http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7689839This is in the lounge on Skins's island, surprisingly; one thinks it belongs in the mental health hut.
I was hanging in the lounge hoping to see that Yosemite Sam, aka California Peggy, had posted any new photographs, but alas I didn't see any, so this will have to do:
UndertheOcean Donating Member (1000+ posts) Mon Apr-28-08 03:49 AM
Original message
I am so tired and dissapointed with my life and I think I wasted too much of it , starting over won't make a difference.
The usual primitive solution:
Droopy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Mon Apr-28-08 04:10 AM
Response to Original message
1. You are viewing the world through a depression induced haze
Find a good therapist and give the meds an honest try.
Yeah, right, see a physician on the taxpayer's dime and get pharmaceuticals on the taxpayer's dime.
How about getting a job?--that's a quick cure.
UndertheOcean Donating Member (1000+ posts) Mon Apr-28-08 04:15 AM
Response to Reply #1
2. It is hard , I feel the weight of every step.
I wish I can concentrate on my work more , and get some progress with it
No, I haven't given up on the medicine , and I am seeing the campus therapist.
Oh. The underwater primitive ostensibly has a job.....but it's a government job, depressing.
How about getting a job in the private sector?--making an honest living's a quick cure for depression.
Droopy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Mon Apr-28-08 04:25 AM
Response to Reply #2
3. I've been there
It's important to realize that things can change and that the way you see your life now and the world in general can change as well. I know that it is particularly heart breaking when you want change so badly (change for the better that is) but your brain will not co-operate. But just stick with what you've been doing and also try to learn as much as possible about your illness. There have been lots of books written about it. One thing I can recomend is to get plenty of exercise. Just walking can help.
Taking a walk helps; it beats taking drugs.
But getting a more-challenging job helps even more, and quicker.
UndertheOcean Donating Member (1000+ posts) Mon Apr-28-08 04:28 AM
Response to Reply #3
4. I go to the Gym two times a day , just to stay sane
I'm practically an "excercisaholic" right now.
Atleast it does not need thinking , unlike my work (I am a Ph.D. Candidate)
Oh. So the underwater primitive DOESN'T have a job; the underwater primitive's a professional student living off of student loans.....and the prospect of having to pay off those student loans looms on the horizon.
Man, that would make even Santa Claus depressed.
Droopy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Mon Apr-28-08 04:39 AM
Response to Reply #4
5. Do you see the thinking here?
You think your life is a waste, but you are a Ph.D. candidate? Man, I didn't make it past my junior year in college, but I feel better about myself than you do about yourself. There isn't much I wouldn't give to have the intelligence to be a Ph.D. candidate, but I've found a place in life and I'm doing alright. You will, too.
Lydia Leftcoast Donating Member (1000+ posts) Tue Apr-29-08 12:25 PM
Response to Reply #4
31. You're a Ph. D. candidate?
Are you still eligible for your university's health service?
If so, get thee to thy university's mental health counseling service for a free evaluation.
I had my first major bout with depression in graduate school, but the university offered individual and group therapy that helped me cope.
The primitives get empathetic and wax philosophical:
Indi Guy (1000+ posts) Mon Apr-28-08 04:41 AM
Response to Original message
6. Ironically (man can I relate!)...
...this makes you far more human & even more able to identify with others who have fallen short of their own expectations.
The saddest days in my life were when I knew I failed to make of myself what I knew I was capable of; then I met new friends who experienced the same kind of thing. It was so lonely being a sole failed perfectionist -- I'm glad I failed. Now I have more incredibly creative friends than I ever would have ever had if I'd never thought of myself as a "failure."
Peace to you man...
applegrove Donating Member (1000+ posts) Mon Apr-28-08 05:39 PM
Response to Original message
7. This too shall pass.
Karenina Donating Member (1000+ posts) Mon Apr-28-08 05:47 PM
Response to Original message
8. (((HUGS)))
I do understand how you feel.
HypnoToad Donating Member (1000+ posts) Mon Apr-28-08 06:31 PM
Response to Original message
10. I wasted some of my life too, when not letting a chiropractor waste it for me.
Regret is a part of life. Don't make it a large part.
And why start over? Trading one set of circumstances for another may not always be the best either.
Does anybody by chance remember what the hypochondrial frog's back problem was?
nomorenomore08 (729 posts) Mon Apr-28-08 06:43 PM
Response to Original message
11. "I think I wasted too much of it." How old are you, if you don't mind me asking?
I ask because I'm only 23, and even I've felt that way at times. Sure, I'm a college graduate with a good group of friends, but I still feel like there are certain things I've missed out on.
UndertheOcean Donating Member (1000+ posts) Mon Apr-28-08 06:46 PM
Response to Reply #11
12. I'm 29
nomorenomore08 (729 posts) Mon Apr-28-08 06:50 PM
Response to Reply #12
13. Well, I'd hardly consider being a PhD candidate "wasting your life," but YMMV.
Either way, I was just trying to say that I kind of know how you feel.
Hmmm. A primitive using a stupid mysterious-sounding acronym so as to be cool, hip, with it, trendy.
Anybody know what "YMMV" might mean?
wain Donating Member (648 posts) Mon Apr-28-08 09:22 PM
Response to Reply #12
26. I got my undergraduate degree at 28.
and I've made CEO. You have lots of time. Take a year off. Live life, discover new friends.
Feel good about yourself, what you can do for others
Oh my. The part about "making CEO" made franksolich feel as if he had accidentally walked into a crowded basketball-practice gymnasium, all the bouncing balls.
Lydia Leftcoast Donating Member (1000+ posts) Tue Apr-29-08 12:26 PM
Response to Reply #12
32. Your life isn't even half over
I changed careers at 43. I might change careers again if I feel like it.
I dunno. I wonder if the "career change" was of a voluntary nature.
lost-in-nj Donating Member (1000+ posts) Mon Apr-28-08 06:55 PM
Response to Original message
14. Can I ask how old you are???
I kinda feel like you....
but I will be 50 this year and I am re-inventing myself
I am trying to say yes to all my invitations.
I am trying to throw away the "excess" crap in my life
I am trying to rebuild after 30 years of being married taking care of kids and parents and houses and pets....
I am taking care of ME
I know what you are feeling.....
I dunno. One suspects the lost primitive has ALWAYS taken care of herself first; it would be unnarcisstic, unprimitival, to be any other way.
UndertheOcean Donating Member (1000+ posts) Mon Apr-28-08 06:59 PM
Response to Reply #14
15. 29
My twenties are over , sigh , and I was so socially awkward and depressed through them I feel like I lost them, wasted them just like that , I lost my youth , I can't be considered young anymore.
I wish I can be 18 again , I will bury myself less in books , and try to have some friends , instead of being a pathetic loner .
HypnoToad Donating Member (1000+ posts) Mon Apr-28-08 07:10 PM
Response to Reply #15
17. I was (and still am) socially awkward too. I am 35...
I feel like I lost them too, believe me...
Books are great. Lots of kids miss out on reading because that video game featuring a jumping, pistol shooting gerbil is deemed more fun. If you ask me, THEY are the pathetic ones.
And, no, there is NOTHING wrong with being a loner. I know self-depreciating comments. And what you feel may not be reality. You believe you are pathetic, but I'd bet real money reality would disagree with you.
Indeed, I ought to get my writings out of the dust and finish the books I started. Not being mainstream people, you and I but for varying reasons of course, we have real perspectives that most people cannot begin to match.
Right; sane people can't begin to imagine what goes on in a primitive mind, much less match it.
lost-in-nj Donating Member (1000+ posts) Mon Apr-28-08 07:37 PM
Response to Reply #15
21. You are 20 years YOUNGER
then me
you have so much time to move forward and change your life!!!
PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!
go for it!!!!!
CarolinaPeridot Donating Member (1000+ posts) Mon Apr-28-08 07:56 PM
Response to Reply #15
23. You still have the rest of your life ...
You and I have talked before and I told you my story ...
When I went to college I ended up having it all paid for. A full ride to NC State University. It was like it was handed to me on a silver platter ... I was a Political Science major and I was planning on transferring to Duke or Carolina Law my Junior year.I even planned on going to Harvard.But then something called depression kicked in and the battle for my soul began. This was in 1998 ... it is now 2008. I spent about 6 to 9 years during the past 10 years depressed. I took Paxil for about 6 months and weaned myself off without my doctor's consent (I DO NOT RECOMMEND THIS FOR ANYONE ...) in August of 2006 and then something happened on November 25,2006 at 5am - my mom had an aneurysm ... that my was the moment where my life changed ... If she can fight through an aneurysm, I can't let depression take control of my life ... and damn it, it did'nt.
I moved out and forced myself to live on my own and it was'nt an easy road ... but today I can tell you that I am so happy to be alive. Yes there were times when I wanted to commit suicide but I think back to those times and I can't feel or remember why I was so sad. Its all about my mind control - I know that I am a happy person because I smile ALL the time. Sometimes I just smile and I know people think I am weird but who cars. But depression will not beat me - its a chemical imbalance and its not my fault.Something happened around the age of 9 that made my brain act the way it does sometimes ... but I have a song (electronic instrumental R&B is how I describe it) that I wrote called "1984" because that was the last time that I felt that I was truly happy. I wrote this song in 2003 while living in Germany. It took back to a time when I was happy but then I told myself why think back to when I was happy - BE HAPPY NOW. You have to be happy now ...
And when I think back to all the things that I have done in the past 10 years, I have a lot to be proud of. I did'nt finish at NC State , but I am returning to college this fall more focused than ever as a Business Administration major. So f you depression. Who knows someday I might go back to school someday at NC State, Duke, Carolina or even Harvard - I might be Chancellor there one day,you never know. But I am proud of the life that I have lived because its the one that I was given. You need a strong support system ... family friends , even us on the DU. No matter what we think , we can't make it all on our own. Anytime you need someone to talk to, I am here.
I actually told myself when I was around 19-20 (the HARDEST year) that I hope to make it to the age of 21 years old ... this year I will be 28 and I am so HAPPY.
Take care of yourself. And don't give up ...
MnFats Donating Member (1000+ posts) Mon Apr-28-08 07:56 PM
Response to Reply #15
24. 29 is young!!!
i am nearly twice that!
I am really ****ed! how many good years do I have left?
find something to make you happy! you DO have time to start over...
don't wind up like the guy who wrote this (I forget the name but the words stick with me 
"What is life, anyway? A few summers in the sun. A few winters waiting for summer. A half-dozen women whose names you can remember. You might as well die now as later."
sometimes I ponder that to get OUT of the doldrums.
I ain't dead yet. I can fight.
Lavender Brown Donating Member (1000+ posts) Mon Apr-28-08 07:01 PM
Response to Original message
16. I feel that way often (just about my career, not in general)
I'm the same age as you, and I'm nowhere near getting a PhD - I just started working on my Master's. I'm sorry you're feeling bummed out, but it sounds like you've got a lot to look forward to.
AspieGrrl Donating Member (1000+ posts) Mon Apr-28-08 07:11 PM
Response to Original message
18. You know what the best thing about crappy moods is? They always come to pass.
kineneb Donating Member (1000+ posts) Mon Apr-28-08 07:11 PM
Response to Original message
19. holy shit man, you got nothin' to complain about
I have to start my life over, at 49!
My husband of 26 years died in March and I had been his caregiver during his illness. I have no official income, I qualify for food stamps, and I am waiting to see if SSI thinks I am crazy enough to be considered "disabled". Otherwise I can earn no more than $600/mo, or I have a share-of-cost for medical coverage. So no matter what, I am looking at living at poverty level.
Shit, kid, quit your whining.
Would you like rice and beans with that?
(Sorry for the rant... now go see a therapist or counselor and talk through your problems. You -DO- have your life ahead of you.)
abq e streeter Donating Member (970 posts) Mon Apr-28-08 07:12 PM
Response to Original message
20. I suffer from the same thing---am convinced I've wasted my life...
I'm 56, was blessed with a great amount of intelligence and talent, and pretty much pissed away all that potential, as far as I'm concerned. Been seeing therapists off and on for decades, and have a good one right now. He has been, for months, trying to convince me that I'm not a "waste of perfectly good oxygen" as I've put it. But I can't , in my view, lie to myself that I haven't squandered my god-given talents etc.
So recently, he hit me with the simple concept that, OK, even if it IS true ( which he still firmly believes its not), what the hell good does it do to wallow in it? And damned if that didn't make one hell of a lot of sense. So, I'm just working at not wallowing in it, and somehow, by osmosis almost, I'm starting to notice the small things that I DO contribute to the good of the world.
You're not even thirty, you got PLENTY of time , believe it or not,to turn around whatever it is that's inside you that makes you think its already too late, and realize you've got DECADES ahead of you to have your life be what you'd like it to be. You're obviously highly intelligent; a curse and a blessing . A curse because people like us are prone to thinking, analyzing etc too much. But a blessing, because you've got the intellectual tools to , with help, make your life one of whatever type of accomplishments will bring you satisfaction .
I'm rootin' for you, friend, and if I can start turning that way of thinking around at the ripe old age of 56, you can do it too.
Joey Liberal (1000+ posts) Mon Apr-28-08 07:52 PM
Response to Original message
22. Hang in there UndertheOcean
Try a martial arts class - perhaps Tai Chi. There's Yoga and meditation. You are young and smart. You can deal with this and beat it. Also, become a volunteer for the local Special Olympics. You'll meet kids that will make your problems seem small and they'll give you the courage to carry on.
Hang in their dude.
Uh, excuse me, but the Little Joey primitive is forgetting something, with this volunteering bit.
Primitives DON'T want to meet people who have more problems than the specific primitive has.
That's the last thing primitives want to do.
Taverner Donating Member (1000+ posts) Mon Apr-28-08 07:56 PM
Response to Original message
25. Bullshit
Simply bullshit
It's a big bonfire, but I'll quit with the innkeeper primitive.
I'm not sure the meaning the innkeeper primitive intends, but I'm taking it at face value, and dittoing.
