, 2010, 04:09:05 PM »
A doctor tells a prostitute that she is pregnant and asks her if she knows who the father is. She replies, "If you eat a can of beans, do you know which one made you fart?"