Author Topic: Via the Archives: DUmmy ruins pans and spatulas making a grilled cheese sandwich  (Read 621 times)

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Offline Ralph Wiggum

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Demo_Chris (6,234 posts)

 
Wife and Daughter are furious. I tried to cook a grilled cheese sandwich... [View all]

Here's what happened. I saw on a youtube video that you make a grilled cheese by putting cheese between bread and cooking it in a pan. I decided I could do that pretty easy and surprise everyone by showing off my cooking prowess. So I got out a stainless steel pan and put my bread and cheese in there. So far so good.

But the cheese wasn't melting, while the bread started burning around the edges. So I turned it over and smooshed it down but the bread kept burning. I figured maybe I just need oil so I dump some canola in there. But then the ****ing plastic spatula starts to melt on me. By now the kitchen is full of smoke and the last half inch of the spatula is melted off. WHO IN THE HELL MAKES SPATULAS OUT OF MELTABLE STUFF?! That's freaking silly! Anyway....

I decided that sandwich was pretty much garbage, with the blackened bread and the plastic on it and all. Plus the pan was still smoking and it smelled pretty toxic, so I set that out back and got a Teflon pan. This time I though ahead and instead of a plastic spatula I grabbed a metal one. I put plenty of the canola oil in the pan and tossed in my bread. But that wasn't working well either because the bread just got all soggy in the oil and despite being Teflon it STILL stuck to the stupid pan.

I was just scraping it out when my daughter came in all freaking out wanting to know what in the hell I was doing. Then my wife showed up. I explained to them about the defective plastic spatula but for whatever reason they seem to somehow think all this was my fault. Then my wife spots the stainless pan out back, and it does look kinda bad with the plastic melted in there, but even so it hardly justifies her reaction.

Anyway, my daughter made me two sandwiches and they were good.

https://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=view_post&forum=1018&pid=551299

Original Cave thread:

https://conservativecave.com/cave/index.php?topic=93920.0

To be fair, even the DUmmies were mocking DemoChris. It is worth a read 9 years late.
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Online CollectivismMustDie

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  • (D)Ummie nightmare.
It takes a DUmmy to fail making glorified toast.
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Offline Dblhaul

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Apparently DUmmies couldn't pour piss out of a boot even if the instructions were written on the bottom.

Offline 67 Rover

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Remember this DUmmies vote is equal to yours.  :banghead:
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Offline Texacon

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 :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:

Thanks for the laugh!!

I had not seen that one!  Lord have mercy.

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Offline Patriot Guard Rider

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https://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=view_post&forum=1018&pid=551299

Original Cave thread:

https://conservativecave.com/cave/index.php?topic=93920.0

To be fair, even the DUmmies were mocking DemoChris. It is worth a read 9 years late.

Has this idiot never heard of a unique cooking technique called "low and slow"?

I make the worlds best grilled cheese sammich but it takes a few minutes..
Liberals disgust me. (Now I don't have to remember to put it on each post).

Because only the left goes searching for that which is not there in a desperate attempt to be offended about something.

"If ye love wealth better than liberty, the tranquility of servitude better than the animating contest of freedom, go home from us in peace. We ask not your counsels or your arms. Crouch down and lick the hands which feed you. May your chains set lightly upon you, and may posterity forget that you were our countrymen." - Samuel Adams

Many people do not see evil until the gas is flowing into the chamber. That is why they get on the trains in the first place.

Offline Old n Grumpy

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Remember this DUmmies vote is equal to yours.  :banghead:
:thatsright:

That’s really unfortunate isn’t it  :thatsright: :argh:
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Offline Texacon

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Has this idiot never heard of a unique cooking technique called "low and slow"?

I make the worlds best grilled cheese sammich but it takes a few minutes..


But how much canola oil do you pour into your pan?!

 :lmao:

KC
  Build a man a fire and he'll be warm for a day.  Set a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

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Offline ABC-2

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Has this idiot never heard of a unique cooking technique called "low and slow"?

I make the worlds best grilled cheese sammich but it takes a few minutes..

I that case, PGR, I must make the world's 2nd. best ones. ... :-)

Something I learned way back in grade nine home-economics class, is to first butter two pieces of bread on all 4 sides, place the cheese in between, turn the burner on low, place sandwich in pan ...

And as you wrote cook/fry it slowly!!!    

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« Last Edit: January 11, 2023, 01:24:31 PM by ABC-2 »
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Offline Karin

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 :lmao: :rofl:  Thanks for finding it Ralph!   :rotf:

Online RuralNc

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Holy crap. Thats epic. Thats amazing. Thats... the gift that keeps giving. Laugh after laugh.

Ill admit, I have set a couple bamboo utensils on fire. But then, I have a Gas Cooktop.. you turn your back to unload the dishwasher... things happen.  :panic:


Offline 67 Rover

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Has this idiot never heard of a unique cooking technique called "low and slow"?

I make the worlds best grilled cheese sammich but it takes a few minutes..

And who are you, good sir, who are so wise in the ways of science?  :cheersmate:
 
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Offline DefiantSix

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I don't claim to make the world's best toasted cheese sammiches. My son was making toasted cheese sammiches shortly after he mastered preparing a bowl of cold cereal for himself, so the spread from "best" to "worst" is essentially irrelevant; the toasted cheese sammich itself is an incredibly low hurdle to clear.

My "claim to fame" for want of a better term, is that I could make a toasted cheese sammich after 72 hours without sleep and a roaring hangover working out in my head in a snow bank with only a fire made of polar bear scat and a couple of sticks for a pan, and not screw it up.

That's how sad this DUmmy's poor performance is...
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Offline BannedFromDU

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:lmao: :rofl:  Thanks for finding it Ralph!   :rotf:

     A grilled cheese sandwich is an artifact of poverty. As such, it is constructed using two slices of white bread (30% of the time, one piece will be a heel of the loaf), a smearing of margarine on the sides that meet the pan, and a single slice of pasteurized processed American in between. Grill to desired brownness, or until Chico and the Man returns from commercial break, and enjoy.

     Not hard.
NJCher (31,658 posts)

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a certain percentage of DU is depressed and has other mental issues.

Offline ADsOutburst

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DU might as well be called "D'oh!".


Offline Patriot Guard Rider

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But how much canola oil do you pour into your pan?!

 :lmao:

KC

Actually, and you won't believe this, but NONE..pure butter..
Liberals disgust me. (Now I don't have to remember to put it on each post).

Because only the left goes searching for that which is not there in a desperate attempt to be offended about something.

"If ye love wealth better than liberty, the tranquility of servitude better than the animating contest of freedom, go home from us in peace. We ask not your counsels or your arms. Crouch down and lick the hands which feed you. May your chains set lightly upon you, and may posterity forget that you were our countrymen." - Samuel Adams

Many people do not see evil until the gas is flowing into the chamber. That is why they get on the trains in the first place.

Offline Patriot Guard Rider

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     A grilled cheese sandwich is an artifact of poverty. As such, it is constructed using two slices of white bread (30% of the time, one piece will be a heel of the loaf), a smearing of margarine on the sides that meet the pan, and a single slice of pasteurized processed American in between. Grill to desired brownness, or until Chico and the Man returns from commercial break, and enjoy.

     Not hard.

Actually, I butter two slices of bread on one side. Place in pan butter side down. Place 2 slices of Sargento's swiss cheese on said bread. Place other slice of bread on the cheese butter side up..

LOW heat, let it cook for about 3 mins, flip..about 3 mins..check to see each side is nicely browned. If it isn't, continue to flip every minute or so until golden brown..

For a different experience, although it's still very good, use mayonnaise instead of butter..
Liberals disgust me. (Now I don't have to remember to put it on each post).

Because only the left goes searching for that which is not there in a desperate attempt to be offended about something.

"If ye love wealth better than liberty, the tranquility of servitude better than the animating contest of freedom, go home from us in peace. We ask not your counsels or your arms. Crouch down and lick the hands which feed you. May your chains set lightly upon you, and may posterity forget that you were our countrymen." - Samuel Adams

Many people do not see evil until the gas is flowing into the chamber. That is why they get on the trains in the first place.

Offline BannedFromDU

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Actually, I butter two slices of bread on one side. Place in pan butter side down. Place 2 slices of Sargento's swiss cheese on said bread. Place other slice of bread on the cheese butter side up..

LOW heat, let it cook for about 3 mins, flip..about 3 mins..check to see each side is nicely browned. If it isn't, continue to flip every minute or so until golden brown..

For a different experience, although it's still very good, use mayonnaise instead of butter..

     That is some hi-falutin' chefwork there, my friend. I approve, but it just isn't the same as the poor man's version of my youth, which might occasionally come with a slice of fried bologna inside.
NJCher (31,658 posts)

5. IMO

a certain percentage of DU is depressed and has other mental issues.

Offline Patriot Guard Rider

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And who are you, good sir, who are so wise in the ways of science?  :cheersmate:

 :cheersmate:
Liberals disgust me. (Now I don't have to remember to put it on each post).

Because only the left goes searching for that which is not there in a desperate attempt to be offended about something.

"If ye love wealth better than liberty, the tranquility of servitude better than the animating contest of freedom, go home from us in peace. We ask not your counsels or your arms. Crouch down and lick the hands which feed you. May your chains set lightly upon you, and may posterity forget that you were our countrymen." - Samuel Adams

Many people do not see evil until the gas is flowing into the chamber. That is why they get on the trains in the first place.

Offline Ralph Wiggum

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DU might as well be called "D'oh!".



A lovely gal I knew in college apparently was not a chef of any kind, and she admitted she put a unopened can of green beans in the oven once. :thatsright:
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Offline ADsOutburst

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A lovely gal I knew in college apparently was not a chef of any kind, and she admitted she put a unopened can of green beans in the oven once. :thatsright:

One of my college professors said he dated a woman who told him that whenever she made mashed potatoes, they were always dry, and when she made cookies, they were always burnt. She seemed to think it was some big mystery why.

Online CollectivismMustDie

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This is both funny and unfunny at the same time.

Daughter number 2, who grew up and blossomed into a genuine leftist worthy of DUmmyhood (the unfunny part), used to butter her bread first, then put it in the toaster.

I wish I were making that up, all of it.

 :censored:
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Offline Texacon

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A lovely gal I knew in college apparently was not a chef of any kind, and she admitted she put a unopened can of green beans in the oven once. :thatsright:


HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!  Did it blow up?!  How many were killed. Oh lord, stories like these amaze me. It’s difficult to understand the ignorance.

KC
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Offline Texacon

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This is both funny and unfunny at the same time.

Daughter number 2, who grew up and blossomed into a genuine leftist worthy of DUmmyhood (the unfunny part), used to butter her bread first, then put it in the toaster.

I wish I were making that up, all of it.

 :censored:


Bless her heart. Does she use the toaster to make grilled cheese?  Reheat pizza?

KC
  Build a man a fire and he'll be warm for a day.  Set a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

*Stolen

Offline Texacon

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Actually, and you won't believe this, but NONE..pure butter..


LOL I was starting to wonder if some people actually used oil as a regional thing.  :lmao:


KC
  Build a man a fire and he'll be warm for a day.  Set a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

*Stolen