gigantic primitive's wife upset (update 12-12)

[vesta111]

I don't think it's possible, anyway.  I hear when you get really fat like that, it "disappears."  No wonder she's having an affair. 

AHHHHHHHH Through the grape vine I was told that for every 20 pounds over weight a man looses an inch of his manhood. 

It really doesn't go away, it is still there but with the weight appears to have shrunk.

The problem of trying to use this tool is when the body fat over shadows the tool.  At 50-75 pounds of belly fat a man who at one time was considered HUNG will have to fashion some kind of sling to hold his belly out of the way.  Like a belly bra.

At 100-200 pounds the poor man will have to use both hands to pee. one to hold the belly out of the way and the other to try to find the darn tool.

This condition can be lethal to a sex partner, they can smother from the weight of the fat, or if on top,  the weight of all that fat can cause black and blue bruises from trying to work through the fat to get to the tool.

What I don't understand is why a man will give up his sex life for food. There has to be more going on with men who give up most sex with their wife for a diet of Ding-Dongs and Twinkies.

[GOBUCKS]

I don't think it's possible, anyway.  I hear when you get really fat like that, it "disappears."  No wonder she's having an affair.

Maybe so, but if she burrows deeply enough into the right fat roll.....
Now that's romantic.

[njpines]

Dear God -- the direction this thread is taking . . .

Is there a CC version of the primitives' DUzy?  If so, I'm nominating this one!

[vesta111]

Maybe so, but if she burrows deeply enough into the right fat roll.....
Now that's romantic.

Sort of like a hog digging for truffles ?------------Snort, snort.

[Traveshamockery]

Oh ick.  And I just got through eating dinner.  And we had veggies, too.   

[kenth]

There has to be more going on with men who give up most sex with their wife for a diet of Ding-Dongs

Now if that doesn't describe a good majority of males at the dump, I don't know what does.

[GOBUCKS]

Now if that doesn't describe a good majority of males at the dump, I don't know what does.

Now, wait a minute! Remember, you're talking about DUmpettes here. Given a choice between a roll in the hay with Warpy, or hippywife, or cali, or (shudder) undergroundpanther, and a plate full of DingDongs and HoHos, I'm going the pastry route. I've said before that the worst I ever had was still pretty good, but a man has to set some boundaries.

[longview]

As vile as the images this thread evokes are, I have no explanation for why I keep checking the updates! 

[franksolich]

As vile as the images this thread evokes are, I have no explanation for why I keep checking the updates! 

You keep checking because, essentially like everybody else here, you're curious if the gigantic primitive's down to 400 pounds yet and pounding the pavements looking for a job.

That's why I watch the gigantic primitive, because he's spending my money, not working and living on the dole instead.

I swear on the Head of St. John the Baptist that's my only reason.

[Tucker]

I believe that Jeanette can't afford to leave. If she could, she would.

[Ree]

I believe that Jeanette can't afford to leave. If she could, she would.

I bet everything is in her name....

[Texacon]

I believe that Jeanette can't afford to leave. If she could, she would.

Naw, Jeanette has it too good.  Her and 'ol Joe get some of the gov't money her husband brings in.  Her and 'ol Joe get to knock boots once in awhile, she is comfortable.  She has a husband and a live in boyfriend..... She isn't going anywhere soon. 

The Gigantic Primitive wouldn't/won't kick her out when he finds out either because SHE does all the taking care of him.

Nope, I maintain that Jeanette and Joe are an item and GP doesn't know or doesn't want to know.

KC

[franksolich]

Another update from the gigantic primitive.

Someone asked him what his wife does for a living.

Ege Bamyasi
December 8, 2009

Um, she works in a call center. The inbound, customer service/tech support kind. Over four years with the place, and her pay has barely increased above what the base was at the time of her hire. I guess that helps to explain why gross incompetence is seemingly king around the place.

I've been alternating between sleeping and hoarking, and not doing a whole lot else. I think this is going to be one of those times where whatever I have will "kick off its shoes and make itself at home". It seems to be just lingering. Oh, well.

Had rice this morning, and not sure what we'll have tonight. Probably potatoes.

[Mike220]

I've been alternating between sleeping and hoarking

Do I want to know?

[GOBUCKS]

I believe that Jeanette can't afford to leave. If she could, she would.

I doubt it. I think when Jeanette sees that quarter-ton of lard, splayed out on the Barcalounger, glistening with sweat, engrossed in slaying the Druids in his premium computer game, when she sees and smells those open, suppurating ulcers all over his legs, when she gets out her washtub and small shovel to start mixing the vegetables for his evening feeding, when she listens to his whining about not having shoes that would fit toilet seat lids, she recalls that quote from General Patton, as he viewed the carnage of war,  "I love it. God help me I do love it so." Then she gets all excited and starts trying again to climb on board.

But soon, he'll be all slimmed down, out pounding the pavement in the hot Las Vegas sun, seeking to resume his interrupted career.

[njpines]

I doubt it. I think when Jeanette sees that quarter-ton of lard, splayed out on the Barcalounger, glistening with sweat, engrossed in slaying the Druids in his premium computer game, when she sees and smells those open, suppurating ulcers all over his legs, when she gets out her washtub and small shovel to start mixing the vegetables for his evening feeding, when she listens to his whining about not having shoes that would fit toilet seat lids, she recalls that quote from General Patton, as he viewed the carnage of war,  "I love it. God help me I do love it so." Then she gets all excited and starts trying again to climb on board.

Holy crap -- why do I keep checking for new posts in here???    I can't stop laughing at this stuff, though! 

[franksolich]

Holy crap -- why do I keep checking for new posts in here???    I can't stop laughing at this stuff, though! 

The background on the gigantic primitive's now on the nomination thread, current last page.  I'm not sure how I'm going to do things, what with the storm and snow and wind interefering with my internet connection, but I'm going to try to give some backgrounds on nominated primitives, before the voting starts on Saturday.

You keep checking for new posts, madam, because like me, you're anxious for the gigantic primitive to get down to 400 pounds, and off the dole.

[PatriotGame]

Now, wait a minute! Remember, you're talking about DUmpettes here. Given a choice between a roll in the hay with Warpy, or hippywife, or cali, or (shudder) undergroundpanther, and a plate full of DingDongs and HoHos, I'm going the pastry route. I've said before that the worst I ever had was still pretty good, but a man has to set some boundaries.

I have to concur here. I have been using computers since 1986 starting with a Commodore 64. Computers have been a major part of my life for the past 23+ years. That being said, prior to being married in 1997, I always said if I could have good sex with my computers I would marry one. Now we have so much Internet porn....but I AM married now...

DingDongs, beer, and Internet porn would be infinitely more preferred to even being in the same room with a DUmmy possessing female genitalia let along pointing Mr. Happy in her, "it's" direction.

[kenth]

Do I want to know?

I imagine it's akin to the wet sound of a whale surfacing and blowing. Which orifice he uses to make that is anyone's guess.

[AllosaursRus]

I have to concur here. I have been using computers since 1986 starting with a Commodore 64. Computers have been a major part of my life for the past 23+ years. That being said, prior to being married in 1997, I always said if I could have good sex with my computers I would marry one. Now we have so much Internet porn....but I AM married now...

DingDongs, beer, and Internet porn would be infinitely more preferred to even being in the same room with a DUmmy possessing female genitalia let along pointing Mr. Happy in her, "it's" direction.

I'm with you Pat, the thought of getting sloppy seconds from one of the female prims is absolutely my worst nightmare. I'm afraid I'd definitely have to stick with "Mother Thumb and her four Sisters"!

[Karin]

when she gets out her washtub and small shovel to start mixing the vegetables for his evening feeding, when she listens to his whining about not having shoes that would fit toilet seat lids,.....

Oh my God, Gobucks, I can't catch my breath.      What a way with words. 

[franksolich]

The latest:

Ege Bamyasi
December 11, 2009

I don't have a whole lot to report right now. I've been in bed as much as 18 hours each of the last few days, because I don't cough when I'm horizontal. Soon as I'm up and about -- or Lord help me, trying to speak in more than two word phrases -- I'm back to intermittent hacking. I'm taking Mucinex DM and some regular cold medication and those are helping, but the road to recovery is just soooooo slow.

As far as food goes, we've been having a lot of potatoes and rice. We found out a way to make really good "cheeze" sauce with nutritional yeast, so we made a batch of potatoes au gratin with some veggies thrown in. It was good enough that even our roommate Joe had some. We're also major suckers for that maple-mustard glazed potato recipe that Letha posted in her blog. Other than that, just rice (beans are all used up now, I think), and bananas for snacks. All good stuff.

I just wanted to let everyone know I'm doing okay aside from the lingering cough. Jeanette is finally going to be out of training now, and therefore her only day off this week is tomorrow. After that she'll be off on Thursdays and Fridays. I'm going to do my utmost to make her one day off a good one, so I likely won't be posting here until Sunday. I haven't replied in too many journals, but I am reading them, just so y'all know that. Take care everyone, and have a great weekend!

I've been watching the gigantic primitive's chart (not duplicated here) for some weeks now, concerned if the line doesn't drop, it's going to hold up the gigantic primitive's job search.

It hasn't dropped for a while; it's been pretty straight since the end of July 2009.

Damn.

I really want him to get down to 400 some time the week between Christmas and New Year's, so that shortly after New Year's Day, he can put on a nice suit, dust off the resume, and pound the pavements looking for a job.

But with circa 40 pounds to go, that might not happen.

Damn.

Think of what a great Christmas present it wuuld've made for his wife, "Hey, honey, you can stop working so hard now--I got a job!"

[BlueStateSaint]

The latest:

I've been watching the gigantic primitive's chart (not duplicated here) for some weeks now, concerned if the line doesn't drop, it's going to hold up the gigantic primitive's job search.

It hasn't dropped for a while; it's been pretty straight since the end of July 2009.

Damn.

I really want him to get down to 400 some time the week between Christmas and New Year's, so that shortly after New Year's Day, he can put on a nice suit, dust off the resume, and pound the pavements looking for a job.

But with circa 40 pounds to go, that might not happen.

Damn.

Think of what a great Christmas present it wuuld've made for his wife, "Hey, honey, you can stop working so hard now--I got a job!"

Coach, you'd be better off waiting for Satan to show up in an insulated snowsuit.  If the gigantic primitive actually went out to look for a job, he would be showing his dear wife that he actually wants to take responsibility for himself, and stop being a victim.  He'll never do that.

[Carl]

The latest:

I've been watching the gigantic primitive's chart (not duplicated here) for some weeks now, concerned if the line doesn't drop, it's going to hold up the gigantic primitive's job search.

It hasn't dropped for a while; it's been pretty straight since the end of July 2009.

Damn.

I really want him to get down to 400 some time the week between Christmas and New Year's, so that shortly after New Year's Day, he can put on a nice suit, dust off the resume, and pound the pavements looking for a job.

But with circa 40 pounds to go, that might not happen.

Damn.

Think of what a great Christmas present it wuuld've made for his wife, "Hey, honey, you can stop working so hard now--I got a job!"

I have the feeling Frank that he could drop 250 lbs and would still have a million excuses as to why he needs to be waited on hand and foot.

[franksolich]

I have the feeling Frank that he could drop 250 lbs and would still have a million excuses as to why he needs to be waited on hand and foot.

That's what that 404-pound guy who shovels grain at the local grain elevator says.

He doesn't do the internet, but he's taken quite an interest in the gigantic primitive.

He says there's two sorts of fat people; people who are fat because they eat well, and people who are fat simply because they're lazy sit-arounds.

He usually categorizes governmental employees in the latter.