Author Topic: General humor thread  (Read 97255 times)

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Offline DefiantSix

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Re: General humor thread
« Reply #125 on: April 01, 2010, 03:23:15 PM »


Quote
...Your wife's a Bigfoot, isn't she, Gus? Your wife is a Bigfoot, isn't she? That's why the bitch's moustache is so mother****in' thick... 'cause you shaved the bitch down and taught her to speak. I know a mother****in' Bigfoot when I see one! Don't bring a Bigfoot into my home, Gus! With my children? The bitch can't talk! She can't walk a flight of steps! She's not trained well, Gus! She can *not* walk steps! I'll bet she climbs the **** outta trees, though, don't she, Gus? Doesn't she? DOESN'T SHE? But you got to not bring her around here - **** her! And your mother****in' children? They're Bigfeet, too. They're half-Bigfoot, Gus, 'cause the mother****ers is 6 years old and have Afros 17 inches long. They're little hairy mother****ers, just like their mother. Look at the mother****ers! You know how I found out they was Bigfoot - when I realized your wife was a Bigfoot when I took your kids fishing last week. I put the mother****ers in the boat, Gus, and I took the worm and I put it on the hooks. And they both sat there, and they put their poles down in the mother****in' boat, and slammed their faces in the water for 2 minutes! And I think, "What the **** are these kids doin'?" Then they start moving their heads like this and the mother****ers come up with fish! I jumped back and said, "Can you believe this mother****in' shit?" Then the kid took the fish out his mouth and looked at his brother and said, "Goonie-Goo-Goo." What the **** is going on here? Normal kids don't do shit like that, Gus. But I'm gonna tell you something, mother****er. You can take your mother****in' hairy fat-ass wife moustache bitch out the ****, you can go upstairs and get the mother****in' dog and scoop up the shit and take Eddie and get these motha****in' long Angela Davis afro-wearin' mother****in' kids of yours and put them in the mother****ing "Goonie-Goo-Goo"-mobile and get the **** out! And if my wife don't like that, she can get the **** out, too!
"Stand your ground. Don't fire unless fired upon, but if they mean to have a war, let it begin here."
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"I'm not looking for forgiveness, and I'm way past asking permission"
-- Capt. Steve Rogers

"In this present crisis, government in not the solution to our problem, government IS the problem."
-- Ronaldus Magnus

Offline Golem

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Re: General humor thread
« Reply #126 on: April 03, 2010, 12:51:16 PM »
From Roscoe Karns at Free Republic:













Offline Golem

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Re: General humor thread
« Reply #127 on: April 03, 2010, 04:38:51 PM »
« Last Edit: April 03, 2010, 05:49:01 PM by Golem »

Offline Golem

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Re: General humor thread
« Reply #128 on: April 06, 2010, 01:54:52 PM »

Offline littlelamb

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Re: General humor thread
« Reply #129 on: April 06, 2010, 02:53:46 PM »
That is great
Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it and then misapplying the wrong remedies.

Offline Golem

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Re: General humor thread
« Reply #130 on: April 07, 2010, 01:11:20 PM »

Offline Golem

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Re: General humor thread
« Reply #131 on: April 07, 2010, 01:17:55 PM »
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.

The two elderly gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant, and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly."

The other man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?"

The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know ... the one that is red and has thorns."

"Do you mean a rose?" asked his friend.

"Yes," the man said. He turned toward the kitchen and yelled, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"

Offline Golem

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Re: General humor thread
« Reply #132 on: April 07, 2010, 06:47:14 PM »
Tiger ballet

Quote
Watch the tiger on the left. This, ladies and gentlemen, is how you quit a ballet company in style... You know some stage manager backstage was flipping his shit when he saw that

[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QSeHsy9RWTg[/youtube]


Alternate links:

[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SN9XrTL76iA[/youtube]

[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tpKINd8NPwo[/youtube]

Offline Golem

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Re: General humor thread
« Reply #133 on: April 09, 2010, 11:07:14 AM »

Offline vesta111

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Re: General humor thread
« Reply #134 on: April 11, 2010, 08:56:03 AM »
Received:   Wed 4/7
 
Black **&@**!#s

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital,

wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose,

still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour surgical procedure

A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.

Nurse,' he mumbles, from behind the mask 'Are my #*^^#!=&s black?'

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies 'I don't know,Sir.

I'm only here to wash your upper body.'

He struggles to ask again, 'Nurse, are my !#=&+=+*s black?'

Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his @+#&^!*$s,

she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly

pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his

@$$&* in one hand and his $^!$^^^&s in the other,

lifting and moving them around and around gently.

Then, she takes a close look and says, 'No sir, they aren't and I assure

you, there's nothing wrong with them, Sir !!'

The man pulls off his oxygen mask,

smiles at her and says very slowly,

'Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but listen

very, very closely.....

' A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s -b a c k ?'
 

Offline littlelamb

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Re: General humor thread
« Reply #135 on: April 11, 2010, 06:11:37 PM »
That was cute
Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it and then misapplying the wrong remedies.

Offline Golem

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Re: General humor thread
« Reply #136 on: April 14, 2010, 02:24:08 PM »
[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=28MBu7jHWrM[/youtube]

Offline Golem

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Re: General humor thread
« Reply #137 on: April 15, 2010, 04:06:57 PM »

Offline Golem

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Re: General humor thread
« Reply #138 on: April 16, 2010, 12:30:08 PM »

Offline Golem

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Re: General humor thread
« Reply #139 on: April 17, 2010, 03:32:15 PM »

Offline Golem

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Re: General humor thread
« Reply #140 on: April 18, 2010, 07:18:14 PM »
[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z84AYN6_iUY[/youtube]

Offline Golem

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Re: General humor thread
« Reply #141 on: April 27, 2010, 12:21:27 PM »
[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMb8Csll9Ws[/youtube]

Offline Golem

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Re: General humor thread
« Reply #142 on: April 29, 2010, 12:28:26 PM »

Offline DefiantSix

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Re: General humor thread
« Reply #143 on: May 02, 2010, 10:42:52 PM »
"Stand your ground. Don't fire unless fired upon, but if they mean to have a war, let it begin here."
-- Capt. John Parker

"I'm not looking for forgiveness, and I'm way past asking permission"
-- Capt. Steve Rogers

"In this present crisis, government in not the solution to our problem, government IS the problem."
-- Ronaldus Magnus

Offline Golem

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Re: General humor thread
« Reply #144 on: May 03, 2010, 01:39:54 PM »

Offline IassaFTots

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Re: General humor thread
« Reply #145 on: May 05, 2010, 09:30:20 PM »
R.I.P. LC and Crockspot.  Miss you guys.

The infinite is possible at zombocom.  www.zombo.com

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." ~ Martin Luther King
 
“Political Correctness is about turning a blind eye to painful reality because your comfortable feelings are more important to you than saving lives and providing quality of life to people who work their ass off to be productive and are a benefit to this great American Dream"  ~Ted Nugent

Offline littlelamb

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Re: General humor thread
« Reply #146 on: May 06, 2010, 06:51:53 AM »





Those are great I am so stealing it from you
Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it and then misapplying the wrong remedies.

Offline Golem

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Re: General humor thread
« Reply #147 on: May 06, 2010, 03:21:26 PM »

Offline Chris

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Re: General humor thread
« Reply #148 on: May 06, 2010, 03:21:56 PM »
This post is disruptive, hurtful, rude, insensitive, over-the-top, or otherwise inappropriate.

Offline Golem

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Re: General humor thread
« Reply #149 on: May 07, 2010, 10:21:21 AM »