Blonde Inventions
1) The water-proof towel
2) Solar powered flashlight
3) Submarine screen door
4) A book on how to read
5) Inflatable dart board
6) A dictionary index
7) Ejector seat in a helicopter
8) Powdered water
9) Pedal-powered wheel chair
10) Water-proof tea bag
HORSEBACK RIDING
A blonde had a near death experience the other day when she went horseback riding. Everything was going fine until the horse started bouncing out of control. She tried with all her might to hang on, but was thrown off.
With her foot caught in the stirrups, she fell head first to the ground. Her head continued to bounce on the ground as the horse did not stop or even slow down.
Just as she was giving up hope and losing consciousness, the Wal-Mart manager came out and unplugged the horse.
How do you prevent a blonde from having sex?
Marry her.
What does a blonde make for dinner?
Reservations.
Why did the blonde have square boobs?
Because she forgot to take the tissues out of the box.
Did you hear about the blonde who got locked in the bathroom?
She was in there so long, she peed her pants.
How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies?
Three...one to mix the batter and two to squeeze the rabbit.
Hear about the blonde that got an AM radio?
It took her a month to realize she could play it at night...
What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts?
Change.
Why do blondes write TGIF on their shoes?
Toes Go In First.
Why don't blondes like to make Kool-Aid?
They can't get eight cups of water into that little packet.
Why did the blonde only change her baby's Pampers twice a month?
Because the box said "for 18 to 24 pounds."
What's the advantage of being married to a blonde?
You can park in the handicapped zone.
What do you call eight blondes in a freezer?
Frosted flakes.
What did the blonde say when she got pregnant?
"Gee, I hope it's mine."
Why was the blonde excited when she finished the jigsaw puzzle in six months?
Because the box said 4 to 6 years.
What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
Gifted.
A blonde looked at her drivers license and got depressed when she saw that she got an "F" in sex.
How can you tell which blonde is the waitress?
She's the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering what she did with her pencil.
What do you call a blonde with two brain cells?
Pregnant.
How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
Wave.
What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?
Run, she's got a hand grenade in her mouth!
How do you keep a blonde busy?
You give her a bottle of shampoo that says: "Lather, rinse, and repeat."
How do you keep a blonde busy?
You put her in a round room and tell her to go sit in the corner."
Why do blondes always have such big hair?
So they can catch things that are over their heads.
