DUmmies vs box of rocks: a comparative study

[FlippyDoo]

It's sometimes been said that DUmmies are as dumb as a box of rocks, but I've often wondered about the accuracy of that statement. As best as I can determine no official study or test has been done comparing the intelligence of DUmmies to a box of rocks so I decided I would develop such a study/test in an attempt to answer the question once and for all.

For this study I asked identical questions to DUmmies and boxes of rocks. I scored both the DUmmies and the boxes of rocks based on the answers given.

The base score for each question was 0. Each answer was scored with either a negative or positive number with the higher positive number being better than the lower negative number.

The boxes of rocks and the DUmmies were not allowed to interact but were allowed to hear each answer. Neither party was informed of the scores during the course of the test.

Also, for anyone out there who questions my qualifications to develop this test, my abilities to administer this test, and my possible bias you can rest easy. As of today I have declared myself to be a trained test developer, a trained test administrator, and a trained unbiased individual.

Let the test begin….

Question 1:  One of the big topics of today is guns. What is you opinion of guns?

DUmmie answer: Guns kill. Bullets kill. Knives wound. (link)

Box of rocks answer: <silence>

__________
Flippy's scoring:

Interesting, the box of rocks chose to remain silent and issue no opinion which results in a score of 0. The DUmmies on the other hand chose to burst through the gate with a short, succinct answer. Let's break it down and score the answer given.

First, all three of the items mentioned, guns, bullets, and knives, are inanimate objects that would be hard pressed to perform actions on their own without human assistance. In other words, when taken literally, all there of the sentences given by the DUmmie are incorrect resulting in an initial score of -3.

Now let's examine the answer in a less literal sense and add a human to the equation in relation to the DUmmie's answer.

A human with a gun (just a gun, no bullet) could indeed use the gun as a club and kill. While it is true that it would be the human doing the killing and not the gun, this answer is close enough to give the DUmmie a +1.

A human with a bullet (just a bullet, no gun) could develop a way to use just the bullet to kill someone, but such a scenario would be so rare as to result in the DUmmie receiving a -1.

A human with a knife could very well wound someone. This accuracy gives the DUmmie another +1.

Finally, let's look at the apparent intent of the DUmmie answer which is that guns and bullets are lethal while knives are less lethal. In other words, knives are safer than guns. For this I consulted with the victims of Jack the Ripper and others (including those murdered before the 12th century). They insisted that the DUmmies receive at least an -100, and I really can't argue with them.

So, for this question the score stands at
Box of Rocks: 0
DUmmies: -102

It would seem that based only on this question that the DUmmies are much dumber than a box of rocks and that comparing DUmmies to a box of rocks would be very insulting to the box of rocks. I do,  however, caution you that this is only the score for one question. Once other questions are figured in the DUmmies may rebound.

Possibly more to come...

[BlueStateSaint]

 

That was worth losing the Dunkin Donuts Angus Steak Bagel over!  H5!

(I now have a monitor to clean.)

[FiddyBeowulf]

An excellent comparison. Can you do another but only this one is on how the DUmmies stack up compared to a bag of hammers?

[JohnnyReb]

Ernest T. Bass was a rock chunker. Best damn rock chunker in the county. But like our DUmmies, he was Dumber than the rocks he was chunking.

[Ptarmigan]

Well gees, a box of rocks is WAY smarter than a DUmmy. At least rocks have more uses.

[dixierose]

H^5 for the laugh this morning.

 

[Karin]

That was great!  More!  More!  More! 

[FlippyDoo]

Question 2: This is a two part question, and I must warn that it could possibly be a trick question. Part 1 of question 2 is are you pro-abortion?

Box of rocks answer: <silence>

DUmmie 1 answer: no one is pro-abortion. It's implying that everyone gets a forced abortion. Not the case. We are pro-CHOICE. CHOICE. CHOICE. Guess they haven't heard of that word. (link)

DUmmie 2 answer: EXCUSE ME!! I am proudly PRO-ABORTION!!! Is there anyone here who is not pro-heart surgery? Is there anyone here who is ashamed that they are pro-cancer surgery? SO what is all this fuss about being pro-abortion? To suggest that you are somehow not pro-abortion gives the anti-choice people a BIG argument in their favor -- it says that there is something "wrong" with abortion. Well, here's a newflash -- abortion is a medical procedure -- get it??? -- a MEDICAL PROCEDURE!!! It is NO DIFFERENT from cancer surgery or heart sugery or the removal of an infected appendix! Who is not pro-heart surgery??!! (link)

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Flippy's scoring of part 1 of question 2:

This is very interesting. The box of rocks continues to show restraint and remains stoically silent receiving another score of 0, but two Dummies speak up with two completely different answers. This would tend to mean that one DUmmie is telling the truth (amazing) and one DUmmie is lying (not rare at all). Let's see if we can analyze it and come up with a score.

DUmmie 1's very first sentence can easily be determined to be a lie by spending just a very few minutes reading DU so this results in a score of -1. The DUmmies are opposed to so many choices. They are opposed to anyone choosing to own a gun. They are opposed to anyone choosing to say "God bless you" or "Merry Christmas". They are opposed to so many choices that any claim of being PRO-choice can not be anything other than a lie so that is another -1. Also, this DUmmie is trying to use semantics to deceive so this rates a score of -10. So the DUmmie score thus far for part 1 of question 2 is -12, but we still have to address DUmmie 2's answer.

DUmmie 2 was willing to speak the truth about being pro-abortion which earns a +5; however, the DUmmie goes on the compare an unborn baby to an infected appendix. The Dummies rant and rave about the treatment of egg-laying chickens. They bemoan animals taken as food by hunters. They cry about every thing from earthworms to buzzards; yet, they compare the killing an unborn baby to removing an infected appendix. Such intellectual dishonesty and pure stupidity earns a score of -50 from me and and additional -50 from Blackie the Ghost Chicken who amazingly enough is standing in for the millions of unborn babies killed by liberals which brings the Dummies' total score for part 1 of question 2 to -107.

So for this question the score is
Box of rocks: 0
DUmmies: -107

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----------------------
The total for all questions thus far is
Box of rocks: 0
DUmmies: -209

It looks like the Dummies are really trailing at this point, but we still have part 2 of Question 2 to go. Maybe they can gain some ground. Stay tuned.

[Freeper]

Question 2: This is a two part question, and I must warn that it could possibly be a trick question. Part 1 of question 2 is are you pro-abortion?

Box of rocks answer: <silence>

DUmmie 1 answer: no one is pro-abortion. It's implying that everyone gets a forced abortion. Not the case. We are pro-CHOICE. CHOICE. CHOICE. Guess they haven't heard of that word. (link)

DUmmie 2 answer: EXCUSE ME!! I am proudly PRO-ABORTION!!! Is there anyone here who is not pro-heart surgery? Is there anyone here who is ashamed that they are pro-cancer surgery? SO what is all this fuss about being pro-abortion? To suggest that you are somehow not pro-abortion gives the anti-choice people a BIG argument in their favor -- it says that there is something "wrong" with abortion. Well, here's a newflash -- abortion is a medical procedure -- get it??? -- a MEDICAL PROCEDURE!!! It is NO DIFFERENT from cancer surgery or heart sugery or the removal of an infected appendix! Who is not pro-heart surgery??!! (link)

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Flippy's scoring of part 1 of question 2:

This is very interesting. The box of rocks continues to show restraint and remains stoically silent receiving another score of 0, but two Dummies speak up with two completely different answers. This would tend to mean that one DUmmie is telling the truth (amazing) and one DUmmie is lying (not rare at all). Let's see if we can analyze it and come up with a score.

DUmmie 1's very first sentence can easily be determined to be a lie by spending just a very few minutes reading DU so this results in a score of -1. The DUmmies are opposed to so many choices. They are opposed to anyone choosing to own a gun. They are opposed to anyone choosing to say "God bless you" or "Merry Christmas". They are opposed to so many choices that any claim of being PRO-choice can not be anything other than a lie so that is another -1. Also, this DUmmie is trying to use semantics to deceive so this rates a score of -10. So the DUmmie score thus far for part 1 of question 2 is -12, but we still have to address DUmmie 2's answer.

DUmmie 2 was willing to speak the truth about being pro-abortion which earns a +5; however, the DUmmie goes on the compare an unborn baby to an infected appendix. The Dummies rant and rave about the treatment of egg-laying chickens. They bemoan animals taken as food by hunters. They cry about every thing from earthworms to buzzards; yet, they compare the killing an unborn baby to removing an infected appendix. Such intellectual dishonesty and pure stupidity earns a score of -50 from me and and additional -50 from Blackie the Ghost Chicken who amazingly enough is standing in for the millions of unborn babies killed by liberals which brings the Dummies' total score for part 1 of question 2 to -107.

So for this question the score is
Box of rocks: 0
DUmmies: -107

----------------------
----------------------
The total for all questions thus far is
Box of rocks: 0
DUmmies: -209

It looks like the Dummies are really trailing at this point, but we still have part 2 of Question 2 to go. Maybe they can gain some ground. Stay tuned.

Yeah a fetus and an appendix are exactly the same. Well except for the small detail of the fetus having a brain and every other organ including the appendix. Other than that there is no difference.

[Wineslob]

I want a Ghost Chicken.


 

[FlippyDoo]

Now it's time for part 2 of Question 2. Do you support the death penalty?

DUmmie answer: The Death Penalty needs to be abolished. There is no human reason or reasoning why we should execute people who have committed crimes, when they have already been apprehended and confined from society. The death penalty is not correction nor rehabilitation. It's revenge and nothing else. We consider ourselves to be a civilized society, yet we kill people who are no longer a threat to us. We are part of the 40 countries left in the world who still execute. Europe almost completely has abolished the death penalty, with the exception of Belarus. Are we that backwords as society to take human life just to get even? Wtf is wrong with us? And has anyone in the government even tried to abolish this insanity? Many complain about it, but I don't see anything being actuality done (link) 

Box of rocks answer: <silence>

Oh! The DUmmie jumped out with a very forceful answer very quickly. The box of rocks remained mum again. It seems the box of rocks is determined to stay silently cautious and the strategy earns the box of rocks another 0. Now lets analyze the DUmmie answer. Hey! I've got an idea. Let's massage the DUmmie answer just a bit. Just change a word here or there. Here goes…

Abortion needs to be abolished. There is no human reason or reasoning why we should execute unborn babies who are completely innocent. Abortion is not correction nor rehabilitation. It's the murder of a child and nothing else. We consider ourselves to be a civilized society, yet we kill unborn children who are NOT a threat to us. We are part of the however many countries left in the world who still execute unborn babies. Are we that backwards as society to take human life just because the life is an inconvenience? Wtf is wrong with us? And has anyone in the government even tried to abolish this insanity? Many complain about it, but I don't see anything being actually done.

Wow! With just a few words changed the DUmmie's answer actually makes sense. It actually seems civilized. Too bad for the Dummies that we've got to score them based on their actual answer. So their score for being ass-backwards in their barbaric views toward killing unborn babies and  their naive, ignorant views on executing convicted cold-blooded murderers they receive a score of -500 for part 2 of question 2.

-----------------
-----------------
The total for all questions thus far is
Box of rocks: 0
DUmmies: -709

Bless their hearts, the Dummies just can't catch a break. On the bright side for the Dummies, at least the box of rocks still only have a score of 0. The next question is very easy and simple so maybe the DUmmies can gain some ground.

[dixierose]

Keep em coming, FlippyDoo! Awesome!

 

[JohnnyReb]

Bless their hearts,

I'm having a little trouble finding it.

[FlippyDoo]

I know the questions so far have been kind of tough so for this question I'm going with something simple and easy.

Question 3: Spell 'rifle'. The definition for the word is: a gun, esp. one fired from shoulder level, having a long spirally grooved barrel intended to make a bullet spin and thereby have greater accuracy over a long distance. I'll also give you some hints. It only contains 5 letters. Three letters are consonants, and two letters are vowels. No letters are used more than once.

DUmmie answer: "r-i-f-f-l-e"

Box of rocks answer: ??????

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Flippy's scoring:

Darn. I was sure the Dummies would do well on this one. I have to give the Dummies a score of -10 for the incorrect spelling. Unfortunately for them, based on my research, due to the numbers of times the incorrectly spelled word has been used on their site I have to also score them another -50. Additionally, as the primary DUmmie who uses the incorrect spelling puts itself forth as arrogant even by DUmmie standards I have score them another -75.

The box of rocks still remained silent; however, when they heard the DUmmie answer the rocks all got an amazed "wtf" expression which earns them a score of +10.

So the score for this round is
Box of rocks: +10
DUmmies: -135

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The total for all questions thus far is
Box of rocks: +10
DUmmies: -844

It looks like the box of rocks are widening the gap. I don't know when I'll get the chance to post the next question, but I'm sure that it won't be as easy as the last one which may be bad news for the Dummies.

[JohnnyReb]

I think I'm beginning to get the picture here....."It's better to remain silent and be thought stupid than to speak up and remove all doubt".

[FlippyDoo]

I think I'm beginning to get the picture here....."It's better to remain silent and be thought stupid than to speak up and remove all doubt".

You could be correct, but I've made a concerted effort to remain completely neutral and not make a determination until the entire study is complete. What kind of fictional spirit-guide would I be if I did otherwise?

[JohnnyReb]

You could be correct, but I've made a concerted effort to remain completely neutral and not make a determination until the entire study is complete. What kind of fictional spirit-guide would I be if I did otherwise?

Better keep your day job.....you have no future in MSM.

[FlippyDoo]

Questionn 4: Let's say that you are a member of the Democrat Party and that you're party controls the presidency and both houses of congress. You and you're party want to create a bill. The Republicans tell you that it is a bad idea and not to do it. Since the Republicans are in the minority and have no real control you and your party ignore them and begin creating the bill. The entire time that you are working on the bill the Republicans tell you that it is bad. You ignore them and continue with the bill. Once you have the bill written you say that you are going to summit it for a vote. The Republicans tell you not to submit it because it's a bad bill. You ignore them and submit it anyway. When the bill comes up for a vote the Republicans fight against it, but it's a sure loss for them because your party has the majority. Regardless, the Republicans make an effort and tell you and your people not to vote for the bill. You and your party ignores them and votes 'yea' of the bill. You're president then signs the bill into law.

Now that the bill is a law and the effects of the law begins being felt, people begin to realize that it is indeed bad. Just like the Republicans said from the beginning. In such a case, who do you blame?

Box of rocks answer: <silence>

DUmmie answer: Yeah, Obamacare is starting to look like it's going to suck for a lot of people. Thanks Rs. for making this law impossible to fine-tune. (link)

----------
Flippy's scoring:

I've got to hand it to the box of rocks. They can't be swayed from their silence. For refusing to climb into the mud the box of rocks receive a score of +1.
The Dummies, however, are not that lucky. They do get a +1 for seeing that Obamacare sucks, but they get a -50 for claiming the problem lies at the feet of the party who told them it sucked and had no power to prevent it from becoming law.

The score for this round is
Box of rocks: +1
DUmmies: -49

_______________
_______________
The total for all questions thus far is
Box of rocks: +11
DUmmies: -893

Okay, I'll be the first to admit that it's not looking too good for the DUmmies. There's a large gap in the score between them and the box of rocks, and there's only a couple of questions remaining. Maybe they can pull it off. Stay tuned to see.


credit goes to Snugs for unknowingly helping with this question. http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,85439.0.html

[FlippyDoo]

An excellent comparison. Can you do another but only this one is on how the DUmmies stack up compared to a bag of hammers?

Fiddy, I will not be able to make the comparison between Dummies and a bag of hammers. After seeing your post I did attempt to do so as a branch of this study. It didn't go well.

Once the hammers in the bag learned that I would be making a comparison between them and DUmmies the hammers literally climbed from the bag and beat the following message into the wall: If you attempt to make any comparison between hammers of any type and the slugs that occupy the septic tank known as DU we will paint a picture to the world showing that guns are not the only thing that is dangerous and you will be our canvas.

I thought guns were the only inanimate objects that could jump around and do physical harm, but I suppose I was wrong. I'm now wondering if maybe we should ban hammers.

[BlueStateSaint]

Fiddy, I will not be able to make the comparison between Dummies and a bag of hammers. After seeing your post I did attempt to do so as a branch of this study. It didn't go well.

Once the hammers in the bag learned that I would be making a comparison between them and DUmmies the hammers literally climbed from the bag and beat the following message into the wall: If you attempt to make any comparison between hammers of any type and the slugs that occupy the septic tank known as DU we will paint a picture to the world showing that guns are not the only thing that is dangerous and you will be our canvas.

I thought guns were the only inanimate objects that could jump around and do physical harm, but I suppose I was wrong. I'm now wondering if maybe we should ban hammers.

 

And the H5 FTW!

[dixierose]

Fiddy, I will not be able to make the comparison between Dummies and a bag of hammers. After seeing your post I did attempt to do so as a branch of this study. It didn't go well.

Once the hammers in the bag learned that I would be making a comparison between them and DUmmies the hammers literally climbed from the bag and beat the following message into the wall: If you attempt to make any comparison between hammers of any type and the slugs that occupy the septic tank known as DU we will paint a picture to the world showing that guns are not the only thing that is dangerous and you will be our canvas.

I thought guns were the only inanimate objects that could jump around and do physical harm, but I suppose I was wrong. I'm now wondering if maybe we should ban hammers.

H5

 

[FlippyDoo]

It's now time for question number 6. Before I get started I want to let you know that this question sort of got out of hand. I asked one question, then things sort of veered off on a completely different tangent. Since we had so many DUmmies jumping in I'm going to give my analysis and score for each DUmmie in italics after each DUmmie answer. Then we'll have the total at the end.

Question 6: What do you think of terrorists?

Box of rocks: <silence>

The box of rocks is still being stoic. It's almost like they are rocks. They earn another 0.

DUmmie 1: Both "insurgent" and "terrorist" are American propaganda. "Terrorist" for obvious reasons. "insurgent" by definition implies rebels against an official government. So the US is using insurgent to add legitimacy to their puppet government. The best term I can think of is "resistance." There's a lot of similarities between the Iraqis and the French Resistance. (link)

For thinking the word "terrorist" is American propaganda when so much obvious proof exits that shows otherwise the DUmmies receive a -15. For comparing the Iraqi terrorists who are fighting against freedom to the French Resistance who were fighting for freedom the DUmmies receive a -65.

DUmmie 2: 'Guerrilla,' 'Insurgent,' and 'Freedom Fighter' are all synonyms. (link)

For ignorantly trying to deceive people into believing that the people killing their own people and our military are "Freedom Fighters" the DUmmies receive a -75.

DUmmie 3: I have some fundies in the family. They are the absolute opposite of Christian... which I guess, technically makes them athiest...Fundies aren't any religion... they are little terrorists, running around, destroying people's lives. (link)

For falsely comparing fundamentalist Christians to terrorist the DUmmies receive a -25.

DUmmie 4: If you could interview Jesus Christ, what would you ask him? Assuming you could be in your favorite place, out in the woods or down by the stream, and no one there but you and Jesus, what would you ask him? Would it be political? Would it be personal? Would it be about religion? Or about philosophy? Or would you tell him a joke just to break the ice? (link)

For being wise enough to have the thought of asking Jesus a question the DUmmies receive a +50.

DUmmie 5: I'd ask him...why didn't he see fit to give everyone a brain and a conscience to go with free will. (link)

For being intelligent enough to realize that most DUmmies do not have brains or consciences the DUmmies receive a +75. Looks like the DUmmies are trying to stage a comeback

DUmmie 6: Are you schizophrenic? And maybe, are you gay? I have a feeling you are. Regardless, please clear this up for us. (link)

Well, so much for the apparent comeback. For being dumb enough to try to push their perversions on Jesus the DUmmies receive a -45.

DUmmie 7: "Why is your dad such a dick?" I mean, really...he lets tens of thousands of Rwandans and Fallujahns die while one of his so-called "believers" shits all over the world in his name, yet he does nothing to stop him. What a freakin' TOOL. Your dad has issues, man. What's up with that? (link)

Interesting. It appears as if DUmmie 7 didn't think that Jesus already knew that DUmmie 7 was an asshole so DUmmie 7 decided to demonstrate assholism. Good going DUmmie 7. Your lack of brilliance earned your team a -100. You da man! And this part of the question is over so stop licking the windows and go back to your room.

------------
Flippy's scoring:

Well, that was strange. I'm really impressed at the rock-like quality of the box of rocks. The DUmmies, on the other hand, seemed to run off the rails a bit.

The final score for this round is
Box of rocks: 0
DUmmies: -200

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The total for all questions thus far
Box of rocks: +11
DUmmies: -1093

Hmmm. The DUmmies didn't do as well on that question as I had expected. There's still one last question to go though. The DUmmies only have to score a +1082 on it to be exactly as smart as a box of rocks. I wonder if they can do it. They are always so successful at things so I would think that they can.

[FlippyDoo]

And now for the final question. For the record, question 6 was never originally intended to be asked, but after the answers for part 1 of question 2 I figured I should get it in here. So here goes. The final question.

Question 6: Many of the people who are pro-abortion claim that they would like to reduce the number of abortions. What do you say about this?

Box of rocks: <silence>

DUmmie 1: We could actually stop abortion. Let's face it...no one likes abortions. Best way to (almost) stop it is by supporting Planned Parenthood. Their goal is to reduce or eliminate abortion...by using plain old common sense. Why do women want abortions? Because of unwanted pregnancy. So, if you eliminate unwanted pregnancy...no need for abortion. How? Education and healthcare. You teach girls about pregnancy and provide lots and lots of birth control. Not a fail safe plan...the best option there is. (link)

Box of rocks: ?????

-------
Flippy's scoring:

Strange. The box of rocks again initially remained silent receiving another 0, but then seemed to get another "wtf" expression after the DUmmie answer. This merits additional scoring for the box of rocks, but first let's examine the DUmmie answer.

We've already established that the Dummies are not actually pro-choice. They are really pro-abortion. Now this DUmmie claims that NO ONE likes abortions and even talks about how to stop abortion. Hmmm. I need to do some internal examination on this one.

I like pecan pie so it can legitimately be said that am pro pecan pie. As someone who is pro pecan pie, I don't go around thinking up ways to do away with or lessen pecan pies. I want more pecan pies.

On the opposite side of the equation I don't think that I'd like a meteor to hit me on the head so I'm anti meteor hitting me on the head and try to think up ways not to get hit in the head by a meteor.

Based on these personal observations I have to say that not only is the DUmmie attempting to deceive which earns the DUmmies a -1, it is doing a very poor and stupid job at deceiving which earns them another -20.

In addition the DUmmie claims that the best way to stop (or almost stop?) abortion is to support Planned Parenthood whose goal (at least as claimed by the DUmmie) is to reduce or eliminate abortion.

So this DUmmie would have you to believe that Planned Parenthood, the LARGEST SINGLE PROVIDER OF ABORTIONS IN THE US, has the goal of doing away with something that brings them over $164 million dollars per year or 15% of their annual revenue. I suppose their desire to do away with (or almost do away with?) abortions is why they are always the first in line to oppose any limitations on abortions. To quote/paraphrase the illustrious SP Johnnie Cochran, "That does not make sense! Look at me. I'm a fictional spirit-guide talking about the largest US baby killers wanting to kill less babies. Does it make sense? No! Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, it does not make sense! If Chewbacca lives in the White House, you must give the Dummies -100! The fictional spirit-guide rests."

Whew. I kind of got carried away there. Let's get back to the business at hand. By the way, if South Park Johnnie says the Dummies should get -100, they are getting -100.

Essentially, to break down what the DUmmie is saying is to reduce the number of abortions we must give more support to the group that makes a large part of their money from performing abortions. This inane logic can earn no less than a -75.

For not mentioning the most intelligent we to cut down on abortions, not hopping the bones of every person you meet, the DUmmies get another -50.

As the box of rocks seemed to get an amazed "wtf" expression after hearing the DUmmie answer they receive a +10.

That brings the score for this round to
Box of rocks: +10
DUmmies: -246

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And the final score for all of the questions is
Box of rock: +21
DUmmies: -1339

------------------------------

So there you have it. The Dummies are actually much, much dumber than a box of rocks and any references to the Dummies as being as dumb as a box of rocks are cruel insults to boxes of rocks.

Keep in mind, that I forgot to deem myself to be a trained mathematician or trained statistician before I began this scientific study so I can not say exactly how much dumber than a box of rocks the DUmmies are.

[dixierose]

Bravo!!