Official Nomination Thread for the Top DUmmies of 2011 (closed)

[franksolich]

Welcome to the “Official Nominating Thread” for the Top DUmmies of 2011!

This thread will be “locked,” for reading only, until sometime Thanksgiving Eve, probably about supper-time, and open for nominations and comments until 11:59 p.m. central time; 10:59 p.m. mountain time Saturday, December 3.

All members of conservativeunderground, P-J Comix’s DUmmie FUnnies, and conservativecave are invited to make nominations and comments.  Those on conservativeunderground may post their nominations and comments on this thread there, and those here may post their nominations and comments on this thread here.  

For members of the DUmmie FUnnies, and for those wishing to remain anonymous in making nominations, they may do so via e-mail to clarebootheluce@gmail.com  Such nominations, sent to franksolich, will be kept confidential.  I will publicly post the nominations under my own name, identifying them as coming from “someone else,” no more than that.

Voting will take place between circa supper-time Sunday, December 4, until 11:59 p.m. central time, 10:59 p.m. mountain time, Wednesday December 14.  Voting may be done publicly on the “Official Voting Thread” on conservativeunderground, or here.  Those who wish to keep their votes confidential, and members of the DUmmie FUnnies, will be directed to Mr. Wiggum, who is in charge of that aspect of the Top DUmmies; he has a special e-mail account for this purpose, and keeps such votes confidential.

Mr. Wiggum counts the votes and franksolich writes the awards; otherwise, the Top DUmmies of 2011, is the creation of all those who choose to participate.

There are no changes in the rules from past years.

Nominations are solicited for:

-the top DUmmies of 2011
-the Willie award
-the newbie award
-the broken elbow award
-the golden bong award

One may make as many nominations as one wishes, for any of these awards; Mr. Wiggum and franksolich however reserve the “right” to pare down the ballot, if the lists become too cumbersome.  It’s never been the case—too many nominations—but we do reserve that “right.”

Top Dummies are nominated based upon their notoriety exhibited during the past year.  Which DUmmies impressed one the most?  Which DUmmies made the biggest spalsh?  Which DUmmies performed the most remarkable feats in 2011?

The twenty most-popular DUmmies will be awarded their prizes, some sort of, uh, literary piece by franksolich, in ascending order.  First, the top DUmmies 11-20 in one fell swoop, and then the top Dummies 1-10 one at a time.  The Top DUmmie of 2011 is of course the big prize, the gold medal, but the lesser prizes are nothing at which to sneeze either.

The Willie award, named for the Bostonian Drunkard, is given to the DUmmie who has done the most to enhance the reputation of democraticunderground; whichever DUmmie since the beginning, in 2001, has done a great deal to publicize and burnish the image of democraticundergound in the popular mind.

This, courtesy chris_, describes the criteria one should use for nominating a DUmmie for the Willie:

"I don't think there is a single blog out there I read that hasn't at least once linked to Democratic Underground's forum. The place is like a train wreck of human thought.  You just can't help but gawk at their twisted logic and wild-eyed conspiracy theories. I've even ended up becoming addicted to the site.  Any time there is breaking news, I think "I wonder what the nuts are saying about this" and head straight for DU. It's like a daily freak show." -- imao.us

Unlike the Top DUmmies, who may repeat from year to year, the Willie is awarded only one time to a particular DUmmie, and so the following, past winners, are not eligible for election:

-BouncyBall
-William Pitt
-TomInTib

The newbie award is given to the DUmmie who first came into prominence some time this past year, and made an impression; a DUmmie who’s never been acknowledged before.

If one isn’t sure a DUmmie’s new or not, feel free to nominate, and they’ll get sorted out, the eligible ones on the ballot.

The broken elbow award, inspired by the fortitude and stoicism and patience demonstrated by Traveshamockery and franksolich when they broke theirs, is given to the DUmmie considered to be the most constant and boring whiner on democraticunderground.

Since white is black and round is square and up is down on democraticunderground, the broken elbow award is for that DUmmie who did not bear his or her trials and tribulations with fortitude, stoicism, and patience, making far too much of pain and inconvenience.

It could be whining about physical misery, or whining about just about anything and everything.

The golden bong award is for the DUmmie that made up the best bouncy of 2011.

One might remember the story, but not the DUmmie who made it up; in that case, offer the details in this thread, and sooner or later someone else will match the tale with the DUmmie.

Tentatively, the schedule is this:

Voting closes on December 14
Mr. Wiggum counts the votes the next ten days
the golden bong awarded on December 23
DUmmies 11-20 awarded on December 24
the Willie awarded on December 25
the newbie awarded on December 25
the broken elbow awarded on December 25
DUmmies 2-10 awarded various times between December 26 and December 30
Top DUmmie of 2011 awarded about supper-time New Year’s Eve, December 31

[franksolich]

This year’s Top DUmmies of 2011 contest is dedicated to the memory of the late Chief S itting Bull, the bird-smacking stoned red-faced primitive “Redstone.”

When the Mount Rushmore of Great Primitives is finally sculpted, the angry mug of Chief S itting Bull will occupy the same place as does George Washington on the real Mount Rushmore.

Decent and civilized people have watched thousands of primitives come to and go from Skins’s island the past near-eleven years, most of them merely lumpenunterprimitiven, a faceless lynch mob, an amorphous blob, one scarcely distinguishable from any of the others in their corrosive rage, hatred, and anger.

There have been however some primitives worth noting, of which, as anyone with judgement and discernment and taste will agree, Chief S itting Bull was the greatest.

The bird-smacking stoned red-faced primitive proved a model, an ideal, a paragon, for the primitives lesser than him, in his colorful demonstration of being all that one should not be; a man of burning passion, violent habits, bombastic manners, vigorous hates, philistine tastes, intense anger, gangrenous bitterness.

God loved Redstone.  It’s unfortunate that Redstone never reciprocated, because one cannot possibly respect and love oneself without first respecting God.

Perhaps unknown to mortal man in this time and place, Redstone did in fact recognize the pointlessness, the futility, the self-destructiveness, of his rage, hatred, and anger; that he had wasted his life and his talents on wrong and frivolous things, for which God forgave.

This one’s for you, Redstone, wherever you are; the primitives obviously don’t but decent and civilized people everywhere miss and mourn you.

[franksolich]

When considering nominations, there are various resources in the DUmping Ground, the subsidiary forum to the DUmpster here.

-the top DUmmies 2005-2010; since the beginning

http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,66225.0.html

-a clarification of the rules for nominations

http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,66374.0.html

-posts that stand alone, primitive comments not warranting a whole thread

http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,52861.0.html

-an early reminder about remembering earlier-in-the-year primitives of note

http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,57423.0.html

-nadin’s accomplishments

http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,63006.0.html

-a later early reminder about remembering earlier-in-the-year primitives

http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,59692.0.html

-miskie’s Big Book of Poetry

http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,46747.0.html

-an epic example of the shining stupidity of primitives

http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,66801.0.html

-the Official Nomination Thread for Top DUmmies of 2010

http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,51696.0.html

-the Official Voting Thread for Top DUmmies of 2010

http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,52237.0.html

[franksolich]

Suggestions for nominations.

-one is of course free to just make nominations, and comment no further than that, but really, it helps one’s nominations if one “justifies” one’s choices, says something about why a particular DUmmie is worthy of recognition.

The “Official Nomination Thread” after all gives one a chance to “campaign,” to persuade.  By the time the “Official Voting Thread”’s been posted, it’s too late to influence minds.

-if one remembers a comment or a characteristic of a DUmmie, but can’t quite place the screen-name, the “Official Nomination Thread” is the place to inquire.  Feel free to ask; everybody’s omitted to remember an exact screen-name before, given the unimaginative nature of names the DUmmies call themselves.

(That, incidentally, is why franksolich sometimes re-baptizes a primitive with a more-appropriate, more-descriptive name; it helps on identification.)

[franksolich]

For further reading, please feel free to check what our colleagues are saying:

http://www.conservativeunderground.com/forum505/showthread.php?p=464908&posted=1#post464908

[franksolich]

Okay, we're now open for nominations a little bit early; I had forgotten not everybody lives like franksolich, and that some are going to be traveling today, and want to get some smacks in before they leave.

So the "Official Nomination Thread" is now open, until Saturday night December 3.

I'll start off, even though I'm always more comfortable being the guy who shuts off the lights after everybody else has left.  It's my destiny, to be the last one out (a destiny with which I have no problem).

nadin for top primitive of 2011.

I'm not saying I'll vote for nadin; I'm nominating her because opinions are sharply divided here, pro-nadin and anti-nadin, and franksolich can take the onus better than many others.

I have a big list of other nominations for top primitive (don't worry, grouchy old Don over on Skins's island; you're on the list, and guaranteed to be on the ballot, so hold your horses, I'll get around to nominating you sometime over the next ten days), but I'll post those later.

EFerrari
Andy Stephenson
hippywife for the Willie Award, given the primitive who's helped spread, and enhance the good name and reputation of Skins's island over the years; only one's elected, but one can nominate more than one for the ballot.

snoutport for the newbie award, given a primitive who's never before been in the top twenty, ever, and made quite a splash this past year.

Cyrano
mopinko for the broken elbow award, given a primitive who whines and bawls and bitches and carries on and wails and wrings the hands over the stupidest littlest worries or pain.

Horse With no Name for the best bouncy of 2011; actually there's four of them, and they were all great bouncies.

I'll get around to explaining the "whys" of my nominations as this thread gets going; the "Official Nomination Thread" by the way usually ends up one of the longest threads ever, in the DUmpster.

[MoshMasterD]

nadinbrzezinski for everything.  Also Vinny The Dude for DUmmie of the year.

[franksolich]

nadinbrzezinski for everything.  Also Vinny The Dude for DUmmie of the year.

Your nominations duly noted, sir, but nadin's not eligible for the newbie award, having been around Skins's island before 2011, and a few times before November 2010, her campfires were featured here.  Of course, since November 2010, she's pretty much dominated the DUmpster, for better or for worse.

I'm seriously considering voting for the sparkling husband primitive this year; I didn't last year, because the sparkling husband dude by then had developed this most annoying habit where he was respectful of other members here, but always cursorily dismissed franksolich with a wave of the hand.

The sparkling husband primitive's prejudiced against deaf people; doesn't like them, thinks we should stay in our place, mute and unheard.

I'm nominating my fellow Nebraskan, Omaha's Ed Norton, Omaha Steve, for top primitive.

Many here see Omaha's Ed Norton as a blue-collar union worker, or a candidate for the city council in Bellevue, Nebraska, or as being 1/64th derived from Native American blood (overlooking the 63/64th part of him that's Polish or Irish), or as a freeloader wanting other people to give him things, or as a rabid promoter of socialism, or as a fan of the Green Bay Packers, or as a [Star] Trekkie.

Omaha Steve and franksolich are Nebraskans, and Nebraska being a pretty small state, we sort of kind of in a vague way know of each other in real life.

Omaha's Ed Norton is, if nothing else, a con man, a scammer, looking for the easy buck.

One noticed this right away in his breathless announcement he was running for city council in Bellevue, one of the reddest cities in Nebraska; about the first thing he mentioned was that he was settling up an account to accept campaign donations.  Nothing about what he planned to do, if elected, for the good people of his city, only about that he'd be accepting campaign donations.

I know what was running through my fellow Nebraskan's mind--he'd take all this cash given him by the primitives, consult a national schedule of Star Trek conventions, register for those located in blue cities where there might be some Democrat event going on about the same time, and voila! he and Marta would get to hang around with Trekkies, even buying some stuff.  All on other people's dimes.

Never wants to pay his own way through life, Omaha Steve. 

[Charles Henrickson]

My choices:

DUmmie of the Year: nadinbrzezinski, aka Know-it-all Nadin. Nads has willed herself, thrust herself, to the head of the class this year, like a radioactive death cloud from Japan. She has crossed the Rubicon of immortality.

Willie: EFerrari, aka Doug's stupid ex-wife, formerly known as sfexpat2000. From the days of the Andy Stephenson Situation until now, she has been a constant of stupidity.

Newbie: Sarah Ibarruri, aka Sarah Ibuprofen. Her threads about her kind, attentive, but (gasp) rightwing boyfriend have been a hoot.

Broken elbow:  Cyrano. I just DUFUed his whining about having Thanksgiving with wingnut relatives. (Kentuck would be a good choice, too.)

Golden bong: Dreamer Tatum . . . although his grocery store bouncy may need an asterisk, if you know what I mean.

[franksolich]

Newbie: Sarah Ibarruri, aka Sarah Ibuprofen. Her threads about her kind, attentive, but (gasp) rightwing boyfriend have been a hoot.

Alas, Sarah's been featured before, in the DUmmie FUnnies, at our old home, and here; so she's not a new primitive for 2011.

However, she can be nominated for top primitive, and for bouncies, if one wishes.

Broken elbow:  Cyrano. I just DUFUed his whining about having Thanksgiving with wingnut relatives. (Kentuck would be a good choice, too.)

And what an excellent (as usual) edition of the DUmmie FUnnies that was; for those who haven't seen it yet, it's linked in the DUmpster.

Oscar Wilde, the large-proboscised primitive, is a real piece of work.

Golden bong: Dreamer Tatum . . . although his grocery store bouncy may need an asterisk, if you know what I mean.

Good choice.  Excellent choice.

[Charles Henrickson]

Alas, Sarah's been featured before, in the DUmmie FUnnies, at our old home, and here; so she's not a new primitive for 2011. However, she can be nominated for top primitive. . . .

Then make it so! Know-it-all Nadin is definitely my top choice for DUmmie of the Year, but I would put Sarah Ibuprofen on the finalists' stage with her, the girls holding hands as Bert Parks reads off the names.

[franksolich]

Then make it so! Know-it-all Nadin is definitely my top choice for DUmmie of the Year, but I would put Sarah Ibuprofen on the finalists' stage with her, the girls holding hands as Bert Parks reads off the names.

Okay, crazy Sarah's been nominated for top primitive.

Someone might wish to nominate her for the golden bouncy too, because of all her tall tales about her Republican boyfriend.

I myself have always been hostile towards crazy Sarah because back in 2004, she promised to leave the United States if George Bush were re-elected.  Well, George Bush was re-elected, but crazy Sarah never left.

If she had a shortage for the airfare, I'm sure decent and civilized people could've arranged it for her.

This is Thanksgiving Eve, and so traffic's naturally slow, and I thought about posting more of my own nominations for top primitives (remember, there's twenty of them, after all the votes are counted), but no, I'll wait.

[franksolich]

It's the middle of the night, and I'm bored.

The senior business partner should get here soon, by about 2:00 a.m.; accounting business, and I discovered some chicanery.

It's always nice to know in advance when someone's coming, and one isn't caught off guard.

Anyway, while I'm waiting.....

I second MoshMasterD's nomination of the sparkling husband dude, Stinky the Clown, for top primitive of 2011; he hasn't been as entertaining this year, as he was last year, but still, he's been pretty good, whining to my fellow alum Skins about moles on Skins's island and all that.

(For the record, the sparkling husband dude and franksolich's mole have never even brushed elbows with each other on Skins's island; franksolich's mole assiduously avoids primitives featured in the DUmpster.)

And there was the sparkling husband dude's reaction to that put-down by the FrenchieCat primitive, about his being the laughingstock of the internet.

In fact, the sparkling husband dude's been quite a whiner, whining about use of the word "dude;" he almost, but doesn't quite, qualifies for nomination for the broken elbow award, though, unless someone else here thinks so.

[franksolich]

Willie: EFerrari, aka Doug's stupid ex-wife, formerly known as sfexpat2000. From the days of the Andy Stephenson Situation until now, she has been a constant of stupidity.

Doug's stupid ex-wife is an excellent choice for the Willie, because of the way she master-minded--or rather, master-retarded--the Scamdal six and a half years ago, bringing much notorious infamy to Skins's island, making it the laughingstock of the internet.

That was the height of her public-relations work, but since then, she's continued a great job of making Skins's island look good with her utter stupidities.

I was torn over whether or not to nominate her puppet, the late red round one (the nominations are separate, not together as one), until I remembered that he freely and voluntarily allowed himself to be used.  But if someone wants to nominate them as a pair too, it's all good.

As for the actual voting, though, I'm still leaning towards hippywife, also known as Mrs. Alfred Packer.  She was so good at promoting the cooking and baking forum on Skins's island for so many years, making it probably the largest "little forum" there, exceeding in size even the "applying for social security disability" forums.

Every time Mrs. Alfred Packer showed up there, she drew, like a magnet.

The cooking and baking forum's been collecting cobwebs since she went away, alas.

The only problem with this is that I'm not sure if she's still in this time and place (but just simply away from Skins's island), or if she now occupies the freezer, in multiple parts wrapped up in white paper and tied with string, at the homestead down there in northeastern Oklahoma, making awarding the prize posthumous.

[franksolich]

Horse with No Name (Ms. Ed, the unappellated eohippus) and Viva_Daddy have been nominated by one of our colleagues, NJCardFan, for top primitive.

I dunno of the dad primitive; can anyone here enlighten as to what he's been about?

[franksolich]

Okay, here it is, about the dad primitive:

http://www.conservativeunderground.com/forum505/showthread.php?t=46017

It's the one about the primitive not being proud of being an American, and was posted here too; I just hadn't looked at the name of the primitive who lit that campfire, casually assuming it was just some other primitive who doesn't need mentioned (sometimes one can identify a primitive by the subject of his campfire, but in this case, I goofed).

[franksolich]

In nominating Horse With no Name, Ms. Ed, our colleague over there offered a thread that as far as I know, was never here:

"pepper spray at a gun show"

http://www.conservativeunderground.com/forum505/showthread.php?p=465851&posted=1#post465851

[FlippyDoo]

My nomination for DOTY is nadin; however, even as her unofficial CC advocate I can not promise that she will get my vote as I'm still disappointed that she hasn't used her vast knowledge of all things to instruct the occupiers in proper sanitation and health techniques.

Stinky the Clown for the Willie

Horse with no Name for the best bouncy.

Who is the primitive that follows nadin around and kisses her feet, wipes her arse, etc.? I feel the need to nominate her for something.

[franksolich]

Who is the primitive that follows nadin around and kisses her feet, wipes her arse, etc.? I feel the need to nominate her for something.

Might that be the malarial primitive, the "malaise" primitive from Jamaica, the hurricane expert?

[FlippyDoo]

Might that be the malarial primitive, the "malaise" primitive from Jamaica, the hurricane expert?

That would be the one. I don't know how long she's been around, but if she qualifies for the newbie I'd like to nominate her.

[franksolich]

That would be the one. I don't know how long she's been around, but if she qualifies for the newbie I'd like to nominate her.

The malarial primitive's been around for quite a while, but surprisingly she's never been in the top twenty primitives any year, so she qualifies.

malaise for the newbie.

[franksolich]

On this day, a day dedicated to giving thanks to God for all that one has--and if one's an American, one has more than what everybody else in the world has, riches and opportunities beyond the wildest imaginations of most in the world, especially all suffering under the jack-boot of leftist socialist totalitarians--one is compelled to nominate ThomWV for top primitive.

The mountain man primitive recently had brain surgery, but is recovering well, due to the finest medical treatment available anywhere.

In case one's forgotten, the mountain man primitive's the one who yelled-and-screamed at his sister-in-law when she wanted to say Grace before dining; mocked her and ridiculed her and made fun of her; you see, the mountain man primitive, who like all men nightly pitches his tent one day's march nearer the mausoleum, imagines himself an "atheist," although that's not really true.  The mountain man primitive believes in Jack the Father, Bobby the Christ, and Vast Teddy the Holy Ghost with fundamentalist fervor and enthusiasm.

[franksolich]

Here's a new one, and it deserves to be quoted in full:

SarasotaRepub
eeeevil Sith Admin
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Sarasota,FL
Posts: 34,780

For newbie, I nominate the DUmmie/Primitive white_wolf.

Long have a watched this one...

white_wolf is an excellent example of a DUmmie/Primitive. He is white male college student who thinks he knows it all. I wasn't sure he'd make it this year as several times he got his furry ass handed to him on the DUmp but he's a Commie Socialist so his fellow DUmmies would pat him on the head and mildly "correct" him.

white_wolf also had the balls to come over here on CU for a while until his account was accidently deleted by me. And it really was an accident, he's welcome back anytime.

white_wolf, the lupine blanco, has never been in the top twenty primitives, so the nomination's good, for the newbie award.

[Aristotelian]

I feel that Taverner needs to be nominated - if only because not even getting a nomination might be the straw that breaks the camel's back and pushed him into doing something really stupid.

More generally for striking whilst unemployed, being an obviously drug-ridden drunk, happily posting about his criminal relatives, play-acting at supporting various sub-brands of socialism (whose nuances fly a thousand feet over his head)...

[tanstaafl]

Lest we forget....

W8liftinglady

Although she has left us hanging about her miscreant daughter of vandalism fame and other sordid tales of the spawn's mispent youth, she did start a "shout out" thread at the DUmp whereas I was mentioned toward the end.

My repayment for the courtesy is nomination to the DOTY list for 2011.