Where else but the DUmp ? - How To Beat a Drug Test

[miskie]

http://www.democraticunderground.com/1002844377

How To Beat a Drug Test
http://blogs.villagevoice.com/runninscared/2012/06/how_to_beat_a_drug_test.php

***SNIP

 


So, we've put together a little guide for beating common urine tests. And while none of these methods are foolproof, they def better position you to achieve "clean" pee than doing nothing. And remember: depending on where you test, some of these methods might be considered illegal. That said, enjoy!

Watch Your Weight

Yes, a lot of pot's chemical components get stored in fat tissue. So, some say that more fat, the higher the likelihood of failing a drug test. However, you might want to avoid crash diets before a test, because rapid weight loss has been tied to the release of THC metabolites.

Drink Water

Scratch that: Drink obscene amounts of water. Like, more water than you could ever imagine or (would want to). Basically, you should drink as much water between being notified of an upcoming test and the exam. This helps flush the chemicals in question out of the urinary tract, working like a "temporary" detox.

Make Sober Friends

The means of delivery are up to you, but swapping your pee for someone else's seems to be one of the better ways, so long as said friend doesn't do drugs and isn't pregnant, etc. Just don't make the same mistake as Mishelle Salzgeber: She reportedly hid a bottle of urine in her vagina, but it turned out to test positive for drugs. So she was arrested on charges of testing positive and trying to beat the test.

This should be fun 

[Bad Dog]

Quote "Make Sober Friends "

Yeah, like thats gonna happen.

[dane]

I wonder if the thought ever occurred to them just don't put stuff in your body that might be looked askance at in a pee test, that is, don't ingest illegal substances.

It seems so easy.

[Texacon]

Hahaha. How many of these DUmbasses will die from drinking too much water?! I can't remember how much you have to drink but it CAN be done.

KC

[Bad Dog]

Hahaha. How many of these DUmbasses will die from drinking too much water?! I can't remember how much you have to drink but it CAN be done.

KC

We can only hope.

[franksolich]

lunatica (22,784 posts)

1. I hear a gallon of Goldenseal tea will do the trick

It'll get rid of all the toxins so drug tests come out squeaky clean the next day.

Of course if they take a sample of your hair all the drugs show up.

slackmaster (53,572 posts)

2. Another simple piece of advice for anyone facing a drug test based on my own experience

The initial screening usually consists of an inexpensive urine test that tests for metabolites of five or so classes of drugs, and is not very specific.

There are MANY common over-the-counter medications, and prescription drugs, that cause FALSE POSITIVES on the cheap screens.

I discovered this many, many years ago on the ONE time I've ever had to submit to pre-employment drug screening. I occasionally take a prescription non-steroidal anti-inflammatory called etodolac, trade name Lodine.

Etodolac causes a false positive on the cannabanoid test, i.e. marijuana. I was concerned about that, and went to a head shop in beautiful Ocean Beach, CA (suburb of San Diego) and bought myself a couple of 5-panel urine test kits.

Lo and behold, a day after I had taken a Lodine pill I flunked the marijuana test. I laid off the Lodine for three days and re-tested myself. I came up clean.

If you flunk the urine test you can challenge it, but the employer is likely to respond by requiring a gas chromatograph test using the same sample you submitted initially. In the event a person who got a false positive due to etodolac happened to have used cannabis a few weeks earlier, that would possibly show up on the GC test. At that point, you are sunk.

ETA the solution to pollution is dilution. Lay off of all drugs for as long as you can prior to the test. The day before the test drink plenty of fluids - Any kind, water is fine. The morning of the test flush your body by drinking plenty of water.

Under no circumstances allow your first urine of the day to be tested, or the first part of the stream of any urination event.

There is a chance your urine might come out too dilute to test. This is determined by the concentration of creatinine and other substances that are always present in urine. If your urine is found to be too dilute, tell the company that your doctor has recommended that you drink lots of fluids in order to prevent the formation of kidney stones. You may be asked to submit another sample, or they may just pass you.

panader0 (8,695 posts)

3. I've worked construction since '71

In the old days most of the guys were drunks, gradually changing into druggies. On any given job, 80 or 90 percent of the workers would have peed dirty had they been tested. In all those years, I was never tested, and I've been on some big jobs. Once, on a big union job on an army base when I was one of six foremen, the bosses held a meeting and decided not to test anyone as they would have lost most of their crew.

Construction, the last frontier. As long as you're good at your trade you're safe.

Oh, but the now-deceased worthless freeloading bum the wily primitive, the "Wiley50" primitive, was "good" at his trade, carpentry. 

One wonders why the wily primitive isn't pounding those nails any more.

FirstLight (7,453 posts)

5. thanks

It pisses me off to no end that to find a good job one has to submit to the invasion of privacy by giving up bodily fluids or hair... I ahve been anti drug testing since it began, and have always thought it should be unconstitutional. but there's no protections for the worker bees of our society anymore.

My last stand now is that I refuse to submit to a credit check...it is nobody's business the state of my non existent bank acct or defaulted student loan.

I am applying for a couple corporate jobs this week, and am mentally preparing myself to have to succumb to the pee test...IF I even make it to the interview...

Typical primitive attitude.  How about.....just not doing drugs?

That'd probably clear up a lot more problems than just job-getting anxieties.

[Kyle Ricky]

Most places check for golden seals now - also most places are doing hair follicles. So it doesn't matter how much water you drink, or how much vinegar you drink, or many golden seals you take. You will never pass a hair test.

[miskie]

Hahaha. How many of these DUmbasses will die from drinking too much water?! I can't remember how much you have to drink but it CAN be done.

KC

Indeed - too much pure water leads to an imbalance in sodium levels which causes cells to swell up to compensate. When that swelling happens in ones brain, it can be fatal.

[BlueStateSaint]

Most places check for golden seals now - also most places are doing hair follicles. So it doesn't matter how much water you drink, or how much vinegar you drink, or many golden seals you take. You will never pass a hair test.

Remember this picture?



She was going through a custody fight at the time.  Beating a hair drug test was exactly why she did this.

[franksolich]

Most places check for golden seals now - also most places are doing hair follicles. So it doesn't matter how much water you drink, or how much vinegar you drink, or many golden seals you take. You will never pass a hair test.

If I were in a position to hire someone, and an applicant turned out a primitive, I'd have the applicant tested via a lot more than just the hair and piss--I'd demand that spit, fecal, sweat, tear-drops, nasal leavings, fingernails, chromosomes, and DNA be checked too.

Some people need to be checked out more than others.

[miskie]

Most places check for golden seals now - also most places are doing hair follicles. So it doesn't matter how much water you drink, or how much vinegar you drink, or many golden seals you take. You will never pass a hair test.

Drinking Goldenseal tea to 'clean up' before a drug test is a myth. It doesn't actually work - it never did. What Goldenseal is, is an herbal remedy cultivated by some Native American tribes as a remedy for nearly everything. (AKA Snake Oil)

Anyway, it became popular again in the '60s, and somehow it went from being 'soul cleansing & healing' to 'sweeps THC right out so you can pass a drug test'. It wouldn't surprise me at all to learn that the drug test rumors were started by the companies that sell Goldenseal products so that they would be able to sell even more Goldenseal products.

[Kyle Ricky]

Remember this picture?



She was going through a custody fight at the time.  Beating a hair drug test was exactly why she did this.

Not everyone is going to shave their head. Besides, she would have to shave her whole body because you can get hair from anywhere on your body to test for it. If I was a judge and someone came in my courtroom with their head shaved and required a drug test, I would demand that they get the hair follicle from somewhere else on her body.

If I were in a position to hire someone, and an applicant turned out a primitive, I'd have the applicant tested via a lot more than just the hair and piss--I'd demand that spit, fecal, sweat, tear-drops, nasal leavings, fingernails, chromosomes, and DNA be checked too.

Some people need to be checked out more than others.

I agree. And some people you can tell just by looking at them as well.

Drinking Goldenseal tea to 'clean up' before a drug test is a myth. It doesn't actually work - it never did. What Goldenseal is, is an herbal remedy cultivated by some Native American tribes as a remedy for nearly everything. (AKA Snake Oil)

Anyway, it became popular again in the '60s, and somehow it went from being 'soul cleansing & healing' to 'sweeps THC right out so you can pass a drug test'. It wouldn't surprise me at all to learn that the drug test rumors were started by the companies that sell Goldenseal products so that they would be able to sell even more Goldenseal products.

I never knew that. Thanks for the information. Although a lot of places are checking for Golden Seals now.

[Bad Dog]

If I were in a position to hire someone, and an applicant turned out a primitive, I'd have the applicant tested via a lot more than just the hair and piss--I'd demand that spit, fecal, sweat, tear-drops, nasal leavings, fingernails, chromosomes, and DNA be checked too.

Some people need to be checked out more than others.

Might as well trow in the old "short arm" inspection too.  Best to wear gloves for that.

[BlueStateSaint]

Might as well trow in the old "short arm" inspection too.  Best to wear gloves for that.

.

Try a "full HAZMAT suit."

[Freeper]

My system works pretty well, it's called don't smoke dope you idiots. 

[Duke Nukum]

How to beat a drug test: Don't do drugs.

[BlueStateSaint]

How to beat a drug test: Don't do drugs.

It's always been my strategy, and for some reason, it works every time.

[diesel driver]

slackmaster (53,572 posts)

2. Another simple piece of advice for anyone facing a drug test based on my own experience

The initial screening usually consists of an inexpensive urine test that tests for metabolites of five or so classes of drugs, and is not very specific.

There are MANY common over-the-counter medications, and prescription drugs, that cause FALSE POSITIVES on the cheap screens.

I discovered this many, many years ago on the ONE time I've ever had to submit to pre-employment drug screening. I occasionally take a prescription non-steroidal anti-inflammatory called etodolac, trade name Lodine.

Etodolac causes a false positive on the cannabanoid test, i.e. marijuana. I was concerned about that...

Every drug test I've ever taken, they ASK you if you are taking any medication, and what it is.  If they don't ask, then TELL THEM!  I take my prescription bottles with me as proof, and so the name and type of drug can be properly recorded.  DUH!   

DUmbie slackassmaster must be in Granny's stash again. 

[miskie]

2. Another simple piece of advice for anyone facing a drug test based on my own experience

The initial screening usually consists of an inexpensive urine test that tests for metabolites of five or so classes of drugs, and is not very specific.

There are MANY common over-the-counter medications, and prescription drugs, that cause FALSE POSITIVES on the cheap screens.

I discovered this many, many years ago on the ONE time I've ever had to submit to pre-employment drug screening. I occasionally take a prescription non-steroidal anti-inflammatory called etodolac, trade name Lodine.

Etodolac causes a false positive on the cannabanoid test, i.e. marijuana. I was concerned about that...

I would suggest that you don't want to apply for that cushy Gub-mint job you have dreamed of for so long then. The last time they urine-tested me was in 2004, and at that time the test screened for over 20 different indicators. I can only assume the testing has gotten better since then.

[andhe78]

What a bunch of idiots-it's almost more work trying to cheat the test than it is to just stay clean.

I work in a high risk job where we get random drug tests twice a year.  I'm thankful for them, helps keep down the number of pot heads that I need to trust my life to on a daily basis.