There was a ragged old man who shuffled into a waterfront bar one afternoon. Stinking of whisky and cigarettes, his hands shook as he took the "Piano Player wanted" sign from the window and handed it to the bartender.
"I'd like to apply for the job," he said.
The barkeep wasn't too sure about this doubtful looking old guy, but it had been quite a while since he had a piano player, and business was falling off.
What do you do?" he asked.
"I'm retired", was the answer. "As a matter of fact I'm a retired Coast Guard Chief Petty Officer, but since I retired I've done nothing but drink, chase the ladies and play the piano."
Now really unsure, the barkeep decided to give him a try…he really needed more business.
"The piano is over there; give it a go and we will see how well you play."
The old man staggered his way over to the piano and several patrons snickered. But, by the time he was into the third bar of music, every voice was silenced. What followed was a rhapsody of sound and music, unlike anyone had heard in the bar before. When he finished there wasn't a dry eye in the place.
The bartender took the old sailor a beer and told him he really sounded good.
"What do you call that song", he asked the old sailor?
"It's called, 'Drop Your Skivvies, Baby, We're Gonna Rock Tonight', said the old chief after he took a long pull from the beer.
The crowd winced along with the bartender, but the piano player went on.
"I've got another," and he began to play again. What followed was a knee-slapping, handclapping, bit of ragtime that had the place jumping. People were coming in from the street to hear this guy play.
After he finished, the Chief acknowledged the applause and told the crowd the song was called, "Big Boobs Make My Anchor Chain Run Out."
He then excused himself as he lurched off to the head.
After thinking a bit the bartender decided to hire the guy, no matter how bad he looked or what his songs were called.
When the guy came out of the head, the bartender went over to tell him he had the job. But then he noticed the old man's fly was undone and his anchor was hanging out.
He said, "Look Chief, the job is yours, but first I gotta ask, do you know your fly is open and your anchor is hanging out?"
"Know it?" the old Chief replied, "Hell, I wrote it!
