Ladies and gentlemen a new TV show was in development that followed the happenings at a new and very small San Diego radio station. The name of the show and the radio station was WNAD. The tag line for the station was “WNAD: 24 business hours of nonstop bullshit.†I was able to get my hands on a rough cut of the pilot episode. Let’s take a minute and watch…
<inside the small DJ booth of the station>
Walrus: Good afternoon fellow lock-steppers and thanks for tuning in to WNAD. Let’s go to our reporter on the street, nadinasha.
<on a busy city street in downtown>
Nadinasha: Can you be hearing me, Walrus?
<inside the small DJ booth of the station>
Walrus: Yes, nadinasha. Actually everyone can hear you because before the station went on the air I tuned everyone’s radio to WNAD and hid the radio remotes in the ceiling…Hold on, nadinasha. It looks like we have our first caller. Go ahead, caller. You are on the air.
Caller: My dear Walrus. Very good job hiding the remotes.
Walrus: Thank you, caller. Now let’s go back to our wobbling reporter on the street. Are you still there nadinasha?
<on a busy city street in downtown>
Nadinasha: Yes, Walrus. I see something approaching from the air. Walrus! It looks like squirl!
Walrus: The flying squirrel.
Nadinasha: Yes, but it is not the squirl. I was correct in saying that it is a helicopter.
Walrus: But you said it was the squirl…I mean squirrel.
Nadinasha: I am the reporter, Walrus. I have credentials and won the Pullet Tzar award twice. Suffice it to say the helicopter moves closer and is pulling some sort of banner. Many listeners would not know this, but the helicopter was named by Gus PoonTang back in 1763 based on French words meaning to go up and down. The helio is different from what those of us with aero-experience call “straight-wing†aircraft.
Walrus: Always good to hear your input, nadinasha. Can you tell us what the banner says?
Nadinasha: As the whirling bird comes closer I can see that the banner says: Happy…Easter…frooooom…W…Nnnn…Aaaaa…Dddd. Yup, Happy Easter from WNAD. That is wonderful. Most listners will not know that the word “Easter†comes from the exclamation that was yelled by one of the potsells when Jesus allegedly rose from the dead. One of the potsells saw Jesus moving in the bed and yelled, “He stirs!†From that day forward that specific day was celebrated be people of that faith greeting each other with “Happy he stirsâ€. As trained historians such as myself knows, through the years the phrase “he stirs†was morphed into “easterâ€. Yup, languageistics is interesting. Things like oh the rabbit becoming involved in the Easter holiday because in some languages the “a†in “happy†has more of an “ah†sound so that the word sounds like “hoppyâ€. Since rabbits hop it was only natural.
Walrus: Darn it, nadinasha, you are learned, and that reminds me that I am supposed to remind you that you are supposed to be tutoring some guy named Cliff Clavin tonight.
Nadinasha: Thank you, Walrus, but my mind is like a still trap. I wish I didn’t remember this shit, but I do. Oh, and now that the helichocker is directly overhead something is coming out of it. It looks like it could be oh some of the communication director’s art work. Or maybe Easter candy. No. No. OH MY NADIN! IT’S EASTER BUNNIES! They are slamming the ground everywhere with the sound like peanut butter from a boot. One just went through the windshield of a parked car. A ptarmigan is on the corner laughing, but the crowd of people in the street are running for their lives. It’s like my days as a combat medic in Mexico.
<the feed goes dead>
<inside the DJ booth of the station>
Walrus: Nadinasha? Are you there, nadinasha? It looks like we’ve lost contact with nadinasha folks, but Hoppy He Stirs from the folks at WNAD.
<fades to Walrus and several others in the lobby as nadinasha waddles in wearing nomex and combat boots>
Walrus: Nadinasha, what happened out there after the feed went dead?
Nadinasha: When the communications director saw what was happening she tried to save the day by having the helicopter land in the town square. She released the rest of the rabbits. Then it was like the rabbits mounted a counter attack. It was like my days in the war zone with bullets flying past. Luckily I had my knife.
<the communications director walks in>
Communications Director: As Chief Hop-a-long as my witness, I thought Easter Bunnies had magical powers that would allow them to fly. I’ll be at the Sally.
Disclaimer: The above is parody. Not exactly real. Fictional. Any similarities to any real stupidity is a result of stupidity resembling stupidity.
