Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, 'Esther,I'd like to ride in that helicopter.'
Esther always replied, 'I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars'
One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said, 'Esther, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance.'
To this, Esther replied, 'Morris that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.'
The pilot overheard the couple and said, 'Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny! But if you say one word it's fifty dollars.'
Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his dare devil tricks over and over again, but still not a word.
When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, 'By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!'
Morris replied, 'Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out, but you know, fifty dollars is fifty dollars!'
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Presidential candidate, Barack Obama was visiting a primary school and he visited one of the classes. They were in the middle of a discussion
related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked the presidential candidate if he would like to lead the discussion on the word 'tragedy'. So our
illustrious democrat presidential candidate asked the class for an example
of a 'tragedy'.
One little boy stood up and offered: 'If my best friend, who lives
on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs over him and
kills him, that would be a tragedy.'
'No,' said Obama, 'that would be an accident.'
A little girl raised her hand: 'If a school bus carrying 50
children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be
a tragedy.'
'I'm afraid not,' explained Obama. 'That's what we would call
great loss.'
The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Obama
searched the room. 'Isn't there someone here who can give me an
example of a tragedy?'
Finally at the back of the room, Little Johnny raised his hand. In
a quiet voice he said: 'If the plane carrying you and Mrs. Obama
was struck by a 'friendly fire' missile and blown to smithereens
that would be a tragedy.'
'Fantastic!' exclaimed Obama. 'That's right. And can you tell me
why that would be tragedy?'
'Well,' says the boy, 'It has to be a tragedy, because it certainly
wouldn't be a great loss... and it probably wouldn't be a fu**ing
accident either.'
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> A drunk walks out of a bar with a key in his hand and he is
stumbling back and forth.
>
>
>
> A cop on the beat sees him and approaches 'Can I help you sir '
>
>
>
> 'Yessh! Ssssomebody ssstole my carrr' the man replies.
>
>
>
> The cop asks 'Where was your car the last time you saw it '
>
>
>
> 'It wasss on the end of thisshh key' the man replies.
>
>
>
> About that time the cop looks down and sees the man's weiner
hanging out of his fly for all the world to see.
>
>
>
> He asks the man 'Sir are you aware that you are exposing yourself?
'
>
>
>
> Momentarily confused, the drunk looks down at his crotch and
without missing a beat, blurts out..........
>
>
>
> 'Holy crap! My girlfriend's gone too
