The Conservative Cave
Current Events => The DUmpster => Topic started by: Ralph Wiggum on January 11, 2023, 08:58:51 AM
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Demo_Chris (6,234 posts)
Wife and Daughter are furious. I tried to cook a grilled cheese sandwich... [View all]
Here's what happened. I saw on a youtube video that you make a grilled cheese by putting cheese between bread and cooking it in a pan. I decided I could do that pretty easy and surprise everyone by showing off my cooking prowess. So I got out a stainless steel pan and put my bread and cheese in there. So far so good.
But the cheese wasn't melting, while the bread started burning around the edges. So I turned it over and smooshed it down but the bread kept burning. I figured maybe I just need oil so I dump some canola in there. But then the ****ing plastic spatula starts to melt on me. By now the kitchen is full of smoke and the last half inch of the spatula is melted off. WHO IN THE HELL MAKES SPATULAS OUT OF MELTABLE STUFF?! That's freaking silly! Anyway....
I decided that sandwich was pretty much garbage, with the blackened bread and the plastic on it and all. Plus the pan was still smoking and it smelled pretty toxic, so I set that out back and got a Teflon pan. This time I though ahead and instead of a plastic spatula I grabbed a metal one. I put plenty of the canola oil in the pan and tossed in my bread. But that wasn't working well either because the bread just got all soggy in the oil and despite being Teflon it STILL stuck to the stupid pan.
I was just scraping it out when my daughter came in all freaking out wanting to know what in the hell I was doing. Then my wife showed up. I explained to them about the defective plastic spatula but for whatever reason they seem to somehow think all this was my fault. Then my wife spots the stainless pan out back, and it does look kinda bad with the plastic melted in there, but even so it hardly justifies her reaction.
Anyway, my daughter made me two sandwiches and they were good.
https://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=view_post&forum=1018&pid=551299
Original Cave thread:
https://conservativecave.com/cave/index.php?topic=93920.0
To be fair, even the DUmmies were mocking DemoChris. It is worth a read 9 years late.
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It takes a DUmmy to fail making glorified toast.
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Apparently DUmmies couldn't pour piss out of a boot even if the instructions were written on the bottom.
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Remember this DUmmies vote is equal to yours. :banghead:
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:lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
Thanks for the laugh!!
I had not seen that one! Lord have mercy.
KC
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https://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=view_post&forum=1018&pid=551299
Original Cave thread:
https://conservativecave.com/cave/index.php?topic=93920.0
To be fair, even the DUmmies were mocking DemoChris. It is worth a read 9 years late.
Has this idiot never heard of a unique cooking technique called "low and slow"?
I make the worlds best grilled cheese sammich but it takes a few minutes..
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Remember this DUmmies vote is equal to yours. :banghead:
:thatsright:
That’s really unfortunate isn’t it :thatsright: :argh:
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Has this idiot never heard of a unique cooking technique called "low and slow"?
I make the worlds best grilled cheese sammich but it takes a few minutes..
But how much canola oil do you pour into your pan?!
:lmao:
KC
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Has this idiot never heard of a unique cooking technique called "low and slow"?
I make the worlds best grilled cheese sammich but it takes a few minutes..
I that case, PGR, I must make the world's 2nd. best ones. ... :-)
Something I learned way back in grade nine home-economics class, is to first butter two pieces of bread on all 4 sides, place the cheese in between, turn the burner on low, place sandwich in pan ...
And as you wrote cook/fry it slowly!!!
~ ABC :cheersmate:
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:lmao: :rofl: Thanks for finding it Ralph! :rotf:
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Holy crap. Thats epic. Thats amazing. Thats... the gift that keeps giving. Laugh after laugh.
Ill admit, I have set a couple bamboo utensils on fire. But then, I have a Gas Cooktop.. you turn your back to unload the dishwasher... things happen. :panic:
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Has this idiot never heard of a unique cooking technique called "low and slow"?
I make the worlds best grilled cheese sammich but it takes a few minutes..
And who are you, good sir, who are so wise in the ways of science? :cheersmate:
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I don't claim to make the world's best toasted cheese sammiches. My son was making toasted cheese sammiches shortly after he mastered preparing a bowl of cold cereal for himself, so the spread from "best" to "worst" is essentially irrelevant; the toasted cheese sammich itself is an incredibly low hurdle to clear.
My "claim to fame" for want of a better term, is that I could make a toasted cheese sammich after 72 hours without sleep and a roaring hangover working out in my head in a snow bank with only a fire made of polar bear scat and a couple of sticks for a pan, and not screw it up.
That's how sad this DUmmy's poor performance is...
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:lmao: :rofl: Thanks for finding it Ralph! :rotf:
A grilled cheese sandwich is an artifact of poverty. As such, it is constructed using two slices of white bread (30% of the time, one piece will be a heel of the loaf), a smearing of margarine on the sides that meet the pan, and a single slice of pasteurized processed American in between. Grill to desired brownness, or until Chico and the Man returns from commercial break, and enjoy.
Not hard.
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DU might as well be called "D'oh!".
(https://media.tenor.com/sf-7AVryVkEAAAAC/homer-simpson-cereal.gif)
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But how much canola oil do you pour into your pan?!
:lmao:
KC
Actually, and you won't believe this, but NONE..pure butter..
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A grilled cheese sandwich is an artifact of poverty. As such, it is constructed using two slices of white bread (30% of the time, one piece will be a heel of the loaf), a smearing of margarine on the sides that meet the pan, and a single slice of pasteurized processed American in between. Grill to desired brownness, or until Chico and the Man returns from commercial break, and enjoy.
Not hard.
Actually, I butter two slices of bread on one side. Place in pan butter side down. Place 2 slices of Sargento's swiss cheese on said bread. Place other slice of bread on the cheese butter side up..
LOW heat, let it cook for about 3 mins, flip..about 3 mins..check to see each side is nicely browned. If it isn't, continue to flip every minute or so until golden brown..
For a different experience, although it's still very good, use mayonnaise instead of butter..
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Actually, I butter two slices of bread on one side. Place in pan butter side down. Place 2 slices of Sargento's swiss cheese on said bread. Place other slice of bread on the cheese butter side up..
LOW heat, let it cook for about 3 mins, flip..about 3 mins..check to see each side is nicely browned. If it isn't, continue to flip every minute or so until golden brown..
For a different experience, although it's still very good, use mayonnaise instead of butter..
That is some hi-falutin' chefwork there, my friend. I approve, but it just isn't the same as the poor man's version of my youth, which might occasionally come with a slice of fried bologna inside.
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And who are you, good sir, who are so wise in the ways of science? :cheersmate:
:cheersmate:
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DU might as well be called "D'oh!".
(https://media.tenor.com/sf-7AVryVkEAAAAC/homer-simpson-cereal.gif)
A lovely gal I knew in college apparently was not a chef of any kind, and she admitted she put a unopened can of green beans in the oven once. :thatsright:
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A lovely gal I knew in college apparently was not a chef of any kind, and she admitted she put a unopened can of green beans in the oven once. :thatsright:
One of my college professors said he dated a woman who told him that whenever she made mashed potatoes, they were always dry, and when she made cookies, they were always burnt. She seemed to think it was some big mystery why.
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This is both funny and unfunny at the same time.
Daughter number 2, who grew up and blossomed into a genuine leftist worthy of DUmmyhood (the unfunny part), used to butter her bread first, then put it in the toaster.
I wish I were making that up, all of it.
:censored:
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A lovely gal I knew in college apparently was not a chef of any kind, and she admitted she put a unopened can of green beans in the oven once. :thatsright:
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Did it blow up?! How many were killed. Oh lord, stories like these amaze me. It’s difficult to understand the ignorance.
KC
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This is both funny and unfunny at the same time.
Daughter number 2, who grew up and blossomed into a genuine leftist worthy of DUmmyhood (the unfunny part), used to butter her bread first, then put it in the toaster.
I wish I were making that up, all of it.
:censored:
Bless her heart. Does she use the toaster to make grilled cheese? Reheat pizza?
KC
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Actually, and you won't believe this, but NONE..pure butter..
LOL I was starting to wonder if some people actually used oil as a regional thing. :lmao:
KC
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Bless her heart. Does she use the toaster to make grilled cheese? Reheat pizza?
KC
Not that I'm aware of, but it would not surprise me if she had.
We are not on speaking terms with her or her adopted insane leftist family any longer.
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OK is time to put aside how to and how not to, make grilled cheese sandwiches. :-)
Is worth going one step further on the grilled cheese, and make a MONTE CRISCO sandwich instead.
There are so many recipes out there to choose from if you look them up & have the ingredients on hand ...
Even tastes good if all you do is first dip the sandwhich in the beaten egg and then fry it slowly in butter!
~ ABC
ETA ... Then of course you can put your fave sauce on it, and eat it with a knife and fork!
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Then my wife showed up. I explained to them about the defective plastic spatula but for whatever reason they seem to somehow think all this was my fault.
That reminded me of the scene from the movie The Jerk where Steve Martin thinks that the oil cans are defective.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tcwz8-EfFYE
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Is worth going one step further on the grilled cheese, and make a MONTE CRISCO sandwich instead.
Look...I get that you're writing on a thread about sandwiches. But we both know you've found my old gay porn movies somewhere on the internet, and you're mocking me by using my porn name. OK, I will own it: my porn name was Monte Crisco. I left that lifestyle back in 1998. Please let me live in peace now.
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That is some hi-falutin' chefwork there, my friend. I approve, but it just isn't the same as the poor man's version of my youth, which might occasionally come with a slice of fried bologna inside.
Ah yes fried baloney and grilled cheese, an epicurean delight!!!
The only thing that comes close is the $1.50 hotdog and drink at Costco!
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Look...I get that you're writing on a thread about sandwiches. But we both know you've found my old gay porn movies somewhere on the internet, and you're mocking me by using my porn name. OK, I will own it: my porn name was Monte Crisco. I left that lifestyle back in 1998. Please let me live in peace now.
Oh Mercy! :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
I meant to write MONTE CRISTO!!!
Have no fear, Ha! Ha! your secret is safe with me! :rotf:
~ ABC
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I've got $!) to put down that the DUmbass DUmmy didn't take the skin (plastic wrapper) off of his cheese.