Boss Come in. (Mr Frog comes in) Ah, Frog.
Frog S. Frog, sir.
Boss Shut up, I want to have a word with you, Frog.
Frog S. Frog, sir.
Boss Shut up. It's about your advertising campaign for Conquistador Coffee. Now, I've had the managing director of Conquistador to see me this morning and he's very unhappy with your campaign. Very unhappy. In fact, he's shot himself.
Frog Badly, sir?
Boss No, extremely well. (lifts up a leg belonging to a body behind desk, and holds up a card saying 'joke') Well, before he went he left a note with the company secretary (opens a nearby door; a dead company secretary falls out), the effect of which was how disappointed he was with your work and, in particular, why you had changed the name from Conquistador Instant Coffee to Conquistador Instant Leprosy. Why, Frog?
Frog S. Frog, sir.
Boss Shut up. Why did you do it?
Frog It was a joke.
Boss A joke? (holds up card saying 'joke')
Frog No, no not a joke, a sales campaign. (holds up a card saying 'No, a Sales Campaign')
Boss I see, Frog.
Frog S. Frog, sir.
Boss Shut up. Now, let's have a look at the sales chart. (indicates a plummeting sales graph) When you took over this account, Frog, Conquistador was a brand leader. Here you introduced your first campaign, 'Conquistador Coffee brings a new meaning to the word vomit'. Here you made your special introductory offer of a free dead dog with every jar, and this followed your second campaign 'the tingling fresh coffee which brings you exciting new cholera, mange, dropsy, the clap, hard pad and athlete's head. From the House of Conquistador'.
Frog It was a soft-sell, sir
Boss Why, Frog?
Frog S. Frog, sir.
Boss Shut up! Well?
Frog Well, people know the name, sir.
Boss They certainly do know the name - they burnt the factory down. The owner is hiding in my bathroom (shot heard) - the owner was hiding in my bathroom. (holds up 'joke' card again)
Frog You're not going to fire me, sir?
Boss Fire you? Three men dead, the factory burnt down, the account lost and our firm completely bankrupt, what... what... what ... can you possibly say? What excuse can you possibly make?
Frog Sorry, father. (holds up the 'joke' card)