« previous next »
Pages: [1]   Go Down

Author Topic: Here's the funeral program, if you want to follow along  (Read 638 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline dandi

  • Live long, and piss off liberals.
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3341
  • Reputation: +553/-28
Here's the funeral program, if you want to follow along
« on: August 29, 2009, 01:16:57 PM »
Quote
gauguin57  (1000+ posts)      Sat Aug-29-09 11:14 AM
Original message
Here's the funeral program, if you want to follow along
 http://cfadm.3cdn.net/47d53e97b2c667bac5_a3m6ii1zo.pdf

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x6418090

Not so, not so! Dandi has procured a copy of the actual funeral program:


A MASS OF THE INEBRIATION

Basilica of Our Lady of Perpetual Numbness
Roxbury, Massachusetts
August 29, 2009

11:00am-12:00noon  Pre-Service Cocktail Hour, cold hors d'oeuvre

12:00noon-12:15pm  Processional Hymn - "99 Bottles Of Beer On The Wall"

12:15pm-12:30pm  Opening Prayer - In honor of separation of church and state, and so as not to make Ted's multitude of atheist admirers uncomfortable, there will be no entreaties to imaginary sky-daddies at this time. Please take these 15 minutes to text nasty messages to Glenn Beck, nip from your pocket flask, clean the lint from your navel, and wonder whether Dear Ted actually needed embalming with all that alcohol onboard.

12:30pm-12:45pm  Open Bar - Freshen Your Drinks

12:45pm-1:00pm  Words Of Damnation - The Kopechne Family

1:00pm-2:00pm  Mid-Service Cocktail Hour

2:00pm-2:15pm  Interpretational Dance - "Stumbling Home To Glory" - By The Washington D.C. GLBT Pink Prancers Dance Troupe

2:15pm-3:00pm  Responsorial Psalm

Reader: His nose was red but now he's dead.
    
All: His nose was red but now he's dead.

Reader: And the distillers shall mourn, likewise the Welfare Queen, and the entitlement mongers.

All: His nose was red but now he's dead.

Reader: May the taxes rise like the end of his sailboat when he stepped off, and the dead awaken to vote once again.

All: His nose was red but now he's dead.

Reader: Curse the warriors and comfort mine enemies. Smite the unborn and praise the treasonous.

All: His nose was red but now he's dead.

3:00pm-3:15pm  Ceremonial Opening Of The Bottle Of Single Malt

3:15pm-4:15pm  Pre-End Of Service Cocktail Hour, waitress sandwiches

4:15pm-5:00pm  Final Respects/Viewing - At this time the body will be flipped face down for smooching of the derriere by adoring Leftists. Chapstick available from the ushers.

5:00pm-5:15pm  Closing Prayer - (see: Opening Prayer)

5:15pm-7:00pm  Happy Hour

modified by franksolich to aesthesize the formatting, as it's really good--no content changed, and sorry for the inconvenience.
« Last Edit: August 29, 2009, 04:27:38 PM by franksolich »
Logged
I don't want...anybody else
When I think about me I touch myself

Offline Freeper

  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 17779
  • Reputation: +1311/-314
  • Creepy ass cracker.
Re: Here's the funeral program, if you want to follow along
« Reply #1 on: August 29, 2009, 01:20:42 PM »
 :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:

Logged
I may not lock my doors while sitting at a red light and a black man is near, but I sure as hell grab on tight to my wallet when any democrats are close by.

Offline JohnnyReb

  • In Memoriam
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 32063
  • Reputation: +1997/-134
Re: Here's the funeral program, if you want to follow along
« Reply #2 on: August 29, 2009, 04:06:59 PM »
WHAT? They didn't sing that old knee-grow spiritual.........

"Swim slow sweet Oldsmobile...coming for to ca......(burp)".
Logged
“The American people will never knowingly adopt socialism. But, under the name of ‘liberalism’, they will adopt every fragment of the socialist program, until one day America will be a socialist nation, without knowing how it happened.” - Norman Thomas, U.S. Socialist Party presidential candidate 1940, 1944 and 1948

"America is like a healthy body and its resistance is threefold: its patriotism, its morality, and its spiritual life. If we can undermine these three areas, America will collapse from within."  Stalin

Offline BlueStateSaint

  • Here I come to save the day, because I'm a
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 32553
  • Reputation: +1560/-191
  • RIP FDNY Lt. Rich Nappi d. 4/16/12
Re: Here's the funeral program, if you want to follow along
« Reply #3 on: August 29, 2009, 04:09:31 PM »
Quote from: dandi on August 29, 2009, 01:16:57 PM
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x6418090

Not so, not so! Dandi has procured a copy of the actual funeral program:


A MASS OF THE INEBRIATION

Basilica of Our Lady of Perpetual Numbness
Roxbury, Massachusetts
August 29, 2009

11:00am-12:00noon  Pre-Service Cocktail Hour, cold hors d'oeuvre

12:00noon-12:15pm  Processional Hymn - "99 Bottles Of Beer On The Wall"

12:15pm-12:30pm  Opening Prayer - In honor of separation of church and state, and so as not to make Ted's
                                                 multitude of atheist admirers uncomfortable, there will be no entreaties to
                                                 imaginary sky-daddies at this time. Please take these 15 minutes to text nasty
                                                 messages to Glenn Beck, nip from your pocket flask, clean the lint from your
                                                 navel, and wonder whether Dear Ted actually needed embalming with all that
                                                 alcohol onboard.

12:30pm-12:45pm  Open Bar - Freshen Your Drinks

12:45pm-1:00pm  Words Of Damnation - The Kopechne Family

1:00pm-2:00pm  Mid-Service Cocktail Hour

2:00pm-2:15pm  Interpretational Dance - "Stumbling Home To Glory" - By The Washington D.C. GLBT Pink Prancers Dance Troupe

2:15pm-3:00pm  Responsorial Psalm

                                      Reader: His nose was red but now he's dead.
   
                                            All: His nose was red but now he's dead.

                                      Reader: And the distillers shall mourn, likewise the Welfare Queen,
                                                 and the entitlement mongers.

                                            All: His nose was red but now he's dead.

                                      Reader: May the taxes rise like the end of his sailboat when he
                                                 stepped off, and the dead awaken to vote once again.

                                            All: His nose was red but now he's dead.

                                      Reader: Curse the warriors and comfort mine enemies. Smite the
                                                 unborn and praise the treasonous.

                                            All: His nose was red but now he's dead.

3:00pm-3:15pm  Ceremonial Opening Of The Bottle Of Single Malt

3:15pm-4:15pm  Pre-End Of Service Cocktail Hour, waitress sandwiches

4:15pm-5:00pm  Final Respects/Viewing - At this time the body will be flipped face down for smooching
                                                        of the derriere by adoring Leftists. Chapstick available from the
                                                        ushers.

5:00pm-5:15pm  Closing Prayer - (see: Opening Prayer)

5:15pm-7:00pm  Happy Hour

                                         
 


Incredibly sacreligious.  I'm going to Hell for laughing at it . . .  :lmao: :rotf:
Logged
"Timid men prefer the calm of despotism to the tempestuous sea of Liberty." - Thomas Jefferson

"All you have to do is look straight and see the road, and when you see it, don't sit looking at it - walk!" -Ayn Rand
 
"Those that trust God with their safety must yet use proper means for their safety, otherwise they tempt Him, and do not trust Him.  God will provide, but so must we also." - Matthew Henry, Commentary on 2 Chronicles 32, from Matthew Henry's Commentary on the Whole Bible

"These anti-gun fools are more dangerous to liberty than street criminals or foreign spies."--Theodore Haas, Dachau Survivor

Chase her.
Chase her even when she's yours.
That's the only way you'll be assured to never lose her.

Offline Lord Undies

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 11388
  • Reputation: +639/-250
Re: Here's the funeral program, if you want to follow along
« Reply #4 on: August 29, 2009, 04:12:03 PM »
Oh, that was just grand!  It must be published.  It's too good.
Logged
Pages: [1]   Go Up
« previous next »